Chapter 44: CH 35.1

In this dream, except for his good looks, Xie Jianwei is quite ordinary— with an average family background and normal life— vastly different from Military Advisor Xie’s usual dream conditions so far.

And his personality also differed greatly, perhaps somewhat outrageous. Xie Jianwei was born ordinary, but he was not willing to remain as such.

After graduating from a film academy, he became frustrated. He obviously has his strengths — with commendable looks and acting skills— but because he doesn’t have a powerful backer, his career hit a wall.

Of course, Lu Li was reluctant to let him face another wall— after another job was stolen from him for the second time, he met Lu Li..

The two had a one-night stand. After a good night’s sleep, Xie Jianwei just patted his ass and left. Lu Li, however, didn’t forget what happened but instead held–on to him.

Xie Jianwei suddenly got an opportunity to audition for a certain drama, and because of some casual sentence by the Film Emperor Lu Li, he was able to show his talent, distinguish himself from others and finally, got selected from that audition without a hitch.

He was able to change his fortune because that drama and Yan Kè, his manager, was bewildered: “Your bad temper has finally changed your luck?”

“Who knows.” Xie Jianwei said so, but his mind thought of one person.

Later on, Yan Kè went to inquire about it, after doing so, he made quite a fuss, saying: “My treasure, how did you hook up with that Film Emperor Lu?”

Xie Jianwei then explained that he and the Film Emperor accidentally slept together.

Yan Kè: “Oh, you are quite capable!”

“It was purely an accident. I didn’t see who he at that time.”

Yan Kè was very happy: “No matter what, this is a good chance! You better grab it while it’s here!”

But Xie Jianwei said, “What’s there to grab? There will be no next time.”

He didn’t know who he slept with last time and more or less, the Film Emperor Lu didn’t see who he was either. There’s a high chance that Lu Li gave him that audition to block his mouth so he won’t go around telling others what happened between them. He understood all of these so he would never go bother the Film Emperor again.

But who would have thought that Lu Li knew his number and contacted him again after a few days.

They didn’t do it, just helped fire each other’s cannon. (t/n: to fire the canon = Chinese slang for ‘to ejaculate’)

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Yan Kè was excited: “My precious treasure, Ah-Wei! This situation is promising! You must seize this opportunity!”

Xie Jianwei contemplated for a bit and also thought that it would be fine. In any case, he was tired of being bullied because he doesn’t have a backer, so he should be happy that he could take advantage of the situation in order to advance his career. Especially since finding someone like Film Emperor Lu, who was very handsome and a well-behaved bed partner who also comes with free resources, is a once-in-a-lifetime chance.

And so, the two slept and kept each other company for half a year.

Xie Jianwei pleasantly enjoyed living this kind of cozy life. His gold master is really generous—he sent him a car, bought him an apartment, and helped with his career behind the shadows. Not only is he a very capable, handsome man with a good figure, but his bed techniques are really commendable to the point where he feels numb just thinking about it.t/n: jīnzhǔ  = financial backer.)

Yan Kè‘s look in his eyes for the past six months was almost the same as that of a migrant worker who has won one billion from a lottery ticket.

So with all these, it stands to reason that Xie Jianwei shouldn’t have gotten tired of Film Emperor Lu that quickly.

And yet, Xie Jianwei became a slag, a slag in uppercase letters.

To be exact, he wasn’t tired— he’s terrified.

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What he told Yan Kè: “It’s somewhat vexing being always on the bottom.” Before he met Lu Li, he’s a one, but nowadays, he didn’t know why he’s feeling pleasure while being a zero. (t/n: 1 =top; 0 =bottom)

“My ancestor, can you top Film Emperor?” Yan Kè was shocked.

Xie Jianwei got a little annoyed. “I certainly can’t, therefore, I want to switch to other taste.”

Yan Kè understood: “Huh?! You fucking want to have an affair?!”

Xie Jianwei rolled his eyes: “Why are you saying such coarse words? What Lu Li and I have is nothing more but a mutually beneficial relationship.”

“You’re right. But the problem is that, that patron of yours isn’t tired of you yet.” Yan Kè refuted.

“Well, I am. Who cares about him anyway?”

Yan Kè persuaded him, and really wished to pry Xie Jianwei’s head open to see what wind was blowing his brains out. Don’t let a good man like this go just because you want to change to new flavors!

Xia Jianwei kept on saying such excuses but In fact, he just didn’t dare say the truth to Yan Kè he’s scared.

—Scared, because Lu Li was treating him too well.

The treatment he receives from the other party doesn’t seem to be that of a kept man, but one who is like a pampered lover carefully, and wholeheartedly being held with both hands.

He thought they were just friends with benefits, but Film Emperor Lu actually wanted them to be in love, to go steady.

Love, such an unequal relationship. He knows that falling in love is pure self-abuse, so he wouldn’t be so stupid as to involve himself in that kind of thing. In the messy circle of entertainment industry, sexual relationship that is clearly priced is much simpler to have, than love and affection.

To put it bluntly, Xie Jianwei being ‘tired’ is to stop procuring ‘losses’ while it’s still early. He’s putting his own safety before matters of principle.

Matters regarding love and affection are complicated: To love is to hover between life and death; to separate is to deeply hate.

He couldn’t afford to make a false step in dealing with Film Emperor Lu, but he couldn’t trust himself that he won’t do so. He didn’t want to be blocked from resources because of that person’s wrath after breaking up. In that case, he should quickly cut off their relationship while the situation is still redeemable. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.

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After Xie Jianwei told Yan Ke the given memories for this dream, the latter was speechless.

The Xie Jianwei in this dream is truly selfish and cold-hearted but at the same time, also a coward. From another perspective, his so-called ‘putting his own safety before matters of principle’ is just him lacking the courage to take responsibility for his, and another person’s feelings.

If he can’t give Lu Li what he wants, might as well give him nothing.

If they weren’t in a dream, if Lu Li is not Lu Li and Xie Jianwei is not Xie Jianwei, then perhaps that would work —maybe they’ll just go their separate ways after rejecting Lu Li, nothing more.

But Lu Li is Lu Li, and Xie Jianwei is Xie Jianwei. Even without this half a year, Lu Li will only love Xie Jianwei.

Want to stop entangling with that person to prevent losing everything he had? As if that person would let him go.

Yan Ke thought about it and said, [I always felt that something’s a little strange.]

Xie Jianwei knew what he was talking about.

Yan Ke continued: [This is the Lord Marshal’s dream and this somehow reflects what is inside the Marshal’s heart. Is it that deep inside his heart,  you are… Uh …] He didn’t finish his words, but both of them understood.

‘In Lu Li’s eyes, is Xie Jianwei such a scum?’

That doesn’t make sense. Even if the two of them have some knots and misunderstandings, they have gone through so many things together for ten long years. No one would know clearly than Lu Li how responsible and courageous Xie Jianwei is.

Even if more than half of the senior members of the Milky Way feel that Xie Jianwei might be using the Lord Marshal for revenge, but they undoubtedly knew that Xie Jianwei would protect Lu Li for life, because the former would always repay the people who are good to him —not to mention that the Marshal who is so affectionate towards him.

This was why the Marshal’s trusted aide has faith in on him. (t/n: trusted aide is Lorren)

But what’s with this dream’s Lord Xie Jianwei? This is hardly him! Yan Ke was clearly puzzled.

[The first dream was too short so let’s skip that. In the second dream, we can see that Marshal’s sore point with you is, you … umm … you were just keeping him by your side as a mistress—that he feels he’s only a kept man; for the third dreamscape, you don’t love him— just obsessed; and the fourth dreamscape…. ] Yan Ke hesitated for a moment—he really hadn’t figured out what was the Marshal’s heart knot was regarding that vampire dreamscape.

Xie Jianwei answered for him: “The heart knot only occurred after the split. He doesn’t know which Lu Li I love.” The fourth dreamscape was like a simulation for the real world: assuming that Lu Li was finally able to separate his personalities using clones and they pursue Xie Jianwei at the same time, who would the latter choose? (t/n: Saying this in case some of you had forgotten: Each alters of Lu Li wanted a separate physical body, that’s why he started experimenting on using clones, and Xie Jianwei found out about it, leading him to the conclusion that something Lu Li’s condition had worsened)

In fact, each personality has a common sorepoint—fear of loss. The biggest problem is that Lu Li always felt that Xie Jianwei did not love him, or perhaps he does, but he believes that Xie Jianwei’s love for him is too different from his own. For instance, if he suddenly lost Xie Jianwei, he would definitely fall apart. But if Xie Jianwei lost him, Xie Jianwei would also be in pain, but it wouldn’t take long for him to start a new life after the wounds of losing Lu Li have healed.

‘A life without Lu Li, but it’s still bearable and would eventually return to normal’— this must be what Lu Li thought Xie Jianwei would feel if there ever comes the time that he loses him..

Xie Jianwei sighed audibly and said, “I’m also at fault.” He thought that giving Lu Li everything was enough to show his love for him, however in truth, to love is also to demand from you partner and not just to give.

‘A person who doesn’t want anything doesn’t necessarily mean he or she doesn’t really want anything. Perhaps, it’s just that you couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to give what he or she truly wants.’

Xie Jianwei surrendered his power and influence, gave up the supreme honor and he’s uninterested about his status and other people’s attention.

So what does he wish for? These things, which countless people yearned for, Xie Jianwei doesn’t even want it, not one bit. So what does he want? What could I give him? Was there nothing he wanted after obtaining revenge?

The truth is, Xie Jianwei simply wanted to avoid suspicion and discord, but sadly, Lu Li never thought that Xie Jianwei’s love for him reached to that extent.

People would just hugged each other to sleep and wake up everyday like it’s normal— something given, but Lu Li constantly worried that this particular person  around him would vanish out of thin air every waking moment: if Xie Jianwei leaves  him, he would never be able to find him again in this lifetime. Because he knows about Xie Jianwei’s abilities and there was no reason for him to stay by his side, he was always shrouded in fear.

Xie Jianwei didn’t think about these things before, oh — he had never really thought about it, since he always had this mindset: Companionship is an important thing. It’s very unlikely that he would ever leave Lu Li, therefore he had a lifetime ahead to prove that he loves Lu Li just as much as he loves him.

On the other hand, Lu Li who would never mention nor show his sufferings in the real world, would have probably endured with the pain silently throughout his life, because Xie Jianwei would have never realized how deep Lu Li’s anxiety was.

And yes, perhaps, Xie Jianwei wouldn’t even find out all about it until the end of their lives. And upon death, Lu Li would finally be at ease, but his life while he was still living was completely engulfed with unease and panic, and he got too little of the things he so much deserved.

—But  fortunately in the present, it’s not too late. Although there are many hidden dangers with the splitting of Lu Li’s personality, Xie Jianwei was able to enter Lu Li’s dreamscape which made him learn, understand and realize more of  their situation….

If he knows it, he will definitely solve it. He wouldn’t let Lu Li miss a beautiful life—absolutely not. They should love each other and accompany one another for a hundred years; how could he be willing to make Lu Li always suffer alone?

Yan Ke also has mixed emotions in his heart: [So… the Marshal wants you to demanding from him in this dreamscape?]Even helping the Military Advisor climb the ranks gives the Marshal a kind of sense of security?

Xie Jianwei slightly nodded but then shook his head after. [He indeed wishes that I ask for things from him, but he would put me in a situation where I am forced to do so. Therefore, someone or something from within the dramscape is creating some difficulties.]

[Another personality is in this dream?] Yan Ke asked.

“They can’t directly interfere with each other’s dream setting, so …… the root cause might be something else.”  Xie Jianwei answered. Moreover, it had been misleading Lu Li from the very beginning, trying to magnify some of his dark side. Even this dreamscape had showed some malice, and it doesn’t want the treatment to succeed, so it loathes Xie Jianwei and is trying to discredit him at all costs.

Yan Ke became wary: [You’re suspecting that Lord Marshal’s personality split for other reasons?]

Xie Jianwei said: “Lu Li is not such a weak person. Although I haven’t done enough for our relationship, as long as I don’t leave him and continue to stay by his side, he wouldn’t get ill to this extent.”

Indeed, Lu Li felt uneasy and was afraid of losing something, but he was essentially a man with great mental capacity who  faces life and death through raining bullets. He might, and would, hide his heart for a lifetime but as long as Xie Jianwei is there, his world wouldn’t collapse.

Lu Li’s spiraling emotions may be the fuse, but what exactly ignited the fuse?

—I will find it. What he wants to do right now is to know Lu Li better.

Yan Ke on the other hand, was in distress: [This time, your ‘memories’ had been directly ‘installed’, which means you must follow your ‘character  design’, but …”]

— But it was oddly cruel. Lu Li truly and deeply loves him, but ‘Xie Jianwei’ merely curried for favor and half a year later, ‘got tired’ of being with him. Afraid of Lu Li’s retaliation, he even planned on sending another young man to the gold master.

If Lu Li knows … Oh my god, that image is so beautiful, I dare not think about it. (t/n: This expression is used to humorously criticize something that’s unclassy or unpleasant to look at.)

The corner of Xie Jianwei’s mouth twitched and he’s in a bad mood. He’s not magnanimous enough that he himself would pick a male mistress for his own husband.

Stopping this situation is a matter of importance.

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(t/n: this scene is a continuation of chapter 34.2’s last scene, when Yan Kè  was telling Xie Jianwei about sending Bai Song to Lu Li as his replacement.)

Xie Jianwei told Yan Kè he said: “Let me think about that matter again.”

Yan Kè didn’t suspect anything when Xie Jianwei suddenly relented and in fact, he felt relieved. He even wished that Xie Jianwei could hold on to the Film Emperor Lu generation after generation, that he wouldn’t let go of such an influential person.

“It’s best if you think about it again! Now is really not the right time to let him go. Anyway, where else can you find a companion like Film Emperor Lu? Such a man, what is it about him that you dislike? Well, until that time comes, get what you can get from him!”

Xie Jianwei nodded and said, “Okay.”

Afraid that he’d go back on his word, Yan Kè reminded him once again: “Bai Song is not a good seedling. He’s very well-behaved now — always talking about ‘older brother Xie this, older brother Xie that’ — but if you give him to Film Emperor Lu and he managed to climb onto that person’s bed, do you think he’ll still find you, an ‘old man’, pleasing to the eyes? Who knows what kind of torment he’ll make you go through?”

Xie Jianwei: “…”

Yan Ke patted his shoulder: “Think about it!”

Yan Kè left,  and the Yan Ke quickly expressed his loyalty: [My Lord, that’s not me! You must remember that ‘s not me!] I’m a proper doctor, not a pimp, huhu T.T.

Xie Jianwei muttered: [It’s okay. You’ve always been like that.]

Yan Ke: […] Wasn’t it just the last dreamscape when I was making fun of Admiral Lorren? So in this dreamscape,  it’s my character’s turn to court disaster!

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Xie Jianwei slept a little during the day, so he was still energetic at night. He delayed a lot of things during, and now is the time to handle some matters. Fortunately, he didn’t receive bombardment of messaged after turning on his phone, this time.

Xie Jianwei roughly scanned the messages he received, and responded to some of them. He was writing a message and just when he was about to press the send button, a call came in

Three words flashed on the screen: Senior Lu. (t/n: Qiánbèi=Senior==Senpai)

Lu Li? Xie Jianwei immediately answered the call.

Across the handset, Lu Li’s voice sounded: “Eight o’clock in the evening, Victoria.”

Xie Jianwei responded: “Okay.”

The phone hung up.

His patron sent a summons, so Xie Jianwei hurriedly got up to dress himself and went out to “wait for the bed”.

Victoria is an international hotel, and the suites on the top floor are always booked all year round.

Xie Jianwei was a frequent guest, therefore as soon as his car came in, a bunch of exclusive porters were already waiting for him in the parking and accompanied him unto the private elevator. Such measures were necessary since they are public figures, especially someone like Lu Li.

When entered the suite, his feet landed on the gorgeous soft carpet that occupied nearly half of the floor.

Lu Li was busy with some documents. When he saw Xie Jianwei, he only uttered one sentence:  “Wait a moment.”

Xie Jianwei replied with “Okay.”. He sat on the sofa and started reading the script he brought with him. He had memories regarding the things he had done before arriving in the dreamscape, but it was more like an outline. He needed to explore and fill the remaining details by himself.

Since he is an actor, he should do his job well, therefore he should memorize the script early. Of course, this is a trivial matter for Xie Jianwei. He read the lines, and combined with his memories, he was able to quickly remember thick script as he turned each pages.

Lu Li, who had finished handling some of his work, suddenly looked up and stared at Xie Jianwei.