Sophia sits miserably on the floor. She doesn't deserve the commodity that a chair offered. What was she thinking? Why did she expect to see Daniel and not feel anything at all? She felt like her breath was sucked out of her the second she laid eyes on him.
There she was, Daniel on one side and her fiancée on the other, she felt so dirty standing beside them. Adam has been so nice with her; it was so unfair to hide such thing from him. She stands up decidedly and shakes the wrinkles from her dress. She takes a good look at herself in the mirror. She is a mess, her eyes are swollen and her nose's red, but she refuses to even hide her crying face, why hide what she feels when she is about to burst with emotions?
She will confess everything. She will tell him everything, she will hold nothing back. She knows she's risking what seemed like a promising engagement, but Adam has been so good to her, he doesn't deserve any of this deceit.
She opens the door but she stops, he is going to hate her, and he will definitely terminate the arrangement. And if that wasn't enough, he could tell her father, and he will hate her. He will no longer love her because her daughter turned out to be a whore. Tears start to form as she brings her hand to her head, why was everything so difficult? She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. No, she is going to tell him everything; she can't start a marriage with a lie. No matter what happens after this, his hatred, her father disowning her. They could send her away where she can hide her shame and not burden her family with her stupid mistakes.
Ò Ò Ò
When she forces herself downstairs, she comes to a sudden halt when she sees Adam waiting for her at the other side. He meets her eyes and she holds her breath. Adam is going to hate her, and she's not prepared for it. She accepts his extended hand and he helps her down the las steps, Sophia struggles to breathe; her heart feels heavy on her chest.
"How are you feeling, Miss Willis?" he whispers as they walk across the dance floor.
"I need to speak to you..." Sophia starts but she is then interrupted with a sudden round of applause, she looks around bafflingly. Everyone present stopped dancing and applauded in unison as they saw the couple making their way through, assuming they were going to dance. She smiles shyly, she isn't used to so much attention.
Adam chuckles. "We might as well give them what they want." He holds her hand as his other hand makes his way around her waist.
She wants to refuse, she wants to get everything out of her chest, the sooner the better, but she knows the guests wouldn't be too pleased, so she smiles and places her hand on his shoulder. The music resumes and they start dancing rhythmically. And everyone else follows.
"What do you want to tell me?" Adam asks after a moment.
"Umm," she's caught off guard, she didn't think he had heard her. "Nothing, really," she replies regretting it immediately, it was official, she is a coward.
"Nothing? It seemed important," he comments. She feels his eyes on her like a cold breeze, she turns to look to her side, avoiding his eyes. "I want to inform you that if there is anything that is bothering you, you can tell me without fear."
She meets his eyes. "There is something, but ..." She comes to a halt. "I can't tell you here."
Adam nods and holds her hand tightly as he guides her through the multitude. They arrive to the spot where they were at before. She takes a deep breath, and she can feel her throat starting to knot. Adam waits patiently.
"I am very ashamed of what I am about to confess to you, and I will understand if you feel infuriated and you want to just terminate the engagement or if you say ghastly things about me or to me."
Adam touches her hand gently. "I would never do that."
"It's alright if you do." She takes a deep breath and continues, "About six months ago, I met a man at a ball. We kept meeting each other afterwards. We met numerous nights behind our parents' backs. I know it's immoral but I swear that nothing inappropriate happened." She holds on her breath waiting for a raging response but instead he turns around and sits on the bench, it was impossible to decipher his expression.
"I am so sorry," she says defeated, as her legs start to lose their strength. She starts to fall on her knees but before they touched the ground, she feels Adam holding her arms strongly.
"You don't have to do this," he says gently and he pulls her up to the bench.
She sits tacitly, unsure if he had heard her correctly. "I..."
"You love him, don't you?" he interrupts.
She doesn't reply.
"What happened? Why didn't he ask for your hand?"
"He..." she fights back her tears, she needs to be strong. "He is a married man. He hid it from me." she answers monotonously bringing back the pain.
She could see him clenching his fists angrily, but it didn't seem like the anger was directed at her. "It is Daniel Smith, isn't it?"
Listening to him mentioning his name made her pain worse. She knew they were friends, what has she done? A painful cry escapes her throat as a reply. Her tears start to flow effortlessly, like the tears she fought so much to hold back were now fighting to come out, until she surrendered. She tries turning away as she covers her face, but Adam wraps his arms around her affectionately.
"Miss Willis," he says tenderly as he holds her.
"How can you ever forgive me?" she snivels. This wasn't part of her plan, she didn't want to break apart like that, but her body had something else intended.
"There is no need for me to forgive you," he says with the same voice. "I knew you had a life before this engagement, and if you say nothing happened, then I believe you."
She looks up at him in amazement, he wasn't angry at her?
"There is no need for you to dwell in the past," he continues as he holds her chin softly. "I am not like other men. I have a more modern approach to some things. And trust me, what you have done, is nothing to be ashamed of." She breaks into a smile, relived that he certainly wasn't like the rest.
"Now." He wipes her tears with his fingertips. "I'm grateful for your honesty, and now you have to promise me that you will enjoy the rest of the night?"
Sophia couldn't believe it, he was being amazingly calm about the whole situation. "Alright, I promise." She tries to smile but then the sudden feeling of embarrassment came over her. "Sorry about the crying, it seems like I had no control over it."
"That is quite alright, I am glad you could get it off your chest." He stands up and offers his arm. "Shall we come back inside?"
She smiles and accepts it. Sophia watches everyone dancing without a clue in the world of what had just happened outside. She feels her face heavy with all the crying, so she excuses herself to the powder room to freshen up. He nods and she walks upstairs and locks herself in the room. She takes a long look at herself, how was it possible that he knew that it was Daniel whom she was talking about? Could it be that he had already known? How could he? They kept it as secretive as they could, unless Daniel himself told him, which she doubts.
She grabs the hand towel and blots it on her cheeks, feeling its softness on her swollen skin. Was she not as subtle like she thought she was? Or was the one Lucia that told him? By her comment earlier, she made it seem like she was threatening to tell him, but she knew Lucia, she talked too much. Sure she said that he seemed fond of her now but wondered if he would feel the same if he found out about the escapades. She looks at herself one more time before heading out, however he found out, his reaction was not as expected. She was waiting for the worse, or at least for him to scream. She had to be thankful for that, but was he having a normal reaction? Any man in town, if they were to find out something like that about their future wives, they would shun these women from society, locking them in a nunnery. Or perhaps, it was the fact that she clarified that she was still intact that made him so composed; it was unbelievable how he trusted her instantly when she clarified this. She smiles at herself in the mirror, perhaps, marrying Mr. Adam Lancaster won't be as bad as she thinks.
She unlocks the door slowly and when she tries to walk out, someone pushes her back inside. Sophia is disoriented at first but when she sees who it is, her heart starts to race.
"What do you think you are doing?" she reproaches. He doesn't turn right away, as if he is thinking of what to do next. At no reply from him, she steps forward, with a sudden feeling of courage that she didn't know she had. "Daniel?" He turns startling her. "Daniel, let me..."
"I can't believe you are going to marry him," he interrupts abruptly.
"I..." she tries to explain that she had no other choice but his eyes made her stop. He looked so furious and yet miserable.
He rushes and holds her face. "Him? You are going to marry Adam Lancaster? Why would you do that? You know he is flirtatious, don't you?"
She takes a step back releasing herself from his hands. "I have no other choice..."
"What happened to the love you said you had for me?"
"Daniel..."
He holds her tightly against him. "You still love me, don't you? Because I still love you."
"You are married..."
"Yes but she means nothing to me, not like you."
"She is carrying your child." She pulls away and starts towards the door, but he pulls her arm violently, making her turn fearfully.
He stops as he realizes what he is doing and let's go embarrassedly. "Your love couldn't have just vanished in thin air."
"It did, when you lied to me." She feels the pain on her arm and with the strength that perhaps Adam gave her, she walks out leaving Daniel alone.