44. Total Liberation
Dillon had been hunting down Libra for hours until he found her at the parking lot outside of McDonalds. At first he'd raced to her apartment to profess his love to her but to his dismay she wasn't there. Neither Sophia nor Jack wanted to reveal anything but later Jack had texted him that Libra had gone to North Haven to see her therapist â or a little bit outside of North Haven.
He hadn't thought much about what he was going to say even though he'd had nothing but time, all he knew was what was in his heart. He wondered how long he'd been in love with her at this point; it had to have started after that dinner at the Italian restaurant. His heart had begun skipping beats around her and his palms were sweating each time he thought about touching her. Libra had indeed taken him by surprised and filled his heart with many things.
He hadn't gotten to North Haven until he felt a pressing hunger take over. He hadn't eaten much at the diner with Charlie and by the time he saw the sign for a McDonald's he felt famished. Naturally he pulled in and ate a meal inside the place before texting Charlie outside to apologize for his abrupt exit. Charlie was a good friend though, despite his lack of understanding in this situation, he accepted the apology.
Seconds later he had seen a car pull in to the parking lot and he saw Libra sitting in the driver's seat. Dillon had chuckled to himself to calm his nerves and thought that God must truly want them together â coincidence didn't work its magic this often. Quickly he realized it was now or never to talk to her and he vowed that if she drove away now he wouldn't approach this again. He'd never done a confession of love before and his nerves were feeling the pressure.
Of course Libra had been startled close to death when he'd knocked on her window and now she was almost choking. After a few minutes she managed to get air through her lungs and asked him what he was doing there â she would soon find that out, he thought.
"Actually I came to see you," Dillon said and helped her open the door once she indicated she wanted to step outside. "âand no I didn't stalk you, I just happened to be here when you showed up."
Libra looked like she doubted his reply but Dillon wouldn't give her much room for that. He knew that he had to improvise this speech but perhaps that was the best way of doing things. He had never been good at holding speeches, Libra should know since she critiqued him in high school, so it would only be fitting if he winged this one.
"Before you say anything I just wanted to tell you something," Dillon started and swallowed his saliva harshly, "after that I promise if you don't want anything to do with me I'll leave you alone forever â even if it'll kill me." He whispered the last part and was fairly sure she didn't hear it.
"Dillon; listen Iâ"Libra started but his pleading eyes forced her to stop. Her mouth closed and she crossed her arms in waiting.
"Nothing will ever erase what I did to you and I'm not trying to do so either, but I want you to understand my intentions of getting to know you this semester. You see; when the shock of seeing you had settled I knew I had been given a second chance at changing myself, a second chance if you will. I wanted you to see that I am a good person, or I was trying to better myself." He paused and took in her facial expression, she was listening cautiously.
"Every fucking day I regretted how I treated you in high school because I realized how little I knew you. But then again you didn't know me either, not the Dillon Holden I believe I had in me all along, and that's the person you know now. I know I should've told you the truth a lot sooner but I wanted to get the chance to show the true me to you first â I needed you to know that I am a good person." His voice was pleading but yet strong at the same time and Lila looked just as confused as he felt.
He felt like he could talk forever just to convince her to forgive him but he knew her mind was probably already made up. Her arms were no longer crossed and had fallen to her sides in a relaxed motion. Did she know something he didn't? He was certain she would scream and kick him for what he'd done but she hadn't reacted at all yet. A question formed in his eyes as he waited for Libra to speak and it wasn't until he was nearly gasping for breath that he'd realized he'd held it.
"What you did to me was incredible fucking stupid, Dillon, prank or no prank," Libra started,
"I know that and I'mâ"Dillon started to beg again but this time he fell silent â it was her time to talk now.
"I know you're sorry so stop saying it. The fact that you're sorry doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt me. I feel so confused about you right now; a part of me thinks you're truthful and another believes that you only befriended me to soften the blow for when you got caught." Libra's cold tone made him shiver.
Never before had he felt so small in her company and at this point she was so out of reach. For a few seconds he questioned what he was really feeling about her. Did he just want to soften the blow or was his feelings real? Comparing Libra to any other girl he'd been with or dreamt of was difficult because she was nothing like them. She was a lot smarter, calmer and not the type he thought he'd like â but everything about her was so right.
She challenges me to become better, she sees the good in me and she makes feel like I belong somewhere good. Who am I kidding? I love this girl.
Dillon wants to smile at his revelation but Libra has yet to hear him truly confess his love, to truly show her that no matter how hard she makes him work for it, he'll earn her trust back.
With daring steps he walks toward her and as surprised as she looks her body language read as calm. The nervousness he felt seconds ago had settled like after a storm and now the overwhelming feeling of hope had entered him. Dillon looked deep in to her eyes and brushed away a single tear that was making its way down her cheek.
"Libra Jones I do love you, no matter what you think I do. If that means loving you from a far I can do that, but I would love for a chance to earn your trust back again. For as long as it takes." He cups her face in his hands and sighs.
Libra blinks away more tears and smiles shyly, "âeven if it means only being my friend?" Her voice is soft but insecure.
It stung in his heart when she uttered those words and he closed his eyes for a moment; could he really just be her friend? But then he remembered that they had started out that way and even if he would always be somewhat in love with her, he'd rather have her in his life than not at all.
"Yesâeven if it only means that." Dillon whispered.
Libra shrugged herself out of his grip and looked back toward her car. The air felt thick from the heat and the black asphalt was almost glowing. Whatever happened now Dillon had at least spoken his truth andâ
"Are you hungry?" The sudden lightness of her tone surprised her and he didn't quite know what to answer.
The innocence in her eyes had returned slightly and Dillon couldn't help but to chuckle at the sudden change in mood.
"I just ate, but I could always get some fries. " He was full to no end but for her he'd eat a whole buffet.
"âand I could eat some too." She motioned for them to head inside McDonald's and Dillon followed.
He looked at her as they walked and couldn't wipe the smile of his face. He had no idea if this meant forgiveness or if this was just a lunch, but he had a feeling this was Libra's way to give him the chance he so desperately had asked for. When her hand brushed against his and she blushed Dillon breathed a sigh of relief.
Too many emotions were dancing together inside him but there was one that stood out; it was a feeling of liberation. No matter how brutal this had been and how worried he might still be after this, nothing could compare to what he had just gained: the power from total liberation.
THE END.