38. The Truth (part 1)
Libra backed into her room and watched Dillon following her with angry steps. She assumed Jason would talk to someone but not this quickly. The information Laura had told her was ringing like alarm bells inside her head and giving her courage that she didn't think she had in her. Dillon didn't have the right to be angry right now, he should be explaining himself to her instead of looking at her with those eyes beaming with anger.
She tried to get inside his head to figure out what he was thinking right now. His eyes were narrow and his stance wide when he was looking at her, waiting for her to break the silence. Now he's expecting me to say I'm sorry for talking to Jason but I'm not going to. Libra understood that his world was crumbling right now, if he was indeed guilty, and the friends he's made could be lost if they found out, she wondered if he understood what she was going through. Perhaps it was time to remind him and finally talk out loud about what happened that night.
"On prom night was the first time I ever drank alcohol," Libra started and ignored his question about Jason, "it was the first time I'd decided to try to impress any of you. I'd gotten a nice dress, Melanie was home and did my makeup and I had new shoes. I didn't want to admit it fully then but looking back on it now I realize I wanted to be looked at, just once."
Dillon was silent and his eyes went from cold to soft in seconds while hearing her speak. He could probably tell that she had a lot to get of her chest and even though his foot was tapping on the floor he kept silent. Libra had no idea where she was going with this or if it could warrant a confession from him but it felt good to talk about it openly. A wave of memories washed over her and she closed her eyes as she recalled how people had looked at her when she'd arrived that night. Dillon hadn't batted an eye in her direction, that she knew, but back then her desires for him were nonexistent.
"I should've known better than to have accepted alcohol from anyone at our school, I wasn't a drinkerâI'm not a drinker," her words failed her for a second but she kept going, "b-but I got drunk and I got scared. I knew my mom would've killed me if she found out so I thought I'd better sober myself up somehow. I knew if I asked for help someone would make fun of me, most likely one of the girls from your crew."
"Libra please don'tâ"Dillon shook his head but Libra pressed on.
"When I woke up I knew something was wrong right away. A part of me remembers being carried but I think I'm making it up in my head because I want to remember things," the tears were streaming down her face uncontrollably now, "Five long days I was stuck in there with nothing to eat, no bathroom and only dirty water to drink. I was so confused as to why someone would do this to me, to anyone. All that time in there I thought about my father and if someone had done this to kill me that I'd at least be with him."
"Stop talking now, pleaseâ"Dillon demanded and she saw the redness spread in his eyes.
Without asking him she knew that Dillon knew something he didn't want to tell her. Anger had been replaced by fear instead. In his eyes this whole room could be falling apart right now and he was standing there listening to her as the storm went on around him â soon he'd be swept away with it too. Libra shed tears not only for herself but also for Dillon, too. After this everything would change between them and whatever feelings they'd begun feeling would most likely die a little.
"In my support group I learned how accept it within myself and I used to think it was enough but I was so wrong. I know now that I have to talk about it and find out the truth so I can learn how to process this for real, I deserve at least that."
There they stood; the two of them in tears but only one of them wanting to admit it. Dillon was fighting inner demons as well as outer ones and he was losing the fight by miles. Libra had no idea why she moved toward him and wrapped her arms around him as he let out a shaky breath. When his tears hit the nape of her neck she kept her mouth shut and allowed him to cry until there were no tears left. If this was good bye than she would miss him but he had yet to confess, he hadn't said a word about it yet.
Dillon found his way to her lips and kissed her harshly between panting breaths. Their tears soon mixed together and soon she could taste them as she allowed him entry into her mouth. Their arms violently searched for different ways to hold each other tightly but they never seemed to be enough, she could no longer find him. Libra knew he wasn't going to say anything else today, this had taken him by surprise and he had shut down.
What her and Jason had or hadn't spoken to no longer mattered, she was too close to the truth now and she could sense that she would find him there. Slowly he pushed her away and backed toward the door that would lead out of this room and then he'd find his way out of her apartment â possibly her life too.
"I can'tânot yet, I justâI can't." Dillon said and bolted out of the room leaving a devastated Libra behind.