...Dealing...
Connie crashed through the door onto the floor, waving a piece of paper in the air. "I think I've got it!"
Jean scrambled out of the flood of files to snatch it and deliver it to you at the desk. You held it up for both you and Armin to examine. Armin shook his head. "I don't think this is itâ"
"This isn't it!" You tossed the paper out, landing it on the hundreds of others on the floor. "Keep searching, everyone!" Connie groaned and dashed back out of the office.
While Sasha and Jean were swimming in the floor littered with paper, you and Armin were closely examining the untouched stacks on the desk. All to find this one single piece of paper.
Mikasa hurried in with another stack, with Eren close behind holding his own. "These are the last possible bits," she said, setting hers in front of Armin.
"We've ransacked the entire castle. If it's not here, then it's nowhere," said Eren, putting his pile down before you.
"It's okay. We've got enough time to find and clean up this mess before Levi gets back," you said, immediately digging into the pile. "Oh, shitâright. Can somebody please go get Connie so he doesn't end up chopping up the wooden walls to find more paper?"
"Me!" Sasha dashed out in the opposite direction of which Connie left.
"No, Sashaâ" You cut yourself off, giving up. "Whatever." Eren passed you a cup of tea poured by the kettle on the desk. You told him a quick thanks with a smile. He smiled back.
Jean suddenly elbowed him out of the way. "Really?! Now?! Ever since you two got back together, this cheesy shit's been nonstop!"
"And what about it?" you asked.
Eren shoved his shoulder back into Jean. "Yeah, what about it?! Envious, are you?!"
"I wouldn't give a damn if we weren't all working our asses off for one fucking piece of paper!" He snatched a few from your stack, taking matters into his own hands. The limit of his typical patience had clearly been breached. "I don't even know what to search for anymore! Everything we find that mentions the words 'Scouts,' 'Survey Corps,' and 'equipment' get dismissed by Y/n and Armin! Couldn't the Captain have given us something more useful to work with? And a longer deadline than a few hours, maybe?!"
"It wasn't his nor Commander Hange's choice," defended Armin. "The government officials have made it clear they'd be here by the evening. If we don't find this paper, we're going to present them empty-handed. That's what the Captain said."
"We're also volunteers," you reminded. "He said we didn't have to, but we chose to do this out of the goodness of our hearts, remember? So stop wasting time by complaining! If we don't find it, we'd at least have to fix this littered office. If the titans haven't killed us, he might."
Just as you finished talking, Connie and Sasha returned to the room. "They're back! Captain Levi and Commander Hange is back!" he exclaimed. "We saw them from the window entering the stables!"
One second, silence. The next, everyone was rushing to gather all the papers into their arms, pulling out empty drawers and cabinets, stuffing them into places they didn't belong. Then, a single shattering caused the dissolution of the disarray. All movement halted, and heads turned to the floor. The kettle had tipped over the table and committed suicide.
"Mop!!" you screamed. Eren hurriedly left for the storage room. You dragged the bin out from under the desk, carefully throwing in the pieces of porcelain. But Sasha, with a disorderly stack in her arms, didn't see you, so she accidentally tripped over you. Her stack fell all over you, landing in the puddle of hot tea. "Sasha!"
"Sorry!" But it didn't end there. Eren came back with a broom in his hand. Connie, with an even taller stack, didn't see either of them, so he tripped over Sasha and managed to knock Eren to the ground. The stack once again fell all over you.
Then, with his utmost timing of perfection that never fails, Levi stepped into the office. Hange entered right after. "Woah! This looks like a barn!"
Levi took one glance and said, "Three seconds for an explanation."
At first, everybody's voice fought over each other's in attempts to explain themselves. But it soon ended up with you and Armin recapping him on the situation, which was that you all had taken it upon yourselves to help him find this one document he'd need when the government officials got to HQ.
"When I said 'feel free to search my office,' I meant my office." He opened a cabinet. A stack of crumpled paper slid off the shelf. "I don't think I said the entire castle."
Everybody else casted you and Armin accusing glares. "Don't you guys dare," you said, pointing a finger at all of them. "We were all in on this."
"I'm assuming it hasn't been found?" he asked and received nods. He exhaustingly massaged his temple, looking to be in dire need of rest. "Must've lost it myself. Sorry about it. Still, thank you all for your eagerness to help. There's no need for it anymore."
"No need?" you asked. "That's it?" He gave a quick "yeah." "But you can't just call it off without at least giving an explanation. We still have the right to know what's happening, especially with the officials arriving in a few hours."
"To put it lightly," began Hange, "the government wants to stop funding our regiment." Somebody gasped in the corner. You believed it was Jean. "In the past, Erwin was the one who gathered all the funds from merchants, nobles, and whatnot. Unfortunately, I didn't inherit his charms, and Levi's not even up for consideration. The officials has decided to come and review us and see if they want to aid us. As for that paper, it was only Erwin's pitch. Since I can't write one for the life of me, and neither can Levi."
Jean scoffed. "So all this time, we could've just written another pitch for you, Commander?"
"Wouldn't make a difference if she still inevitably comes off as a lunatic to the average civilian," said Levi.
"What deal will the government be offering?" asked Armin.
"My guess is they'd fund us until we rid Wall Maria of all titans," said Hange. "Then they'd consider going beyond the walls unnecessary and end this regiment."
As everyone discussed how this shouldn't happen, you were pondering what to do. You could sense a possible solution, and you were in the process of materializing it in your mind. When the idea finally visualized, you stood up. "Wait a minute. You said funds were the problem. As in money?"
"Above everything, yes," said Hange.
"Then why hadn't you guys just come to me?"
Levi twisted his eyebrows in confusion. "What are you talking about? What can you do?"
You blinked. "Do you guys not know?"
"Know what?"
The government officials arrived that evening.
They were clearly just a bunch of stuck-up upperclassmen who barely spared a look at your friends on their way in. They did bow their heads to you, but if they disrespected your friends, they might as well have disrespected you.
Levi and Hange led into the dining hall. You joined as well, closing the door behind you. As you'd all expected, they offered to fully fund the Survey Corps until the 'final mission' was finished, which they assumed was just ridding all titans of Wall Maria.
"It's a very attractive deal," said the snobby official. "One that may be your only option left."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," said Hange, crossing her arms. She huffed out a laugh. "Don't worry, guys. I looked just as confused as you guys are right now when I first learned about our alternative. But I'm going to let Y/n take it from here."
You pulled out your written pitch and made your speech. Since Levi's draft was way too serious and Hange's was way too unserious, you and your friends spent the remaining hours drafting the perfect final pitch. And perfect it was because once you set the paper down, the officials looked just as mortified as you'd expected. "Well? Any thoughts?"
"Y-your Highness, you can't possibly be sincere! Are you truly aware thatâ"
"That the Survey Corps is about to become the richest regiment of them all?" You conceitedly smiled and rested your chin on your hand. "Yes. Yes, I am."
"But that would be impossibleâthe banks will advise against this, and so will we!"
"I'm not asking for anybody's advice here," you simply said. "Or their approval. I'm just sharing information. And you can't do anything about it anymore, 'cause we already made our own contract, and I've already signed it. Starting tomorrow, I, by my full right, will fund the Survey Corps in all expenses."
From the next day onwards, you became the sole sponsor of the Survey Corps. You paid for all weapons, materials, even the clothes off their backs, and the food they put into their stomachs.
The first time you treated them all to a feast, Sasha wouldn't let go of your leg, sobbing uncontrollably with a mouth full of meat, repeatedly crying, "Thank you, my Goddess!" over and over again. Eren couldn't even pry her off when it got past midnight. Then Mikasa made one tug on her leg, and Sasha dropped to the floor. Her chanting still didn't cease.
The rest of them were incredibly grateful, but they weren't very impressed. Not until you broke the news that you'd doubled their salaries. Connie fell out of his chair like he had a seizure, and Jean collapsed to his knees, hands in prayer aimed towards you.
Though Levi already had enough expenses saved up, double the salary meant being able to afford double the tea. Soon enough, there was a whole mountain of crates full of tea by the stables. For Hange, it meant double the excitement because now that there was a whole new budget, she could do so much more that Erwin never let her do.
Armin started spending a lot on books, stacking up the dusty library. Mikasa was content with everything, but she was only truly satisfied when you told her once Wall Maria was clear, you'd also fund the rebuilding of Shiganshina. As for Eren, he couldn't give a shit about whatever you had to offer him. He just wanted you, and he got you all to himself.
The excursions in Wall Maria continued without disturbance. Levi and Hange led the Primary Squad, and you led the Secondary Squad. With each mission, not only did Hange grow more faith in you as a leader, but so did Levi. Everything was going so swiftly that at a certain point, both squads could leave at different times.
Obviously, "avoiding reality" wasn't that possible outside Wall Rose. So you and Eren made a pact. When you were in the outside world, you both had to lock in. No distractions. Just kill and survive. Easy enough since you were on separate squads.
From past experiments, Hange gathered that yes, indeed, you could stop Eren from using his titan powers with one touch of your skin. But it didn't work through fabric, and based on the level of physical contact, the effect lasted from a little below half an hour to over an hour.
You couldn't stop Armin's titan powers, though. Far outside Wall Maria, Hange conducted an experiment where he transformed. His powers still worked after your touch. So truly, your "powers" only worked on the Founding Titan. And maybe the Attack Titan, by extension, since Eren apparently had two inside him.
You did let Hange know about the day when a titan seemingly stopped by your command. So she tried conducting a slightly more dangerous experiment with you during the next excursion. Except nothing happened, nothing was special. Maybe that pure titan back there had just pulled a muscle or something.
Then, after ridding Wall Maria of all titans and volunteering to help the civilians move backâwhich you were almost mobbed for the second time if it weren't for Leviâthe Scouts proceeded out into the real outside. And yet, no casualties from either squad. Everything was going the best it possibly could, so smoothly, that it was starting to get uncanny.
* . * .
"You ever think of what you'd say to Reiner if you were ever to see him again?"
"No. Because I don't think of him."
At midnight, you and Eren were sweeping the abandoned ballroom of the new HQ that you all had settled into by Wall Maria. The Primary Squad had returned quite lately, and since he was on cleaning duty, you kept him company. He'd said you didn't need to help him because you already do enough for everyone, but you'd told him you just wanted to be there for him. He couldn't wipe his sheepish smile off his face for a while afterward.
"What about Annie?" he asked.
"I don't think about her either."
Even under the moonlight, you could still make out his skeptical expression.
"Why? Do you think about her?" you countered.
He scoffed. "Why would I ever?"
"What about Reiner?"
He wasn't so quick to reply this time. "Sometimes," he admitted. "Not so much as wondering why he did what he did. Just wondering what I'd do if I met him again. Would I yell at him? Would I fight him? Or would I pretend I didn't see him?"
You dipped the wet mop into the bucket of water, then dragged it across the floor. "I think you'd first demand answers. And the 'truth.' Then you'd kick his ass if you feel up to it."
He followed your trail with the drier mop. "You don't think I'd kill him?"
You shrugged. "Maybe. If he pissed you off enough."
"I think about that Zeke Jaeger, too," he said. "He's my dad's first son, isn't he? Making him my half-brother. I'm not sure if I'll ever meet him again. Or if that's really a good idea. But he exists."
"Would you want a brother?"
"Think I've already got one."
"Armin?"
"Yeah," he said. "And about Zeke, we only know how Dad treated him. Nothing else. And even if we met, what if he stands for completely different values than me? What if I...I don't know, end up hating him because of it?"
"Well, he did say he was going to come back for you," you pointed out. "And Marley would come for me." You'd finally learned that "Marley" wasn't a person but a nation. One that wished death to all Eldians. And they wanted you. Eery enough to think about it.
"Like hell, they would." His temper was pumping up just speaking about the matter. "They took enough from us. I'll be damned if they take more."
You did a little spin on the wet, slippery floor of the ballroom, then continued sweeping. "Why're we back to talking about these people again?"
"Just wondering what happens after we slaughter all titans outside Wall Maria," he said. "Do we venture out into the rest of the world to sightsee or to fight our enemies? Or can we finally live here in peace for the years I've got leftâOW!" He rubbed the back of his head that you'd whacked with the wooden tip of your broom.
"I thought we agreed not to bring that kind of shit up!" you hissed quietly enough that you wouldn't disturb the night but loud enough to emphasize your agitation. "Ruining my mood..." Though you hated thinking about the future, what really set you off was the years Eren had left. Only years. It seemed so far away, but so did three years at the Training Corps once. Better to just purge it out your mind instead of letting the worry eat you alive.
"But is it wrong to think about the future?" he debated. "I know you dislike it, but do you ever wonder what you'd want to do after all of this ends?"
"Not really," you said, doing another little twirl on the wet floor. "I've got a lot of things other girls would wish for, so I don't really ask for much. Only for you all to be alongside me. For as long as it can last. That's all I want."
"That's sappy."
"Well, you asked," you argued back. "What've you got then? If it's not as 'sappy' as mine."
"Unlike you, I've actually ran it through my mind a couple of times," he said, his teal eyes traveling up to the ballroom ceiling as if he could watch everything pan out from his imagination. "First, I'd want to rebuild my house in Shiganshina. And then I'd want us all to go back to how things were. As close as it used to be. But with you living with us, this time." In the back of his mind, his murky visions he foresaw in his dreams lingered. But he pushed it away. It can't be true, he told himself. It can't.
"Hope you know I'd probably be forcing you to pick rocks and sticks every day for me to throw at people and animals again."
"Yeah, what a nightmare. What else..." He thought back to his mother. Carla made his childhood so joyful because she was a joyous person. What made her so happy? Well, she was incredibly loved. Not just by him but by his dad. Her husband. He loved her, and that made her happy. Eren's mind abruptly blanked out. Shit... His gaze slowly slid to you, but his expression fell flat once he saw what you were doing. "Are you even listening?"
"Of course I am," you said, sliding across the wet floor, spinning in circles with your arms out.
"What the hell am I watching, then?"
"If we tune the wires in your brain to function properly, you might guess what I'm doing." But he remained looking clueless. "I'm dancing, dumbass! What else would I be doing on a dance floor? In a ballroom?"
"That's dancing to you?! No wonder I couldn't tell!"
You continued your no-effort twirls. "May not be dancing to you, but if I'm moving my limbs more exaggeratingly than usual, then it's dancing to me."
He sighed, shaking his head. But he couldn't blame you. If you had been properly brought up as a noble lady with those unnecessary waltz lessons, then he probably would've never met you. So this ritualistic-looking spinning was the most decent outcome he could hope for.
A memory splashed into his mind. It was him as a child peeking into the kitchen where his parents danced, lost in their own world. As you floated across the room like a fly, coming back his way, he caught your outstretched hand and raised it up, spun you around, and rested a hand on the back of your waist. Exactly how he'd watched his parents do. "This is how it's done, get it? This is dancing."
"What, so now you're an expert?"
"At least I've seen what it's like." He led your hand to the back of his neck and his own to the back of your waist. "This is what's called a slow dance," he said, swaying in the moonlight with you.
A long minute passed. "Yeah, no." You grabbed both his hands and yanked him with you onto the wet floorboards. "I don't have the patience to move left and right standing in one place!"
"That's just how it works!"
You shook your head uncaringly. "Not with me!" He let himself be pulled into a spin with you. Hardly classifiable as "dancing" anymore, but you both were jumping around, laughing, spinning in circles and circles. Completely lost in your own world, as perfectly as things could be.
But then, he just had to trip over the bucket of water, falling backwards, pulling you down with him. The water poured across the ground all the way to the doors. "Ah, shit," you muttered. "We're going to have to clean that up, too."
"Can we hold off?" he asked, brushing the hair strands out of your face. You briefly glanced at him with a smile and continued blabbering on about something else, but god, did he love this. If time was neverending, he could very well choose to just stare at you as if you were a painting for eternity. It was ridiculous enough to think about it, but he couldn't help but feel every bit of it was true. When his eyes set on your hand combing your hair back, he thought about his mom's hand. With the ring. And he realized how empty your ring finger looked. Then his eyes grew wide. Oh, fuck.
The door busted open and you and Eren snapped your heads over. Something short and creepy, like a little gremlin, stood at the entrance, with the hallway torches illuminating him from behind. The gremlin let out a low groan and rubbed his eyes. "I do not need to fucking see this."
"Then don't," you said, refusing the hint to get off Eren. "Go back to sleep sitting upright in that stiff, wooden chair."
Regardless, he entered the ballroom. "Do you two realize how much time you've been wastiâ"
For the first time in history, Levi Ackerman slipped and fell.
You and Eren burst out cackling, grabbing onto each other for dear life, laughing and wheezing until your abdomens ache, yet the more it hurt, the more you wanted to laugh.
"You two brats think it's funny? I'll show you what's really funny." He snatched the broom by his feet and whirled over like a phantom.
You and Eren, hand in hand, were out the other entrance in no time, briefly landing smack against the wall. You both sprinted through the castle, stumbling around sharp corners, with both of your intermixed giggles haunting the halls.
Levi was possibly on your tail, or at least on his way, ready to beat some discipline into the two of you, but that didn't faze you. What mattered to you right now was that you were with Eren, getting lost in the halls like getting lost in your own world. Like running away from your problems to reach freedom. And it felt like true and pure happiness. You wished this would last on for eternity.
. * . *
The next day, Eren bursted into the library. "I think I'm in love with her!"
Armin and Mikasa, who were filling out their fair share of documents, barely looked up.
"Shocker."
"Who would've guessed?"
"I'm serious!" He took the chair across from them. "I actually mean it!"
"We're sure you do," said Mikasa, unbothered.
"You guys don't look surprised."
She snorted as if he had told a joke. "If we were, then we'd be either blind, oblivious, plain stupid, or all of the above."
"But is it surprising that you're just now realizing it?" Armin hummed. "Still, no. Lord knows that you both love to take your sweet, sweet time. Then again, it's your relationship. Not mine."
"But what do I do now?" he anxiously asked, his hands going to the sides of his head. "Should I tell her once she gets back? Do I have to tell her?"
Mikasa finally glanced up, looking baffled, as if she were staring at an idiotic fool. "Yes," she said, sounding the word out like talking to a child. "What else will you do? Keep it a secret forever? Cut all communication and waste another month? Seriously, you make it very hard not for us to get involved."
"I get your pointâI have to eventually do it, but how do I just drop that big of a news? In case it isn't clear yet, this is very big for meâI have never felt this way ever. Not even close. Just the way I get happy around her now, it's this totally different kind of happiness. Like I'm in a dream or something. A fever dream. It's weird."
"Being in love with her has turned you into a poet, I see," noted Mikasa. He shot her a half-hearted glare.
"You want advice, Eren?" asked Armin, sounding exhausted. "I'd tell you just say those simple three words. But then I have to remind myself again that I know better and that you're Eren, and she's Y/n. Things somehow don't come that 'easily.'"
"Okay, I get it! We've had some severe ups and downs, but this is different! This is special and I can't treat it as anything less!" Then he gasped and slammed his fist down on the table. "That's it! Special! I have to make it special when I tell her! A 'grand gesture' or something! Thanks, guys!" He scrambled out of the room.
"...You're welcome," said Armin unsurely, turning to Mikasa who shrugged like she didn't expect any less.
Meanwhile, traveling out the gates of Wall Maria was the Secondary Squad, chitchatting your way into titan territory.
"When I asked you guys why my heart feels like a frog jumping up and down when I'm around Eren, I meant if I had a heart problem! Not that I was in loâ" You bit down on your tongue, swallowing your next word as the blush coated your cheeks against your will.
"You wanted our expertise, and we gave it," reasoned Jean. "There you go. The heart's not sick with disease, but sick in love."
"Stop saying that!"
"So are you in love with him?" asked Sasha.
"Iâ" Yeah. Very much. Impossibly much. "I would've appreciated it more if I came to terms with myself first! And I'm sure as hell not going to admit to you guys before I admit to him." Your stomach dropped. "I don't have to admit to him, do I?"
"Well, it helps," said Connie. "More than if you keep it a secret."
You clicked your tongue. "But he's known me basically my entire life. If I feel this way, he probably has already guessed it by himself. I don't need to repeat it, do I?"
"With all due respect," started Floch, the first time he's spoken during this excursion, "communication is the key to a successful relationship. Being clear about both stances would be beneficial."
The others shrugged and nodded, with Jean mumbling, "He's not wrong."
You let out a sigh. They were all right. It's just three words, not that hard, you told yourself. Just say it and run away. You smiled. What a great plan! "Anyway, we left late today. So just go out, do our job, and get back before sunset. Yeah?"
"Yes, ma'am!" they echoed.
All of a sudden, numerous bursts of lightning.
The ground beneath you quaked, cracking open into the earth. The impact flung all of you off your horses. You managed to drag a blade in the dirt to land yourself on both feet. When the steam cleared, you were met with a pure titan right in front of you. It didn't grab at you; it just stood and stared. With its glowing red eyes. You've seen eyes like that before.
Then you heard your name being screamed. You whirled around, and through the remaining puffs of steam, you witnessed your squad grabbed by titans, dangling in the air, kicking and shouting for their lives.
Fuck! The second you were about to shoot your wires out, the ground quaked again, making you preoccupied with balancing yourself. But it wasn't from titans emerging from the earthâit was hefty stomping.
"Wonderful," said a deep, roaring voice. "We didn't even have to travel far. Yet you came knocking on the door yourself."
A ginormous shadow washed over yours on the grass. You cautiously turned your head over your shoulder. And your blood ran cold.
It was sunset now. Yet the sun was nowhere to be seen. What filled up the frame of the fiery sky was the Beast Titan.
"From one titan with royal blood to one Fritz-Ackerman," said the humongous Beast. He crouched to his knees before you and flashed a sly, venomous grin. "Let's make a deal."
*
this was supposed to be 2 chaps but i combined them cuz even i wanna move things along
this was supposed to be updated days ago but its college apps season...cant be caught lackin in the last month i got
but istg after everything's done im goin back to my usual update schedule
also i name dropped aot in my supplemental essay...im cooked