– Chapter 35

The gunshot wound. The broken bones. The lacerations. The burnt skin at the end of my wrist.

I sit, groaning, as my ravaged body twitches and clicks back together. The pain of it healing is almost as bad as it was when it was broken in the first place. I seal my eyes closed, waiting for it just to be over.

I find the strength, and the courage, to open my eyes. And see my hand has grown back, such is the strength of the Arcane Realm. I wriggle my fingers and smile.

At the top of the ridge, Grayson and Theo are fighting each other. It seems that now the spell has begun, Grayson has decided that he would rather go to the Arcane Realm than die. And since Theo seems determined to kill us all out of spite for losing this battle, Grayson is trying to stop his father from slaughtering us all. They hurl lightning at each other with precision and malicious intent.

Collins charges into the cavern with us, looking like hell, but very much alive and ready to fight.

Theo is outnumbered. Everyone, including Grayson, has turned on him. When Theo tries to flee, Grayson sends a shot of lightning to the entrance, causing it to collapse.

I push myself up to my feet. Once up and sure that I can hold my weight, I let go of the plinth and look in wonder at the beautiful glow of light connecting me to it. A perfectly red shimmer clings to my fingertips and trails silkily to the stone. I’m not stuck to it as I was before.

Just… connected. Bonded.

There’s a slight tugging sensation between us, a weak magnetisation of my skin to the flawless exterior of the final Bloodstone. It travels through the light, connecting the magic of the seven realms that live within me, across the bridges I forged at the previous Bloodstone, straight to the Arcane world just waiting to be filled with life.

‘It’s beautiful,’ I murmur, wriggling my fingers, adoring how the light dances as I move. ‘It’s perfect.’

It begins to warm. The heat of it and the charge that accompanies its strength intensifies as it prepares for the final spell.

final spell and the last time magic will ever see this mortal world or me again.

‘Lilly?’

Gabriel’s sorrowful use of my name tears at my heart. I lift my head and turn to face him. To face all those on the other side of the Mortem Wall.

Gabriel stands an inch away from the deadly wall that separates us. He’s slumped and defeated, his arms loose by his side, his shoulders low and a sea of tears swimming in his sunken eyes.

He tilts his head, gesturing for me to come closer. Each step I take is clumsy. My legs are uncooperative and the crushing in my chest from my broken heart is more painful than any injury I have suffered tonight. He watches, stock-still and resigned to our fate as his eyes stay trained on me. When I reach the wall, he blinks, causing the tears filling his eyes to spill down his cheeks one after the other.

‘Does it hurt?’ he asks sadly, looking at the luminescent aura trailing from my hand to the stone.

I lift it so he can see. It’s spreading and taken hold of my entire hand now. I watch as it slowly draws itself further and further up my arm. The heat is intensifying as it does.

‘A little,’ I tell him, lowering it back down and meeting his crestfallen gaze. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.’

‘I know you are, baby.’

‘Can you forgive me?’

He just stares at me.

‘Please don’t hate me.’

‘I could never hate you, Beautiful. Never.’ His hand rises as if he is about to press it to the wall. Before I yell to stop him, he holds it there, millimetres from the murderous shimmer. I lift my hand and mirror his action.

The light is past my elbow now, steadily making its way up to my shoulder and gradually gaining in speed.

There’s a crash behind him. Theo is desperately fighting the others.

‘IF I DON’T GET MY HAPPY ENDING, THEN NONE OF YOU WILL!’ Theo bellows. ‘I WILL NOT GO TO THE ARCANE REALM. NOT WITHOUT THE WOMAN I LOVE!’

Gabriel side steps to block my view of Theo and shows me the sweetest and most patient smile I think has ever graced those perfect lips of his ‘Don’t you worry about them. You look at me, okay? Collins, your dad, Tobias and Connor have it in hand. You just look at me. We’re going to do this last spell together. You’re not on your own now.’

I nod and take a shaky breath.

The light has reached my shoulder and is diverting towards my heart.

‘I’m scared,’ I admit in a hush.

‘Me too, baby.’ He nods, shaking loose a few more tears as he does. ‘But it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. There’s money at the house. At The Orchard. Enough to see you safe and comfortable for the rest of your life. You’ll never go hungry, my love. You can go anywhere with the cash stashed away in that place. Remember when we talked about all those places you wanted to visit? The day I proposed to you?’ He tries so hard to look calm. To look strong. But the dread in his eyes is agony to see and he’s trembling all over.

The light is over my chest now and it’s hot. Really hot. It’s making me shake like there’s a fire an inch from my skin.

‘The cherry blossoms in Japan, remember when you told me that?’ He gives an encouraging nod, his eyes glancing briefly to the light. ‘A-and the Northern lights? You remember that, don’t you?’

‘Yeah,’ I nod quickly, lifting my chin as the light snakes beneath it, starting its descent to my heart. ‘I remember.’

Tears stream down my face now. Frightened tears. My fist is clenched as the pain starts to become unbearable. My lips seal together as I whimper.

‘I tell you what,’ he says through a tight throat as he defies the sobs he has building inside. He sees I’m in pain. He knows. ‘On March first of next year, you make sure that you’re at Yosimo in Japan. It’s the best place to see the cherry blossoms in bloom. You be there, and we’ll be there too. All of us. And we’ll see them together.’

He shuffles and watches the light with growing fear.

‘You promise you’ll be there?’ I ask, the pain in my voice crystal clear.

He nods.

‘I swear it. We’ll be there. We’ll be there a-and we’ll talk of nothing but you to Callie. I’ll show her memories of you with my Mental magic every single day.’ He starts to speak more quickly as the light glows brighter, inching closer and closer to my heart. ‘All the very best memories. She’ll know your face and your voice and your incredible smile and-’

I let out a groan and look down at the light covering my body like a thick mist.

‘Oh god…’ I cry softly. ‘It hurts. Gabriel-’

I scream and fall to my knees as the light crashes into my chest with ferocity. The translucent red light covers me like a mystical aura, dancing over my skin with grace and tearing at every nerve and cell it passes. Over my chest. Down my arm. My legs. Over my head. I’m encased by it.

Gabriel has fallen to his knees too, watching with helpless anguish.

‘I love you,’ I tell him, swallowing my pain in the faintest hope of lessening his. ‘I always have and I always absofuckinglutely will.’

‘The sky is pink, Beautiful. For you, it will always be pink.’

The connection surges. The first bridge has connected and is demanding my instruction.

‘What happens now?’ he asks, afraid to hear my answer.

‘I speak the seven realms, one by one, and send those with that power in their blood home.’

‘Is it going to hurt you more than it already is?’

‘I think so,’ I reply honestly. The shroud glowing around my body pulses brighter and the force of it thumps my insides with impatience. ‘Will you stay? Will you stay until the end?’

‘Till the end,’ he whispers through his despair. ‘Oh god. Lilly wait. Please, I want to stay with you-’

I speak the first realm.

‘Sight.’

In an instant, the entire cavern is filled with a blinding light. One which explodes from my writhing body as I scream and howl in agony. Through the walls of the cavern, countless tiny glowing orbs soar through the air, hammering into me as I jerk and thrash. They travel down the thread of light which connects me to the Bloodstone before they disappear. The last orb doesn’t come from the wall. It comes from me. The power of sight is slowly removed from me and follows all the others along the bridge, through the door to the Arcane realm which seals closed forever behind the thousands who preceded it.

The light dims slightly and the pain in my body lessens. I fall on my side, gasping for air and feeling the gaping hole in my soul where my power of sight has been taken from me. Gabriel is still there, on his knees with his hand over his mouth in wordless shock at what he has just witnessed.

Collins joins him, falling to his knees and panting, his gentle eyes glistening with tears.

‘Say hi to Amara for me. And give that gorgeous baby of yours a big kiss from his auntie.’ The light glows once more, and I don’t hesitate.

!’

As everyone covers their eyes and throws up their arms against the flash I create, all I can do is let loose a blood curdling scream of pain. Collins disappears right in front of us. In his place, a small glowing orb has formed. It joins the thousands of others that glide through the walls and career into me.

Even through my anguish, I steal a glance at Gabriel. He’s thrown his arms over his head and has started screaming.

Behind him, Theo falls unconscious to the floor after a calculated strike from Grayson who then turns to watch with a smug smirk.

The last orb seeps into me before mine joins the others on their journey, and the light dies down. Ready to build for the third realm.

My Physical magic has gone.

I’m on my back now. My arms limp at my side.

I turn my head and face Gabriel once more. He’s lost in despair. Tobias has taken his place beside him, looking just as devastated as he watches on helplessly. Connor kneels beside him and on Gabriel’s other side, my dad. They all gather, ignoring Grayson who lingers just behind them all and the stirring Theo who is slowly attempting to get back on his feet.

‘Let me stay with you,’ Tobias implores. ‘I’ll keep you safe. I’ll protect you. I owe you that. I owe you everything! My life is still yours to do with as you please.’ He presses his hands together as if in prayer. ‘I belong to you. Let me stay behind with you, !’

‘You owe me nothing, Tobias Kendryk. You are not your Broken-self and if you insist that your life still belongs to me, then I give it back to you. Treasure it. As well as your soul. Never let it go. You stay this sweet man. This good man. You stay Tobias Kendryk.’

The aura glows once more.

Dad throws his arms around Gabriel and the two embrace as I summon the third realm.

‘

’

My fingers claw at the dirt. My back arches. My throat burns as I screech. The feeling of my insides being torn to pieces, shredded like paper caught in a metal fan, takes me to the brink of sanity.

Tobias has disappeared when I reopen my eyes.

My dad too.

Their orbs, along with the countless others, sink into me and travel along the funnel of light.

The final orb sinks into the Bloodstone and my most primal power has abandoned me. My command over the elements, gone.

My dad… gone.

‘Dad… I-I didn’t get to s-say goodbye,’ I cry weakly. I can’t stop the sobbing that judders through me. ‘It hurts so much. It hurts-’

‘A rich man’s wife became sick, and when she felt that her end was drawing near…’ I tilt my head to where Gabriel sits, speaking to me the words he has spoken a hundred times before. My favourite fairytale. The one he recites after each nightmare. Through every sleepless night. Past every panic attack and down every pit of despair I fall in. He takes a long breath to steady his words and settles into a soft smile and gentle features, purging the misery and grief he’s feeling, all so he can read me my most beloved story one last time. ‘She called her only daughter to her bedside and said… “My dear child, remain pious and good. And fear not, your daddy will always protect you, and I will look down on you from heaven and be near you.’ With this… she closed her eyes and died.”

I return his smile.

‘

’ I whisper.

Again, the bright light. The sheering agony. The glowing orbs and my harrowing torture as my own magic is torn away.

Connor has gone.

Theo has got to his feet and given up his fight. He stands tall and defiant, bloody and furious. Close by, Grayson is fixing his collar and cuffs, preparing himself for when it is his turn and looking excitedly nervous for the next chapter in his life.

‘I’ll get what I want, one way or another,’ Theo warns. ‘I’ll take what I need from your daughter when I reach the Arcane realm-’

‘Stop talking,’ Gabriel snarls with black eyes. Theo silences in an instant, compelled by his words, and Gabriel returns his loving attentions and his blue eyes back to me. ‘The daughter of the lost queen spoke to her father every day about her mother, and they both wept with longing for her.’

‘Did she remain pious and good?’ I ask through a dry and strangled throat.

‘She was a little hot-headed.’ He shrugs. ‘And god… what a temper. A stubborn little thing but so full of compassion and joy, her tantrums were easily forgiven. Much like her wonderful mother.’

We share a sad chuckle before he wipes his eyes.

‘

’

I catch sight of both Theo and Grayson as they prepare for their transformation.

I don’t care how much pain rips through my body or tears at my soul. I refuse to look away from them. Thousands more orbs travel through the air and join my light, descending down the shimmering glow, followed by my own orb containing Energy magic.

Silence falls over the cave. Gabriel wipes his hand roughly over his face, clearing it from the tears that have smeared his skin.

‘Collins will deal with them when they arrive. I swear, neither Theo nor Grayson will lay a hand on Callie.’

‘I know.’ I flick a look behind him.

He turns to see both Theo and Grayson held fast by the same light that smothers me now. They’re as stiff as a board, grinding their teeth together as the magic compresses them entirely.

‘Do you remember the door?’ I ask. ‘The white door in my subconscious, behind which my most perfect memory replayed over and over?’

‘I don’t understand. Why are they-’

‘It wasn’t a memory. It was a vision that I had. The first vision I ever had. It was of you. Of all of you in the Arcane Realm. Of you being a daddy to Callie and raising her. Of you playing with her. Teaching her to read. Tucking her into bed each night.’ I look at Theo and Grayson. ‘They weren’t there. They don’t belong there. Their magic has gone to the Arcane realm,’ I tell Gabriel as he spins back to me with a raised brow. ‘But they’re staying right here. Same as me. And just as human as me too. When you’re safe in the Arcane Realm and the spell is complete, they can die without it killing you.’

‘Wait. Wait!’ Gabriel swiftly shakes his head. ‘They can’t stay here with you. D-do you know what they’ll do to you? Y-you’ll be human! Helpless! Lilly! You won’t be able to kill them! They will literally tear you to pieces before you even get close-’

‘Live your life well, Gabriel. Live it well and live it long, with love in your heart and a smile on that absofuckinglutely perfect face of yours.’

‘NO WAIT!’ he leaps to his feet. ‘LILLY WAIT!’

‘Tell everyone I love them.’

‘Don’t do this! Send them over. I’ll make sure they’re dealt with. Please!’

‘I love you.’

‘DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!’

‘I do it for you. I do all of this for all of you.’ I swallow and take a shaky breath. ‘I love you.

!’

The cries that explode from me this time have nothing to do with the pain. It’s from watching Gabriel disappear from this world as he screams at me to stop. It’s from knowing that I am now utterly alone. It’s from knowing that I will never see my most beloved family ever again.

As the orbs fade, followed by my own orb of Mental magic, I feel emptier than ever before. Even more hollow and more hopeless than the day I wrapped a noose around my neck.

‘One more to go.’ I look at the two grunting and fuming men who remain locked in place and chuckle to myself as they bore their hate-filled eyes into me. ‘Grayson and Theodore Kendryk. Human. That alone is worth having my body obliterated over and over again.’

‘You just wait and see what I’m going to do to that body of yours when this spell is over,’ Grayson hisses, spittle flying from his lips as the veins in his neck bulge to the brink of eruption. ‘You’ll wish for death-’

‘I already do.

’

I’m hurtled several feet into the air by the sheer force of the final realm. There is only one orb. Mine. No others join it, signalling that I alone am the only witch who had access to the rarest realm of power. The aura ripples and contorts around my body, ripping more and more power from me.

The pain is too much. I can no longer scream. I can no longer writhe. I let it toss and flip me, burning and ripping me to metaphorical pieces.

When I drop to the floor with a thud, one that breaks my wrist and cracks my skull, I lay motionless, watching the shimmering red withdraw from me and sink into the Bloodstone. The red and black motion that swirled rapidly inside it, disappears, leaving behind a clear and cracked crystal. The Mortem Wall falls like particles of dust and the cave dissolves into darkness.

Yes, I have lost them all. But they are not lost.

It is now that I was supposed to kill myself. The ring Rebecca Hooper gifted me was enchanted to send the dead to the Arcane Realm. I gave it to Amara. But that’s okay, I tell myself. It’s better this way. With Amara alive. Her son too.

As I hear the heavy footsteps of the two men sealed in here with me, coming closer and breathing heavily with rage, I recall that vision. My first ever vision. One of the purest and happiest moments of a life I am sadly not destined to live. But the people I love will. It was so wonderful, it kept my Broken-self at bay. That vision, locked behind the crisp white door of my subconscious, was my happiest memory.

It was the future, destined for those I love so so much.

They’re gathering in the sunshine on the greenest grass with the bluest sky above them and embracing each other with blissful smiles and tears of joy. They experiment with their new powers. A small flame dances on my father’s hand. Connor embraces his parents. Amara and Collins smother their son in tender kisses.

And Gabriel holds his daughter for the very first time, admiring her green eyes and perfect fingers as they grip his thumb. She smiles as she looks into his blue eyes and kicks out her fat little legs in joy.

As Grayson takes me by my throat and lifts me to my feet, shaking and swearing horrific and detailed threats in my face, I close my eyes.

I see them in the small cottage by the ocean. The one I prepared for them when I was pregnant over there. I watch them decorate the evergreen tree I planted in the back garden, our permanent Christmas tree. And I listen to Gabriel read fairytales to Callie each and every night as she settles into her oversized bed filled with far too many teddy bears.

As I’m thrown to the floor and kicked in the ribs, I watch her first steps. I laugh as Gabriel tries to convince her to eat her vegetables and I smile as he tries to put her hair up in a neat bunches. As I roll across the dirt, struggling against the pain of my broken rib, Theo hurtles the toe of his boot into my face. I see my sweet girl harnessing her powers as her hair turns red. I see the red flames on her palm as Gabriel, Tobias, Amara, Collins and Connor guide her through learning how to control all that power which comes with being the Arcane. She giggles as she makes fire-butterflies that flutter around their heads. She loves to slide Gabriel’s morning coffee across the table each time he reaches for it, and she sniggers as she shoots tiny sparks of lightning at Collins backside. Each morning, she rolls in the grass, feeling the morning dew on her skin as Gabriel races her down the hill with a booming laugh. In the sunshine, my dad teaches her how to catch fish in the lake.

My hair is pulled, and I’m dragged across the floor, back to the stone where they demand I reconnect to it.

‘GIVE US BACK OUR MAGIC!’ Grayson hollers in my ear, making them ring. ‘UNDO WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!’

‘I can’t,’ I slur, my head lolling forwards and thick drops of blood landing on the floor with little pats. ‘There is no magic here anymore. It’s all gone.’

‘Then all that lies ahead for you is a lifetime of pain, Lilly Hooper,’ Theo adds, pulling out a knife from his pocket. ‘I’m going to spend every day showing you true suffering and misery and I won’t stop until I get what I want.’

I slide my hand into the pocket of the coat Gabriel placed on me. The leather smells of him still, even though he’s so far away, and I wrap my fingers around the gun he had stashed in there.

‘Today is your first day in hell,’ Grayson promises.

‘No. It’s not. I was born in hell.’ I pull out the gun. ‘And I never left. Hell is my home. I hope you two enjoy it because it’s your home now too.’

BANG. BANG.

They land on the floor one after the other, their eyes wide and a gaping hole in each of their foreheads.

I lie there, bloody and broken, and utterly, utterly alone in a deep dark hole.

I raise the gun and press it to my temple.

‘I love you guys,’ I whisper. ‘Goodbye.’

Then…

I pull the trigger.