CHAPTER 29: I don't want my brother on a damn killing spree

Everyone has their normal side, which they show the world, and a hidden side as well. One that's concealed from the cruelty of the selfish world. One that's born of difficulties endured by the person. A step taken for protection purposes. Protecting the already weak heart they have.

Undoubtedly, I cried oceans during the tough phase of dad's death. I used to lock myself in my room for hours and just let the tears out. Somedays would be silent tears but others would be the ugly sobs that attracted Jason, Aaron, and Draven. I felt dead, weak and drained. Jason even considered getting me out of school for a while and that is when I realized how pathetic I was behaving. All my emotions were channeled into anger from that point. Anger directed at anything and anyone. I was angry that I turned into an emotional wreck. I wanted to show everyone that I wasn't that soft girl who lost her father at a tender age and therefore would require constant attention, pity, and sympathy.

I indefinitely changed. I knew I had to. Dad always said I was his strong daughter and I made sure I lived up to his expectations.

But Caleb. Stupid, moronic Caleb. He drew the inner me out yesterday night. I realize I made a grave mistake by crying and letting my emotional side out in front of him. I barely know him. It would be almost a month since I met him and we've only had a few conversations, yes. I've never even shared my inner feelings with my own brothers and I did that with Caleb yesterday.

I groan at my questionable actions and pull at my hair. I was currently sitting in my tent, my mind far away from the symphony of Billie Eilish's songs. I get out of my tent, zipping it up rather angrily, and walk off for some fresh air which could hopefully take my mind off all this.

"Mind me joining?"

Ugh. The phrase 'talk of the devil' would be more than appropriate here.

"Yes."

"I'll still join you, angry bird."

"Don't give me nicknames, Caleb." My cold voice escapes its box and I keep my gaze fixed on the bridge I'm walking toward.

"Are you okay?" I can practically feel the concern seeping through his voice but I take a deep breath, refusing to fall to his feet like I did yesterday.

"What makes you think I'm not?"

Silence.

I have no idea why I feel a pang of guilt in my chest while being rude to Caleb. But I swallow it as he needs to know that I'm not going to be close to him in any way. To him, I may be just another play toy who he can use his charm on and get anything out. I was stupid enough to soften to his touch and I almost told him everything. Frustration takes over me again and I cross my arms as I continue staring at the still lake.

"Uh...you wanna come at that place on that other side of the lake tonight?" I can feel his strong, penetrating gaze on my face but I choose to ignore because I know the moment I look into his puzzling eyes, I will get lost and blabber any shit that my stupid heart tells me to spew.

"Sorry, no." Even my sorry seems rude but I brush it off and continue, "We have to leave tomorrow and I haven't had my sleep. We both need rest, I think."

"But yesterday-

"Yesterday happened and it was fun, okay? I'll see you around." I walk away from him, a strange feeling settling at the pit of my stomach.

I'm right. This is right. There is nothing wrong about this.

As I continue convincing myself, time passes swiftly and the night quickly rolls in. I'm still holed up in the tent despite Maddie's never-ending lectures of the benefits of being social.

I only know one.

Ogling at hot boys.

But there is a slight problem with that. There seems to be a shortage of hot boys in our school – in fact, none. So there is really no point of going out and sitting amidst cliques that do nothing but get drunk and make out and holler like freaking pack dogs.

The zip of the tent suddenly goes down and a mop of curly brown hair comes into view. I smile and signal for him to come in while making space for him.

"Why are you here all alone?"

"You know me. I bask in my own company." I grin and offer him some of the orange juice I was gulping down a few hours back. It was a temporary substitute for wine to diminish the craving I've been having. I'm pretty sure, even if the wine isn't here, that I'm already high on the extreme amounts of orange juice in my system as of now.

"Right. The lone wolf." He ruffles my hair and I slap his hand away.

"What are you doing here anyway, Jason?"

"Just came to check up on my baby sister. You know me. Always worried."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire. Come on, spill." I snap my fingers and smirk at how much of a bad liar he is.

It basically runs in the family.

"Are you upset at what Veronica said today?" Jason says as calmly as possible but I still don't miss his jaw tightening as Veronica's name rolls off his lips. It was like he was naming the killer of his baby pandas.

"So that's why you're here. Jason, she's a bitch. You know the extents to which she can stoop. I've learned to ignore her and if it comes to the worst, then I know I can fight back." I look down at my crossed legs and play with the beige quilt. Yeah, I learned because a particular someone encouraged me.

Ugh. Hands off that particular grey-eyed box thrown far away at the back of your head, Summer.

"So you don't want me to rip her head off? Hers and her stupid little gnome-like followers?"

"I don't want my brother on a damn killing spree, Jason." We both chuckle and he holds my hand affectionately.

"Hey, I know you and your methods of dealing with things. If there's anything at all that you want me to do or anything you wanna tell me, you know I'm here, right? You're not alone, sis." He whispers and for the first time ever since ages, I feel an emotional connection to Jason. I agree we four siblings haven't exactly been close ever since dad died. But I feel, right now, that things could be changed if we do it right.

I hug him and let out a quiet 'yes'.

"Thank you. You should go before Aaron realizes you're missing and goes hunting for his dear old brother." I laugh and get out of his embrace. He nods and stands up, unzipping the tent.

"How many of those have you had again?" I look at the juice boxes and grin.

"Enough..."

His melodious chuckle fills the tent and he gets out.

"Early morning tomorrow. Remember."

Again, as he left it became silent apart from the distant shouts that came from the rest of the boys and girls. I sigh and lay down, the old tent top being the only thing I could see. This would be a damn long night.

***

I saunter towards the little clearing I discovered yesterday night and brush my fingers through the small number of flowers that grew on the side of the path. I knew it I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. My tossing and turning luckily didn't wake Maddie up since she was knocked off by all the tiredness of the party outside.

What am I thinking? I clearly declined Caleb's offer on meeting up tonight and still, here I am. I close my eyes, trying to forget about Caleb and try to relish the peace that came along with solitude near the lake.

"Thought you wanted to rest."

So much for trying to forget him.

I didn't answer. I don't know why. I didn't have an answer, probably. I decided to ignore him. Maybe that would finally chase him away as he realizes I'm a lunatic. I've already let myself get too close to him and I still have to figure out why my senses go haywire whenever he inches closer to me.

Distance is good.

"You're not sleepy?" I shake my head merely. Now he was standing beside me and I could already feel his strong scent seeping into my nostrils and knocking the living sense out of them.

It's already fucking happening.

I'm frustrated by his stupid effect on me and I take a small step to my left. Even if he was bothered by my action, he doesn't show it.

"Anything wrong?" Again, his deep, velvety voice contrary to the silent surrounding rings in my ears.

Can I pull out my ears?

"No."

"Then why are you here?"

"You got a problem?"

"I'm just wondering why you said no to me today afternoon then. Or you just wanted to surprise me?" I could see his grin from the corner of my eye and he bumps his shoulder on mine.

"What the hell do you want?!"

He is taken aback by my reaction as his eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is slightly hanging.

"Summer, hey, what's with the attitude?" His face is practically the definition of a question.

"You're annoying me. That's what it is." I grit my teeth and I know I'm forcing myself to the very best to say all this shit to his face. Even in the dark, I could see his face slightly due to the lamps hanging above us. His grey eyes flash with hurt and I want to just be his friend again and laugh with him but I know I can't. Caleb and I...we are just too different. The moments I've spent with him were a tad too intimate compared to how I've interacted with other people. I can't get too close to anyone, my mind reckons.

"Did Veronica say anything to you?" His soft and concerning voice breaks my chain of thoughts and I'm overwhelmed at his solicitude despite my rude behavior toward him.

"She did nothing! Why don't you just drop this subject, Caleb? You don't have to pry in my fucking personal life." I turn and cross my arms over my chest, confused over what to feel about him. At one point, I want to stay away from him and at another, I want to just laugh with him and continue to be overwhelmed with his presence. At one point, I want to pull his hair out and at another, I still want to be friendly to him.

"So now you think that I'm prying into your life? You're the one who decided to tell me the truth about why Veronica is troubling you. Your dad and everything! What's suddenly gotten into you?"

"I reckon that. And it was a clear mistake." My cold voice bites through the air and for a moment, he stays quiet, his jaw ticking like a fucking time bomb.

I take that signal and decide to go back to my tent as I didn't want the matter to worsen. Of course, destiny has other plans for me and I'm pulled back by my wrist in his iron-like grip. I grunt and glare at him, trying my best to squirm out of his hold.

There. The familiar warmth is on my wrist and I have the fucking audacity to say that... it feels good. My mind is seriously going bonkers.

"Let go of me, Caleb."

"It was a mistake?" I choose to ignore his question and I look away from his eyes. He suddenly releases my hand and murmurs a 'fine' before strutting away. His broad shoulders are tense, I could see, and his fists clenched as well.

I'm a mess, aren't I?

***

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