Chapter 20: Chapter nineteen

I stood, knowing I didn’t stand a chance if I stayed put. They’d speed up soon - they were incredibly fast - almost supernaturally so, like humans who had endless stamina, humans who were not humans. People would kill to be in our shoes, have such knowledge of these creatures without actually having any understanding or knowledge. I’d kill to be out of my shoes, be a part of some parallel universe where things from movies stayed in movies.

I moved sluggishly, aware that the creatures behind me were kicking themselves into action. I wondered if they could ever starve; when had they last eaten? If they got to me, it would fuel them for another few days I imagined. The thought made me feel physically sick and I retched as I moved, wishing I hadn’t touched those cornflakes earlier, wishing a whole lot of things.

Houses loomed up ahead but they were London-style terraced houses in the depths of Scotland, with stairs moving up towards their entrance. I wasn’t going to take my chances, if I reached the top of the conrete and found the doors locked, I would be trapped and easy prey. On the journey to where I stood now, I vaguely recalled seeing a pub after I completely zoned out and my feet went autopilot and moved me here. Wasting no time after a glance at the infected who were clawing at the air and starting to move towards me, I moved into an increasingly painful sprint in the direction I had come from, tiring quickly as physical and emotional exhaustion tried to take me down. I was neither surprised nor taken aback to see the bar in my field of vision after a short while, I was slowly learning to trust what my unconscious remembered, it was funny how your brain could understand danger and throw you a rope every now and then. What I did feel though, which surprised me, was relief. At least I’d be away from these monsters who were hissing behind me - but then what?

The door got closer, a large rectangle piece of wood which looked more expensive than anything I’d ever owned. It appeared to be sturdy which was all that mattered and as I ignored my senses and turned to look behind me, I had to remind myself not to scream at them to leave me alone. A man had pulled to the front of the pack which eyes which seemed emptier than the rest. He was a few metres behind me and was wearing a police outfit which had large holes in where his flesh spilled out in disgusting chunks and gashed with a deep red-black colour which left evidence of him as he ran. His hair was matted to his face, masses of it - I was sure somebody once upon a time had convinced him to grow it long, his wife maybe? Was she dead too, or was she like me, running for her life? What if the man chasing me was Keith, would I run? What if he was already dead?

The crowd seemed to move more slowly than I remembered and as I panted, blinking away sweat which was dripping into my eyes, I managed to move into a faster run, gulping for air as my feet thudded on the ground, sometimes in time with the pack behind me. They growled ferociously and I didn't doubt they craved me like they'd never craved a person before, their snarls were desperate and bloodcurdling which only made me move faster, the air thick with disease, sweat and fear. My leg was getting worse and worse as I felt the effects of whatever drug I'd been injected with wear off, the injury returning as I remembered it. They'd told me not to run but here I was, running and slowly realising what a huge mistake this all was. Just how bad would the pain get? It was dull now but I could feel it getting sharper, I had to stop.

I burst into the pub and heaved the door closed behind me, panting as I strained to close it inch by inch. Before it could click shut, an infected hand grappled round the door but unlike last time this exact scenario played out, I was stronger, colder. I slammed the door with all my might and didn’t even wince when the hand flew off and blood and skin littered the walls.

Somebody else could clean it up.

For the first time, I looked up and noticed I was surrounded by complete blackness which was marginally less daunting than the danger a metre behind me outside the door. I was able to see with the dim candles which were burning on the bar and some of the tables and scenery actually looked quite comforting. Mahogony tables were placed around the room with comfortable looking green chairs and sofas placed round them with green stools at the bar. Pictures and posters hung from the wall while I stood on a scruffy but fluffy red floor which seemed unscathed by any blood other than from the hand which was a few feet away from my foot.

The red sofa saved my collapsing legs as I tucked myself behind a table and leant into the pillow, hoping for sleep. It was selfish of me; I knew I should be trying to find my way back before night came but the evening was already darkening up and I knew my chances of survival would be slim.

That’s when it hit me.

I was breaking with guilt and sadness and longing and wondering and confusion. What did people do to forget? They drank. Where did they do it? In a pub. The country was falling apart but that didn’t mean I couldn’t do normal, human things like drink myself into a frenzy until I would forget. I’d never done it before, just gotten tipsy with Skylar but there was always a time to start. I would forget for tonight and maybe it would all go away in the morning.

So I moved towards the bar, checking around a second time that nothing had gotten in - it was fine, strangely. I climbed over the wood because I couldn’t feel around for an entrance and grabbed onto all the glasses and bottles I could find on the shelf, struggling to climb back over and throw them all onto the table. Under the dim light I could see a full bottle of Vodka, Bourbon, Rum and tequila; I knew none of them were particularly healthy and so I struggled with a lid and brought the Vodka bottle to my lips. It burned my throat like nothing I’d ever felt before and for a moment I choked, spitting the liquid back out into my lap.

‘Man up’ I spluttered to myself as I regained my composure, trying again with more success as the liquid poured down my throat and invaded my insides. I sipped, then sipped, then swallowed, then gulped, then poured until half the bottle was gone and the world was wavering slowly. I continued like this until the bottle was gone, another bottle I didn’t recognise was empty and I could barely remember my own name, just that everything felt a little better and I wanted to go to sleep.

I didn’t sleep, just kept drinking and forgetting and swallowing and pretending till the world was a mess, my stomach was a mess and the world around me was a mess of shapes. I didn’t sleep, I passed out, something I was slowly becoming used to and something I couldn’t prepare for as I tumbled from the sofa onto that soft, soft carpet.

I woke with a vile taste in my mouth and a thumping inside my head which vaguely resembled a kick drum, hammering away inside of me. The world with it's blurry edges began to make sense as I remembered a pub, a slamming door, growling and a hand. A groan escaped my lips as my arms buckled to support my weight and I realised I was collapsed to a floor with an empty bottle slipping from the fingers. The scene was only made worse when I blinked and saw a familiar severed hand right next to my face and I let out a choked scream, backing away from it as though it would bite me, breathing steadily when I realised it wouldn't. I knew I was in danger, I knew I'd screwed up and as each second ticked on, I remembered the night before piece by piece with little holes in my memory. Being at the hotel, remembering everything, running and running, backtracking, hiding out here, drinking and now waking up alone. I now longed for Keith to be here next to me and Lucas just in the next room, ready for a vile breakfast of cornflakes.

It was funny, whenever something bad happened, something worse seemed to happen and once again, I longed for the 'bad' thing to happen again so I could be back in that situation. I'd thought being trapped in that shop without my family was the worst case scenario and I wanted to go back to hiding out in the car, then I lost my brother and I wanted to go back to the shop because the worst possble thing had happened and now I was out here alone and as good as dead, wishing to go back to the hotel and just try to get on with what was left of my life. In a day I could lose Keith and Percy and then truly, what would there be left? I needed to cling on to what I had, even if everything was in such awful disarray.

That was when a took a chance. Without a moments thought, I stood unsteadily on my feet which just about supported my weight, sought out the door and shoved it open with an almighty push. Infected stood only a touching distance away and when they saw me, they spit and growled ferociously, striding towards me in an instant.

I was faster, even with this injury which was once more becoming more obvious. The night unconcious had helped but I was fearful about just how long I could move for with a leg I didn't quite know the extent of damage I'd caused to it.

They were weaker than they had been, I was alive and they were dead, I had the upper hand. That thought stayed with me as I followed the street, as an infected who pulled ahead of the pack yanked me back by my shoulder and I punched it off of me, as another pulled up next to me and bit at the air till I veered away out of it's reach. I didn't think, I trusted my instinct. I moved and I could have easily been moving in the wrong direction but after several minutes of running, I knew my mind had created chaos which did not exist - I recognised buildings, vaguely but the recognition was there.

I was slowing down and growing tired, losing the upper hand I'd been so confident with. The infected behind me had slowed a little with me but now they were pulling up closer with others which had joined the pack from around me, my sweat was dripping to the ground behind me and my leg was becoming numb - I hadn't put it under this much strain since I seriously hurt it falling off of the wall and as I'd predicted, the pain was throbbing back at nearly full force now and I couldn't run any more, not without the fear of simply falling and collapsing in agony. The only option was to stop and I wasted no time, waiting till I passed the next car and diving onto it, climbing to the highest point until I could reach the van parked next to it with three flat tyres till I was high above and trapped isolated within these creatures. The jump had made the throbbing almost unbearable and with clenched teeth, I tried to get my breath back and formulate some kind of plan before the bastards learned how to climb.

I decided I didn't need a plan.

Recklessly, I moved before the infected could block all my exits and dropped from the van, yelling at the muscles which all seemed to tear inside my leg, wishing this pain could have come like this as I was leaving the hotel so I could have simply turned back and realise what a shitty idea this was.

They followed instantly and I ran, I cursed, I ran, hobbled, limped, practically ended up dragging my leg but I fought through the pain for only god knows how long before that familiar building loomed into view and I nearly collapsed to my knees in relief that it was right here, that the entrances were open for me and that a red carpet was practically laid out for me.

Luck. I didn't deserve it.

For a moment I was ready to run straight in but I knew everyone would be killed with the amount of infected who were following me - it seemed the pack had thinned out some and I hoped a load had died on the journey and that maybe they'd all just fall to the ground dead, or undead, now.

No such luck this time.

No credible plan came to me quick enough so I was resigned to run into a street in the opposite direction, darting thorugh an alleyway at a speed which sent tears of agony streaming down my face and making several quick turns through off roads till I reappeared at the front of the hotel, alone, muddy and barely able to move, but still I did.

I was purely grateful.

Thank you, thank you for getting me back here, thank you for helping me shake them off, thank you for keeping me alive - thanking who? I didn't know, but I was grateful.

I burst back into the hotel doors and let out an almost scream at the deserted entrance and front desk, massaging my temples, desperately trying to remember exactly where our room was.

Upstairs - the stairs to my right, because I ran in from the left yesterday. I moved quickly, taking the stairs two at a time till I was staggering down a hallway and bursting through our door, panting heavily. Nothing, empty. The covers were thrown on the floor and there was a considerable dent in the wall with blood still dripping down it and where I prayed to find some kind of note -there was none. I could barely breathe, I’d thought everything would be okay when I got here but all I felt was the most unbearable regret. I shouldn’t have left, I knew it now, I knew I could be okay with the help from the boys, I knew it.

I’d never hoped so intensely for something, if anything had happened to them I would simply die. There would be no reason for me to live, I loved them both in such different ways. Percy, oh god, he was just the friend I’d never had. Dorky and hilarious and snooty and exactly the type of person you want on your side. He was brilliant, just someone. And then there was Keith. Keith with those beautiful emerald eyes and that smile which could drag me so far out of my depression, the way he recklessly put his life on the line for me so many times, how he made fun of me and himself, the way he cared for me just as much of my brother and fought him just to make sure I was happy. How he’d disregard his own feelings to put mine first, the way he’d do stupid little things just to make me laugh like the little smiley face he painted on the steam on the mirror and those one liners which always cheered me up. The way he looked at me like I was the last person he’d ever see, the spontenaeity and the passion and…

I loved him.

It wasn’t just ‘I love Percy and my Mum and Keith and Lucas…’ love. I loved him with a feeling I’d never experienced before, like my chest would burst and I would simply die from fear of him not being okay, like my life had no feasible future without him.

How long had I felt it and ignored it? Did he feel the same, could he? Not after I left, not after I ran. No way, he’d never even like me again, let alone love me. I’d ruined everything, having my life was a small stroke of luck, it was sharing it with Keith and Percy that was the real miracle and I’d ruined it. Joel wouldn’t even want a big sister like me, he’d be better off with someone who could teach him right from wrong. In this mess, I couldn’t even imagine how much of me would be left to live, how much of the real me I’d be able to pass onto Joel.

What would Joel be doing here? Probably in the medical wing, he was so accident prone just like me. It hurt to think about that little boy.

But wait.

Medical. The medical room.

I took off in another agonizing sprint down the stairs which was barely possible, trying to remember Percy’s words. I was sure he’d said it was downstairs, a makeshift mini hospital for god knows what. I went down as many stairs as I could, running and running till my breathing became laboured and a door appeared in front of me, an old rusted one which was not meant to be seen by guests. My hand shook as I moved to open it but the burden was taken from me as it flew open and sent me careering backwards, eyes eagerly awaiting the figure which would step out.

Percy.

I flew towards him and almost sent him tumbling to the floor as I wrapped my arms aroung him, sobbing with the raw emotion which was surfacing through every pore of my body.

‘Oh shit, oh my god!’ he tightened his grip on me as he cried incoherently, spending only seconds clutching onto me before he held me at arms length, a bewildered look on his face.

‘You drove us bloody mental!’ he practically yelled, a tear dropping from his eye, a tear I didn’t expect. Maybe he cared for me as much as I cared for him- he lost his family too, we understood eachother.

‘I’m so glad you’re okay’ I spoke quickly, honestly, ‘Where’s Keith?’

‘Gone to find you! His voice was shrill and his eyes suddenly widened as mine did. My stomach dropped.

‘Please tell me he hasn’t gone outside looking for me?’

‘No, no, not after last night’ Percy shook his head, suddenly looking conflicted, ‘Where have you been, Harley? You were out all night, we were terrified! I knew you’d be okay, you’re so…’

‘Stupid?’ I finished for him quietly, putting all the weight onto the leg which could actually stand alone, exhaling at the relief that at least a fraction of the pain could reside.

‘Yes! That too’ he glared, causing me to smile just a bit.

‘Where is he?’

‘He’s… well, he was looking for you, that part wasn’t a lie’ Percy said uneasily, rubbing a single finger across his forehead.

‘Lie?’ I was worried again. The stress was sending my body haywire as was the consensus these days. ‘Just tell me he’s alright?’

‘He’s alive, don’t you worry about that’ he frowned, taking a moment to push his glasses up onto his nose, ‘But… Harley, you missed quite a lot last night and this morning, I don’t really want to explain here and Keith doesn’t really know and…’

I was so very confused - I wasn’t sure what question to ask first so I poured them out as they entered my mind.

‘Percy, what’s happening? Where’s Keith, is he okay? What did I miss, has someone hurt you? Are we leaving, are you okay, d-‘

‘Stop!’ Percy cut through my voice with his, shutting me into submission, ‘They almost shot Keith when you left, he knocked a couple of guards out so he could leave the building and when he tried to take down the third, they cordoned him off.

‘What?’ the guilt was obvious in my voice, ‘Oh shit, no, is he okay? Percy, where is he?’

‘That was yesterday evening straight after you left but the bugger slipped out of a window and drove me crazy with worry for both of you - he didn’t come back till the middle of the night and he was alone. The guards locked him in his room and he’s been there the whole day till I picked the lock. You need to get straight up there Harley, he’s cut up. He tried to kill Bruce, he thought he’d hurt you!’

‘Oh shit’. I was horrified. I’d been getting drunk while the boy I loved risked his whole life for me - he had a family and they would have lost him. I was sick and I barely deserved a life.

‘Harley’ Percy was talking quietly now, holding my arm before I darted off to see Keith. Tears formed in my eyes at Percy’s earnest gaze and I could barely hold eye contact in the same way I could barely hold my body upright, ‘Nobody is blaming you. Something horrible happened and you took it badly, we’re all sympathetic and I do understand’.

‘Percy, he could have died for me’.

‘Yes’ he nodded, letting his glasses slip down his nose again, ‘and it shows how willing he is to give his life for you. And he didn’t die, he’s just upstairs and you’re down here. There aren’t many second chances in this place, take yours’.

He was right. I smiled towards this wise, wise boy and audibly gasped when he reached over and planted a light kiss on my cheek. His own cheeks flamed as he pulled back and with great embarrassment in his voice, he spoke.

‘I’ve never done that before, I just wanted to try it before I die’.

‘Percy’ I laughed loudly, tilting my head back, ‘You won’t die. And girls, they appreciate that’.

‘R-really?’ he stuttered with a smile, ‘Well, I think our friend upstairs might just appreciate that’.

‘I hope so’ I grinned with a warm feeling in my stomach, anticipating that very moment. I wanted to say something - I didn’t know why I wanted to say it aloud, but the urge was overwhelming.

‘I love him, Percy’.

He didn’t waver.

‘I know’.

‘What?’ my eyebrow raised and I suddenly began to panic at my obviousness, causing Percy to notice this and laugh.

‘I’m not silly’ he beamed at me, ‘I can barely walk through the chemistry between you two. Now go tell him that before he slips out another window!’

‘Yes sir!’ I felt tears building in my eyes as I pulled Percy into an embrace before dragging myself up the stairs again, forgetting momentarily I hadn’t asked about the blood or lack of human life. It wasn’t important right now, Percy and Keith were okay. Hadn’t I promised if they were okay, I could get through this? Yes. Such a weight of sadness and regret in my heart but I had to fight through it or I would drown. I would go downstairs and see my brother with Keith and Percy, hold his hand and say goodbye properly. I didn’t have that luxury with the rest of my family or friends and so I would cherish it while I had the chance. I never stopped missing the people who were gone, we’d just kept ourselves busy surviving. The quiet moments would always be the hardest but we were lucky in the fact we could concentrate so much attention of living and spend less time dwelling - my heart broke every time the room was silent or I was alone but I was walking upstairs to the boy who could fix that now, he was there waiting or so I prayed.

‘Keith!’ I called his name loudly as I burst through the door, scanning round for the boy with the stunning eyes. My search stopped abruptly when I noticed every piece of furtniture overturned or broken, the bed the only thing left which was intact. I instantly panicked before hearing a crash in the bathroom before the exact boy I was looking for stepped out looking dishevelled and tired, eyes widening at my presence.

‘Oh shit’ he said disbelievingly, only hesitating for a second before lunging towards me and gathering me up in his arms, lifting me off my feet and holding tighter than I’d ever been held. I did the same, didn’t let go until the tears fell freely from my eyes and the vast emptiness I’d been feeling resided some.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’ I was sobbing as I wrapped my legs around his waist partly for my own benifit but mostly to feel even closer to him, my heart clenching when I felt his own tears on my neck.

‘You stupid girl’ he groaned into me, voice thick with tears, shed and unshed. After several minutes I pulled away as my feet touched the ground, noticing the puffy redness of his eyes and the lack of sleep which was clear. He looked sheepish and embarrassed for a second, knowing that I could see he’d been crying, something which he’d hidden so far - he was so strong and here I was, seeing him vulnerable, being the cause for that.

‘There’s a lot of dust’ he muttered distantly and I stayed silent for a second before bursting into laughter like he did as he pulled me in again and in my own special way, I was home. The questions came soon though as the smile dropped from his face and he pushed me away, looking almost like he had the first day I met him.

‘Where the hell have you been? I’ve looked everywhere, I was so fucking scared, Harley!’

‘I’m sorry, I just kept running and running until I got lost and found a bar…’

‘A bar? You stayed all night there? I-‘ he stopped for a moment, freezing mid-sentence, ‘I thought… yeah. You reek of alcohol, tell me you didn’t’.

I was shocked, Percy had said nothing about any alcohol stench and for some reason, I desperately didn’t want to tell Keith but it seemed my mouth found it difficult to lie to him.

‘I wanted to forget’ I whispered honestly, ‘I wanted to fall asleep and wake up here, I thought I’d never make it back, I thought…’

He went silent and I thought I’d blown it.

‘Keith, I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know’.

‘It’s alright, sunshine’ he said into the silence, sending me the smallest smile with a little twinkle in his eye. I knew I’d put him in danger and putting that up against the emotions I felt knowing that he forgave me, I was just about ready to burst - I was scared if I opened my mouth though, I would tell him how I felt, tell him I loved him or even just scream out that I desperatly needed painkillers. Keith could sense this and the smile turned into a grin to which he burst out laughing.

‘You look like you’re gonna explode’ He laughed out loud and reached a hand over to my face, stroking away a stray tear. I noticed a tear was still moving slowly down his cheek and under my gaze he wiped it away quickly and avoided my eyes. I wasn’t having that though - tilting his head towards mine, he had to look right at me and that he did, looking ashamed.

‘Guys shouldn’t cry’ he raised an eyebrow, ‘Especially not trolley wielding, macho sainburys men’ he flexed his muscles and I had to laugh, his sense of humour just stirred feelings within me which were difficult to ignore.

I had to tell him.

‘They do cry though’ I whispered, closing the space between us, my heart beating so very fast with fear, anticipation, whatever fresh emotion appeared every millisecond. He noted my presence and ran a hand through his hair which seemed to have grown since the last time I looked even though it had been only a night. I wanted to kiss him again like we had yesterday, I wanted him and I wanted him to love me like I loved him. I could feel it coursing through my veins, desire and apprehension and lust and connections, chemistry and love. My leg wasn't important and the pain which was so distinct was being pushed to the back of my mind for now as best as I possibly could- mind over matter.

‘So when do you wanna go on that boat trip?’ he asked softly, his breath tickling my forehead and sending shivers across my back. I smiled at the momory in the car, winced because I still had hoped then and finally exhaled, remembering I was trying to come to terms with this, to hold myself together like Keith was doing so well. I had kept trying to avoid thoughts of my family because of the pain it left but they were seeping through the cracks.

‘I wanna go now’.

‘Ah’ he tapped my nose, ‘Well, we could go vigilante and steal a ferry if you like’.

‘I don’t think our luck would stretch that far’ I smirked, noting his hand finding it’s way to mine. I clasped onto it, relishing the feeling of human contact, Keith contact.

Say it.

Say it.

Say it.

‘There’s something about Harley’ he muttered softly and I looked up at him, for some reason remembering laying on the floor with infected crowding me and seeing a flash of Keith as he lifted me and threw me over his shoulder, carrying me to the car.

Did I love him then? Maybe. Maybe.

Tell him.

‘You’ve saved me so many times’.

‘You’ve saved me more’ he responded instantly and I was confused.

‘I haven’t’.

‘You really have’.

‘The car thing?’ I frowned, remembering the idea to roll the car down the hill which seemed like years ago. Maybe it had been, I’d lost all sense of time now.

‘Well, yeah, that was pretty genius’ he broke into a grin again and it was contagious, ‘But I meant… well, I’m not exactly one of the cool dudes, Harley’.

‘No?’ I feigned shock to which he slapped me on the shoulder and shouted an‘Oi!’ to which I simply laughed and rubbed the spot he left.

‘I just… well, I lived for my painting and the flat I could barely afford, I’d go out with my friends some nights but I’d come home and eat ready meals, y’know? I’m just about the lamest nineteen year old on the planet.

I nodded in mock agreement to which he slapped me again but I was really deep in thought, wondering how a boy with such wit and good looks could be at a loss, in a rut. He didn’t seem the type at all to be at a loose end. I told him this and he just laughed quietly again, gesturing that we should sit on the edge of the bed to which we did.

‘That doesn’t explain how I saved you’.

‘It’s not every day a zombie apocalypse falls on your doorstep’ he said, ‘When I found you guys that day, I thought that would be the best it’d get. Your Dad scared the shit out of me’.

I laughed delightedly, remembering the third degree Keith was given when we met him in the car, how Lucas wanted to kick him out, how I was so wary of him. Things had changed so much - we didn’t trust Dad at first, letting Keith in the car but it was the best decision he’d potentially ever made. Thinking these thoughts made my heart ache again, remembering their faces but remembering them fondly for some reason seemed to dull the ache just a tiny bit.

‘And then it just got better’ he continued, ‘Your brother and I just seemed to get on, the pretty girl sat next to him gave me the time of day when everyone else fell asleep and Joel just wanted to play - it was so refreshing’.

I let my head lull on his shoulders, closing my eyes and trying to remember the scene. Mum was worrying as usual, Dad was putting on a brave face, little Joel…

No. No, I wasn’t ready to think yet. God, it hurt, it hurt so much. Lucas was just downstairs, so close, so far.

‘And you… you just carried on making it better, sunshine. Whenever it all started to get a bit much, you’d say something which cheered me up or trip over your own feet and make me laugh. You were silly enough to take your top off in the back of a car and we just lay awake talking each night. You took me by surprise but you saved me and I’m better off for it. Your family were just incredible and so are you. They’re always gonna be a part of you, they aren’t gone. Joel is waiting for us, for you, and we’ll get to him. I have some money…I saved for a long time, all of my wages, waiting for a miracle to spend it on along with some inheritance but I know what I wanna spend it on now’.

‘What?’ I breathed, letting all that information process in my brain and dwell in my chest.

‘You’ he smiled, ‘I kinda realised how precious life is and if anyone needs that money, it’s you. You and Joel can get a flat somewhere nice until we can get back here, hell, maybe even in Athens, I remember you talking about that place in your sleep’.

‘What?’ I spluttered again, ‘I spoke about Athens in…’ I trailed off, realising that wasn’t the important part of what he was saying, ‘Keith, I can’t take your money, you need it more than I do, you have a family and people tha-‘

‘No’ he shook his head, ‘ I made my mind up when you took off, I knew that after Lucas… I know you’re strong, I really do. But everyone needs help and sunshine, you deserve it so much more than I do’.

I could feel my heart tripling in speed again and feared heart failure would come soon if he didn’t stop saying all these words.

‘No… no, you have a family, you need to…’ At my words he winced and I knew that he was hiding something from me and I knew it was about the mystery phone call. It was hurting him and as much as I wanted to blurt my feelings out, I knew they would be better spent after he could get this off his chest.

‘Why won’t you talk to me?’ I asked him, a little more forcefully than I had intended. He looked surprised for only a second before letting out a deep sigh and massaging his forehead. It was in that moment, for some reason, my eyes shut in slow motion and I could vividly remember being inside that shop, holding the phone and being so caught up in grief - then looking over and seeing that tear rolling down Keith’s cheek. He wasn’t sobbing, he wouldn’t let himself, that was just Keith. Rather, there were tears and pain and I’d just assumed he was cut up about our phone conversation. Maybe I was wrong. Hadn’t he been on the phone? I could barely remember but I swore he was. That had to be it but he’d told me his family were outside of the UK, safe from all of this. Unless it was his friends, I always seemed to cancel them out of the equation - I didn’t like thinking of my own friends because the only option was that they were all dead.

‘I am talking to you’he responded.

‘No, you aren’t’ my voice was barely a whisper and another strange image popped into my head - the dent in the wall with blood still trickling down it. It suddenly made sense.

‘Did you punch the wall in our room?’

‘I…’ he avoided my eyes and let out another breath, seeming resigned to his answer, ‘yeah, sorry sunshine. I was going crazy, I thought they’d hurt you’.

A pang of guilt resonated within me and I had to squeeze my eyes closed to avoid letting a tear escape.

‘Sorry’ I meant it.

‘I know. At first I was so angry I probably could have taken down all the infected outside’ he laughed quietly, ‘But then I was just sad. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, girl, but your timing is shit’.

I couldn’t help but laugh, ‘Yeah and so is yours, trolley boy. Now can you cheer up? There’s a misery flying round this place that makes it pretty hard to breathe’. He needed more time before he could speak and I knew that was fine -in my own position, if someone pressured me to talk about my brother and really acknowledge what happened, I’d break down. Maybe we both needed to dwell in ignorance and denial for a little longer.

‘Yes ma’am’ he smirked, entwining his fingers with mine till I could lean easily onto his shoulders, closing my eyes. I knew what I had to do now and it seemed I’d just gotten the strength to do it. We managed to fall back onto the back and stayed in that position till a crack from the door woke and I realised we’d in fact fallen asleep and daylight was streaming in through the window.

‘Wake up’ I mumbled instinctively, contradicting myself by nuzzling into the arm which was slung over my waist, pulling me in. The screaming pain from my leg seemed to have worsened and I had to bite my lip to avoid crying out, shaking my head and forcing myself to ingore it. Mind. Over. Matter.

‘No’ he said back in almost a whine, flicking me lightly on the hip which caused me to smile silently.

‘I think someone’s at the door’ I tried to sit up but that arm just pulled me back down as Keith laughed softly to himself, ignoring my protests and light punches. There wasn’t time to try again to get up as the door flung open and a figure walked in, my eyes still to blurry to focus in which panicked me completely. I had to calm myself down when my eyes focused in on Percy and I wondered if I ever got back to a normal life, if I’d ever turn my back on anyone again.

‘Percy’ Keith’s voice thick with sleep as he sat up against the pillows I was leaned against, my eyes trained on the boy who’d just burst in, looking sleep deprived, frantic and frankly, ill.

‘Percy?’ I repeated what Keith said, moving unsteadily to stand.

‘No, no, don’t’ he said to me with wide, bloodshot eyes, ‘I’m just g-gonna, uh, well I need Keith, please’.

‘No, you don’t’ I said slowly, ‘You can say it in front of me’.

‘Harley, please’ He spoke with such pleading in his voice that I couldn’t refuse him and when I blinked confusedly towards Keith I noticed the worry in his own expression.

‘It’s fine, we’ll be back in a minute’. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before they both disappeared out of the door, leaving me alone long enough to have a shower, wash my hair with the cherry shampoo and sling on a new pair of light jeans and a stripy shirt from the pile in the room which was difficult when one of my legs was practically immobile and becoming difficult to ignore when every inch of movement made way for screaming agony. I’d just pulled the shirt over my head and collapsed back onto the mattress when the boys reappeared and this time, there was no hesitation in my worry.

Percy looked as he had before but now Keith was walking slowly into the room with a face which had paled and eyes which were angry and shocked all at the same time. His walk was sluggish and I feared he could fall at any moment. When his eyes locked with mine he bit his lip and brushed a thumb across his forehead, apprehension and now fury laced into his iris.

‘Tell me’ I breathed, not even asking if there wa something wrong. Keith, as always, didn’t beat around the bush and after a deep breath, spoke the words which sent a chill down my spine.

‘You need to come with us, there’s something you should see’.