CHAPTER 53: Are you drunk?

Right now, I want nothing more than to escape reality and travel to some faraway tropical beach, maybe sip on some Mai Tai's and ogle at the shirtless boys playing ball on the beach.

That still feels wrong though, I don't know why.

Or I did not also mind carousing shamelessly on my bed, browsing through the episodes of the Vampire Diaries, with no one constantly on my neck.

With that, I mean, the woman who lives in this house, calling herself my mother.

Yeah, unbelievable and utterly stupid, but I still haven't accepted her sudden arrival.

Admittedly, I have been obviously distracted with Jason and Caleb and break in's and what not. The mayhem in my mind at least terminated any abysmal thoughts on my mother but eventually, when I finally got to be alone, those thoughts and the heaviness they brought, kicked back in and I find myself in the same cycle again and again.

"You are awfully quiet and that scares me. Who else do you have to rescue, superhero sis?" Jason breaks my reverie, handing me a bag of chips and taking a seat next to me on the couch. I shake my head, not wanting to let him on in my perceptions. He would definitely lose his shit considering how happy he is after our mother's return.

"Hate to break it to you, but I think you're the only moron over here who can get himself into such shit," I say and rip open the bag, gluttonously biting into the chips.

"Blah, blah, blah. Where's your partner?" He asks while wiggling his thick eyebrows. My partner?

Huh.

Caleb and I did not talk much after the great rescue of Jason, mostly due to the fact that I had no will to talk to him. But yet, that did not mean he called a halt to the perpetual texts I was currently receiving from him. The fear of the mutual feelings we both have for each other is eating away at me, chipping away all common sense and only leaving a pit full of rhetorical questions and imprudent assumptions.

What is there to talk about? I think he should get the hint that I don't want to like him that way.

But I do like him that way. A lot.

Oh god. What am I going to do about myself and my stupid fears?

"He is not my partner, Jason." I roll my eyes and say. "Be glad he saved your sorry ass."

"Jeez, someone's overprotective."

"Oh, fuck off." I hit him with a pillow and he chuckles, pinching my leg and earning a glare from me.

"Asshole," I mutter before dragging my blanket over me and continue to dig into the chips.

"But, if it helps then I did thank him."

Oh.

"Really?" I ask while blankly staring at the screen in front of me all the while dancing internally at the celebration of my brother and Caleb erasing their frivolous, macho fights.

"Yeah. We...uh, actually just happened to bump into each other and then I thanked him."

"Mm-hmm. Interesting."

"You know, he's actually not that bad of a guy."

"Oh, really?" I turn, his statement suddenly piquing my curiosity, raising an eyebrow in question. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't these two apparently boys who decided their egos were bigger than Canada, fighting over the pettiest things like girls, and glaring at each other as if with the aim of burying each other six feet underground?

"Don't give me that look, sis. I can be forgiving." He gives me a dismissive look and then proceeds to scrutinize the hem of my blanket pensively.

I snicker at his words and sit straight to pull his cheeks, earning a groan and a glare from him.

"Looks like you two are having fun."

I snap my head towards her, taking in her wide smile and the shopping bag in her hand.

"Until you arrived," I mutter under my breath, ensuring Jason did not get one word from that or he would use the same damn blanket to suffocate me for deprecating mommy dearest. I kick off my blanket and begin walking to my room, suddenly desirous of the peace and vacantness my room brought. But alas, dear old mom cannot, for the love of God, let me off the hook so easily.

"Summer, could you wait, please? I need to talk to you all." She offers a kind smile and I roll my eyes, crossing my arms and nodding my head tentatively – all for Jason.

"I want us to have a family dinner tonight. It's been almost three weeks since I've been here and not once, have we all attempted to spend time as a family." She looks at me and I swear to god, my – luckily imperceptible – scowl is right on the surface, ready to emerge at any wrong words that escape her mouth.

"That's a great idea, mom. We will all be there. Right, Summer?" Jason offers a soft smile at her before turning towards me, tilting his neck in expectance. My jaw clenches at the sense of foreboding and I have the hankering to dart out of this room and never return; nonetheless, I nod stiffly, lowering my gaze to hide the fury in my eyes.

"Great. It's settled then. I already told Aaron about it today morning. Jason, could you please inform Draven as well."

"Of course, mom." He smiles and takes out his phone, no doubt texting Draven about it.

Ugh. What a malleable brother I have.

I don't waste a second in scurrying to my room, panic and apprehension taking over my features. How the hell am I supposed to go through this dinner without losing the little amount of sanity I have left? How am I supposed to spend a whole meal in the same room as the woman who abandoned her children when they needed her the most?

How?

How?

HOW?

In my flustered state, I catch sight of the wine bottle lying on my messed up bed, practically calling for me. In less than a second, the bottle is in my hand, uncorked, and I take a huge swig out of it. I inhale and close my eyes, rubbing my forehead slowly, the trepidation settling in little by little.

***

I absolutely cannot, for the life of me, concoct a logical excuse at this time, in order to get out of that stupid family dinner; the fact that I'm slightly drunk is enough to guarantee that the dinner is obviously going down. I sway slightly in front of my bathroom mirror, gripping the sink tightly and taking in a deep breath. I walk out of the room, my anxious steps creating more sound than they actually are supposed to. I push the flyaway strands from my face, pushing them into the rest of the hair which is corralled into a low ponytail. I chose a simple olive green top and leggings for tonight, hoping I will not receive any kind of comments from my mother.

Before I could take one more step, I suddenly trip but a strong grip holds me in place. I wince and look up to a bemused Draven, dressed in a black shirt and black jeans.

"Hey, handsome hulk." I grin and pat his shoulder in what can be perceived as a sister simply complimenting her well-built anger-issues-guy brother who dresses like this once in a blue moon. But his sharp glare tells me he is feeling something far from appreciative.

"Are you drunk?"

Huh. Straight to the point.

"No. Why would I be drunk?" I scoff, re-adjusting my long sleeves for the tenth time.

"I can see an empty wine bottle on your bed, Summer. What is wrong with you?" He hisses before looking around and spotting Aaron coming towards us.

"Hey, Aaron. Why do you look like you just killed a puppy?" I ask, pouting slightly and dodging the nudges Draven gives me.

"Is it that obvious? Should I try to smile more?" He rushes out, eyes widened, and grins like a Cheshire cat.

A really creepy Cheshire cat.

"Hey, bud?" I ask and lean in towards Aaron. "Why don't you try and keep those teeth in, huh? Be natural," I wink before walking away. "like me."

The scent of the chicken fettuccine alfredo wafts in the kitchen area, my mother standing near the stove, cooking like a happy old woman.

I should be practically called dead from within considering the fact that no emotional feelings in me are getting aroused despite someone, for the first time in years, is standing in our kitchen, cooking for us.

Jason is already seated on a barstool near the counter – yes, we do not have a table -, munching on some cheesy garlic bread, bobbing his head to some 90s music.

Wow. Talk about the perfect picture of a family dinner.

Except that in many ways, it is certainly not perfect. Going along the lines, everything is not as it seems, I roll my eyes and take the seat at the end of the counter, near the door.

Coincidence? No. Total conspiracy.

In a few minutes, the dishes and plates are set on the table and we all take our seats. Draven sits next to me and Aaron next to him, while opposite him sit Jason and mom. I pop the cork off the wine bottle and pour everyone some.

"Summer, honey, aren't you a little young to be having wine?" She asks me, amusement flickering in her hazel eyes.

"What's a little freedom on such a pleasant day, right?" I say, pressing my lips together and mustering the fakest smile I could.

"Yes, absolutely."

I fill my glass more than I intend to and my mind suddenly registers the fact that I may be indeed drunk as Draven pointed out. I rub my temples and take slow sips of my wine.

"I think you've had enough." Draven leans in and whispers, signaling for me to put away my glass. I narrow my eyes at him and turn away with my chin raised high.

Why does everyone like telling me what to do? I am not a child.

"Dig in, everyone," Mom announces, pointing excitedly towards the pasta dish. I serve my plate with a very little amount of pasta, the heaviness in my stomach filling me with angst galore. I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach as I play around with the pasta using my fork. I take a small bite and as much as I want to criticize her and her food, I have to bite my tongue in order to erase the negative comments I had in mind. The food is absolutely delectable and Jason and Aaron voice my thoughts, a few seconds later.

"The food is great, mom."

"Yeah!"

"Thank you, boys. Did you...like it, Summer?" I look up from my plate, straight into her eyes as she holds a nervous smile. I nod grimly, suddenly feeling queasy at all her questions being directed at me. I drink more of my wine as the rest break out into conversations, mostly about Jason's good grades and Aaron's soccer background.

"This is so nice. Hearing about my kids' achievements." She smiles, blinking and holding Jason's hand.

Ugh. Spare me the glib talk.

I should have ran away to Maddie to spend some time with her. I would rather listen to her maunder on and on about her hopeless crush on Aaron and sudden three-second crushes on hot celebrities, than sit here, half-drunk by the way, and listen to this woman while knowing half of her words are fake.

No, seriously. I can bludgeon my head on this table with the wine bottle if necessary. I will at least die at the hands of my love.

Okay, yeah. I am totally drunk.

I continue listening to everyone talking to her like it is all so normal, drinking the wine with equanimity. My pasta is still untouched, save for that one bite I had before, but I can still stomach drinking.

Like the way drunk people can.

Suddenly feeling vexed and irritated for everything she's been doing and for what I've been enduring for the last three weeks, I take in a deep breath and muster on a calm expression. I wait for their conversations to simmer down, waiting like a predator about to pounce.

Her eyes suddenly meet mine and I shoot her a wry smile while sipping on my second glass of wine, unknown to her.

Bingo.

"So..." My slow words pique everyone's attention and I no longer care about the fact that Jason wanted me to behave properly in front of her. Screw everything. I am done with this inane bullshit.

"What quid pro quo do you have in mind with this sudden return of yours?" I ask and Draven suddenly coughs while Jason freezes. Her smile turns into a frown and she looks around before talking.

"What do you mean?"

"Surely you did not just come back all of a sudden to hear about what your kids have done the past 17 years, right? I mean, there has to be some reason."

"What reason could there be? I'm your mother and I just wanted to correct my blunder from years back." She tentatively speaks, holding her wine glass with a tight grip.

"Mm. Years back. Exactly why it's a little surprising, don't you think?" I smile, downing the wine I had left. I am obviously aiming at goading her until the dinner is ruined and I can escape this farce she has set up.

"Summer..." Jason warns, giving me a look that clearly said control-your-mouth.

"What? I'm simply questioning her."

I could take so much of her blandish smiles and talks. I have a sense when it comes to fake people and right now, this entire thing screamed that word. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for an answer, and take the wine bottle to pour some in my empty glass.

"I think that's enough, Summer." She says, shooting me a tight-lipped smile.

"I will d-drink as much as I want to..."

"Oh my god." She suddenly shoots up from her seat, almost knocking over her glass of wine.

Excuse me? Does she have an intention to waste my goddamn wine? Now I dislike her even more.

"Are you drunk?" An incredulous expression is plastered on her face and I smirk at her reaction, amused at seeing her so riled up. I nod dramatically and take a swig directly from the bottle.

"But-but...why would you...Summer...?"

I roll my eyes at her dramatic antics and lean back in my chair, staring at her flustered state and Jason's furious expression.

"What is wrong with you?" He shouts, standing up from his barstool and toppling it over. I flinch a little but manage to keep up my calm expression.

"Nothing, Jason."

"Care to explain why you came to this dinner...drunk?"

"Your answer is in your question itself." I snicker slightly before sighing. "Dinner. Obviously. Why would I want to have dinner with her?"

"Enough!"

"Jason!" She suddenly speaks up, raising a hand to stop him from talking, and turns towards me.

"What is this behavior, Summer? I have tried my very best to make it up to all of you. And it even seemed like you were actually warming up to me. But this? I thought my children were better than showing up drunk to dinner." She scoffs, her voice breaking with each and every word.

"Mom, relax..." Aaron says.

"What do you mean you thought your children are better than this? You don't even know us properly!" I suddenly stand too, the anger in me bubbling right under the surface.

"But I am trying, aren't I?" She shouts back.

"You trying is not enough. In fact, we don't want your trying. I told you before and I will gladly repeat it for the last time. We are fine without you. We don't need you now. You can't make it up to us for these 17 years lost." I state and make eye-contact with her, trying to show her how dead serious I actually am and hoping that this time, the message will actually penetrate her hearing senses.

"Actually, she can." Jason pipes in, holding her shoulder and shooting me an icy glare.

"What?" I croak out, the air suddenly feeling heavy and humid. My armpits feel wet and the nape of my neck feels hot. It feels like I've been run over by a truck over and over again. The huge blow on my mind takes a toll on my frozen brain and I lose it completely. I punch the counter, earning a gasp from her and as much as it hurts like a bitch, the only thing on my mind right now is Jason's indirect rejection.

"What the hell did you say, Jason?" I grit my teeth, gripping the wine bottle so tight that I fear it could break into a million shards right there.

"I said, she can. She can make it up to us. She has made it up to us. Just here mere effort of returning to us and truly making an effort to know us is enough for me to know real family. Right now, looking at you makes me want to punch a wall, Summer."

I take a step back, reeling from the blow of his words.

"Jason..."

My head snaps towards the woman standing there like a mannequin, undoubtedly watching everything fall apart right in front of her eyes and earning a good show from the huge scene.

"This is all because of you," I say, pointing towards her with a bloody hand.

"What did I do? Are you blaming me?"

"Yes! For fuck's sake, yes! I hold you culpable for all this. You turned my own brother against me." I shout, hot tears springing at the corner of my eyes.

"Summer!" Draven blocks my view of her, holding my pointed finger and dropping it down.

"You should go back to your room and freshen up. We'll talk about this later." He closes his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows, and sighs deeply.

"Draven...even you?" I mumble, a tear freely escaping my eye and rolling down my left cheek. The knot in my stomach tightens and my vision blurs slightly but I inhale deeply and take a few more steps away from them.

"Jason, Draven, Aaron..." I mutter, looking at each one of them, siding with this woman who destroyed our family. I give her one last glare before opening the door and bolting downstairs. My wine bottle clanks against the walls and I shift it to the wounded hand, hurting it more in the process. But I don't care. Right now, something in my chest is seizing and the more the tears flow down my cheeks, the more it begins to hurt. I run out of the gate towards nowhere in particular.

It might be an odd sight; a young girl with blotchy cheeks running not-so-gracefully with a wine bottle in her hand.

Absurd.

The anger and annoyance of that woman is now replaced with an odd feeling of hurt from what feels like...betrayal. My brothers' faces flash in my mind one by one as I keep running until I reach the park where I used to play with dad. I sit on one of the benches, breathing heavily and sobbing like a maniac.

How can they do this to me?

I look at my wine bottle, staring at it like it would provide me some answers. Come on, bottle, give me some answers. Or genie, come out. Come out and tell me why my closed ones keep hurting me. Tell me why everyone screws me around like a damn toy. Why do they think I have no feelings and that they could say anything to me?

I uncork the bottle and chug down the rest of the wine. I sigh and open my eyes blearily, suddenly aware of the stupid thing I just did. I cannot spend the night out in the park considering I'm already shivering from the cold breeze. My mind throws an idea at me out of the blue and I nod to myself idiotically.

In my drunken stupor, I stand – no, stagger – and start swaying towards my intended destination. With each step, the torturous thoughts continue swimming in my mind, nagging at me like I'm some sort of robot and these things don't matter to me.

I can certainly not condone her pretense to be one big, happy family – surely there is more.

I climb up the creaky stairs in the dark, my wine bottle still clanking against the wall and showing me where I'm not supposed to walk into.

How can she think her explanation is actually plausible? She's got another thing coming if she thought she could dupe me with her teary eyes and coaxing words.

I sigh as I finally see the door. Perfect. All I need is some alone time and hopefully, when I wake up tomorrow morning, everyone will come back to their senses including my moronic brothers. And then, maybe everything will be back to normal. With that thought, I open the door and stumble inside the room.