Chapter Nine: Summer Break

Levon was in an excellent mood. Usually he barely stood the camping trips, he only came to be with his friends. This time, even after spending a week in the woods, he was upbeat and so cheerful he even had Todd in a good mood.

Todd, Aisha, and Levon were all in Levon's car; everyone else was in Betto's car; driving back home because there wasn't enough room for them all and their camping gear in a single vehicle. Levon had the music on full blast, the windows down as he and Aisha sang along to his shit playlist. Todd was in the back seat enjoying the cool breeze, bright sunshine, and warm glances Levon kept sending him through the rear-view mirror.

They dropped Aisha off first, and Todd got out to help carry her things into her house because Levon was 'tired from driving'. Todd put the camping supplies where she told him too and said 'hi' to her large father and perky mother who were all too happy to have their daughter back home. Aisha walked him to the door afterward, that smile Todd really didn't understand crawling onto her face.

"I'm so sorry you had to share a tent with Levon," she apologized insincerely, and Todd narrowed his eyes at her, but couldn't really find it in himself to be annoyed with her when Levon's dumbass singing was still ringing in his ears.

"Wasn't that bad." Todd shrugged and arched a brow at Aisha. "He really doesn't move that much when he sleeps."

"You would know more than me," Aisha waved him off and he rolled his eyes. She smirked. "But it was all for the best. Look how happy you both are. Must have been fun in that tent."

Todd blushed before he could help it, realizing then that she knew. He wasn't sure how much she knew, but clearly, Levon had told her something of their bizarre relationship. Todd cleared his throat, looking away from her knowing eyes.

"Yeah, it was fun," Todd opened the door. "I'll see you around."

"Todd," Aisha stopped him from going down the stairs and she gave him a more serious look. "I love both of you morons quite a lot. I'd really hate to see either of you hurt."

"I'd never hurt Levon," Todd said immediately, then thought better of his statement, shifting his feet awkwardly. "Not on purpose. Not if I can avoid it."

"Glad to see some things haven't changed," Aisha grinned. "Now get off my lawn."

Todd went back to the car and Levon was practically leaning out his window to wave his farewell to Aisha. Todd climbed in and they were soon on the road again. Levon glanced at Todd and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"You're blushing," Levon stated and Todd rubbed a frustrated hand over his heated cheeks.

"It's nothing," Todd snapped. Then he peered over at Levon, a tad nervously. "Just wondering, but how many people have you told about us kissing and stuff?"

"Did you not want anyone to know?" Levon asked and Todd shook his head at the careful way Levon posed the question.

"I guess it really doesn't matter," Todd shrugged, looking to his hands. They were rather dirty from taking down tents and packing up. "I just thought what we were doing was- I don't know- private? Just us?"

"Are you ashamed you got seduced by my overpowering gay-ness?" Levon joked, but the serious undertone was not missed by Todd who scoffed.

"As if you seduced me," Todd argued. "I'd kick your ass if you tried."

"Toddy, I've been seducing you since Christmas," Levon laughed.

"Who have you told and when?" Todd asked, back to the matter at hand and Levon glanced at him before answering.

"I told Aisha, Cash, and Bradly-" Levon began and Todd couldn't help his grimace at the mention of Levon's ex-fuck-buddy. Levon didn't miss it, smirking slightly. "-as soon as I even wanted to kiss you. I told Betto while we were camping and I'm assuming Parker knows because he's basically Cash's other half."

"Betto knows?" Todd frowned. "Shouldn't I have been the one to tell my best friend?"

"He's pretending he doesn't know if you still want to tell him," Levon snorted. "He can act pretty well."

"That feels kind of anticlimactic," Todd mumbled, more embarrassed that Betto now knew. Todd wasn't even sure exactly what was going on and he suddenly felt exposed. Todd took a breath to remind himself that they were his closest friends and the likely hood that any of them would take advantage of his exposure was very small.

"Since when are you the one that needs drama?" Levon laughed and Todd smiled slightly. Levon drove onto Todd's street and they both went quiet, eyes landing on his house as it came into view. There was an expensive car parked in the driveway.

"Well shit," Todd sighed disdainfully. "Mother's home."

"Want me to come in with you?" Levon asked, concern creeping into his gaze as he parked behind Todd's stepfather's car.

"I'm fine," Todd responded stiffly and got out of the car. He paused, leaning back in to look at Levon albeit awkwardly. "But thanks."

"I'm always here," Levon said and Todd nodded, ignoring the twisting in his stomach and the way his ears heated.

"I'll probably be seeing you later," Todd commented.

"Let me know and I'll come get you," Levon said and Todd mumbled his thanks.

Todd gathered his things from Levon's car and went up to the front door. It was unlocked, and he entered with little hesitation, not looking back when he heard Levon pulling out of the driveway. His mother's and stepfather's coats and shoes were there. The house was messier had he had left it. Todd steeled himself when he heard voices in the kitchen, slowly setting his things on the floor, just outside the porch.

"Todd?" His mother's voice came, and Todd forced himself to walk to the living room where he found them; both standing up from the couch.

His mother looked almost nothing like him. A brunette, pale, and blue-eyed. She was slender, obsessed with keeping her slim body. She dressed much nicer now that she had married a wealthier man; a cashmere cardigan and expensive pants. She was much shorter than him, forced to tilt her chin up to look at his face.

Niklas was a tall German man. Very handsome with sharp features, almond eyes and dirty blond hair flecked with gray. A casual button up and worn jeans, expensive watch on his wrist. Todd actually quite liked Niklas. He was a kind man who genuinely loved Johanna. He had been nice to Todd, tried to bond with the angry fourteen-year-old that became his stepson and bought him plenty of gifts they could use together. It was unfortunate that Niklas ended up placed in the feud between Todd and his mother.

"You're back," Todd stated, not looking impressed with his parents. "I wasn't sure I'd see you at all."

"Yes," Todd's mother smiled, a somewhat shaky smile with bright white teeth. "I wanted to see you while you were home from school."

"Are you sure?" Todd asked with sarcasm. "There are plenty, much more interesting, places around the world you could see. Have you been to Switzerland yet? I hear it's lovely this time of year."

"There's nowhere I'd rather be than at home with you," she assured but Todd could see the strain in her eyes, the way her smile tightened as he spoke.

"How sweet of you," Todd said, smiling back but with too much bite to be friendly. "And you, Niklas. How's your family?"

"They are all well," Niklas answered tensely. He was never comfortable with the interactions between Todd and Johanna. He always wanted to stop them from fighting, stop Todd from being rude to his mother. Todd knew his mother had likely asked Niklas to just let the two of them talk without interfering and causing yet another shouting match.

"I'm glad," Todd had to let some honesty into his tone. Then he arched a brow. "How long have you two been back?"

"Three days," Johanna said. "Gwen and Bree told me where you were."

"Nice." Todd turned. "I'm going to put my things away."

"Todd," Johanna said, and Todd rounded on her, expression harsher than he intended. She faltered slightly. "I'm glad you're home."

"This isn't my home," Todd said and left without looking back. He put his things away; put his dirty laundry in the wash; the things he had planned to do before finding out his mother was back. Only he did them with more aggression than he would have used otherwise. It agitated him beyond words having them in the house, hearing their voices. They had abandoned him for the majority of the year and now they were back and acting as though they had never been gone.

"Todd," Johanna knocked gently on his door and he glared at it until she timidly knocked again before he put down his book and went to open the door. She was standing on the other side looking hopeful. "What are you up to?"

"You knocked just to ask what I'm doing?" Todd asked, and she forced a smile, patience waning.

"I was just wondering. You've been up here for the last hour without making a sound," she said, and he just shrugged so she continued. "Niklas and I were wondering if you wanted to have dinner with us. I'm making a casserole."

"I think I'd rather eat at Lev's," Todd said. Johanna's smile twitched.

"You've been eating a lot of meals at Levon's house," she stated. "Maybe you could give them a break and eat with us."

"Now see, they don't ever need a break from me," Todd said, eyes hard, leaning on the doorframe and towering over his mother. "They are always happy to see me, always happy to care for me and treat me like one of their own kids. They don't need to leave the country to get away from me."

"You're being ridiculous," Johanna now glared back at him, smile gone. Todd cut her off.

"You say that and yet this is the first time I've seen you since September," Todd snapped. "That was almost nine fucking months ago."

"I really don't appreciate your language, Todd," Johanna spoke stiffly, trying to regain her composure, anger all over her face.

"We've talked about you playing mommy, Johanna," Todd retorted.

"Is everything all right?" Niklas was at the stairs, watching on with dark eyes, prepared for the incoming fight. Todd gave him the fakest smile he could muster.

"Everything is perfect," Todd waved his hand lazily. "I'm just letting mother know that I'll not be joining you for dinner. I'd rather go home to eat."

"Are you sure-?" Niklas started and Todd stood straight.

"I'm very sure. I think I like the company there a lot better anyway," Todd moved past his mother and toward the stairs. "I'm just going to grab my laundry and I'll be heading out."

"Todd, I want you to eat with us and talk," Johanna followed him to the laundry room and Todd snorted.

"I don't think you understand how much I don't want to talk to you," Todd said, roughly pulling his laundry from the drier and into the awaiting basket. He turned to his mother with a fierce glare. "It's not like you'll listen to what I have to say anyway." The instant crumbling of her expression told him she had caught his meaning exactly. He grabbed his basket of clothing and left.

Neither parent followed him back to his room. He could hear them talking downstairs while he put the laundry he didn't need at Levon's house away. His hands were shaking slightly with anger. The memories racing through his mind. His mother. His father. How much it had fucking hurt him. The boy. It had been months since he'd thought about the kid. He couldn't help the rush of guilt and rage.

Todd finished packing his bag, slung it over his shoulders and shut the door behind him as he left his room. He went downstairs and his mother rushed out of the kitchen. The food smelled great and Todd's stomach rumbled, betraying Todd's anger.

"You can't hold that against me forever," his mother said, eyes glistening, face set in anger. There was no question what she was talking about. "That's unfair and you know it."

"I can hold onto that night for as long as I fucking want," Todd growled, gesturing to her. "You can stand there and act like I'm so fucking cruel, but it's you! You were the adult and you were the one who fucked up! You were the one who didn't do anything and you can't just expect me to let it go!"

"Stop talking to me like that, Todd!" Todd hadn't realized he was shouting until she was shouting over him. Niklas standing behind her looking helpless. "You can never understand what that was like! You can never know how it felt!"

"You can never know how I felt," Todd snapped back. "You won't ever feel as betrayed as I did, and if you ever could, you would never forgive. I'm never going to forgive you."

"Todd," Niklas broke in and Todd glared at him.

"I'm going to Levon's," Todd snapped. "And I think you should probably take another trip. Things are better when you're avoiding me."

"We're not avoiding you!" Johanna snapped.

"I haven't seen you two in months!" Todd laughed humourlessly. "You don't think that's avoiding me?"

"Not everything we do is about you!"

"What the fuck do you leave for? If you're not avoiding me then why?" Todd's voice cracked at his volume, pointing violently to himself. " I am your fuckin son! And that means that, like it or not, the things you do affect me. You leaving the country doesn't change that. And it fucking affects me."

"I asked you time and time again to tell me if you wanted me to stay," Johanna was crying now. Angry tears that she paid no mind to on her red face and Todd hated her for looking so vulnerable. Hated her.

"I don't fucking want you to stay!"

"You can't tell someone to fuck off and then get mad when they do! Make up your mind Todd! You're not a child anymore!"

"I can get mad all I want!" Todd felt like he was going to puke. "I can get as fucking mad as I want because I miss my mom, but all I've got is you."

"I am your mom!" Johanna screamed it and Todd flinched. "Hating me doesn't change a damn thing! I am the only mom you get!"

"I wish hating you would change things," Todd spoke thickly. "Then maybe you'll finally stop hurting me."

Todd stared at her. She stared back. The words seemed to hang in the air and stole the oxygen. None of them moved a muscle.

"I am never going to be out of your life. I am your mother," Johanna said, voice quiet and hoarse. "Like it or not, I am here and I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want you here," Todd ground out. "I want you to go back to where you fucked off to. I'm so fucking tired of all the shit you bring up. I'm so sick of having you hanging over me."

They were silent and then Johanna laughed. A broken and hysterical laugh. Head tilted back slightly before she looked at her son's stony face, her own face wet and red. "I fucked off for the same reasons you want me gone," she shook her head, a tearful smile, makeup smeared all over. "You bring up every awful memory, every awful thing I had to see in that office."

Todd waited, heart pounding, seeing all that she was reviving. Hating her. Hating her. Hating her and it didn't change a fucking thing.

"I am so exhausted of all those awful things hanging over me," her voice trembled. "You remind me of the biggest mistake of my life, every single time I look at you. And I want nothing more than to take that moment back and fix it."

"Well you can't," Todd snapped weakly, eyes burning. She winced at his harsh tone and glared back.

"Maybe I have been avoiding you," she admitted and Todd pressed his lips together because the admission hurt more than he anticipated. "You look just like your fucking father. And he's the one I can't fucking stand."

Todd felt the air leave his lungs. Niklas called his name but he ignored it, turning on his heels and storming out of the house. The sun was setting, there were a couple neighbours eyeing his house from the shouting. His ears were ringing and he was walking. He was walking home.

He wasn't his father. He wasn't his father. He wasn't his father.

***

Yeah, a bit of drama. Feel free to comment or vote to let me know what you think! ;)

Also, the title of this story honestly sucks and I need to pick a new one. If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know. I'm shit with title ideas.

Thanks. Xoxo