CHAPTER 48: My life is just a bunch of whats

After possibly watching all the interesting movies on Netflix, all possible ten seasons of Friends, I still cannot find a way to discharge all the pent up boredom which is slowly reconstructing into frustration.

The mess in my room can very well elucidate that.

All the take away boxes of pizza, Chinese food, Indian curry, Thai food – you name it – are currently strewn all over my floor, making it seem as if a damn tornado destroyed my room. I literally experimented with every food every day just to score a point against the demon of boredom hovering over me.

Oh, and also to burn a hole in Jason's pocket. I will admit the only time I ever had fun was catching a glimpse of the irritated expression on Jason's face every time he had to pay for my food expenses and actually deliver it to my room, and then banging the door as he left.

Right now, the vexation in me is at its peak since it is raining and I don't think any delivery man could make it all the way here. Besides, I'm craving for a milkshake. I reach out for my phone and widen my eyes at the time. I did not know I could spend 6 hours without eating anything.

Annoyed at the recent turn of events in this house, I storm out of my room to go to the kitchen. I take out the blender from the cabinet and gather the ingredients I need. 'Snowflakes' surely did teach me how to make the goddamn best milkshakes ever.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

Oh god. One more day in that room and I'll officially lose my sanity.

"Do you want any help?"

I flinch at the voice and drop the tablespoon of sugar in the blender. I turn around quickly, shoot her a glare and turn back to get the spoon out.

"I guess not."

My mouth forms a thin line and I fumble with the lid to close the blender.

"Can I talk to you?"

I turn the switch of the blender and the noise drowns out her question. Well, not really since I actually heard it. What even does she have to talk about? With me, that too.

Let's see. How she left a few-months-old baby in her father's hands? How she did not care to communicate with us at all for the past 17 years? Or why she suddenly made a grand entrance at our doorstep, expecting an equally grand welcome party?

I switch it off and walk past her to grab a glass. I can see how she is desperately staring at me, waiting for an answer, but I ignore her to devour my delicious milkshake.

Until I realize I forgot to add in the damn sugar.

Thanks for the distraction, woman.

I groan and angrily dump a hell load of sugar in the blender. I suddenly stop because I just heard...I think I just heard her crying. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning to face her.

"What?"

She gives me a teary look before shivering and taking tissue out of the box on the counter. When did that get there?

"I just...I know you guys...d-do not want me here. But I-I-I...I'm your mother."

"Yeah, I think you proved that years ago."

She sighs as if expecting this answer. Good, you know what your children will say.

"You have to understand my helplessness at that time, honey. Three children are a handful and then on top of that...you came. Your father-

"Oh, so I was the burden, huh?"

Ouch.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong." She rubs her forehead and steps closer to me. I cross my arms and give her a steely glare, prompting her to speak before I lose my shit and toss the blender contents on her shirt.

"All I'm saying is that...the pressure was building up. Your father and I were so excited to have you when I was pregnant with you," she smiles and holds my arm, "but he was rarely around. His workload was huge and sometimes, I never even got to see him. It became difficult to handle everything and after you were born, I just...I fled." My fists are balled right now but I still cannot bring myself to mask the hurt on my face.

"I know that was absolutely wrong on my part, honey. But I'm back now. I made a grave mistake and I realized how bad of a mother I am. Please give me a second chance to rectify my mistake. Please." Her glistening eyes bore into my own and her hands take hold of mine.

How could I? After so long? We had to fend for ourselves when dad left. In fact, she did not even attend dad's funeral. And she still talks about taking part in our lives after we've grown up miserably?

I step away from her and lean against the counter opposite her, crossing my arms as I prepare to let out words from my dry mouth.

"I don't know what you felt at that time. And yes, maybe it was wrong of dad, to some extent, to leave you alone at such a time. But did you really think that he doesn't love you anymore or he doesn't want to nurture the family you created? You, of all people, should know him! A goddamn workaholic. You made an impulsive decision, Lena." I turn around to blink away the tears at the brim of my eyes.

"Summer...honey, I'm sorry. Please don't deprive me of the right to be your mother." I can hear the desperation and sadness in her voice, but I still want to ignore that because a powerful feeling in me right now, is emerging.

"Right to be our mother?" I scoff and turn around. "You lost that the day you walked out on us. This is crazy!" I pull at my hair and stare at her. "How the hell can you demand a second chance? Oh my god. You left us. You erased our chapter. Forever. And it is not that easy to press play as if it happened mere moments ago. You have lost your chance. You should leave." By now, I am face-to-face with her, breathing down her face, ensuring that my hard expression does not falter.

"Okay." She nods meekly and looks at her feet. "You have every right to be angry with me. I...I will not ask anything from you right now. Let's not talk about this, okay?"

I nod and walk past her to get back to my awaiting milkshake. I put the chocolate chunks in and assume she has left but the next words that tumble out of her mouth are equally terrifying as her first ones were.

"Are you with that boy, Caleb Anderson?"

I whip my head at her incredulously. What is up with her today?

"What?"

"Are you...dating him?"

"No!" I roar and get back to my milkshake, shaking my head at her choice of questions today.

"I just wanted to tell you something about him."

Now, that's maybe interesting.

"What?"

"He's the son of Jacob and Ella Anderson. Your father's rivals."

"I know that already. How is that supposed to affect me?" I quip, raising a spoon dramatically.

"Well, back then, before we had you and Aaron, your father finally built his firm independently. Just as he wished. But his happiness was a little short-lived when Jacob Anderson came into the picture."

I remember how his neutral look at me changed into a menacing one the day he met me and got to know I was William Jones' daughter.

"They were huge rivals. Your father protected very big dignitaries back then. In fact, when Jacob knew how successful William was, he resorted to bribing people and convincing them to take him up as their lawyer. But you know your father. His work was just too good that he had no problem covering it all up and still emerging first." She smiles slightly and stirs the milkshake in the blender.

"One day, Jacob presented to your father a huge money offer. He tried to buy his firm and promise him a life of luxury. Your father humiliated him and stubbornly refused him. We even had dinner with them and that's when William became furious and turned down Jacob's offer. I thought the money was good for our growing family but your father still could not go against his principles. Besides, I hated his wife. What a bitch." I raise my eyebrows at her choice of words but shake my head since it is practically the truth.

That woman carries up her nose as if it would fall from the fake plastic surgery she's had.

Sorry, Caleb. But it is the truth.

Ugh. Remind me why I'm thinking of that featherbrain again?

Right. Because this woman reminded me of him.

"Whatever. Dad's not here now. So I think we can stop thinking about the Andersons." I sigh inaudibly at dad's thoughts. I quickly turn and switch on the blender so that I can finally get out of this sticky situation and haul ass to my room.

"But I'm just saying all this because I'm worried about you. Jacob's son might be playing around with you as well."

Guess what? He already has.

I turn the switch up a notch to increase the speed so that I could drown out her voice. But she just switches the main switch off and turns to look at me.

"That boy is bad news, Summer. At least listen to this one thing from me."

"I don't need to listen to anything you say." I fume and grit my teeth, still glaring at her for ruining my precious milkshake time.

"But Caleb-

"I don't like him for his family, but for who he really is!" I roar and I think my heart just skipped a beat.

What?

My life is a bunch of whats.

What the hell did I just say?

"You...l-like him?" She stares at me, horrified and appalled by my words. Taking that in, I raise my chin and nod sharply.

"Yes. And you can't just march into my life and start advising me on boys I should hang out with. I don't think you should have a hand in that part of my life because you already lost that right. I'm not those girls who share their high school fun details with their mom, sipping on milkshakes on a sunny day. Apparently, I did not have a mom."

"But I am your mom."

I pour my milkshake in the glass and slam it down hard but still gentle enough so it cannot break.

"I am tired of saying this. So, listen carefully. You lost your position as our mother. I cannot and will certainly not accept you as my mother and ignore what you did. So, why don't you just quit the act and leave me be?" I assert and grab my glass, furiously marching towards my room.

Oh sweet mother of pizza, did I just admonish my own...mother?