13. Text Messages
Libra / Dillon
After being swamped until closing at the café Libra dumped her bag outside of her room and headed straight for the shower. The panic attack had made her move slower today and Jack had asked her several times what was going on with her â she gave him the excuse of a bad headache. Well in the shower she finally allowed herself to think about Dillon and what his true intentions was with her.
He did help her today and for that she was grateful but did that give him the right to ask for an explanation regarding her state. For all she knew he knew who had traumatized her and were protecting that person, whoever it was. But the way he had taken care of her hadn't left her mind yet and for some reason she had felt drawn to him somehow. Maybe he was actually changing.
Dr. Fine had talked her down from the emotional roller coaster of today but had left her with a few chosen words that were still on her mind. "Every day we live on the hope that if we have done wrong, or simply want to change, that we can. You are currently one of those people Libra and I would hate for someone to take that hope away from you." She knew exactly what he meant but that didn't make it any less difficult to execute. Dr. Fine was subtly asking her to give Dillon the chance he's requested of her and what surprised her was that she was actually considering it.
It wasn't until midnight that Libra finally went to bed and after the long grueling study session she crammed in after her shower, she enjoyed sliding under her covers even more. Tomorrow she didn't have classes until noon and even though she could always fit in another study session she thought that sleeping in was well deserved. After turning off the lights she let her eyes adjust to the darkness before they begun feeling heavier by the second, until they finally couldn't keep themselves open anymore.
Only seconds later a vibrating sound came from her nightstand. It's probably Melanie giving me another drunken text; she thought and rolled her eyes behind closed eyelids. Her motherly feeling kicked in soon after that and she cursed under her breath before she grabbed her phone and pressed the home button.
Hey, are you up?
A text from Dillon? She wasn't even aware he had her number and here he was texting her. Then she recalled how he had held her phone for her while she was having her panic attack and he must have put his own number in there and texted himself from her phone. She sat up straight and listened to the sound of her heartbeat that was rapidly rising. Of course she was up now but should she answer him? Damn it. She hated being curious and now Dillon had her curious as to what he wanted â even if she had a pretty good idea.
So you stole my phone to add your own number? That's not creepy at all.
She replied and eagerly waited for his response when she saw those three dots appearing at the bottom of her screen. Her first week in college had been full of surprises and she could add this one to the list. She had a sudden urge to text Melanie and talk about all that had happen, right now, and ask her for advice. After all, she knew Dillon better than Libra herself and could maybe give her some insight as to what she should do with him â give him a chance or ignore him. Dr. Fine hadn't gone to school with Dillon had he was hardly at college age anymore, and she often debated if he truly knew what was best when it came to this situation. When it came to her panic attacks he was the best person for the job but when it came to Dillon Holden Dr. Fine's outside perspective might not be so helpful after all.
This was only necessary because I don't know how else to get a hold of you.
Can you please tell me what happened to you today? I don't think I can sleep unless I know.
It's past midnight at this point, can't this wait?
Not unless you can promise me to tell me first thing tomorrow. You are depriving me of sleep here, Libra.
She stared at his latest message and bit her lip nervously. If she told Dillon why she had panicked she was bound to get a lot more follow up questions, not to mention she had to let in another person into her personal business. Libra glanced at her door and wondered if she should wake up Sophia and ask for advice, but she quickly pushed that thought away, Sophia wasn't really that receptive toward Dillon after today. Does that mean that I am receptive to him?
If I tell you, will you leave this alone?
I suppose it's too much to ask for you to keep this between us.
Of course not! I won't tell a soul about this, you have my word.
You understand that 'your word' doesn't mean much to me yet, right?
I understand that but I did help you out today, twice if I remember it right, so my word is the best I can promise you right now.
Libra re-did the bun on the top of her head and sighed. She recalled the first time she ever had a panic attack after prom night. It came two nights after while she accidently closed the door to the pantry at home. That sharp pain that build a temporary home in her stomach, how her legs no longer worked and her breathing causing her violent nausea. Her mother had been terrified for Libra and she had to spent a night in the psychiatric ward at the hospital â had it not been for Robert's good persuasion skills she would've most likely been pumped full of pills and never seen the outside of that hospital for at least a year.
I get panic attacks whenever I'm in a small place or in any locked room â it's triggered by that night at prom.
She waited at least 10 minutes for another text, making it 1:30 am when Dillon sent his next text.
I don't even know what to say...
Are they always that bad? Should I have done anything differently?
Here came the questions she wanted to ignore but it was her own fault for even telling him. Libra took a deep breath and felt a wave of stress wash over her. Now that Dillon knew about her panic attack it would be harder for him to look at her differently and she would be the same girl she was back in North Haven â the weak wallflower with baggy clothes.
I have told you the source of my problem and that is all I'm going to tell you right now.
That's alright for tonight. I don't have classes until noon tomorrow so if you want to tell me before then I'd be happy to listen.
Libra didn't bother to answer to that last text message. Instead she spent the next few minutes considering meeting up with Dillon tomorrow â and she also tried to remove that childish smile that had been plastered on her face for the last five minutes.