Chapter 9: : Chapter 9

It’s so quiet I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. So quiet that Thomas’s and Sadie’s surprised inhales sound like a hurricane.

I don’t get a chance to process what Paul’s just proposed, let alone respond. My attention is stolen by the sound of a slamming door, then a shadowy figure storming through the living room, head down, shoulders tight and high.

My heart picks up a frantic pace as Theo roughly slides open the screen door.

“I’m fucking done with them—” He looks up from his phone, and I swear his soul exits his body when our eyes meet. His heel slips, and he grips onto the doorframe to keep himself from falling on his ass, pressing his phone over his heart. “Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?”

He’s looking at all of us, but clearly talking to me.

Sadie turns in her seat, her eyes going comically wide. I’ve shown her pictures of Theo, but he is a million times more potent in person.

“Yeah, that’s a universal reaction,” Thomas murmurs, throwing Theo a wave over his shoulder. “Hey, man.”

Theo runs a hand through his hair, giving my brother a distracted “Hi.” He clears his throat, his gaze lingering on me before he turns to Paul. “I didn’t realize you had company.”

“I told you I was having Noelle over when we had dinner last night,” Paul says. His expression vacillates between concern and amusement. “I knew you weren’t paying attention. You had your nose in that phone all night.”

Theo blows out a breath. “Sorry, I . . . was distracted.”

“Are you all right?” Paul’s tone is careful, and I scan Theo for signs of damage. Physically, he’s as aggressively handsome as ever, wearing those old Levi’s and a plain gray T-shirt that presses up against his body as a breeze picks up. Who can blame it? It’s probably a great body to be pressed against.

It takes me three seconds and a subtle head shake to remember why I was looking at him in the first place.

Something is wrong, and it’s not physical, but I knew that. He came ripping out here like a bat out of hell, talking about—

Who are ?

I don’t even realize I’ve said it out loud until Theo responds. “Sometimes it’s okay to keep the questions inside your mouth.”

“That’s what I tell her,” Thomas says.

“No one asked you,” I shoot back.

“No one asked , either,” Theo says without heat. In fact, I see a brief flash of dimple, a lightning strike against his cheek.

I meet Sadie’s gaze—she’s been watching all of this with interest. “I told you.”

I’ve spent at least three cumulative hours talking about our enemy vibes.

“You’re right.” Sadie nods. “But I mean . . .”

, she finishes in silent best friend shorthand.

I raise my eyebrows.

Her mouth purses thoughtfully.

Theo looks between us, then directs stern eyebrows at me. “Stop talking about me.”

“We weren’t talking about you,” I lie.

Thomas snorts.

“I’ll come back later,” Theo says, already starting to back up.

Paul starts to stand. “Do you need to chat?”

“No, no.” Theo holds up the hand clutching his phone. It’s lighting up like a July Fourth sky. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Disappointment blooms without my permission, but before I can force it down, Paul says, “Stay, Teddy. You’ll probably want to hear this.”

Theo’s midnight gaze moves to me. “Somehow I doubt it.” My hand smooths over the map in reflex, and his attention drops there before bouncing back to my face. “You didn’t have enough time with that on Tuesday?”

“I’m borrowing it.”

“Why?”

I don’t want to tell him, but he’ll find out eventually anyway, especially if Paul wants to come along.

God, does he really?

I lift my chin, trying to project an air of confidence. “Because I’m going on this trip.”

I expect him to make some derisive remark, but after the initial surprise, his face softens into something like understanding. “I see.”

“And so am I.” Paul smiles over at me. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

“I’m sorry, ?”

Ah, there’s the reaction I was expecting. Theo’s expression twists with disbelief as he stands to his full, distressingly attractive height.

Paul squares his shoulders. “We didn’t get a chance to discuss it, since you walked in right as I told Noelle, but I’d like to join her.”

Theo looks at me, eyes flashing, like this is somehow my doing. I hold up my hands. “I haven’t even had a chance to process this. Turn your angry eyes elsewhere.”

“Are you or are you not trying to drag my granddad on a multiday, multistop trip down memory lane?”

I cross my arms, glaring up at him. “I’m not dragging . I told Paul I needed to borrow the map to go on this trip, and right before you burst in here like the Hulk, he said he wanted to join me. I would love his company”—I smile at Paul so he knows I’m accepting his request before turning my murder eyes back on Theo—“but I’m not forcing anyone into anything. I’m doing this for myself. If Paul wants to join me, that’s his prerogative.”

Theo’s mouth twitches.

I point at him. “Do smile, I’m being authoritative right now.”

“Uh-huh. Don’t quit your day job, Shepard,” he says.

Thomas chokes on his water, and I shoot him a look while Sadie elbows him in the side. But Theo’s not paying attention anyway; he’s facing off with Paul, his arms crossing over his chest.

“Why do you want to do this?” he asks. “Is this about Kathleen? Is this some wish fulfillment thing?”

Paul shakes his head. “Kat and I had our closure. I’d like to be there for Noelle if she has questions or needs support. In fact, I’d love to tell her the whole story as we go.” He reaches over to take my hand, and I have to work extraordinarily hard not to burst into tears. The thought of doing all of this at once is an overwhelming mix of joy and grief. Across the table, Thomas sends me a quiet, understanding look.

Theo doesn’t miss my struggle with emotions, but then again, he doesn’t miss much.

Paul’s voice dips as he continues, “And I’ve been kicking around one house or another since Vera died, Teddy. I’d like to get back out into the world, even if it’s just for . . .” He trails off expectantly.

“Two weeks,” I supply.

“Two weeks. I need this as much as Noelle does.” He levels his grandson with a look. “And, I suspect, as much as you do, too. Travel’s always done you good.”

My heart leaps into my throat as Theo scoffs. Across the table, Thomas and Sadie are staring between the three of us, eyes wide. Sadie’s go even wider when they meet mine, as Paul’s implication takes root.

He wants to come on this trip, too? I resist the urge to scream out “NO.”

“I can’t leave,” Theo says into the bloated silence.

“Why not?” Paul asks. It’s the most confrontational I’ve ever heard him.

“Because I—you know why.” Theo gestures to him with a wild flick of his wrist. “And you shouldn’t go, either. You’re not thirty anymore.”

Paul waves him off. “I’m healthy as a horse and you know it. Maybe I’m slower than I used to be, but I can still get around just fine. I walk three miles every day, and my father lived to be 104. If I called my physician right now, he’d say go.” He tosses up his hands. “Hell, he’d probably ask to come along, too. There’s great golf along the way.”

Theo sighs deeply, running the hand not clutching his phone through his hair. His fingers grip the ends, a frustrated move.

“Well, I can’t talk you out of it,” he says finally.

“You’re right,” Paul says. He turns to me. “Are you sure it’s all right with you? I understand if you want to go solo.”

Theo frowns. “It’s not all that safe, Shep.”

“Thank you, I already got that lecture from my mom, and it doesn’t matter anyway. Paul and I are going on this adventure together.”

Theo scrubs at his jaw, his eyes closing briefly. “Yeah, that makes me feel so much better. I—”

His phone buzzes and he looks down at the screen.

flashes urgently across it. Seeing his name and the way Theo’s expression caves in on itself is a déjà vu moment: we could just as easily be in our high school parking lot right now, me watching Theo’s dad admonish him in that quiet, controlled way that was ten times more intimidating than shouting.

“Of course,” Theo mutters with a grim smile. “Be right back.”

He disappears inside, and I turn back to Paul, who’s watching his grandson disappear. His expression is pinched with concern, but it smooths out when he feels my attention.

“I’m excited to do this with you.” As soon as I say it, the matching emotion runs through my veins, like adrenaline but sweeter.

“I appreciate you letting me tag along. This’ll be the perfect way to tell you our story.” Paul pats the side of the box. “I’ll bring along the letters and fill in what I can until you have the answers you need.”

I can’t describe the feeling in my chest. It’s not happiness; it’s sharper than that, even though it’s warm and golden, too. It makes my eyes sting. I’ll get their whole love story, an extended game of secret sharing. But I won’t be playing it with Gram.

“Oh!” Paul says, perking up. “I’ll bring my camera along, since you’re bringing yours.”

“Nice, like a photography trip.” Thomas looks at me meaningfully.

Paul’s eyes are saying something, too. They shine with support, and I can’t help thinking of the way Gram used to look at me the same way. Like she was just happy I was trying. “I’m eager to see your work.”

“Well . . .” I let out a nervous laugh. This man is an accomplished photographer with a career I could only dream of. “Manage your expectations.”

Sadie brings her intertwined hands up to her chin, grinning at me. “I this idea. I’m so glad you’re going together.”

I reach up, fiddling with my earrings, which are, ironically, shaped like little cameras. From inside, Theo’s voice raises, though I can’t make out the actual words. “It’s been a while. I’m rusty, so let’s just see where it g—”

“The universe is telling you something,” Sadie insists, wincing at the slam echoing from somewhere in the house. “You need to listen to it.”

I snort. “I’d love to know what the message is.”

The screen door screeches open, and Theo’s there, color flagging his cheeks. “I’m coming, too.”

I’m silent during the drive home.

Thomas and Sadie chat in the front, but Thomas’s eyes keep flicking to the rearview mirror, and Sadie’s hand snakes back to squeeze my knee more than once.

It all happened so fast. One minute I was going alone, and the next I had two extra bodies I’ll have to cram into my Prius. I guess the upside is that from a logistical standpoint, it makes what I told my parents less of a lie. Three people make up a group.

But one of those people is .

He made the decision in anger. I could see it in his slightly shaking hands when he slipped his phone into his back pocket. I’m not even sure he saw any of us, or fully processed Paul’s delight. But as soon as I saw Paul’s smile, the stark relief in his eyes, I pressed my lips together so I wouldn’t ruin his happiness.

I would do illegal things to go on a two-week trip with Gram. I’m not going to take it away from Paul and Theo, no matter how much Theo plucks at every single one of my nerves.

My only attempt to finagle my way out of it was to ask, “Are you sure you can get the time off work?”

His expression soured further, his eyes thundercloud dark. “Yes. It’s done. Not a problem.”

We left not long after, and I heard myself say from somewhere very far away that I’d follow up with them on details.

Thomas and Sadie invite me to spend the day in the city with them, but this is one of those times where I actually to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. So that’s exactly what I do after I wave goodbye and trudge through the silent house. My parents are off gallivanting with friends somewhere; their social life is unmatched.

I flop onto my bed with a groan, closing my eyes.

When I’m awakened by my phone buzzing under my ass, it’s dark outside.

It’s a number I don’t recognize. I’d usually let it go to voicemail, but my thumb is pressing the green button onscreen before my brain can catch up.

“Hello?”

“Were you sleeping?”

Theo’s voice is sexy in person, but over the phone it’s lethal. Thank god he balanced it out by being irritating.

“Okay, first of all, .” I sit up, blinking into the velvet darkness of my room. “Second of all, how’d you get my number?”

“Got it from my granddad.”

Paul’s a traitor. Noted. “We’ll skip to the third point, then: Why are you calling me? Couldn’t you just text whatever you need to say? What kind of millennial are you? We’re supposed to be afraid of calling people.”

His sigh is all-suffering, leftover tension pulling it tight. “I want to make sure you’re fine with all of this. You were suspiciously without words at the end there, and that’s unlike you.”

It vexes me that he knows me well enough to say that. “I . . . well, I was in shock. It’s one thing for Paul to want to come, but you?” I pick up steam as my thoughts finally crystallize. “You weren’t even into it. Are you going because you’re running away from something, or do you not trust me on the road with Paul? Are you chaperoning us in case I lead us astray and we stumble off a cliff? I promise I’m not inept.”

I stumble to a stop with a grimace.

“I don’t think you’re inept at all,” he says. I don’t know if it’s the timbre of it or the steel behind his words, but I actually believe him.

“Then what is it?”

He hesitates, reluctant. “My granddad was right. I need to get away from the city for a couple weeks. It’s been a long time since I had any kind of vacation.”

“And you want that vacation to be a road trip with your grandfather and old nemesis?”

He laughs. It’s a soft sound, less stressed than before. “This isn’t an episode of , Shepard. You were never my nemesis. You were my . . .” I hate how I hold my breath. “My motivation.”

I have no idea what to make of that. It sounds diabolical, but everything he says does. It certainly doesn’t sound like a compliment, though if anyone else said it, I’d take it that way.

“Well, whatever.” I stand, letting out a quiet moan as my back cracks. “You could fuck off to Turks and Caicos or something, but road trip it is. Are you fine with me taking care of booking everything?”

“We should hash out some of the details together,” he says. “That’s the other reason I called.”

“Okay.” I drag the word through my annoyance. “I’ll text you links to stuff, then, and you can yea or nay me.”

“Granddad wrote me out a long-ass list of activities. I’m assuming you’ll want to see it, so let’s do it in person.”

“In person?”

“Yes, like where I see your face and you see my face and we exchange words in the same room.”

My heart prances like a nervous Chihuahua. “Who says I want to see your face?”

“You’re gonna have to get used to it.”

My mind gets busy sketching out a visual—the broad, angular cut of his jaw, those deep, probing eyes, and the mouth that doesn’t let me get away with anything. That damn dimple.

“We can get it done in one night.” His tone is so cajoling and soft it’s almost a croon. It’s a tone for darkness. For bedrooms.

He knows it, too. I can practically hear his smirk when I sigh. “Okay. Why don’t I come to your place? Tuesday evening? I’d like to get everything settled as soon as possible.”

“Oh.” There’s a beat of surprised silence. “You want to come to my place?”

Well, he’s certainly not coming to place, unless he wants to meet the parents, and a café isn’t going to give us the room and time to plan. “We’ll need reliable Wi-Fi and a place to spread out.” I realize how that sounds a second too late and rush on to say, “Spread out notes and the map and stuff.”

“Right.” I’m gratified by how uncomfortable he sounds. “Fine. I’ll text you my address.” There’s a short pause. “Do you like steak?”

My stomach growls shamelessly. “It’s fine.”

“I’ll cook, then. Be here at seven.”

He doesn’t wait for me to respond; the line goes dead and I pull back, staring down at my phone screen.

It was a power move, and I hate that he got the last word just as much as I hate how hot it was.

Two weeks on the road with Theo Spencer. God help us both.