Chapter 11

ETHAN KENNEDY

As the sun rises, my eyes flutter at the sight of the light coming in the room through the windows. I prop myself up, stretching a bit, letting myself feel the numbness due to sleeping. I look to my side and find my mate, Leon Adler, sleeping by my side. The light cascades down his back, letting me see how glorious his back muscles are. I see every outlined of his back, wanting to be touched. My fingers itch, wanting to feel his skin against my fingertips.

His features are the opposite of mine. His black hair, mopped and tousled, is sticking up everywhere; it has gotten a bit longer since he hasn't had his haircut yet. His cheeks are more prominent than mine. His lashes are a bit shorter, and his lips are full and a bit chapped. It feels like I'm looking at a different person, but I've known these looks for years, and still, I can't get over the fact that Leon Adler chased me and accepted me as a mate.

My heart swells at the thought, constricting as if it would give me a heart attack. There's no denying that even without the bond (at least to me), I've loved this boy all my life. I don't feel any bond yet I know that he's my mate.

I don't even have a wolf. I am the wolf.

And I wonder if he has already noticed it. I wonder if his wolf, Apollo, has tried to connect with me in a way where werewolves are supposed to do. Unfortunately, I haven't been blessed with having a part of me that's pushed at the back of my head. I wish I could know the feeling.

I let my fingers trace his muscles, a smile threatening its way to my lips. Leon hums in satisfaction, scooting a bit closer as a small smile escapes his lips. I watch him with my eyes full of adoration towards him. His eyes flutter, adjusting to the sudden brightness, then meet mine. Ethan props himself up, facing me, letting me see that toned abs he has been working on since he began training with his dad. My eyes flicker to his lips, then back to his face, and I see a faint blush tinting his cheeks.

"Good morning," I whisper to him.

Leon reaches out to me, touching my exposed chest near where my heart lies. He looks at me with adoration in his eyes that it makes me want to cry. He leans forward, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in the crook of my neck. His skin is warm against mine, and I can feel his warm breath fanning my skin.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he murmurs, sighing. "I just want to hug you. This is my good morning hug, and my mate deserves to get it each morning we wake up to each other. Good morning."

"You sound cheesy,"

"I never thought I'd be like this," he murmurs, his voice still croaky. He rubs his eyes, stretching his arms again and yawning in the process, before clicking his tongue in a cute manner. I laugh. "I just want to say it feels nice waking up next to you."

"It feels nice waking up next to you," I grab his hand and place it on my chest. He looks at me momentarily blushing. "This beats for you. Since day one. I just want you to know how much you mean to me."

The words tumble out of my mouth, like I've rehearsed it my entire life. Something clicks inside me that makes me want to tell him everything – my worries, my fears, my love for him. I want to tell him that there's something awaiting us when we reach one of the shrines; a news that we wouldn't like. I tried to look into the future, to see a glimpse of us, but it appears there's a blockage, preventing me from seeing how we would end up. But I know I'll just worry him.

For some reason, my heart aches for him. My heart feels like it's breaking, shattering into million pieces. I take a shaky breath, my eyes welling up with tears, and worry crosses my mate's face. I wrap my arms around him, burying my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. I want to drown myself in him, to get lost in his touch and his eyes. Leon rubs my back, whispering calming words that I can't somehow comprehend. My heart feels like it's being crushed, breaking me. I curl myself, wanting to be as near as possible to him even though we're already pushed up against each other.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Ethan cups my face, his eyes sad.

I purse my lips, shaking my head. I really don't have any idea why I feel like this. But there's one thing I'm certain at: I love Leon Adler. He rests his forehead against mine, his breath fanning my face, and brushes my tears away.

We stay in the bed for an hour, with him calming me down. He has his arms wrapped around me as he rocks me back and forth. At some point, I stop crying, but I'm still in pain, though not as much as I felt earlier. My back is rest against his chest, his fingers playing with my hair.

"Are you okay now?" he asks me.

"Yes,"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know," I purse my lips. I pull myself back, turning around to face him. He stops playing with my hair, looking at me with a sad and worried expression. "I don't even know why I felt miserable earlier. Maybe because this whole ordeal is making my emotions go everywhere. I've been thinking a lot lately, so maybe I just need to rest my head for a few days, not think a lot of stuff, you know what I mean?"

Leon smiles at me. "Yeah, I agree."

"Okay. I'll try to do that then."

"Or maybe I can take your head out of the gutter by..." he raises his brows suggestively, and I laugh. I push him lightly, glaring at him playfully. "I'm just kidding. I want our first to be special. Perhaps, under the moon? On a beach where we're alone, petals around us, candles lit up, with the sound of wind and ocean pushed to the shore can only be heard, under a lot of bright stars. What do you think?"

"I love that,"

"All right. We'll do that."

"When did you get so romantic?"

He puts his head on my shoulder, battering his lashes at me, a small smile teasing his lips. "Since I wanted you as my mate. You know, it just made me think that, after all of this, we should go out on a journey. Not this kind of journey, though. A journey that would focus on just the two of us, to build our relationship, to strengthen the bond."

My heart pangs painfully against my chest again. There it is, the bond. I purse my lips, forcing a smile, hoping that it doesn't look too strain or forced. Otherwise, he'd know there's something wrong. Leon doesn't seem to realize it, but he's gifted with the ability to detect someone's emotions; he just doesn't know how to use it well. I hold his hand, feeling the soft pads of his fingers. I wish I could hold his hand forever, hold it over my heart where he truly belongs. Despite not having the bond, that type of connection with him, I know that he has always been my mate. Leon Adler has always been my mate, and that's not going to change. Although, as selfish as it sounds, if there were a chance that I'd have a power to change someone's destiny, I would definitely let him have a different mate rather than me.

I'd rather love him from afar, knowing that he's okay and safe, rather than being with me to love me and let him suffer. Leon deserves the life full of love and happiness, and being with me will ruin that. If I could change history, or talk to the Good Goddess, I'd request for Leon to have a different mate. I would still love him even if we're not mates, whether we have bond or not. Being mates or having bonds doesn't measure how one should love his or her other half. It's the connection they make as they venture forward.

Having a mate tells us who we are supposed to be with; feeling or strengthening the bond is for two partnered werewolves to feel rush or excitement when they are together; but making connection with your mate, without linking to it as a mate or the bond, strengthens the core of a relationship. Bond can be broken, werewolves can reject their mates, but if you make that certain connection, you feel like you're on top of the world, like you could conquer anything, like you could do anything, and having your mate just beside you is simply one of the best things that you could ever get.

"I'd like that," I respond.

"Come on, let's get our clothes. They should be dry."

"Yeah," I let out a chuckle.

After wearing the clothes we've let dry, Leon and I head to the cafeteria to have a good breakfast. Klein, the current Alpha of the pack, greets us along with his mate by his side. Joanna looks at her mate with love evident in her eyes; it almost makes me want to envy that they have the bond.

Even though Leon and I don't share any bond, and as much as I tell myself that I don't actually mind it, having a bond with your mate is special. I want to feel that rush a mated werewolf gets when they look at their mates. It's saddening that I will never feel that. Never once in my life.

As usual, the cafeteria is packed with members. The room is filled with chattering, and from the distance, a group of werewolves are training, yelling words of encouragement as they train themselves hard. My eyes catch the look on my mate's face, and a pang of guilt hits my chest. Of course, he's bound to miss Crescent Pack. Leon is going to be an Alpha; he has a good path paved ahead of him yet he's here with me, accompanying me to a journey that may not give me good answers.

"Good morning to you two," Joanna greets us as she clasps her hands.

Joanna slips her hand from her husband's clasp before reaching out and giving me a kiss on my cheek. I give Leon an awkward glance only to find him with a huge grin on his face. I internally shake my head. She turns to look at my mate before nodding her head respectively, then leads us inside the cafeteria.

"How was sleep?" she asks us. "I hope you found the room comfortable."

"No worries, Joanna." Leon says, his tone holds respect, kindness, and power. He grabs my hand as we follow Joanna to the people who serve the food. "We're actually enjoying our stay here. You've got lovely members here. Though, I know I might have intimidated some of them."

"Hush," Joanna waves her hand in the air, chuckling graciously. "They are intimidated because we have guests, who happen to be an Alpha and the Alpha's mate. Of course, your power would radiate. But as much as they are intimidated, you can tell they're still going to respect you because you're a person."

"I'll confess; I might have growled at one of your members," my mate chuckles.

"Oh, Josh mentioned that to me," Joanna chortles, and a blush creeps up my cheeks as I hear them laughing. They probably have an idea what we were doing on that time. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. "I was, like, let them be, those two probably had been on a journey for God knows how long, so they might have needed some time alone to extinguish that fire." She says the last part with a growl, clenching her hand, then she laughs.

"Come on, Joanna, we didn't do anything." I whine.

"Right, and I'm not Klein's mate,"

Leon laughs. I jerk his stomach with my elbow. "Oof,"

"Don't worry," she smiles as she turns to face us, motioning the one in charge of the cafeteria. Two plates get handed to us, and we grab it with a thankful nod. "It's okay. We're werewolves. It's a widely known knowledge that we do that stuff; intimacy is one of the many forms of showing how much your mate means to you. And it's an effective way. No need to be shy about it, hun."

"You're so open," I tell her.

"Thank you. I should be." She leads us to an empty table. Leon and I sit beside each other, and she sits on the opposite seat. Klein joins us. "I'm a Luna of this pack; I should be open to everything, you know. Being open to your pack is a great feeling. They can always rely on you without them feeling ashamed, mortified, or weak. It's one way to establish a good communication within the pack."

"Yeah, she's right," Klein chuckles, kissing his mate's temple.

"In return, they have become my comfort when..." she takes a deep breath. Klein grabs her hand and lightly squeezes it, giving her a small, sad smile. "They gave me comfort when I lost my son when he was still a baby. Next month is his 20th birthday. Never once I forget to wish I could see him. I wonder if he's alive..."

I purse my lips before grabbing her other hand resting on the table. Joanna's eyes well with tears, and she blinks a few times before taking a shaky breath, resisting the urge to cry. She fans herself, laughing lightly, though I can tell that she's fighting hard not to show her emotions. Leon rests his hand on my leg, squeezing it.

"Don't lose hope, Joanna." I tell her, leaning forward. "Your son is alive."

"How can you tell?"

"I'm not supposed to say this, but..." I look at my mate, and Leon gives me a slight nod, reassuring me that everything is going to be fine. Telling them a few information would not ruin the future, I guess, but I figure telling them this would at least amply their hope that they would see their son again. "There will be a time where you will see him again. I haven't seen everything, but he'll be here with you soon. And even if I do, I can't just simply tell you about it. I may have the power to foresee things, but it's not my job to tell everyone what's going to happen. I'm only telling you this because I want you to keep hoping that you'll see your son again."

"Did you hear that, Klein?" Joanna looks at her mate and finally cries.

Klein nods with tears in his eyes, hugging his mate. "I do, sweetheart. I do." Klein looks at me and mouths his thanks. Klein comforts his mate as we eat our food. I just hope they don't mind us being in front of them as I can't see an available table. Talk about awkwardness.

By noon, we're more than ready to go. Joanna has prepared us some food that we can eat along the way. It's all in the bag that she wants us to bring. There's also another bag that is full of clothes that we can use in case we want to take a bath in a lake.

Before we leave, Joanna gives me a tight hug, telling me how thankful she is that she met me. I hug her back. Jacob is beside Klein, his chin high as he watches us. I move towards him, and he looks at me with confusion in his eyes.

"Go easy and be chill," I tell Jacob. His brows furrow.

Heading back to my mate, he asks me, "What did you tell him?"

"I just told him to be chill, but not mentioning it's for him and his mate's sake."

"You just made that family a lot happier,"

"I did?"

"Yeah, and you're making me happy, too."

Rolling my eyes, I push him playfully and he laughs. Klein and Joanna bid us goodbye. Leon takes my head and we venture back to the woods to find one of the shrines. After a lot of consideration, we decided not to bring any pack warriors from them as it would be quite dangerous. This is my journey, and no one should get involved or be hurt in this, especially my mate. But Leon is a persistent werewolf, so he would continue to follow me whenever I go. But I like it. I love him.

I love him even without the bond.