Chapter 19: CH 19

—The next moment he rubbed her cheek affectionately with the back of his hand as if he was reluctant to leave.

…

It wasn’t until they reached the hospital entrance that Zhang Man came to her senses, and blushed in shame. The only time she remembers him hugging her was when she almost fell down and he happened to hold her in his arms just in time.

Such an active and intimate touch made her heart pound.

She couldn’t help but cover her reddened cheeks that were pinched by him, her heart in turmoil.

What does this mean?

The young man didn’t say anything and kept walking in front of her, so she couldn’t see his face.

She quickly followed him, and only when she reached the intersection did she remember her main purpose of coming to this hospital today.

“Li Wei, I’m going to visit a relative in the inpatient department later, so you can go home first.”

Although his face was still expressionless, his eyes were warm. He was wearing a clean, plain white T-shirt and behind him was a sliver of glowing sunset. The orange-toned sunlight blurred the lines of his whole body and brought a soft and warm feeling to his eyes.

He looked at her and gently curled his lips, “Well, call me if you need anything,” he said and turned to leave.

“Wait a minute …” Zhang Man tugged the corner of the teenager’s coat.

“Earlier… Why did you… do that?”

Her voice got lower and lower and the last word was so low that it was almost inaudible. She was annoyed at herself for being so impulsive at this point.

The young man turned around with a questioning face, extended his left hand with his thumb and forefinger open, and made a squeezing motion in the air and asked, “You mean this…?”

Zhang Man’s face flushed red.

“You got dust on your face which didn’t come off after two scuffs, but don’t worry, I got it off the third time.”

He looked so serious and nodded to her twice in affirmation, as if he were treating a Physics problem with the utmost care.

Zhang Man: “……”

***

After sending Li Wei away, she returned to the hospital.

The psychiatric department of this hospital in N City is very famous in the province, especially with several experts and professors from the mainland.

Psychiatry is not the same as medicine or surgery, and the number of patients wasn’t too high, so she made an appointment to see a specialist downstairs and waited about ten minutes before she was called in.

The psychiatrist in charge is a female doctor in her thirties, who is very young but according to what Zhang Man found on the Internet, she has spent seven to eight years in the United States studying for her doctorate and post-doctorate in schizophrenia , and has a lot of clinical experience and academic accumulation in psychiatry.

“What’s wrong with you, little girl?”

The female doctor had a gentle smile, her whole demeanor was as gentle as water, and she was very inclusive when she spoke.

Zhang Man sat down across from her: “Doctor, it’s not me but my friend who has very severe paranoia and is completely unaware of it. May I ask what is the best thing to do in such a situation?”

The doctor also asked her about Li Wei’s specific situation and carefully took notes.

After about half an hour, the doctor gave some advice.

“According to the statistical analysis of psychiatric clinical data, delusions like his are very rare. The causes are twofold, the main cause being hereditary brain damage which is also known as hereditary schizophrenia. The delusions he presents with also have external triggers, such as childhood misfortunes, an almost autistic social state, and a withdrawn personality. For example, a person who spends a lot of time in the desert will have hallucinations of seeing an oasis.”

“Based on your descriptions, your friend has not lost his sense of reason and interest, has not become paranoid, manic, or depressed, and has not affected his normal school life except for his delusional symptoms. Medications at this stage are not clinically effective for delusional patients, and given that your friend is still in high school, taking very specific medications will cause some damage to his memory and comprehension.”

“Also, you mentioned that he was unaware of the fact that he was suffering from delusions. This is a very strong psychological condition, and if treatment is taken rashly it can instead trigger strong psychological resistance and cause more serious mental damage as a result. So my current recommendation for now is to hold off on medication.”

“But you must always keep an eye on his condition, and if it affects his studies, life, or produces corresponding symptoms of depression, please make sure to bring him to the hospital. Until then, I hope that his friends and classmates can provide full understanding and guidance, so that he can feel the warmth of reality, and over time, his loneliness and trauma will slowly fade and perhaps his symptoms will also be reduced.”

The doctor’s explanation was very detailed, which gave her a more complete understanding of Li Wei’s condition. She did not just prescribe medicine to the patient, but made a proper judgment for his own condition.

Zhang Man returned home and lay down on the bed to organize her thoughts.

In fact, what the doctor said was generally consistent with the information she had looked up before, which means that medication is really not recommended at this stage, and that one day, after he is able to recognize his mental illness it may be too late to take medication to suppress it.

But the doctor’s words also opened up a new way of thinking for her. She had been thinking about how to treat his paranoia, but now she suddenly had another idea.

Li Wei’s paranoia is probably due to the fact that he has suffered too many blows and changes in his real life. A person who has grown up to the age of 16-17 has never felt the warmth and kindness of the world, so his paranoia is actually a self-protection for himself.

So does it mean that if she can give him more warmth and make him feel that someone in real life also loves him deeply, cares about him and misses him all the time, will he naturally not have those delusions?

She made up her mind in her heart to be good to him every day, and if he wanted it, even if it was a star in the sky, she would want to pick it for him.

As long as it was not like the last life, when she suddenly lost him forever one day and fell into an endless nightmare from then on, she was determined to be good to him every day.

……

In the following days, Zhang Man didn’t go to Li Wei’s house to attend private lessons, but stayed home to practice for the National Day performance.

She practiced day and night every day, and as soon as she did so, Zhang Huifang was surprised.

Zhang Huifang asked her a casual question and was shocked to learn that she was going to perform on stage.

“Zhang Man, you don’t have a fever, do you? I remember when you were in junior high school and my friend came to the house and asked you to play a song in public you refused to do it. Performing on stage? Didn’t you say it was worse than being killed?”

Zhang Man is a person who has always been very stubborn and doesn’t know how to take advantage of others, and will never agree to anything she doesn’t want to do. She was quiet, inconspicuous, and hated to hide herself in the crowd but has no sense of presence at all.

Zhang Huifang used to have a headache over this matter as well, because she used to have such a hot temperament and yet she gave birth to such a sullen girl.

Zhang Man didn’t tell her the truth: “Nothing, there’s just a lack of people available in the class.”

Zhang Huifang sneered and sat on the sofa with her legs crossed, gouging the nails that had just been done two days ago and said: “You are the only one left on earth who does not care about anything except you. Who are you kidding ah? Tell me, are you in love…”

Zhang Man was somewhat speechless, as expected of someone who has fallen in love so many times, her mind is keen: “No, I didn’t.”

Zhang Huifang obviously didn’t believe her, and blew the shredded hair between her forehead that blocked her vision: “If you don’t want to say it, forget it, its fine… I don’t care.”

Zhang Huifang has been going out quite often during this period of time, but she has not said that she has a new relationship, probably because she hasn’t met that scum Zheng Zineng yet.

Zhang Man remembered that it should be just three months since her mother’s last love affair ended. The other man’s name is Xu Shang, who runs a 4S Authorized car dealership and was almost obedient to Zhang Huifang when they were together.

When she broke up with him, Zhang Man was still a bit puzzled, but when she asked her, she only said that their personalities didn’t match.

Zhang Man didn’t believe her mother and thought it must be because Zhang Huifang was tired of him.

In the past few years, she has been changing boyfriends one after another, each time saying that their personalities don’t match, or their life patterns don’t match, or their outlooks don’t match, but it seems to Zhang Man that people like her who are passionate about love must have fallen in love at a certain point in time but got bored, so she can’t help but throw them aside afterwards.

She never turned a blind eye to the mess her mother made, and as long as it didn’t affect her life she didn’t care anymore.

In the evening, Zhang Man practiced the guitar so much that her fingertips hurt, so she had to stop practicing temporarily and fell into bed to rest.

Zhang Huifang knocked on her door and gave her a dress.

“Zhang Man, aren’t you going to perform on stage? I used to wear this dress all the time and it’s kind of my uniform, so I’ll pass it on to you and I promise you’ll be the center of attention.”

Zhang Man held the dress between her two fingers and shook it off gently, looking at the pitifully small amount of fabric and raised her eyebrows.

She wondered if any mother would let her underage daughter wear such a dress.

Zhang Huifang was stunned when she saw it unfold, then immediately snatched it back with an embarrassed face: “I’ve got the wrong one, he he.”

With that, she went back to her room for a moment and found another dress, the same color as the one she just showed.

Zhang Man took a closer look at it, it was a black modern modified version of the cheongsam with just the right waistband fit, delicate pan buttons, and a high slit in the hemline that went down to mid-thigh.

Although it is a cheongsam style, the whole design is very modern, as if it were worn by a lady from a wealthy family in the old days that also admired Western culture, and does not contradict the English song she will sing.

Overall, it was a very elegant dress and he should … also think it looks good, right?

So Zhang Man gratefully accepted it.

Tomorrow is the 7th, she opened her phone and sent a text message to Li Wei.

“Remember the National Day Performance tomorrow afternoon.”

I will be waiting for you to come.

She still had so many words that she didn’t dare to tell him directly and wanted to sing to him one by one.

She turned off her cell phone and stood by the window, she suddenly remembered the day when he seriously said that he was just helping her to rub the dust off her face.

Zhang Man couldn’t help but laugh softly and shook her head helplessly. He is such a pragmatic person. He doesn’t have that many crooked thoughts.

For her, he was willing to buy a cell phone and step out of his confined circle in order to make a difference. He was also willing to reach out and wipe the dust off her cheeks.

In his heart, she must have been different from the others.

If only he could go on forever without pain and depression, it would be great. The two of them could live their lives in peace and harmony and one day, he would realize that he loves her like she does to him.

Regardless of whether he was a teenager who was slightly embarrassed, or a middle-aged man who was full of vigor, or a gray-haired man who was deep and wise, she wanted to stay with him forever.

Instead of ending it all at his prime.