Chapter 11: CH 11

(T/N: I feel like now is a good time to say (about time, actually) that ‘unresolved tensions/worries/whatever’ is translated from 心结 which means ‘heart knot’ aka the worries that Lu Li couldn’t put down. Idk if that made it through with the translation. Something like trauma, suspicion, secret fear, etc. XJW’s mission is to find them, the roots of Lu Li’s emotional and mental unsettlement, and heal them so that his personality pieces can peacefully go back together.

Also just a reminder that “En” is a sound of confirmation, like “mm-hmm” or “Oh” and stuff like that.

• • •

Of course Xie Jianwei knew what he was saying.

He was slightly nervous, terrified that if he said too much, Lu Li would split apart; if he said too little, he was going to run again.

His heart felt tired, thinking about it.

It was a good thing that, although Lu Li liked making trouble, in regards to strategising for benefits, he was still very persistent. [1]

Not needing Xie Jianwei to say anymore, he interpreted it on his own as: “You want to use me to make Xu Li give up?”

Xie Jianwei, as a person whose intelligence quotient and emotional quotient scores were both high, was also somewhat stunned at this particular moment.

He had to reflect for a few seconds before he could keep up with Lu ‘Big’ Li’s train of thought.

Lu Li sneeringly said: “President Xie truly is deeply infatuated with Xu Li.”

Xie Jianwei mostly understood - Lu Li thought that: Xie Jianwei still loved Xu Li, but the two could never return to the past; especially’s since Xie Jianwei current identity couldn’t give Xu Li a future, even to the extent of being unable to ensure his safety. The Xie family had huge wealth and power - their enemies were extremely numerous even as their branches grew lush - Xie Jianwei couldn’t have weaknesses, and as long as he and Xu Li were together, then Xu Li was inevitably his weakness - others had no way of taking revenge on Xie Jianwei, but would put their hands on Xu Li, so Xu Li’s plight would become very dangerous.

Perhaps Xie Jianwei had the power to protect Xu Li well, but in Xie Jianwei’s heart, Xu Li loved his freedom, and would definitely be unwilling to live within limits; if he were to protect him, he would inevitably have to clip his wings.

Xie Jianwei couldn’t think of a way that would achieve both, and so could only refuse Xu Li, contrary to his own desires.

And normal methods of rejection could hardly make Xu Li give up, so he could only use Lu Li.

In all honesty…Xie Jianwei, being able to understand to such a degree, was also considerably amazing.

Of course, even if he understood, grass mud horses (T/N: another way of saying fuck your mother, a common swear) still rampaged madly through his heart and lungs.

How come he hadn’t seen Lu Big Li put this much thought into things when it came to the government affairs, with its many twists and turns and plays for power?

Xie Jianwei could only cooperate with him saying: “This isn’t quite using you…”

Lu Li watched him with narrowed eyes.

Xie Jianwei lightly sighed, saying: “I’m bound to have a life-long partner, and you’re a pretty good option.”

Lu Li self-mockingly said: “You mean pretty good in bed, right?”

Xie Jianwei: “…” Pity that he had no way of saying out loud, that he was even better otuside of bed.

With him not saying anything, Lu Li continued to independently carry out his interpretations: “President Xie truly does make the best use of his things. It’s not enough to make me a bed partner, I must also be used as a shield to protect the person you want to protect…” He walked close to Xie Jianwei, lowering his voice and saying: “Have you ever thought about it, whether I would be willing?”

Xie Jianwei knew what he wanted to hear: “I’m not forcing you, if you aren’t willing then there are still…”

The two words ‘other people’ hadn’t been said yet, when Lu Li had already gripped onto his face, fiercely kissing him.

Even though it was a little hard to take, but since he angered Lu ‘little’ Li, then Lu ‘big’ Li must inevitably come out for a stroll around.

Xie Jianwei yielded after displaying some reluctance, and after finishing, he felt that he needed to eat more Chinese leek to supplement himself. [2]

Even though Lu Li wasn’t satisfied, Xie Jianwei indeed had him thoroughly in the palm of his hand. [3]

He definitely couldn’t endure letting Xie Jianwei go to seduce others, and he also needed to get closer to the Xie family; a bed partner’s identity, in the end, wasn’t as convenient as a lover’s - if he wanted to truly possess Xie Jianwei, then he’d have to pull up the Xie family behind him, roots and all.

The difference between a lover and a bed partner was that a bed partner was fixedly for once a week, and the two were strangers when they met at other times. After becoming lovers, Xie Jianwei played the role very well; of course, in Lu Li’s eyes, Xie Jianwei was doing this wholly to incite Xu Li, but it couldn’t be unsaid that this style of interacting made him feel really comforted.

Xie Jianwei’s actions were speedy; not even a few days had passed before the two started looking for a new place to live: “How about living close to the sea? If you’re worried that it would be too damp, then we can consider making the storey a little higher.”

Lu Li feigned disinterest: “Do what you want.”

Xie Jianwei was actually just asking anyways - he couldn’t be clearer on Lu Li’s likes.

And so he patted the board, deciding: “This place is pretty good. The first and second floors and living rooms, the third and fourth floors are for the functional (?), we’ll live on the fifth floor.”

(T/N: Yeah I really didn’t know about this one)

Lu Li’s lips moved slightly, but didn’t make a sound in the end.

Xie Jianwei was pretty enthusiastic as he drew and wrote; “Connect the two rooms on the fifth floor, the bedroom needs to be a little bigger, the dressing room’s position isn’t too good, move it, oh, putting the elevator here’s too in the way, alter on remove it and swap it for a glass one and put it outside the bedroom…also the bathroom’s small, we’ll smash the small room next to it, combine them…” He spoke on by himself, and Lu Li’s heart was tickled from listening.

In the lazy afternoon, the sunlight lit up the warm study; the youth with the delicate features dipped his head over the desk, writing as he spoke, his voice pleasant to listen too, and his expression focused, as if he were genuinely drafting the two’s love next, describing a sweet and warm blueprint of happiness.

Lu Li sat across from him, watching, and experienced in his heart the pain of interweaving fire and ice.

On one hand he was telling himself to calm down some, to not be bewitched by him; on the other hand, he was unable to resist fantasising - how good would it be, if this were true?

Even if Xie jianwei, to him, were the slightest bit serious, Lu Li would stop every move at hand, and wholeheartedly cup him in his hands and bring him to the heavens.

But he wasn’t.

Xie Jianwei’s heart wasn’t big - after fitting inside a Xu Li, everything else was stopped outside the gates.

Lu Li stared at the emerald tea leaves in the celadon cup through lowered lashes, his expression dark and unreadable.

After Xie Jianwei spent ages making arrangements, he again asked Lu Li: “is using a shade of warm white as the house’s main colour okay?”

Lu Li had been waging war on the outside for many years; he was known as the famous Iron Blooded Supreme Commander throughout the entire galaxy. He was already born handsome, and once a suit of uniform was added to his body, he was even more stunning [4], the cool and aloof male god in tens of thousands of young girls’ hearts.

Young girls always fantasise that their male gods were aloof and steely, that their favourite colour must be black, that the place where they lived must be cool-toned; they’d probably even imagine their underwear to be in the series of dark colours.

But actually, the colour Lu Li liked most was a warm shade of white.

The shade that’s like sunlight, a colour that had a temperature.

This probably had something to do with his childhood experiences; on the deserted planet, there had only been a few short days out of the year when sunlight could be seen; staying in that sort of gloom and cruel environment, when he saw sunlight, it was like seeing the world’s most beautiful treasure.

So his favourite colour was a warm white colour.

Actually, there was another reason that even Xie Jianwei didn’t know.

On the deserted planet, the first time Lu Li saw Xie Jianwei was on a day when sunlight had illuminated everything.

Xie Jianwei had fainted on a piece of bright and smooth rock - the sunlight sprinkled upon his body, coating his porcelain skin with a thin layer of beautiful light.

Lu Li touched it; that was his first time coming into contact with a shade of white that held heat.

– as perfect as imagined.

Lu Li, having been continuously poked in the heart by Xie Jianwei, finally couldn’t resist answering in a low voice: “…En.”

Xie Jianwei’s eyes curved in a smile: “Then it’s decided.”

Lu Li struggled for ages to stop himself from walking over and kissing him.

Ever since the two had confirmed their relationship as lovers, Xie Jianwei had been practically inseparable to Lu Li [5], and withheld nothing from him.

Of course, this was Xie Jianwei’s deliberate doing; he was only too anxious to help Lu Li break down the Xie family faster, and so all sorts of flaws and holes were seamlessly placed in front of him, giving him the opportunity.

But instead, Lu Li’s actions gradually slowed down; Xie Jianwei pondered for a bit, and could mostly know what was going on.

Xie Jianwei had been too nice to Lu Li, and this idiot got soft-hearted again.

Xie Jianwei was just wondering how to stimulate him a little, considering developing in another direction, when Lu Li began ‘self-abusing’.

On this day, the two were walking downstairs after eating; just as they walked into the carpark, they saw Xu Li.

Lu Li ceased his steps, and Xie Jianwei was also momentarily stunned.

Xu Li caught sight of Xie Jianwei, and immediately came forward, saying: “Why are you avoiding me?”

Xie Jianwei’s forehead furrowed: “There is no need to see each other again.”

Xu Li appeared quite fragile; he had probably been looking everywhere for Xie Jianwei all these days, yet Xie Jianwei kept evading him - he had lost his appetite, his sleeping was unrestful, and his entire person had become a lot more downtrodden.

Xie Jianwei didn’t want to talk more with him, turning around wanting to leave; Xu Li was very emotional, and went forward wanting to pull him to a stop: ‘Don’t do this, Jianwei, don’t do this to me.”

Xie Jianwei paused for a moment, somewhat unable to grasp onto what sort of ‘scene’ Lu Li wanted to see.

Yet Xu Li took it as a chance, lowly pleading: “Jianwei, I truly miss you, I miss you very much, I’m begging you, don’t hide from me to not see me, everyday, I…”

“Mister Xu, please have some self-respect.’ Lu Li came forward, face cold, blocking in between Xie Jianwei and Xu Li.

Xu Li raised his head, gazing at him, abhorrence flashing past in his eyes: “What are you worth…”

His words had just fallen, when Xie Jianwei opened his mouth, saying: “He is my lover.”

Xu Li watched wide-eyed, dumbfounded.

Xie Jianwei spoke: “I think I explained it very clearly already, the past has already gone by, I now have a lover, can you please don’t…”

“You’re lying to me!” Xu Li interrupted him, pleading with an expression of disbelief: “I know you’re being angry, how could you like someone else? It’s impossible!”

Xie Jianwei didn’t feel the slightest bit soft-hearted towards him, and so when he spoke cruel words he was without mercy: “It’s your choice whether you want to believe it or not; I’ve been with Lu Li for over half a year already.”

Xu Li was somewhat panicked, his gaze towards Lu Li filled with resentment: “You’re only trying to anger me on purpose, you randomly found a person to make me…”

Xie Jianwei grasped onto Lu Li’s tie, and strongly aimed a kiss at his lips, turning his face to the side to Xu Li and saying: “Do you still need me to do anything more?”

Xu Li’s face was already ashen, his eyes filled with dismay.

Lu Li smiled, pressing down on Xie Jianwei’s waist, deepening the shallow kiss.

Xu Li was completely unable to keep watching, he practically fled in defeat.

After the guy left, Xie Jianwei pushed Lu Li away.

They were in public - kissing some was fine, but he didn’t have to kiss nonstop.

Pity that, with his one push, the already dejected Lu Li grew even more dejected; he grasped Xie Jianwei’s hand, throwing him onto the front passenger seat.

Xie JIanwei blinked, instinctively sensing that things weren’t good, but it was too late.

The two had a happy time rocking half the car with car sex [6].

Even though the car was wide enough, in the end it wasn’t suited for doing something of this warring sort.

And so Lu Li didn’t do it all the way, only making Xie Jianwei shoot.

And then Lu Li planned on taking Xie Jianwei home, but the car was probably unhappy from being shaken, and actually failed to be ignited…

Xie Jianwei: “…”

Lu Li dialled his assistant’s number.

Xie Jianwei looked at the mess inside the car, and felt that waiting here for the assistant was somewhat awkward, and so suggested: “Leave the car here for now, let’s take a walk outside?”

Lu Li’s anger had long since been half put out, and he also knew that h was easily embarrassed, so replied: “Okay.” He took off his coat and draped it over Xie Jianwei.

Xie Jianwei’s clothes had a few buttons fall off of it, it wasn’t really good to walk out like this.

Wearing his clothes, Xie Jianwei was pretty happy in his heart, carrying a smile even in his eyes and brows: “Hopefully the weather outside is pretty good.”

When they came to eat, it had been somewhat overcast, and the weather forecast had also said that it might rain at night.

It was already eight o’clock now - and whether it had rained or not was still unknown.

The two were surprised to find out after they had walked outside that, not only did it not rain, the weather was actually pretty good - the gloomy clouds had been scattered in the wind, and the glittering stars in the night sky were especially moving.

They walked side by side on the side-walk, enjoying the pleasantly warm night wind, all of the sudden not knowing what should be said.

Xie JIanwei wanted to hold hands with him, but he was also afraid that this action of his would be too ‘rushed’.

But very quickly, as if their heartss were linked, Lu Li grasped onto his hand.

Xie Jianwei’s lips raised a little, trying very hard to make his smile not so obvious.

Lu Li asked him: “Are you cold?”

Working hard to hide his emotions, Xie Jianwei said: “I’m not cold; the weather is quite nice.”

Lu Li said: “Just now, I was in the wrong.” He was referring to the ‘happy rocking’, Xie Jianwei had refused at the time, but Lu Li hadn’t listened.

How would Xie Jianwei care about that? Not to mention that Lu Li felt worried for him, and so didn’t do it all the way; even if he had gone all the way, he wouldn’t get mad at him for this stuff.

He wasn’t as inflexibly old-fashioned as Lu Li thought when it came to sexual matters, it was just that he didn’t dare to indulge him in these matters, because got knows that if he did indulge, to what extent this guy would ‘ignore his work duties’ [7]

The atmosphere between the two was surprisingly amiable; perhaps it was that their interactions these past few days had been too nice, perhaps it was that the night’s scenery was too beautiful; either way, a strange feeling bubbled up within Lu Li’s heart - as if, as long as he kept on walking like this, holding Xie Jianwei’s hand, Xie Jianwei would belong to him.

Well and truly, belonging to him in both body and heart.

Time was very powerful; there will always be a day…maybe, there will always be a day, that Xie Jianwei will forget Xu Li, will see him, who has always been by his side, will once again open up his heart, and place him within.

Lu Li felt that he was wishfully thinking, but humans were always greedy - even if they were situated within a tumultuous storm, they would still hope that, in the next moment, they will be able to see a beautiful rainbow.

He imagined it slightly, only imagined it, should…

Suddenly, the sound of muffled thunder arose, and the originally clear sky, because of this loud strike of sound, was suddenly covered by dense clouds; the stars and moon were hidden away, giving the night wind a dense chillness.

Lu Li’s heart thumped, fixedly watching the scene before his eyes…his heart and brain basically simultaneously exploded, completely losing the ability to think.

The sound fo the car’s horn was ear piercing, and Xie Jianwei fell in a pool of blood.

And Xu Li, who should have been lying right there, had ‘frightened out of his wits’ written all over his face - he cried out: “Jianwei! Jianwei you…you can’t die…”

In order to save Xu Li, Xie Jianwei didn’t even want his life!

Lu Li didn’t know how he walked over at all; he picked up the man before him, pale as frost; smelt the nose-piercing scent of blood, his entire thought process a field of empty blankness.

He would never have Xie Jianwei, forever and eternally never have him.

Xie Jianwei startled awake from the dream.

Yan Ke said: “What happened?”

Xie Jianwei massaged his forehead, his voice somewhat rough: “Why would I come out?”

Yan Ke said: “It’s the magnetic field’s self-protection system - when you receive intense trauma within the dream, you will immediately come back to reality.”

Xie Jianwei’s forehead tightly furrowed, and in a light voice said: “I’m going back now.”

Yan Ke asked him: “What exacty happened?” Anything that could make an impact on Xie Jianwei’s psyche, must be very serious.

Xie Jianwei said slowly after pausing for a moment: “I saw Lu Li get hit by a car.”

But that person was clearly Xu LI!

• • •

The author has something to say: Small dark room is waiting~

Cough cough…this refreshment is actually supposed to be for tomorrow morning, as to why it’s up now, it’s because tomorrow is the time for the rankings, if the word count isn’t enough then it (T/N: the novel) can’t go up (T/N: the rankings), so it is put up early.

As for the reason why there is so much explanation, it’s mainly because I (T/N: first person is implied rather than directly stated) want to tell the little angels: See you the morning of the day after tomorrow!! Kisses!!

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AAHHHHH THIS CHAPTER WAS SO CUTE MY HEART WAS PALPITATING OUT OF MY CHEST AS I READ IT FOR THE NTH TIME

And as always the author’s note is the worst part of the chapter to translate. You can see I’ve begun to make a game out of it.

[1] ‘strategising for benefits’: Any ‘benefits’ where Lu Li is concerned usually refers to sexual favours :) )

[2] ‘…supplement himself.’: Actually says to provide supplementation for his kidneys, in that he expended too much energy and needs to boost himself up a bit. No idea why he needs to specifically eat chinese leeks tho.

[3] ‘…in the palm of his hand.’: actually says ‘he would definitely eat him.’ but I felt that it’s too easily interpreted in a sexual way - I think it refers more to something like how Lu Li can no longer escape his fate of submitting to XJW’s wishes.

[4] ‘…even more stunning’: actually says ‘as handsome as cypress and pine even more’.

[5] ‘…practically inseparable’: literally ‘like how the body and the shadow doesn’t part’

[6] ‘The two had a happy time rocking half the car with car sex.’: Where to begin with this phrase…???? It says ‘两人来了半个车震摇摇乐’, which translates literally to ‘The two had (had as in had a round, had a meal, etc. - something that was brought to them) fun shaking half a car’. But ‘车震’ is also a euphemism for car sex, so I was like why not incorporate them both…but like honestly ‘shaking’ is sorta implied twice in this sentence, once in car sex and once in the last three characters idk.

[7] ‘’…’ignore his work duties’.”: To abandon his work and go do other things - in Lu Li’s case, to ignore his duties as Supreme Commander and Ruler of the planet galaxy federation thingo he’s in charge of in order to play hooky with Xie Jianwei.