GINGER POV
It's been five days since the incident in the kitchen and I kept my promise. I always go home late because I've been spending more time with Janine after school.
There's only two weeks left till dad comes back and I'm not going to help him prepare for his wedding because it's killing me.
"Ginger wake up. You're gonna be late if you don't eat your breakfast now" Alessa said after knocking on my door twice.
I don't want to eat with her but I'm already hungry. I stretched my hands and yawned out loud before getting off my bed.
"I'll be down in fifteen minutes" I replied flatly. I'm still sleepy because I haven't got enough sleep last night.
I walked to my bathroom and took a shower immediately. I can't be late because I promised Janine that I will fetch her.
The smell of fried rice welcomed me as soon as I arrived in the kitchen. She mixed the hotdog and egg with the rice, it's my favorite.
"Good morning" she greeted me smiling as soon as she noticed me. She's in a good mood today, I want to ask why but I held myself.
"Morning" I greeted her as well before sitting on the chair opposite to her.
It's funny because last week we're like a couple and now, we're like a mother and daughter that's awkward to each other.
We're eating in silence, we both didn't even dare to open a topic. It's for the best since we don't have anything to talk about in the first place. She's glancing at me once in a while but I'm not returning her gaze.
I'm the first one to finish eating because I can't stand seeing her, looking beautiful just by wearing her usual shirt. I still want to touch her, make love with her though I know that there's no more love left in her for me.
"There are still lots of food, you're done already?" she said when I stood up to bring my plate to the sink.
"Yeah I'm done thank you" I faked a smile before heading to my car immediately and drove fast to school.
It didn't take me long to reach the school. I'm not late for my first class and good thing that Janine already saved a seat for me. I didn't focus much in my class since it's just advance algebra and physics.
"Ginger Vera!" Janine snapped at me.
"Uh yeah?" was all I said. She rolled her eyes at me before standing up.
"It's break time already and we only have an hour to spare"
"Oh it's break time already?" I looked around and saw that our classmates are already leaving.
"You've been out of focus since you arrived in our class, come on let's just eat in the cafeteria" she said impatiently.
"Say, what happened on the night that you left me?" I asked as soon as we sat on the farthest area so we could still talk properly. She gazed at me for a moment before sighing heavily.
"My dad is sick" she said flatly.
"Since when? Is he alright now?" I asked anxiously. It's the first time that she answered my question regarding her dad.
"Yeah, he's alright now don't worry" she said before taking a sip of her soda. There's a part of me that's not convinced by her response. I feel like she's not telling me the whole truth so I took her right hand and pressed it gently.
"You know that I'm here for you, you can tell me your problems" She chuckled by what I said.
"You're just here now because Alessa despised you, I can handle my problems alone so please don't worry" Her words hit me directly because it's true.
I suddenly felt guilty for taking her for granted.
"Janine I'm here for you, just tell me what you need and I will give it to you, do you need extra cash for-"
"You really think your money is all that I need? You're funny" she said sarcastically.
Did I insult her? I shook my head immediately.
"No of course not! I mean tell me what you want and I will do my best to give it to you" I really want to help her. I may not be in love with her but I love her, she's special to me.
"I need you"
"Well I am here for you" I replied hastily. She shook her head slowly in objection.
"I need you to be with me, I need you to move on from Alessa" she pulled her hand away from my grasp afterwards.
"Janine believe me, if only my feelings for her will be gone with a single snap of my fingers I will do it immediately" I said frustratedly.
"But you're not doing it and there's no such thing that can happen with a snap of your fingers. You need to focus on it and strive hard to do it, but in your case I don't see any effort that you're exerting to move on from her" she argued.
"Then help me do it" I pleaded. I am running out of words to say to her, she has a rebut to anything that I say.
"Do you really love me?"
"Yes I do, I do" I replied hastily.
"But you're not in love with me right?" I frowned by what she said.
"Well...I love you to the point that I don't want to lose you and I care for you a lot, but there's still a big part of me that's still in love with Alessa" I replied with honesty.
She sighed before reaching for my hand.
"If Alessa tells you that you can be together again but only if you avoid me, will you do it?" I'm torn up by her sudden question.
"Honestly I don't know yet, I mean if she will leave my dad for me then maybe I will do it" I don't want to hurt her with a lie so I told her what I really feel right now.
"If that happens, if she told you that she still loves you and promised to leave your dad then accept her. You don't have to worry about me because I can handle myself just fine" she said smiling. I can see the sadness on her eyes while saying that.
"I don't think that time will happen. Like you told me before, she just missed having sex with me. In fact, we're not doing anything in five straight days now, we're just like mother and daughter inside the house" I'm already tired of hoping that she still loves me.
"That's why I said if right? at least you know what to do if it happens. I won't get mad at you if you choose her over me because I understand you. I know the feeling of loving someone" she's so understanding.
If only I can teach my heart not to love Alessa and fall for her I will do it. I don't want to promise anything to her because I don't want her to have a false hope, but one thing is certain, I will strive hard to forget Alessa and teach myself to fall in love with her starting today.
"Thank you for always being here for me. I won't promise you anything but I will be here for you whenever you need me" I said before giving her a peck on the lips.
"Enough of the drama let's eat, our break will be over soon" she said dismissing the topic.
ððð
I woke up early the next morning because I promised Janine that we will eat breakfast together. I'm busy driving when I received a call from my grandma. I groaned because I don't want to answer it but I don't have a choice.
She wants to meet me for a coffee and talk about something. I called Janine afterwards and told her that I can't make it.
I arrived at Coffee bean after an hour, I'm ten minutes late but I don't care. I searched for her and found her sitting in the window area.
She smiled as soon as she saw me, I frowned because that's a miracle.
"How are you?" she said politely. She already took the liberty to order for me, luckily she knows my favorite frappe.
What's with her today? I bet the world will end now I joked to myself mentally,
"Fine" I replied flatly.
"What are we going to talk about?" I added while raising my brow. She smiled and it took her a couple of seconds before she spoke.
"I'm getting old and I realized that it's very tiring to live my remaining years hating you" I laughed sarcastically by what she said.
"So if you're not that old you won't get tired of hating me? Well luckily I still have lots of years to hate you" her choice of words irritates me.
I can't believe she have a thick face to say that to me when she knows that I should be the one saying that.
"Ginger let's not fight today, I know your grandpa and I committed mistakes before and I'm here to apologize for it. I won't force you to forgive us easily, I just want you to know that we regret what we did in the past" I can see on her face that she's telling the truth.
I don't hate them much like before, but there's still a part of me that can't move on from the past.
"You can't bring back my mom's life by apologizing" I said flatly.
"I know, and I understand if you still can't forgive us, but Emman didn't do anything bad to you. He was deceived by us, he loves you and Melanie" I frowned at her.
What is she talking about?
"Why is dad in our topic?" I asked confused.
"Don't hurt your father Ginger, don't -"
"What are you saying? I'm not doing anything to dad and I'm not mad at him!" I blurted out in anger.
"Minimize your voice Ginger" she rebuked me when she noticed that there are few customers that are looking to our direction.
"Where is this topic leading?" I asked in a low voice.
"I saw you kissing Alessa in the kitchen last week when I decided to visit you in your home to apologize" my face flushed immediately. I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out.
"Your father loves Alessa so much. I also found out that she's your ex-girlfriend" she said looking straight at me.
"Well thank you for not interrupting us last week" I replied pretending to act normal.
"You need to stop doing those things" she said before reaching for my hand and pressed it gently.
"We're not doing anything. I kissed her suddenly that time but she pushed me away afterwards and slapped my face. In fact, she's still mad and she's not talking to me" I lied, hoping she'll believe me.
"But let's see if I can stop myself from touching her" I added before standing up. I'm about to walk away when she grabbed my hand.
"Ginger don't make me tell Emman everything" she said seriously. I turned around to look at her, I raised my brow afterwards.
"Are you threatening me?"
"No, but Please don't hurt your father" she said while shaking her head.
I shoved my hand away from her grasp and faked a laugh.
"It's a joke, I won't do anything stupid again" I said flatly before walking away from her.
"Thank you" she called after me but I ignored her.
I didn't attend my class the whole day. I just went to a nearby bar and drank till midnight, good thing that I'm sane enough to drive myself home safely.
I threw my keys on the center table as soon as I entered the house. I threw myself on the couch to take a rest.
Don't hurt your father...
Those words kept on repeating on my mind. It's funny because I feel like I'm the antagonist in the picture when I'm just in love with the wrong person.
"I'm just in love" I mumbled to myself before laughing.
"Where have you been?" I opened my right eye and saw Alessa looking so concerned, wearing her negligee.
"Somewhere over the rainbow" I joked.
"Why you're still awake?" I added afterwards.
"I'm waiting for you, you're always home late" she said before sitting in front of me, her legs crossed.
What a beautiful sight, but off-limits My mind said.
"You're starting to sound just like my real mother" I said chuckling before standing up.
"Well I will be your mother soon, also Emman called earlier he's looking for you"
"Well, tell him that my soon to be mom is taking good care of me" I replied sarcastically.
"Ginger I-"
"Good night mom" I interrupted. I winked at her afterwards before heading straight to my room.
I took a quick shower but didn't bother wearing any clothes because I don't feel like wearing something tonight. I laid down my bed afterwards and drifted to sleep immediately.
I don't know how long I've been asleep but I was awakened when I felt someone on top of me. I opened my eyes and saw Alessa looking at me intently.
"What are you doing here?" I asked frowning.
She didn't respond, instead she caressed my cheeks and about to kiss me when I stopped her.
"Go back to your room, stop messing with me" I said before facing my side to avoid her gaze.
"This is what you want right? You want me I know it and I want you too" she said seductively. I can smell the alcohol on her breath, she's obviously drunk.
"Alcohol should be put on your stomach not on your head" I said while trying my best to control myself. Her touch is turning me on.
"Say's the person who always get herself drunk then crawls back to me" she replied cockily. Okay she's giving me the nerves right now.
"That was in the past now and I am trying my very best not to do that again and I hope you too. For dad's sake Alessa get off me and stop playing games with me! I am moving on!" I yelled at her.
I'm so mad right now, last week she's avoiding me and now she's on top of me.
"But I don't want you to move on! I want you to love me still! Love me more!" she yelled back at me.
My eyes widen in disbelief, I don't know what to say. She kissed me on my lips afterwards but I don't feel anything.
"You're drunk and a selfish bitch, you want me to love you and what? Leave me again in the morning and say to my face that you don't love me?! You're dreaming Alessa if you think that will happen again! Get out of this room now" I said before heading to the door. I'm about to open it when she stopped me by hugging my back.
"Please, just this once make love with me" she pleaded. I never thought that she would be this low.
"All for your body's needs huh. Janine was right, you act like this because you just missed being fucked, well I'm sorry because I'm not your fucking sex toy" I said in anger before grabbing her hands off my waist.
"I love you" she blurted out. My back started to get wet because of her tears.
"I love you Gin, I still love you" she moved away from me and sat on the side of the bed, still crying.
Am I hallucinating?
"Stop saying stupid things just because you want to get laid" I said before turning around to face her.
"I love you still, I thought my feelings for you is already gone but when I saw you after six years it all came back. I tried my very best to avoid these feelings, I am engaged to your father and I love him too" she paused to wipe her tears.
"When you told me that you still love me I can't contain my happiness. I know that you're hurting, so am I every time I see you with Janine or with someone else. I avoided you because I don't want the day to come that I can't help myself not to touch you, I yearned for your touch every day, it's like drugs I'm getting addicted" She said between sobbing.
I can't believe what she's saying to me right now, it's hard to believe. I don't want to get hurt again, I don't want to hope.
"Stop making things hard for me, don't say things that you will regret tomorrow or you might not remember because you're drunk" I said frustratedly.
"I'm not drunk, I just took two shots so I know what I'm doing and saying, I don't plan on saying you these things that I'm saying to you right now but I said it anyway" she said before standing up.
"You're right, you should move on from me because I am hurting you, good night" she added before heading to the door.
My mind is telling me that it's not true but my body and heart tells me that I should believe in her.
Should I let her leave this room and move on? Or grab her and take the risk? I asked myself mentally.
I love her still but if I will grab her I will hurt Dad, Janine and my Grandparents. If I let her leave and move on everything will be right, everybody will be happy except me.
"I will be selfish just this once" I clenched my fist before pulling her back to me for a hug.
"Leave dad and be with me"
"Can you do that?" I added.
"Yes...I...I will tell him as soon as he comes back" it took her a while to respond but I don't care.
"I love you" I said while cupping her face.
"I love you too"
I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry Janine....
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