Chapter 19

My hands grew warm and damp from my constant fidgeting. I paced back and forth across my room trying to work up my courage. At this point, my supply of it was running low. It had been three days since I had my audience with the dying Pharaoh and my sudden marriage had been arranged. No one, outside of the Pharaoh, the Queen and Rameses, knew about the marriage and the reason for its suddenness.  The Pharaoh health had taken a serious turn and only a small number of people had access to his chambers.

I stopped pacing and stood in from the door. It was now or never. I pulled the door open and began to walk down the hall. My mind was running over the words I had rehearsed in my head. But when I arrived at the correct room my courage faltered. My hand hovered over the door. Air rushed into my lungs, and I knocked on the door.

The door remained shut.

Perhaps no one is home, I thought a little relieved.

The door was carefully opened, and Isetnofret stood there smiling at me.

"Oh Natalie," she pulled me in for a hug. "It feels like so long since we have spoken. I apologize for my absence. These past few months have been hard from me." Her smile faltered, "with the baby and all."

"No no, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything I should have come to you sooner," I hastily added. Her words made everything I was about to have to say weight even heavier on me.

"Please come in. Sit. Let us talk like we use to," Isetnofret said motioning me to the bed.

I came and took my seat next to her.

"How have you been? Is there any news to here about your fam..."

I cut her off afraid if I didn't start now I would take all I had to say to my grave. "I have to tell you something."

Isetnofret seemed to recognize my serious tone, "What is it, Natalie?"

I tried to steady my voice, "I want to know that whatever happens you are, and always will be, the most precious friend I have in this world."

She only nodded.

I felt a lump rising in my throat that I swallowed, "I am guilty the worst crime one friends could do to another friend. I have lied to you, and I can't go on lying to you anymore. I was selfish for lying, and I telling you the truth also because of my selfishness. Because I need you to help me survive this." I felt like a child who had stolen a cookie and was only apologizing because I forgot caught not out of true remorse.

Isetnofret took my hand, "What is it Natalie, you can tell me."

And that when the dam, I didn't know I had built, broke, and all of my joys, fears, and sadness came rushing out. And when the last drop had passed my lips, I felt the pain of having to hold all that water back leave my body.

I looked at Isetnofret who was still trying to process what I had told her. She finally spoke, "And there is no way to send you back?"

I shook my head, "No, and it wouldn't matter if there was with the state I have gotten myself into."

"What has happened? What have you done?"

I looked at her. It was my last burden to unload.

"I'm with child."

I watched her face to try and read her thoughts. But she was a blank slate.

"With Ramesses child."

It wasn't a question. I nodded.

"And the Queen has decided that this child is important, which is why she fabricated my story." I paused waiting for her reaction. All I got was silence. "Please, I need you. I can't do all this by myself. I barely know how to get by in this world."

She didn't look at, "You underestimate yourself. But. This explains why I was the only one who knew you had a sister."

I must have looked confused. Isetnofret smile at me for the first time since I started my tale. "It was the night before my marriage. You told me about how you and your sister had to share a room, but you didn't like it."

I had completely forgotten about that night, "I can't believe you remembered that."

"It was the first time I knew that we were destined to be friends."

There was a paused.

"So you are not mad at me," I asked.

She shifted a little, and her face fell, "I won't lie to your either. I am not mad at you, and I am glad to know the reason for your distance. But I am also jealous. You have been handed something I have been so desperately praying for."

It was a reasonable response and a much better one than I had expected. However, it still stung a little.

Isetnofret continued, "I have known that Ramesses was in love with the first time I met you. You could see it in his eyes. There is a line between marriage and love in the royal families. Marriage is a political contract that comes with creation obligations. Love is a luxury many of us are not lucky enough to find."

She took my hand and pulled me close, "But there are many types of love, and I promise I will always be there for you. And no matter what the rest of the world calls you, you will always be Natalie to me."

We just sat there in silence. No more words needed to be spoken. There is a special sphere of existence that women inhabit. It is created by the bonds of life in the shadow of men and the masks that we must wear. But in this sphere, the mask comes off and we are free to be our true selves.

I am not sure how long we sat there. Maybe an hour, a day, or a year.

The spell was broken by a knock at the door. Isetnofret went to answer it. Quite words were exchanged, and the door was shut. She turned to me.

"The Pharaoh has died."

And I had been reborn as Nefertari.

I nodded, and we left the room arm in arm as we would do for the rest of my life.