Chapter 19: ❁mountains

❁Mountains

When John stood in front of the sturdy, burgundy door, his blood pressure soared, as though he had been approached by a drunk bull. John was about to knock on the door. It was six in the evening. He had to get home to Metilda.

But he retracted his hand a second later, his knuckles had barely touched the door. As he waited for Jannet to open the door, the moment she confessed her feelings for him flashed in-front of his eyes.

"I've been getting all these signs that you might like me." Jannet whispered bleary-eyed. She was drunk, not enough to lose control. She walked on her own and knew well enough what she was saying.

It was another party gone wrong. She was a broken hearted woman who always wore a strong face. He was a tired man who had nowhere to go.

John didn't say anything. He honestly didn't know what to say.  They walked along the cold sidewalk for few minutes.

Jannet stopped walking.

John turned around.

Blue eyes blinking with tears took him in. John stiffly held out his blazer. "Are you cold?"

"A coat won't help with that." She sniffed.

It was strange for him to see her like that, to see the woman who barked orders at juniors, who didn't flinch once before pulling out her gun, who stood still in the face of danger, to see her crying. It was really strange.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't explain it."

She wore a gold sequined dress. Jannet was a stunning woman but John never really found any woman beautiful after Metilda. Not because Metilda was the most beautiful women alive but rather because she was so close to his soul. She was part of him, a part no human could ever replace.

He stared at her. The city lights blinked. Cars flew by. Wind rustled in between the empty spaces.

"Do you?" She whispered. Tears frozen on cheeks. Ice blue eyes held his captive.

"Do I what?"  John stood still, a coward who refused to head to the warning sirens.

The city was alive yet dead. There were lights but there were no humans. Just two lost soul wandering on a rusted path. Yet the city pulsed, in the sound of tires hitting the gravel, in the distant sound of drunk teenagers muttering profanities. It was throbbing. Houston was watching. It was watching them make mistakes.

"Do you understand what I'm going through?"

He blinked once, twice. "No."

"I don't want to be the home wreaker. I'm not that kind."

"You cannot wreak what is already broken."

Something sparked inside her mellow eyes. John should have quenched the fire right then but his lonely heart wasn't listening. He needed someone and it was wrong. What is the use of morality that cannot be used?  What is the use of noble values when not applied?

She took tentative steps towards. Stunning as she was, each step seemed as though it had been hit by lightning.

She held his jaw and kissed him.

And he kissed her back but as he did he saw a pair of honey eyes disappearing from his sight.

"Metilda"

John lowered his gaze to the doormat. Welcome.

This was it. This was goodbye.

Jannet opened the door a minute later. His heart felt heavy. The guilt has already begun eating him alive. She grinned at him, wearing another golden dress. She twirled in her spot. Her happiness, which he was about to shatter in a minute, made her face glow.

His head thrummed. A weight so heavy lay on his shoulders that they ached. So this is what hell felt like?

"...you came right on time. The New Year's party will start in half an hour or so we have plenty of time to get ready. Oh, this year is going to be great."

"Jannet." John sighed. He had to do this. This couldn't go on any longer. Regardless of Metilda, he couldn't lead Jannet on like this.

"Ah, why aren't you dressed?" She placed her hands on his chest, her finger ran along the collar of his shirt. "Not that you don't look dashing but John this is the biggest party of the year. At-least make an effort."

"Jannet!" He spoke a bit louder. It was loud enough to make Jannet jump back in surprise. Her blue eyes wide.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do us anymore."

She looked at him. It was like she was looking at him for the very first time. Her mind understood the signs long before heart had started accepting them.

He wasn't the broken man anymore. There he stood tall and strong. He was being truthful for the very first time, to himself and to her.

"From our first kiss, it wasn't me who kissed you ever.  It was the loneliness inside me. Throughout this entire relationship, I was never there. It was a man I don't know. A man who had been hiding from his demons. I was being a coward. Jannet, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the mess I've made. I'm sorry for hurting you,"

She smiled and sighed. "She's back, isn't she?'

"What?"

"She's back in your heart. Your wife"

"To be honest, she never left."

Jannet bit her bottom lip. She wouldn't cry, she knew. "Good Luck then. I had a nice time with you."

John was slightly taken aback. "That's it. You're not going to beat me up or anything."

"Do you want me to?" She laughed, curly strands of hair bounced her off shoulders. "I'm not a child, John. I saw the signs from miles away. Twenty-seven years old and I've dated plenty guys to know when they're interested."

"Then why? If you knew. Why hurt yourself?"

She smiled, again-vainly. "Just go."

He opened his mouth.

"John. Please."

"Take care."

She didn't reply.

❁❁❁

John entered an empty, one story house. He collapsed on floor near the entrance. Metilda hadn't listened to him after all. He shouldn't have expected her to either.

He could really use a couple shots or more. Alcohol wasn't a good solution.

He knew what his problem was. Even though Jannet hadn't shown it, he had hurt her. He had hurt Metilda too. He slammed his hand into the door. A loud crackle thundered through the house.

John didn't think this burden was ever going to leave his shoulders. Somehow, he had to find a way to live with it.

❁❁❁

Metilda and Louis stepped inside. Louis had a cherry lollipop while Metilda wore an emotionless face. She looked exhausted. On the other hand, Louis looked like a bubble of energy.

"Mommy, mommy. I want to eat ice cream and soda."

"No. Come on, time for sleep. Tomorrow's a big day."

It was the day of the twelfth kiss.

"Why is tomorrow a 'big day'? Is everything gonna be big on big day? Like big mousy pancakes?"

"Louis." Metilda smiled, slightly. "I'll tuck you in-"

"I want to sleep between mommy and daddy." Adorable green eyes looked at her.

Metilda didn't know what to say.

There was sound coming from the garage. Louis perked up at the noise. "Daddy's home! Mommy, daddy's home!" He ran and half jumped through the hall to the back door.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Metilda walked behind him, wearily. "Wait for me to come home" He had said. He hadn't even waited for her answer. She wasn't the same Metilda. He couldn't expect that from her. This Metilda didn't gave a damn about their old traditions.

She loved him, yes. She loved her son as well.

When she reached the garage, she found Louis hoping up and down, trying to catch John's attention who was punching a free-standing heavy bag. Sweat trickled down his bare chest and seeped into the waist band of his shorts. He was out of breath yet eyes in complete focus.

Metilda could feel anger crawling up her skin. John should be resting. His arms were still healing. Straining them would only cause muscle damage.

Louis moved closer to his father. Adamant on catching his attention. Metilda's senses sharpened. No, no. The heavy bag was swinging back and forth. John's wasn't in full control.

The bag was inches away from Louis's face and...

"LOUIS!"  Metilda screamed on top of her lungs.

But she didn't need to scream. John had snapped out of his daze a second earlier. He swooped Louis off and the ground into his arms.

"Whoa there, buddy."  He smiled indulgently at Louis. "That was a close call."

"Daddy." Louis wrapped his arms around John. Completely oblivious to the accident about to happen minutes ago. "Louis wants to sleep with mommy and daddy today. James says he sleeps with his mom and dad every day."

John stole a glance at Metilda's face. All color had left it. She looked paler than a ghost. "Okay." John kissed his forehead. "First tell daddy where you two were? I was missing you."

Louis shrugged his shoulder. "Mommy met with doctor. Louis likes him because he gave Louis a lollipop."

"You shouldn't like people so easily." John's gaze was focused on Metilda. "So is there some trouble? Are you okay?"

"He's my friend." And you don't need to worry about me Metilda wanted to add but Louis's smile made all words dissolve in her mouth.

"Oh, that's nice."

In reality, John wanted to say everything but nice. Was there a new guy in Metilda's life? He and the lawyer might have competition.

❁❁❁

John lay awake in bed. Louis snored softly beside him while Metilda's slow breaths accompanied them. His mind roamed about Jannet and Metilda. How in the world was he going to ask for Metilda's forgiveness? Would she forgive him? Would she let him back into her life after all the destruction he had done?

John turned over and stared at Metilda's back. He thought she was sleeping that is until her cellphone buzzed. He could see the screen's light create a vague outline of her head. Who was she texting? That too, this late.

It was an hour later when Metilda finally closed her phone that John fell asleep.

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Note:

I'm really tired. It was my birthday yesterday and of course I haven't had the time to rest with my health and term end but I really want put this chapter out. I will updating sooner this time around since school's almost over. Unless I get sick or something XD. (sorry for the rant)

Oh, yes. It wasn't going to be all fairytale on John. The break up with Jannet isn't going to be easy for John.

Love you guys and the lovely comments.