The whole night my mind kept fighting back and forth like an aggressive and competitive game of tug-a-war so much it began to give me migraines.
I looked down at my mate feeling my heart break. I had seen the look he gave me before he fainted. He was scared. Of me.
I remember the way he flinched. It was a nightmare itself. My insides curled themselves inside. I could feel the walls of my insides being carved by the memory of how he looked at me.
The whole time I could feel the bile at my throat. My wolf was jumping with joy at the fact that her mate would wake up soon, but I felt worried. What if he didn't like me for what I am?
He now knew what I was. I had hide it from him because I was scared of this. How he flinched from my touch. I would have ignored it before, but now I feared he would reject me.
Even in the small space of just two days he had already given me more that I hoped. I had gotten jealous and mad. And at the same time I didn't really care. I wanted him. I still do.
Without knowing it, I had let myself hope that I would have a future with him. Hope that he would accept me being a werewolf and one day love me. Hope that he would teach me to love again. Hope he would one day get me to break down these suffocating dark walls. To one day not fear this thing growing inside me. The way he stopped it that night, I had thought of it and hoped I could learn to control it with him by my side.
I know a lot of hopes. But now I don't even know it he will even want to stay here. He might even want to reject me. I had taken on so much these past years but I don't think I could take on this blow. It would be the final one.
I could feel my stomach swirl nauseously as the first ray of light began to touch the window. The bile rose as I watched the clock tick away.
I could see him stir in his sleep. He looked beautiful as always. His hair was inhumanly perfect. It perfectly moved to land right over his eyes. The dark russet color I loved.
As the light spilled over the window and into the room Zeiden began to wake. His nose twitched in the slightest most adorable way.
His mouth slightly ajar as he slowly opened his eyes. He blinked trying to get used to the morning light.
In that moment I closed the door slipping out. Gone.
***
It has almost been two weeks since Zeiden woke. I had been avoiding him. I carefully made sure to wake up early in the mornings to work out or make my patrol rounds and be out of the house before he woke and to get home after he got in bed to avoid him.
Thomas has been around him helping him walking again. The pack doctor said he was all better and just needed to let himself heal for a few more days.
My wolf has been blocking me since that day. The first days she wouldn't stop howling and crying out for her mate. After I blocked her for the day and wouldn't let her go to her mate, she has been gone.
I could feel the affects of her absence adding on to my longing for my mate in my actions and moods. My temper became worse and I would snap at my pack mates. I couldn't sleep at night and my fucking migraines were getting worse. I had to double the pills for them.
I would spend the worse days in my room with the door locked. Thomas has to pick the lock to get me food. It was a mess. The only good thing about them was that they were the only way I could take my mind off the urge to run to my mate.
I had been getting updates on his recovery from Thomas but I wouldn't see him. Thomas told me he explained to him about werewolves. He told me that Zeiden was shocked but accepted it better that he thought he would. Thomas tried to get me to see him but my insecurities overwhelmed my courage that that moment.
I was currently in the pack house looking over the security plans that Mason came up with. I had taken some pills earlier that morning and my movements were slower and I was getting drowsy.
I took of my glasses and pushed my chair back feeling my eyes begin to hurt from staring at the blurry letters from my white apple laptop.
I mind linked one of the omegas to get me some juice to take another pill. Thomas was suppose to check on my mate and come to report to me a while ago but he still wasn't here.
IÂ turned my swivel black chair away from my laptop to the closed curtained window behind me and rubbed my temples trying to stop the pain when I heard a knock on the door. "Come in." I called out lowering my hands on the arm rest closing my eyes trying to relax my eyes.
I heard the door creak as I heard two pairs of footsteps cross the room. "Alpha." I recognized Thomas voice call out to me. I grind my teeth trying to get rid of the increasing eyes pain.
I turned to Thomas expecting an omega next to him but instead was greeted by my mate. I looked over my mate eyes wide, surprised. I couldn't help myself running my eyes over him hungrily.
From the top of his messily raked backed smooth hair that took a darker shade of brown in the dark room to his unforgettable dark deep brown eyes. I was left breathless at the sight of him. I seemed to have forgotten how beautiful he was. I wondered how I could have possibly stayed away from someone so beautiful. His features flawlessly perfect. Sharper and cleaner than I remember. Absolutely inhumane.
I finally noticed the overwhelming scent that I hadn't noticed earlier my eye pain long gone. His sweet, fresh, powerful evocative scent of fresh rain instantly clouded my mind.
"Al-alpha Rue." Goddess oh help me. His deep smooth voice washed over every inch of me leaving my skin tingling and alive. I don't know what effected me more. The nervous look from his eyes or the sound of my name from him. I think both. I clenched my core wanting to relieve the pressure that his voice woke up at the sound of my name.
All I could do to not tackle him at that second was to grip my legs probably cutting off all circulation by my grip.
I stared him down down as my wolf began to bark and howl in the back of my mind for him. Now you show up.
Mine
Mine
Mine
With all the commotion she caused I was able to snap out of my trance. I turned to Thomas for an explanation trying my best to avoid glancing at my mate.
I could see Thomas noticeably shrink down in his spot as I glared at him. If glares could kill Thomas would have been four feet under ground by now.
"He asked to be allowed around the pack." He said lowering his head even more as I growled at him. He knows the danger that was out there. No way was my mate going to walk the ground making it easier to target him. My wolf would probably have agreed with me but she was to busy bringing my mind to my mates scent and his presence.
"No." I stated giving Thomas one last glare before turning back to my laptop pretending to be absorbed in it. When in reality I focus on the sound of my mates breathing my hand itching to reach to him. "Leave." I forced out in a blank tone.
"Pl-please." I heard his small hesitated voice beg. I bit the inside of my lip feeling the pit of my stomach begin to burn. I could also feel the mark on my shoulder tingle. I knew this meant that the fire was provoked. I needed to clam down.
"Get out!" I order harsher more impatient. I looked up at him, my eyes beginning to show streaks of the blazing blue fire inside me.
He stumped back eyes widened in fear. I could feel the sharp pain of his reaction immediately like a bucket of cool water over fire extinguish the fire that began to burn but by then he had already fled the room.
Thomas stood froze in place staring at me, baffled. I pressed my lips together like I just tasted something bitter. "Follow him." I ordered avoiding the looks he gave me as he walked out.
After that the migraines stopped but were replaced by my wolf's whining to see her mate. I debated taking sleeping pills but found myself following the tug of my heart. I ended up standing in front of his room that night.
I used my werewolf hearing to find his deep breathing signaling he was asleep. I slowly opened the door silently.
The light from the hallway flooded his room. He slept on his side facing away from the door. I closed the door and walked to his side silently. I could smell the aroma of fresh rain and peppermint in the room.
The small light front the moonlight through the semi closed glass window washed over his peaceful features. I stood above him looking down at him.
His pale white skin glowing under the the moonlight making him seem like a god. His eye lashes almost reached his extremely high and sharp high cheekbones. His carved sharp jawline so entrancing I didn't notice as I brought my fingers up to it.
My fingers gently rubbed against his jaw a small part of me expecting to get cut by its sharpness. And finally, his lips. His full pink lips.
My hand cupped his cheek rubbing his lips with my thumb softly. I bit my lip wanting to kiss him at that moment.
My thoughts were interrupted by the small fold between his pulled eyebrows. I saw as he let out a soft whimper.
What could he be dreaming about? What is he afraid of? Is it me? Is it me he fears? These thoughts ran through my mind as I looked down at him. His features no longer peaceful.
I ran my hand through his soft smooth hair letting a smile slip on my lips as I saw him stop whimpering and his feature once again calm.
That night I stayed till the first ray of sunlight shone through the window before slipping out the room.
The next day I summoned Keller, one of the top trained warriors in my pack, ordering him to guard my mate from that moment. I gave him control over five more warriors to guard my mate whenever he would go out to explore the pack.
***
The next morning I had gone to my office earlier than usual skipping my patrol rounds. Kyle was going to come this afternoon for a meeting about the border security new plans.
I needed to brainstorm some ideas with Thomas, Mason, and a few others. The meeting lasted longer than I thought, over three hours.
I stayed behind as the others began to leave. Mason had to go train with the warriors which I told I would drop by some time later.
Thomas helped me by rolling up the map of our border as I was lost in thought about the new plan of warrior numbers we set on.
"Alpha? Alpha!? Alpha!" Called an annoyed looking Thomas waving a hand before me.
"Huh?" I questioned snapping out of my thoughts I turned to him.
He sighed let out a sigh repeating, "I asked if you have dropped by to get Sam? He has been asking for you." My attention peaked at the talk of Sam.
"He got back?" I asked Thomas who nodded in response. "When?" I asked confused to not haven known when Sam got to the pack.
"A few days ago." He stated.
"What? How come I don't know of this?" I said already getting up ready to head to the day care.
"Maybe because you were too moody for anyone to even speak to you these past weeks?" He sarcastically said.
"Haha. Next time don't wait so long to mention it." I said walking out the room smiling suddenly feeling the world a bit less stressful.