4. Potential Neighbors
To many college students staying at home on the first night, when a huge party was being thrown on campus, would be stupid â but to Libra and Sophia it was anything but. Instead of drowning themselves in plastic cups and attention hungry freshmen they had snuggled up in Sophie's bed and were watching a Netflix series. With snacks spread out around them and tucked underneath their blankets a sense of belonging came over Libra.
In high school she had rarely been to sleepovers and definitely no parties but she hadn't complain and she wasn't now either. Getting close to Sophia had been a blessing and if she needed her to stay in with her every night for three years she would â because what Sophia did for her mattered more than any party. But as great as tonight was the element of shock had yet to simmer down inside of her. The image of Dillon Holden was still on her mind and each time she thought of him the pit in her stomach enlarged.
They had spoken briefly about Dillon on the way back home but Libra was itching to lash out at him or about him rather, to Sophia. Why North Haven's bad boy had to go to this college was a mystery and it bothered her she probably wouldn't have the courage to ask why.
"Are you still thinking about Dillon or simply lost in thought?" Sophia asked. It was only then that Libra noticed she had paused their show and was now fully focused on Libra.
Libra heaved herself out of bed and started pacing around the room, "I mean, I'm just confused as to why he is here. I swear he didn't even have the grades to go to college." She hissed.
That was the one thing no one could ever pick on her for â her grades. Libra had always been a top student and would most likely continue to be. It was the only advantage she had over the world and over the popular kids at North Haven High â and she made sure to use it whenever necessary. They could tease her and mock her all they wanted, but in class she would always beat them and she knew it killed them.
"âand he didn't seem to be that surprised to see me. Do you think he came here just to torture me?" Libra clutched her chest and when Sophia laughed she snapped out of her conspiracy rant.
"I don't think he came here for you, Libra, but if you're really getting this worked up about it I think you should call Dr. Fine. Maybe he can help." Sophia suggested and pushed 'play' again.
Libra took a seat next to her but never continued focusing on the show, instead she was thinking about how to explain this to Dr. Fine so he would take her side.
The next day Libra had mustered up the courage to call Dr. Fine and tell him about Dillon. Still in her big and fluffy robe, recently out of the shower, she dialed his number and nervously waited for his voice.
"Hello, Libra, it's good to hear from you." Dr. Fine answered.
Dr. William Fine was a great therapist and support system and had been for both Libra and Sophia since they arrived to the group. Without him she doubts she would even be going to college this year, and same went for Sophia, so it was safe to say that his opinion mattered immensely to Libra.
After explaining what had happened to a silent Dr. Fine she awaited his response and hoped it wouldn't include her becoming friends with Dillon, because that was off the table.
"I couldn't have asked for a better test for you," Dr. Fine exclaimed to Libra's dismay, "see this as a challenge Libra; trying to build yourself up despite having Dillon Holden close by. I know it'll be hard but you don't go to the same classes and will hardly see each other that much. Prove to yourself that you can grow from this and become the person you want to be, the person on your vision board."
She groaned loudly and stopped from pacing her room. So the whole point of getting out of North Haven and away from the people that were possibly responsible for her traumatic experience â was all for nothing? She had worked so hard on herself this summer and didn't want to see it all go to waste. She took a look at herself in the mirror but could only see the old Libra; the quiet mouse who was barely noticed. She felt angry inside and her anger was directed toward one person â Dillon Holden.
"B-but we still don't know ifâI mean what if Dillon is the one responsible for what happened to me?" She said with a trembling voice. Once again sounding like the wounded bird she was trying to hide.
There was a silence on the other end and then a slight sigh, "You don't have to talk to him or do anything you don't want to. Try to keep going on the path you are on and I'll check in with you twice a week â and you can of course call me whenever you like. Is Sophia there with you?"
"Yes, she's in the other room right now. Actually, she was the one who suggested I'd call."
"I know," Dr. Fine said with a chuckle, "she texted me last night and informed be you might call about Dillon. It's nice to see you two care for each other and help each other on your journeys. Now, go out and continue your good work and remember how far you've come." Dr. Fine reminded her before hanging up.
'Remember how far you've come', she didn't feel like she had come far at all. As soon as she saw sight of Dillon Holden the memories of North Haven high flooded back to her and she felt as weak as before. No, she protested to herself and threw her robe on the floor. Behind her desk she pulled out her vision board that she had created with Dr. Fine. It was filled with goals she wanted to achieve and fears she had to overcome. There in the middle of the board she had plastered a quote from a Frank Herbert book called 'Dune': 'I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.'
She stared at it for a long time before deciding that Dr. Fine was right. Somehow she needed to find strength to keep going on her journey and not letting popular boy Dillon Holden break her down again, because she knew how hurtful he could be. She had seen him do it to others and had it done to her by him and his friends, but even if he hadn't changed she certainly had!
Determined to live up to her full potential she tore open her closet doors and let her eyes rake over every piece of clothing in there. Suddenly her eyes landed on the denim dress Sophie had nagged her into buying and before she knew what she was doing she had ripped it from its hanger and begun the process of putting it on.
"You should wear your hair up in a ponytail; it'll show of your face better. And you've got that new eye shadow you need to find an excuse to wear." Libra turned around and found Sophia standing in the doorway with a smirk on her face.
"How long have youâ"
"Not for long, only a few seconds," Sophia answered quickly and stepped into her room without asking. By now Libra assumed they were long passed those types of boundaries, they were practically like sisters just like her and Melanie. "When you're done getting dressed you should come out and have breakfast, I left some for you in the kitchen area. I have to go now, I have an early class." Sophia stated.
Libra nodded and patted her dress, "What do you want to do tonight? I can get some toffee popcorn and we can do another Netflix marathon if you'd like."
"Actually there is no need for that tonight, at least not for me anyway," Sophia said mysteriously, "some of the girls from my film class are meeting up to discuss a project â I'm going to tag along." She looked proud as she said those last words and Libra felt proud for her.
Sophia was actively trying to overcome her own fear so there was no excuse why Libra couldn't overcome hers, or at least continue her good work like Dr. Fine had pointed out. If Sophia dared getting out of her comfort zone of the second day then Libra didn't want to be worse.
"Alright then, in that case I might...ask if Jack wants to hang out with me after work later." She heard herself say. Even if that wasn't much it was at least something. She needed to make other friends than just Sophia.
Sophia headed for the front door and Libra followed, wanting make sure that Sophia was truly alright before ending their conversation.
"Call me if there's anything you need or if you start feeling panicked about being there, I'll be with you right away." She gave her friend a brief hug.
"You too, okay, if Dillon bothers you or if anything else happens just give me a call."
And with that Sophia headed for the elevators, but not before turning around and asking: "How will you get down?"
With a faint smile Libra felt her palms sweat, "I'll use the stairs." She answered quickly before shutting their door and retrieving back to her room to get ready for the day.
After jogging down the stairs Libra headed toward the exit but not before letting the bulletin board, in the lobby, catch her eye quickly. Someone on floor 3 was looking for an English Literature tutor and would compensate it fairly. Knowing that her mother Paula and her stepfather Robert had saved up so much to afford for both her and Melanie to follow their dreams, she knew that anything extra would count. She took a picture of the information and was just about to leave when she bumped into someone â someone she knew very well.
"Hello again, Libra, what are you doing here?" Dillon Holden fired of his best smile when he saw her. He looked as good as ever in his black faded jeans, his VANS and the plain white T-shirt that looked snug around his biceps.
Had Dr. Fine asked for him to be here just to test her or had he come to find her somehow? Well, he did ask what I was doing here. With her heart thumping hard inside her chest she took one deep breath and decided to stay true to her vision board and challenge her fear.
"I live in this building," Libra answered in a monotone tone while trying not to look at him too much. "What are you doing here?"
Dillon fired of another award winning smile before widening his stance and fixating right at her. She immediately felt nervous having his eyes wander over her. It was clear that he had noticed how much she had changed and despite disliking him she wondered what he thought of her new style.
"What a funny coincidence," Dillon exclaimed with a cheerful tone, "I actually live in this building too. Maybe we're even neighbors."