TW: Abandonment, Mentions of Abuse, Grief, Mention of Death
"Mommy, why can't I hang out with y/n anymore and why can't Daddy go shopping with us?"
I hugged my teddy bear as I looked up at my mommy. She released a sigh as her hand gripped mine a little tighter. Not enough to hurt me but enough to let me know she's in distress.
"We talked about this, Diara. Your father is male. If I were to let him leave the house with us, his life would be in danger. Our family would be in danger."
I huffed at her response as we continued to walk through the grocery store with Mommy stopping to put food in her handheld basket. She didn't answer my question about Y/n, but then again she never does nowadays. This isn't fair. I want to hang out with Y/n and go shopping with Daddy.
I drag my feet as my mommy finally decides that we are done. She goes up to the cashier and proceeds to pay. They both wish each other a good day before we depart from the store.
As we leave I can feel the cashier's eyes burning into the back of my head. They never used to stare at us before but something about today feels different. I decide to ignore it as I release a huff as we make our way out the door and to our car.
Mommy lifts me into the car and sits me in my car seat before putting my seatbelt on and closing the car door. Before I know it, Mommy settles down in the driver's seat and begins driving.
The radio plays quietly as we drive away from the store. I sigh before turning away from the window and looking at the rearview mirror to see Mommy.
"What if we put Daddy in a dress? Then no one would notice him and we could go out more! all together, like real families that I read in my books!"
I squealed at the thought of being able to hang out with both Mommy and Daddy outside the house. Mommy begins to laugh quietly as she quickly glances at me through the rearview mirror with a sad smile just in time to see me cuddle myself tightly.
"I wish that was how it works, sweetie, but unfortunately, it would take more than putting your father in a dress to get away with that."
My smile drops as it gives away to a pout. My bottom lip quivered as I felt tears pool at the corner of my eyes.
"Can I at least hang out with y/n? She's pretty and nice plus she smells good."
Mommy scoffs as she looks at me through the review mirror once more before facing the road again.
"No Diara. She's the reason we're in this mess, to begin with. I knew I should have never let you near her but no your father just had to encourage your friendship with that low ranking-"
I begin to weep and sniffle quietly as tears slowly start to fall from my eyes.
"B-but I like her mommy."
She sighs as she grips the steering wheel tighter.
"Yes well, you can make new friends....when things die down of course."
I wipe my tears angrily as I huff and puff in frustration.
"NO!"
My mommy's eyes widen as she glances back at me in shock.
"Excuse me. We don't raise our voices Diara."
I could feel my face getting hot as I puffed my cheeks while I struggled to communicate my emotions.
"I LIKE Y/N!"
"Lower your voice Diara! I get it, y/n is your best friend but as of lately, she has been nothing but trouble. I can't afford you being with her, not unless she can somehow have her rank moved back up."
I grit my teeth as more tears fall from my face. How can I make her understand?
"No! I like y/n. I like y/n. I like y/n!"
Mommy sighs before taking a few breaths. She opens her mouth to speak but this time in a lower and calmer voice that puts me at ease.
"OK. Take a couple of breaths Diara and think hard about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Throwing a tantrum isn't going to help people understand you."
I pant slightly before closing my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths in and out. How to make her understand? I like y/n but how do I tell her how much I like her?
I take a few more breaths as I think of everything I use to describe y/n on a daily. She's pretty, kind, smart, funny, understanding, she's.......she's exactly how daddy describes mommy.....I like y/n in the same way as daddy likes mommy.
I opened my eyes in excitement as I finally realized how I could talk to Mommy about my feelings. With a deep breath, I look towards Mommy as she glances back at me to let me know she's listening.
"I l-like y/n in the same w-w-way Daddy likes you."
I squealed as I was filled with excitement due to being able to convey my feelings a bit better. I looked at Mommy only to notice her eyes had darkened slightly in disappointment.
"Honey....I-"
She takes a sharp inhale before continuing.
"Honey. I'm happy you feel this way but you're too young. You're only 10. You have plenty of time to figure out who you like and find yourself a romantic partner....that isn't y/n."
My smile dropped before I began to sniffle yet again as Mommy pulled into our driveway.
She turns off the car and gets out before coming to my side of the car and taking me out of my car seat. As soon as my feet touch the ground, I run into the house, ignoring her as she yells my name in a croaking voice. Tears rolled down my cheeks as my small sniffles broke out into sobs.
"DADDY!!!"
I wail loudly as my daddy quickly rushes out of the kitchen only for me to crash into his knee with a tight hug. He lets out a small grunt as he almost falls over. His concerned looks went unnoticed as I buried my tear-filled face deeper into his knee. I could hear the shuffling of the groceries and the soft closing of the front door as my mommy entered the house.
"What on earth did you say to her, Emily?"
Mommy sighs as she walks past us to the kitchen. The sound of her placing the groceries down before walking back causes me to tighten my grip on Daddy's leg.
"She asked questions again. I don't know how many more times I have to explain everything to her. How many times do I have to tell her you can't be with us outside of this house? How many times do I have to tell her that she can't be around y/n anymore?!"
Daddy sighed as he rubbed my back gently.
"You have to be patient with her Ems. She...she won't understand until she sees it for herself."
"I don't want her to see it for herself, Mark. No mother in her right mind wants her child to grow up in a place like this. If I could set her a sail far away to the Netherlands or lock her in this house to keep her from seeing what this place has become, I would -"
"But you can't, Ems. Whether you like it or not, this is our reality, and she's going to see that one day."
I sniffle as I look up only to see both of my parents already looking down at me with sad faces. Tears threatened to fall from my mommy's eyes as she looked into my big innocent ones. Silence consumed us for what felt like hours, but in reality, it was only a couple of seconds.
Mommy sighed as she rubbed her bagged eyes slightly in exhaustion. She dragged her hand down her face before falling onto her knees in front of me with her hand in her lap. One hand reaches out to wipe a tear from my cheek as she goes to speak.
"Sweetie I-"
Before she could continue, a loud, repeated banging hit the door, causing all of us to suddenly look towards the door.
"Emily and Mark Montell. By the order of the highest elite, you are to be taken into custody. We have the right to use any force deemed necessary. We are asking you now to open the door and come out with your hands up."
My parent's eyes widen as panic begins to set onto their facial expressions. Mommy begins to drag furniture to block the front door while Daddy quickly picks me up and takes me upstairs.
Once we're in the room Daddy yells Mommy's name as she quickly rushes into the room and shuts the door behind her. The banging from the front door gets louder and louder as Mommy shuts the curtains. Daddy gets down on one knee as he looks at me with nothing but fear and sadness lingering in his old eyes.
"Hey, sweetheart do you want to play a game?"
I didn't know what was going on at the time but the mention of a game striked excitement into me. I looked at him bouncing up and down while I nodded my head with anticipation. Daddy smiled down at me as he caressed my cheek gently with me nuzzling my face into the palm of his large hand.
"Mark they got special forces. We need to hurry!"
I went to look at Mommy but Daddy held onto my face.
"Hey look at me. We're gonna play a game of hide and seek. I know how much you love that game. You're good at it too. Do you want to play?"
I squealed as I nodded my head yet again. My Daddy smiles as he snickers quietly but even then I could tell his smile didn't quite reach his dark brown eyes.
"Here's the rules I'm going to count to five. I know I usually count to ten but I think five is going to make this way more interesting. While I count I need you to hide somewhere in this room and only in this room. Lastly, do not, I repeat, do not leave your hiding spot do you hear me? No matter what you hear don't leave your hiding spot unless me or Mommy says so."
"Yes sir."
He smiles as he ruffles my hair.
"That's my girl. And remember, it's just a game."
With that, he stands to his feet and turns around. I didn't know it at the time but he didn't shut his eyes like he normally did but me being a child....I didn't notice nor did I care....It's just a game anyway. Right? He begins to count.
"1"
I quickly ran into the closet where I knew there was a loose floorboard with a space big enough for me to fit in. This was usually my go-to hiding spot so I was quickly able to get to the back of the closet moving shoes and clothes out of my way.
"2"
I opened the floorboard to see my favorite stuffed animal still waiting for me from when we played this game a couple of days ago along with some snacks Mommy slipped me as Daddy was counting.
"3"
I hop inside the crawlspace and grab some shoes and clothes to cover my hiding spot as I bring the plank back down to hide me.
"4"
"Mark they are getting in we need to do something!"
I snickered as I ignored the banging and the yelling going on outside. It's just a game.
"I love you Diara. Mommy and Daddy love you oh so much."
With that, the sound of the door opening and closing back echoes the room....he didn't say five. Why didn't he say five? The silence of the room was deafening until all of a sudden a large bang was heard from downstairs.
Muffled screaming could be heard. I couldn't exactly hear what they were saying but I didn't need to. The agony in their screams was enough to give me nightmares. There were just so many sounds.
Glass breaking, screams, banging, thumping, yells, alarms, until all of a sudden I heard nothing. Everything was quiet.
And so there I was. Waiting under the floorboard in the closet. Waiting for Mommy or Daddy to find me. Waiting for two people that I didn't know weren't coming back. It was like that for a month. Surviving on nothing but snacks and old drinks that I had stashed in the crawlspace with me holding out for the thought that my parents were still looking for me.
It wasn't until authorities finally found me while inspecting the property that I realized my parents....m-my parents were dead. I was put up for adoption and was adopted by a sweet family with a mom, a dad, and eventually two brothers. As much as I love them, some days I can't help but wish it was just me, my mom, and my dad. But it can't be like that. Not anymore.
.....You.....You said it was just a game.