Chapter 54: CH 39.3

“But how am I supposed to see Senior every day if I have to stay there for months?”

Lu Li who was nearby, happened to hear Xie Jianwei’s words and his heart started beating wildly.

But then Yán Kè  said: “That’s right, you won’t be seeing Film Emperor Lu Li for half a year while on this job, so if, by any chance, he finds a new lover…”

Lu Li’s heart that was beating just a while ago started to calm down.

Xie Jianwei followed his words and said, “Yeah… especially since he still has that beloved person of his. And now that I have to leave…”

Yán Kè  was also worried on his behalf: “It’s really hard to say, but maybe, by the time you get back, Film Emperor Lu has already forgotten who you are.”

“But…That movie…hah… I can’t let go of such an excellent opportunity…” Xie Jianwei sighed.

Yán Kè  patted him on the shoulder: “Just accept whatever happens after and move on. Don’t put the cart before the horse 1. Your original intention on getting close to Emperor Lu Li was so that you could get more resources. Now that you’re presented with a great prospect to develop your career,  how can you just let it go?”

Xie Jianwei seemed hesitant.

“Don’t be too greedy. With you getting this movie, Film Emperor Lu has already done you the ultimate kindness.2 It’s a worthy break-up fee. I’m certain that things would be very different than now 3 after your return from M country, so if he doesn’t want you anymore, then let him be; that’ll be the right time for you to establish yourself on your own.”

Xie Jianwei listened to Yán Kè  ‘s earnest and well-meaning advice, and he replied in a soft voice: “Such is my only choice..”

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.

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Of course, Lu Li didn’t pick him up that night.

But the next day, some shocking news hit the entertainment headlines.

The Film Emperor Lu, who didn’t have any projects since last year, decided to participate in Hossenfeld’s new film and he’s playing the supporting third male lead!

Xie Jianwei, who was looking at the news, smiled: his plan was successful.

No need to separate from Lu Little Li! And now, if they stayed together for another half a year, cultivating their feelings to the point where Lu Li would believe that he, Xie Jianwei, truly loves him, isn’t impossible!

Yan Ke: [….] What should I say, Lord Marshal? How did you manage to marry such a scheming wife! I’m scared!

Xie Jianwei who “only heard” the news, naturally went to meet up with Lu Li.

“Senior, we can go to M country together!”

Lu Li said: “Yeah.”

Xie Jianwei showed an obvious relief: “I was really afraid that I’ll be separated from you.”

Lu Li didn’t want to know the meaning behind those words.

But Xie Jianwei was still concerned about something: “How about that sweetheart of yours? Is it okay for you to leave him here while you are in M country?”

Lu Li frowned. He hadn’t seen Xie Zhiwei in a long time, so he doesn’t know how he is now.

“That … Is he going to M country too?”

“Why would he go there?”

Xie Jianwei was considerate: “So you’re going to leave him in S City for half a year until you come back …”

Lu Li felt somewhat irritated. He wanted to say that he and Xie Zhiwei are not in that kind of relationship, but in the end, he still couldn’t say it.

So what if he did? If Xie Jianwei really cares, even just a tiny bit, about this matter, he surely wouldn’t discuss it with him so calmly.

There is only one reason why Person A don’t get jealous about Person B’s relationship with other people—that is , Person A don’t care much about Person B at all.

Lu Li didn’t want to continue this topic, so he simply kissed the young man and they ended up making love.

Indeed, he likes Xie Jianwei’s body, but now, he was getting more and more dissatisfied with just physical intimacy.

Sex.

No matter how blissful you feel while doing it, it’s just a short-lived happiness followed by a huge feeling of emptiness. That void would keep on expanding, and like an over-inflated balloon, it could burst any time.

*********

After the news of Lu Li going to M country came out, Xie Zhiwei contacted him again.

Lu Li connected the phone, and he heard Xie Zhiwei saying: “Can I see you?”

He thought that he should at least bid him farewell, so he agreed: “Let’s meet tonight.”

Xie Zhiwei said: “I made a reservation at Qingde.4”

“Okay. See you later.”

But as luck would have it, Xie Jianwei also sent him a message: 

Qingde Restaurant is in the northern suburbs of S City, while Wenlier Hotel is in the southern part. The two places are on complete opposite sides, spanning the entire S City. In addition, the time before dinner is the peak of heavy traffic, so it would take at least an hour and a half by car from Qingde to Wenlier.

It would take a lot of trouble for Lu Li to return to Wenlier, but still, he said: “Okay.”

Xie Jianwei:  “I’ll wait for you.”

Lu Li likes hearing  these four words the most. It always made him feel at ease, as if Xie Jianwei was really at home, waiting for him wholeheartedly.

What Lu Li wanted since childhood was a house he could call his home, a place only a person he loves could give.

Xie Jianwei is that person.

But unfortunately, that feeling isn’t mutual.

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Xie Zhiwei was already waiting at Qingde by the time Lu Li arrived.

Although the son of a prestigious Xie household had fallen from his pedestal, the atmosphere around him remained as is.

His temperament and his gestures were still elegant and charming.

Shen Lei said that Xie Jianwei and Xie Zhiwei were very alike, but in Lu Li’s eyes, except for their names, there was no other  similarity between the two.. Thus, if he really wanted a substitute for Xie Zhiwei, Xie Jianwei definitely wouldn’t be one of the choices.

Xie Zhiwei went straight to the point: “I wanted to meet you today to ask you for something.”

“I’m listening.”

Xie Zhiwei shook his teacup. A few wisps of buds quivered in the pale blue water, like a boat constantly floating in the sea, unable to find a shore to dock on.

For what seemed like a long time of silence, he finally made up his mind to utter the words he wanted to say: “Can you break up with Xie Jianwei.” (t/n: uhm..eXcUsE mE?)

Lu Li eyes narrowed sharply after hearing those words.

Xie Zhiwei whispered: “I know that you … um … are together.”

“Why would you interfere in our relationship?”There was a clear dissatisfaction in Lu Li’s voice. Why does everyone wants to separate me and Xie Jianwei?  Shen Lei did, and now Xie Zhiwei. Just why?

Xie Zhiwei hesitated for a moment: “Actually, I know that I really don’t have the right to ask you of this, but …  could please find yourself someone else?”

Lu Li heard the deep meaning in his words: “Do you know Xie Jianwei?”

Xie Zhiwei stared at the table of dishes without moving his chopsticks, as if the table was not full of edible things but with venomous snakes that could bite people.

“He is my brother.” Xie Zhiwei closed his eyes and said softly. (t/n: again, uhm..eXcUsE mE?)

Lu Li’s brows furrowed and his voice became cold. “Xie family only has three so…” he paused mid-sentence.

Xie Zhiwei said: “My younger sister is actually a younger brother.”

Everyone knows that the Xie family has three excellent sons, one more powerful and talented than the other. The eldest and the second have entered the political arena, and both had been implicated with the controversy. Although he has a reputation in various fields, Xie Zhiwei didn’t touch the muddy waters of politics from beginning to end, so although he had almost lost everything, he managed to escape from being sent into prison.

A lot of people had set their sights on the three brothers of the Xie family, but forgot that there was another child in that household who rarely showed ‘her’ face.  Everyone heard that this youngest child was a daughter, and because of being born prematurely and weak, she was seldom brought outside, mainly being raised inside the house.

And now Xie Zhiwei was saying: “Jianwei was suffering from an illness on his childhood¾ he had an unhealthy psychological state. Sometimes he’s lucid, other times he’s confused— even us, his family, couldn’t tell exactly how he was, so we rarely took him out.”

“As for why he is said to be a girl.” Xie Zhiwei said slowly, “It’s because of mother. She heard from a master that the reason for Jianwei’s condition was because he was supposed to be a girl, but was now born into a boy. The master said that If we raise him as a girl, perhaps, he would be able to get better.”

Lu Li found it all hard to believe: “Xie Jianwei is very smart.”

Xie Zhiwei said: “Yes, he’s better now.”

Without asking Lu Li asking, Xie Zhiwei continued: “My mother and father didn’t get along.. After the two divorced, mother took Jianwei away.  After leaving Xie ’s house, we didn’t know why, but Jianwei ’s condition gradually improved —he began recognizing people, make notes and even study … “

Lu Li asked him: “So afterwards, you just left him alone? Just like that?”

“Mother was angry with us and she kept hiding after she left. We went to find her, but she threatened us with her death, and then …”

""

Then a lot of things happened to the Xie family, and they couldn’t continue to take care of this matter. It wasn’t until when Xie Zhiwei was watching the TV for some news after the Xie family collapsed  that he inadvertently  saw Xie Jianwei, his younger brother.

Then he found out that… Xie Jianwei turned out to be Lu Li’s secret lover.

Even if the Xie household had fallen, even their mother had already died, his brother shouldn’t be reduced to this point, where he was being  supported by a man.

Xie Zhiwei finished these words and looked at Lu Li: “Given our past sentiments, let him go.”

Lu Li: “When I met him, he was almost taken away by others.”

Xie Zhiwei heard this, his eyes drooped and couldn’t help but be silent.

“He was drugged at that time.  He didn’t know anything, and while confused, he was driven to a hotel by a man.” He paused and stared at Xie Zhiwei, “If not for me, he would have been entangled with another person.”

At that time, Lu Li indeed rescued Xie Jianwei but, he also slept with him. After that, they went into such a relationship, which continued to this day.

If Xie Jianwei had always been like this, then Lu Li had nothing to say, but after listening to Xie Zhiwei’s words, he ……

Lu Li took a deep breath, and looked at Xie Zhiwei’s eyes directly: “What qualifications do you have to say this? Have you ever done something  for him as his brother?”

Such an esteemed Xie family… why would they let that young man fall into a struggling state?!

Xie Zhiwei held the tea cup with his fingers, feeling ashamed: “Yes… We let him down…”

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Lu Li calmed his mood, but his voice was still extremely cold: “You didn’t care about him in the past, and there’s no need for you to do so in the future either.” And after a short silence, finally said, “I will take care of him.”

Lu Li didn’t want to continue his meal anymore. He got up, picked up his coat and walked away.

Before he walked out of door, Xie Zhiwei asked: “Do you like him?” Lu Li suddenly paused.

Xie Zhiwei stared at his back and asked, “If you really do, then why would you treat him a plaything?”

______

The author has something to say:

Lu Li: It’s not me treating him as a plaything, but it was him treating me like one… you know… like that toy…called ‘dildo’. (t/n: pfft lmao)

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Translator’s notes:

“Do you like him?” (“Nǐ xǐhuan tā ma?”)

Yes it’s “like”, not love. But it doesn’t mean that the feelings behind that word is less than the word Love. The literal translation of I love you, (我爱你)wǒ ài nǐ, isn’t thrown around a lot, and in fact almost never, even between family members (tho you might hear them in some Chinese songs) . When confessing their love, Chinese people instead use  (我喜欢你) wǒ xǐhuān nǐ, which means I like you.  It carries the same sentiments as the words I love you in English.

But on the previous arc, the author really used wǒ ài nǐ when LL and XJW confessed their feelings (i.e chapter 31) and also when they are in the real world (i.e Chapter 34). Maybe because the former was about vampires, which is more of a western folklore, and the latter was set in the intergalactic era where different species/races of beings exist. This dreamscape, however, is based on the modern day China; maybe that’s why the author used xǐhuān (like), but perhaps, this only applies to this particular/ some situations in this novel.

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