Ch. 15: Feelings Unraveled

I'm not thinking clearly. The tears running down my face make it harder to see the road in front of me, as I race back to my apartment. I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure my dad isn't following me. Or worse, the police. The last thing I need is to get pulled over for speeding.

How did my life become such a mess so quickly? The semester is only a couple of weeks in, and I already feel like I'm behind on everything. I got more problems than I can manage now. Between school, Asher, and trying to have somewhat of a normal social life, I can hardly keep my head from spinning.

There's the thought that my mom could still be out there and in danger.

The fact that I was chased into my house by a stranger. Or not a stranger. Who the hell even knows?

And to top it off, my dad is getting remarried.

My head is pounding from all the bullshit rattling around in my skull. God, can it get any worse? Crap. Don't think like that. I ask a question like that, and I'm just going to jinx myself. Next thing I know, I'll have to worry about another damn problem that I don't have time for. No need to put more bad vibes into the universe.

Pulling up outside my apartment, I slowly come to a stop and put the car in park. I rest my head against the steering wheel and sigh. My body is still shaking, trying to come down from my most recent emotional breakdown. I try to steady my breathing, hoping for the crying to stop. Charlotte and Nina are going to question me right away if they see any visible sign of tear streaks or puffy eyes.

Turning off the ignition, I close my eyes and take one last deep breath before getting out of the car. After locking my car, I open the front door of my apartment building and head up the lobby stairs. Before getting to my floor, I can hear Charlotte and Nina yelling and a loud pounding noise. Thinking it might be stupid ass Lucas coming around to stir up more shit, I sprint up the rest of the stairs and turn down the hallway, stopping in my tracks at the sight in front of me.

Asher Thomas banging on my front door, asking my best friends to let him in. I would've laughed at the sight if I had any energy left in me tonight. I back up a few steps, hiding behind the wall.

"Charlotte! Nina, come on! Open the door. I just want to talk to Makayla." Asher yells through the door, visibly frustrated. I wonder how long he's been standing out here.

"Nope. Not gonna happen, pretty boy. Whatever you're trying to sell, Makayla isn't interested!" Nina shouts from behind the apartment door.

"Oh, come on Nina. What's the big deal?" Char whines.

"Because Makayla isn't even here! What's she gonna say when she comes back to find this little bitch waiting for her?" Nina retorts back.

"Hey!" Ashers' face gets red as he knocks on the door again.

"Why are you trying to destroy my ship?" Char asks.

Oh my god. I can't take this anymore. Shaking my head, I come out from my hiding spot to see Asher. He whips his head in my direction when he hears my footsteps.

"Makayla, hi," he stutters.

"Asher...what are you doing here? It's late." I say, walking to my door.

"Makayla? Is that you? Or is this just another trick, Asher? We're not falling for it again!" I hear Nina through the door, but don't acknowledge her quite yet. Again? I don't even want to know.

"You weren't answering my texts. I was worried. You know, after last night... Wait, what's wrong?" he asks, looking at me with concern.

"What? Nothing is wrong. It's just been a long night." I quickly reply.

"Really? Cause it looks like you've been crying? What happened? Did someone do something? Who was it?" he starts shooting off questions, quicker than I can process them.

"No. I'm fine. Don't worry. And about last night, nothing happened other than you ruining my date with Liam." I reply, crossing my arms over my chest. His eyes keep scanning me over, looking for any indicators on whether I'm lying or not. When he doesn't, his facial expression quickly changes from concerned to smug in an instant.

"Right. Nothing happened. So, I guess you trying to kiss me is nothing?" Asher smirks, raising his eyebrows in amusement.

"Excuse me? You mean when you tried to kiss me? Whatever. Look, I don't have time for this right now. It's been a long day, and all I want to do is get into my bed and sleep for the rest of my life." I reply before banging on the door. "Guys, it's me. Let me in!" I hear them unlocking the door before it opens, revealing Nina and Char frowning.

"Makayla, I didn't come here to argue. I just want to talk." Asher says.

"Look, can we just put a pin in this for later? I'm really just too tired to talk right now." I reply. He looks like he's about to argue again, but he stops himself. Nodding, he turns and walks down the hall and out of sight.

Sighing, I walk through the door and start to head to my room.

"Wait just a minute. Asher might have bought all that, but we know you better." Nina remarks, making me turn around.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I reply. What's with all the damn questioning from everyone? Can't they tell I don't want to talk?

"Makayla, your dad called me. He filled us in. He's really worried and wants you to call him and let him know you're alright." Char says, her voice laced with concern and worry.

"Okay you got me! I'm upset. I think it's understandable, though. If your dad was marrying some woman he barely knows, you'd be too." I shoot back, starting to get angry.

"Right. Of course. So, this has nothing to do with you thinking your mom is alive, right?" My jaw drops at Nina's words.

"I'm going to bed." I turn to leave the room, but Nina grabs my arm. "Let me go!"

"No! Nina is right. Makayla, your dad wouldn't just make that up. He said you thought your mom might be alive. Is that true?" Char asks, frantically.

"So, what if I do? With all the shit going on lately, is it that hard to believe? With the weird, cryptic messages and the flowers left at our front door, you're telling me that thought hasn't crossed your mind? You know better than anyone Char what this might all mean!" I yell back, conveniently leaving out what else happened tonight. God, I'm going to have serious nightmares.

"I know! You don't think I know what "lovebug" means? But Makayla. Your mom has been gone for almost 6 years. If she's alive, then where the hell has she been all this time, huh? Why leave cryptic ass messages, instead of just reaching out to you personally? I know this hurts; I can't even imagine, but holding onto to this, it isn't healthy." she fires back.

"Look, let's just ease back on the throttle, alright?" Nina says to Char. Sighing; she looks to me. "She's got a point, MK. I know I'm new to this whole situation, and I never knew your mom. But I would like to think if she was alive, she wouldn't hide behind a text message." Nina says, trying to ease the tension in the room. I'm not listening. I can't.

"Well, maybe she can't. What if she's still in danger? I don't know what happened all those years ago, but they never found her or the person who ran her off the road. What if it isn't safe to come back home? What if whoever hurt her is still out there? Looking for her?" I ask, scared as a terrifying thought pops into my head.

What if the person who went after me tonight is the same person who went after my mom? And I just let them get away.

Char and Nina don't respond at first. They look at each other and sigh before looking back at me.

"Makayla, I know you want to believe this. I really wish things were different, but I don't think it's a good idea to start dredging up the past like this. Look, after this past spring, I thought you were putting this all behind you." Char replies, visibly upset.

"That's the thing, Char. It's never going to be behind me. Not until I know what happened that night." I reply before turning around and walking to my room. Char calls out for me, but I hear Nina tell her to give me space.

They don't understand.

If my mom is alive, I'm going to find her.

And if she's not?

I'm going to find her killer.