(Unedited)
Farrah couldn't help the smile that found its place on her lips as she saw the spread of pancakes, fruits, sausages, bacon, and pastries on the table. She felt Richard's hand on the small of her back guiding her to take a seat. She sat down and watched as Richard plated up pancakes, with bacon and syrup for her. Farrah just watched in silence as Richard continued pouring tea for her, the smell of cardamom wafting in the air.
"I remembered you mentioned halal bacon the last time we had pancakes," Richard murmured, as he fixed a plate for him. His gaze never once meeting hers.
"Richard," Farrah placed her hand on his wrist halting his movements. "You...I...Thank you," she said haltingly and as she tried remembering to take deep calming breaths. Thank you?, that was not what she had wanted to say at all. What is wrong with me?, she asked herself breathing heavily.
Exchanging sad smiles and stealing glances of each other; breakfast was a rather somber affair. They didn't know what to say to alleviate the ache that they both felt. Perhaps, the words to ease the pain haven't been invented yet. Perhaps, there was nothing left to say.
"We'll need to be leaving soon. You'll need to be in Heathrow around 1-ish, am I right?" Richard asked quietly as he sipped his coffee.
"Yes, that's right," Farrah agreed. "I'll just freshen up and we can head out."
"I'll let Ben know," Richard said frowning into his coffee.
They sat next to each other in silence as they sipped on their drinks, the heavy breakfast from earlier churning in their stomachs.
***
Farrah stood at the door, as she let her eyes travel across the guest room. The thought came in unbidden; how did Richard's room look like. It felt as though something has possessed her; she dropped her bags with a thump and walked slowly towards Richard room. Turning the doorknob slowly, her heart started beating faster. Whether it was in fear of getting caught or something else; she wasn't sure.
It was a spacious room with large bay windows. The light grey curtains were drawn, and even from the door she could see the hints of the lake shimmering from the distance. The room had a lingering spicy, musky scent; which she knew was the cologne that Richard loved using. She tried ignoring the King size bed in the middle of the room, but her gaze was drawn to it as it ignored everything else.
It was a beautiful piece of carpentry that sat on a beige and black Afaw rug. The sheets and duvet were a rich grey. Again, her feet moved by itself and she found herself sitting on the bed, her palms lightly running over the duvet. Farrah saw the glimpse of the journal sticking out from underneath a pillow. As she made a move to pull it out, there was a knock on the door.
Richard's hear was aching. Farrah was sitting on his bed, in his room, in his home. Farrah was due to leave his bed, his room, his home in the next few minutes. He watched her for a second more before he knocked on the door frame, "Ben's ready and waiting."
Farrah nodded and stood up. She took one more look around the room before she walked out. Her head bowed low as she walked ahead. Stopping to pick up her overnight bag and her handbag, she felt Richard's hand on her shoulder as he silently took the overnight bag from her. The walked to the car in silence.
Opening the door for her, Richard watched as Farrah climbed in silently. He closed the door before the opened the boot to put the overnight bag in. Once it was all in, he knocked on the door twice, signalling that it was safe for Ben to start driving. Richard spun away, his hand covering his mouth as he heard the crunch of the gravel as the tyres started moving. He couldn't bear watching her drive out of his life. He lifted his face to look at the sky as his hand moved to the back of his neck. He blinked back tears as he took deep breaths to calm his pounding heart.
He didn't hear the crunch of the gravel die down, or the door slamming shut. The only thing that registered through the grief in his mind was Farrah's voice.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he heard her scream from behind him. "You weren't even coming along? You weren't going to say goodbye?"
Richard turned around and came face to face with Farrah. Her hair flying in the light breeze, her chest heaving as she panted, her face taunt in anger. He watched as she stalked towards him and shoved him. "You didn't even say goodbye," she said in anger and shoved him again. Before she could shove him again, Richard grabbed onto her arm and folded her into his arms burying his face into her hair. The tears that he tried so hard to keep at bay leaked out. He could feel Farrah's sobs as he hugged her tighter against his chest.
Pressing chaste kisses on the crown of her head, he saw Ben exiting the car and tapping his watch. And he knew it was time for him to let go. He needed to let go, for her to go fulfil her dreams. He could only hope and pray that she would come back to him.
"Farrah...it's time to let go now," Richard said in her ears and felt her grip tighten on his shirt. Breathing deeply, he slowly walked Farrah to the car. He opened the car door again and waited for her grip to loosen on his shirt.
He saw Ben take his seat behind the wheel, and he slowly pried Farrah away from his chest; his heart aching as he saw her tear stained cheeks. Cupping her face, he gently wiped away her tears with her thumb. Swallowing harshly, he murmured, "It's time to go."
Farrah nodded as she lifted her hand and lovingly cupped Richard's cheek. He covered her hand with his own and placed a kiss on her palm before gently removing it. Farrah felt weak, it was taking everything in her to stand on her own. Her knees buckling beneath her, she leaned against the car. She knew it wasn't fair on Richard, he had laid his heart bare for her and she hadn't even told him that she was in love with him.
As she opened her mouth to speak, Richard pressed a finger to her mouth silencing her. "It's time to go, love," he repeated gently as she ushered her into the car. He held on to her hand and pressed another kiss in the middle of her palm before releasing it. He closed the door and this time he watched as Ben drove Farrah out. He watched until he couldn't see the car anymore. Richard massaged his chest; his heart was aching. Breathing deeply, he knew that it was just a matter of time until he learns to live with this ache.
***
Farrah had said all her goodbyes to her Dad, to Charlie and some colleagues who showed up to send them off. She had already passed immigration when she turned around one more time to look at the departure gate. She saw Charlie and her Dad waving at her like lunatics and a laugh burst out of her. She waved frantically back at them. But her gaze didn't stay on them. It frantically jumped from one person to the other, like it was looking for someone.
Squeezing her eyes shut she took her phone out from her pocket and squeezed it. "You lot, head on to the gate first. I've got to make a call yeah," she told Rachel.
Tapping on the screen she put her phone to her ear as she listened to the ring tone.
"Hello," she heard and inhaled deeply.
"Assalamualaikum babe," she murmured and listened as Richard exhaled deeply.
"Walaikumsalaam," Richard answered her, the words sounding slightly awkward on his tongue.
"I'm walking to the gate, and I realized that there are so many things that I wanted to say, to listen, to feel; but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't. And I need to say this, if not I'll never be able to leave. I had the best night ever last night. It was perfect; everything was perfect. You are perfect. I know you think that you are broken and that you don't deserve love. You are so, so wrong. Believe me when I say that you are wonderful, kind, loving, caring â basically everything a woman wants in a partner," she said with conviction.
"Farrah...," Richard trailed painfully, "Why does this sound like your last words to me?" She could hear the potent fear in Richard's voice.
She smiled and shook her head, "No baby, they aren't. These aren't my last words."
"You sure?" in her minds eye she could see him clenching his jaw.
"Yes," she smiled tearfully.
"Good," she heard him relax a bit.
"If I had any last words they would be something else...," Farrah trailed as she heard Richard inhale sharply.
"What would they be?" he asked tense.
"I love you Richard. I am hopelessly, desperately in love with you."