Chapter 18: Chapter 16 - Beautiful Mess

Adrian

I’ve been sitting mindlessly in the TV room by myself for hours. It’s already past midnight so I know she won’t be showing up tonight. I already gave up on that hope hours ago. Still, I can’t bring myself to leave in case by some miracle she changes her mind. But even if she doesn’t, I’d rather stay here than be in my room. This place already holds so many good memories and I want to carry them with me, if nothing else.

I pull out my phone and type out a message to her. But just like the six previous times I did this, I erase the message and don’t send it.

Just leave me alone.

The words echo in my head, and even though I hate them with everything I possess, I know I have to give her the space she’s asked for.

Nico tried to get her to come out of her room for a solid hour after she locked herself in there. I finally had to drag him away from her door when he threatened to break it down. He was worried she was going to do something stupid, but I know she just needed time. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t get her at all.

After throwing a few explicit curse words at me, he finally gave up and said he couldn’t take this bullshit anymore and was going to Ana’s. I’ve been here ever since.

I sigh and fall back onto the couch, resting my arm above my head. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up so much over this, but I feel responsible for what happened. We pushed her into doing something she didn’t want to do and she wasn’t ready for that. I should have known better.

Her reaction still baffles me though. I understand why she would get upset over it, I just don’t understand why it would upset her so much.

The slightest movement catches my eyes and I suddenly see Sofia walking towards me. She’s wearing a white cotton slip that highlights her body and I can’t take my gaze off of it. It’s short, falling above mid thigh, and has a plunging V-neckline with thin straps that show off her chest.

I’m still seeing white when she sits on top of me, her legs straddling my waist. For a second I think I’m dreaming because she looks like an angel looking down at me like this.

“I’m sorry, Adrian,” she says and leans down to kiss me.

It’s not just any kiss. It’s rough and impatient and desperate. Like she needs me.

I immediately kiss her back, easily succumbing to it and giving her whatever it is that she needs. God knows I need it too.

She quickly pulls my t-shirt off in one swift movement and her hands fall on my chest, our mouths only breaking apart for a split second. Her fingers trace down to my abs and I let out a moan as they reach the top of my jeans.

How is this even happening right now?

“Baby,” I whisper, pulling her hands back up and wrapping them around my neck instead.

“Please, Adrian. I want to.”

Holy crap. Those words.

I groan, carefully laying her down on the couch and settling next to her. I search her eyes, trying to find any doubt or hesitation in them, but I don’t see any. All I see is determination and desire.

She really wants this. She wants me.

“Are you sure?” I ask her anyway, seeking validation. I need to hear her say it.

“Yes.”

I bring her mouth to mine again and I kiss her deliberately slowly. I have to take this slow, otherwise I will lose my mind.

Her hands drop back down to my jeans and she fumbles with the button. I almost chuckle at how eager she is about this. But unfortunately for her, and for me too if I’m being honest, this isn’t about to go as she has planned.

I grab hold of her hands again and pin them over her head with one hand. She looks at me in frustration as I shake my head at her.

“This isn’t about me, darling. It’s about you,” I tell her cupping her face.

“Adrian,” she pouts at me, trying to bring her hands back down. God, she’s so beautiful.

I drop my hand from her face, trailing my fingers down her neck and in between her breasts. There’s a pink heart-shaped button sewn right at the center of her cleavage and I trace it with my thumb. “Shh, baby. Just relax.”

She immediately grasps the meaning of my words as I feel her hands loosen against my grip. I return to kissing her slowly as I allow my hand to freely roam her body. It’s simple perfection. Her waist, her hips, her thighs. Everywhere I touch her seems more incredible than the next. Her slip doesn’t leave much to the imagination and the material feels so soft against her skin.

Her breathing becomes heavier as I bring down the straps of her slip and unveil her breasts. They fit perfectly in my palms and suddenly I can’t wait to feel more of her. I kiss down her neck and lower my body over her until my mouth reaches them.

The moment I do, her back arches delightfully, giving me an even better view. My tongue laps over them and she whimpers so softly, almost as if she were afraid to. The sound almost knocks me over the edge. I want to hear it for the rest of my life.

“You’re perfection, Sofia. Absolute perfection.”

I let go of her hands and they instantly grab on to my neck. My free hand travels down her legs and back up, sliding underneath her slip. She’s so soft and smooth and warm. My fingers reach her panties and I want to touch her so badly. I just don’t know if she’s ready for this.

Her hands suddenly tug on my hair and her breathy moans tell me that she is. But again, I need the validation.

“Yes,” she whispers, as if reading my mind. “Please.”

I never knew such simple words could turn me on so much. I don’t hesitate any longer and push them to the side, immediately feeling her heat. I trace her slowly with my thumb and I earn another soft whimper from her.

Fuck, I think I may actually pass out before I can finish this. It’s too much and I’m already on the edge. I take her mouth, desperately needing a distraction. She’s so fucking beautiful and I want her so much.

She’s so incredibly quiet too and I can barely understand it. I’m used to girls being loud and vocal, but she’s nothing like that. It makes me think this is real and authentic and the other girls were probably faking it. It also makes me want to work even harder to hear her whimper again.

Once I’ve managed to calm myself slightly, I press a finger inside of her. Her hips buckle and I’m afraid I might’ve gone too fast. But she feels so amazing I don’t think I could stop touching her if she asked me to.

“God. Adrian …”

I’m simply going to die from this. I know it already. After this, I’ll never be the same.

I need to look at her so I can remember it forever. Remember the day I actually died and became a new person.

I bring the kiss to an end and look into her beautiful green eyes. They’re so radiant and full of life, I don’t know how I just spent all this time without looking at them. Most importantly, I see trust in them. Knowing that she trusts me is enough to bring me to my knees.

“Please don’t close your eyes, darling. I need to see you,” I tell her as I ease another finger inside of her.

I watch them close momentarily, but she opens them again and locks them with mine. This is it. This is the best part of her.

She whimpers again, but this time does it loudly. I rejoice at the small victory, especially because it didn’t appear intentional and seems to have escaped her. I can tell she’s getting close and I speed up my movements.

Her entire face is now flushed. Her lips are swollen from my kisses and the pleasure I see in her eyes is undeniable. I wonder for the millionth time how I got so lucky.

I feel her legs tremble when it hits her and she throws her head back as her body slightly lifts off the couch. The rest of her is silent though, and she doesn’t make a single sound. Like she’s trying to contain it. I only hear her rapid breathing as she bites her lip. It’s so fascinating and inexplicably erotic. I decide I much prefer this silence. It makes everything else seem like a distraction.

I finally remove my fingers from her and bring them to my mouth. I almost wish I hadn’t because now all I’ll be thinking about is how I want to taste more of her.

Before I let my imagination run wild, I fix her slip and cover her up again, pulling her to my chest. I grab a blanket from the sofa and drape it over her, knowing that she’ll probably get cold.

I kiss her forehead as I wrap my arm around her. Her eyes are so sleepy I know it’s only going to be a matter of seconds before she falls asleep.

I bring her hand to my chest and leave it resting right above my heart. I’ll need the reminder that this was real for when I wake up. I just hope she doesn’t regret this impulse in the morning.

When I open my eyes again it’s to the morning light. It must be just after sunrise because the rays of sunshine are slowly streaming inside the room.

I look towards Sofia and she’s still deep in slumber. She looks so peaceful and beautiful in my arms that it gives me a jolt. That and the fact that it’s the morning and I’m dying to have her. We usually wake up together by her alarm, so I haven’t been able to fully appreciate her like this before.

I decide to let her sleep a bit more, but I do want to talk to her before we have to rush out to school. I replay last night in my head and as much as I loved it, we only exchanged a few words and I really hope she’s okay with it today. Things can seem so different in the light of day, so I’m worried that she’ll attribute it to a rash decision.

I give her 20 more minutes before I start to run my hand down her back. She immediately stirs and snuggles into me more. I chuckle and gently massage the back of her neck. I’m really starting to love waking up with her like this.

“Morning, sleepy.”

“Morning,” she mumbles into my chest.

“Sleep okay?” I ask her.

She finally opens her eyes, rubbing them. “Yeah. Did you?”

“Yeah,” I respond, rolling her on top of me. Her hair falls all over me, so I push it back so I can look at her better. She still looks tired so I can’t really tell how she’s feeling this morning. I’m already anxious to know, so I decide to just go for it and ask her the question I’ve been fearing.

“Are you okay with last night?”

She immediately blushes and gives me a small nod. “Are you?” she asks me worriedly.

I internally sigh of relief and almost laugh that she would think I hadn’t enjoyed that. “Of course. I was just worried because I thought you were upset with me.”

“I wasn’t upset with you, Adrian. I was upset with myself.”

“Why would you be upset with yourself? Nico and I were the ones that pushed you to do something you clearly didn’t want to do.”

She shrugs and sits up, moving away from me and avoiding my gaze. I instantly feel the loss of her touch and I want it back.

“Baby. You know you can talk to me, right?”

She sighs, staring straight ahead at the TV in front of us. She doesn’t say anything for a while and I start to think maybe I should have given her more time.

“I don’t understand why you want to be with me, Adrian. I’m a mess. I’m moody, I have these reactions that I don’t even understand, I have health issues … You would be so much better off with someone who is normal,” she tells me.

How could she possibly think all this?

“Sofia, you are normal. Everything you just said …. that’s what makes you human. Everyone has issues, okay? I do, Nico does, every single person you meet has something different going on. You just don’t know about it necessarily. It’s just easier to hide your problems than to actually talk about them.”

She looks towards me again, as if not completely understanding what I’m telling her. I reach towards her hand and interlace our fingers together.

“I’m a mess just as much as you are. I also get sick, have reactions I don’t understand, feel completely lost and out of place sometimes. And you know what? That’s all fine because you help me deal with it. I don’t want anybody else’s mess except yours. Because I want to help you too if you’ll let me. So we can be a mess together.”

Her face softens and she leans into hug me tightly. “I swear Adrian, sometimes you’re like heaven sent.”

“I’m pretty sure you have it the other way around,” I tell her, rubbing her back. Wow, she really doesn’t know how much she means to me. “I just want to be able to share things with you. Like the same way we shared something amazing together last night. Yes, it was more physical, but it was also emotional and I want you to feel comfortable enough to talk to me about things too.”

She leans back to look at me briefly and then lowers her vision towards her hands. “I can’t protect myself,” she says softly.

I’m about to ask her what she’s talking about when she adds, “That’s why I was upset.”

Understanding finally hits me. “Yes, you can, Sofia,” I reassure her.

“No, I can’t. I thought I could after Ruiz, but I couldn’t with you. I could barely get you to budge even though Nico was able to do it so easily.”

I cup her face and raise her chin so that she looks at me. “That was different, darling. You said it yourself. I already knew what you were going to do, so it doesn’t count. Plus, maybe subconsciously you didn’t want to hurt me. You should be really proud of yourself. Most girls wouldn’t even know how to do that.”

“Yeah, but if it happens again, I don’t know if I’ll be able to defend myself.”

“It won’t happen again. You have me now and that’s my job. To protect you. I swear I will murder anyone who even tries to hurt you.”

“You won’t always be there, Adrian. Like what happened at the club.”

“Did Ruiz say anything to you again? If he did, I’ll go find him right now and kick his ass once more for good measure.”

“No, he didn’t. You don’t need to worry about him. I’m pretty sure he won’t come near me again.”

“So who are you worried about? Did someone else hurt you?” The thought has me panicking and I make a silent vow to go hunt anyone down who might have laid a finger on her.

She hesitates for a second before answering. “Just in general. I want to be able to defend myself. I don’t want to be a weak girl who can’t do anything on her own.”

I let out a breath in relief. “Okay, so we can practice some more if you want. I’ll teach you everything I know and then maybe we can test it out on Nico when he’s not looking. That’ll be fun, right?”

“Yeah,” she smiles at me. I realize it’s the first time I’ve seen her do so since our date and I’m instantly relieved. I should start planning where to take her next. It can’t be this weekend because she has the endoscopy, but maybe the weekend after that.

“Cool. We can start our first lesson today after school, alright? Speaking of which, we should probably get going, darling.”

“Okay. Just one more thing though,” she tells me.

“What’s that?”

“You called me baby,” she says grinning.

I smile at her. “Yeah, I did. I guess it started to slip out. Is that okay? Or do you prefer darling?”

“I think I like them both equally as much,” she smiles again.

“Okay, good. In that case, we should probably get going, baby.”