Chapter 7 || You Have Social Anxiety

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YOU HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY

"Keep your homework on your desk before you leave," Mr. Williams' velvety voice shakes the room, and I can't help the breathless murmur leaving my mouth at the power it holds.

"Join me?" Daniel offers, and I look at him gratefully but with a strained smile.

"Can we meet up later? I have to do something right now."

Mr. Williams, to be specific, but I won't be able to do him per se. Still, Daniel doesn't need to know any of that.

"Okay, see you," he nods in understanding, and I genuinely feel thankful to have him here. I probably would've had a crush on him if I was an ordinary teenager, too.

But sadly, I'm not.

Taking my time packing my things as each student piles out of the room, I'm anxious for the events to come.

When the class is silent, I look up at Mr. Williams, to find him already looking at me with a puzzled look I can't decipher.

"So you've made yourself another friend or is he something more?"

The sharpness in his voice stuns me. Talk about bipolar. But then again, what else could I expect from this man?

Ah... he's a tsundere.

"He's just a friend. He's not and won't be anything more than that," my voice cracks at the end, and I look away, at the door. Maybe I should just...

"What were you two really discussing? I disapprove of the way you-"

"I can't... I can't do this right now," I inhale sharply, my voice and limbs trembling as I shake my head, "I... I have to go."

I never believed that I would wilfully walk out of his class on my own; but it's really happening.

...Or so I thought.

"You have social anxiety."

It's more of a statement than a question, said in a flat tone and accompanied by his signature poker face.

But that alone is enough to halt me in my steps.

Fúck me.

This man just makes it harder for me to get him out of my mind. Why is he so damn smart?

"H-how...?" I trail off as he seems to relish in my surprised expression, probably enjoying getting a reaction out of me.

"I'd known since the first day of school. You're not the only observant one, Namora." He says, by way of explanation.

I feel unsatisfied with his excuse.

Why does he do this? Pull me closer only to push me away?

"Why...? How...?" I say breathily, moving towards the teacher's desk.

"The constant redness of your face. Your charged responses. Your unwillingness to communicate. Your impeccable grades. But most importantly, your lack of friends."

I stand there, visibly stunned by his revelation. This guy is even better than Mrs. Howell.

How do I step away from the trap he's gently laid out for me?

"I... wow..." I begin, shaking my head, "I flamed amazement."

"From the Merchant of Venice to the Tempest? You surprise me." He notes, and I admire his ability to follow me with such accuracy.

"I just... you really are observant," I speak out my thoughts, staring him in his blue eyes; my brown orbs melting against his oceanic tempest with a fire that I only wish would grow and grow and grow.

"And you really are annoying." He sighs, grading his papers with a teasing glint in those winter blues.

"Yet you're still talking to me," I fire back, pleased that he's gone back to teasing me. I kind of missed it, if I do say so myself.

He halts the movement of his pen as if only just realizing something.

"Should I get you a therapist?"

Ha. I do need one, but for something much worse than my flimsy social anxiety.

Damn him and his beautiful face. Damn him and his intellect. Damn him and his niceness.

Everything he does just makes me fall for him even more.

"No... thank you for the offer, but you're already my therapist, you know," I begin, and he furrows his brows, narrowing his eyes at me in contempt.

"Let me speak, would you? Ever since I met you, I've started becoming more open. Making friends, talking in class..." I inhale shakily, moving around under his scorching stare.

He sighs, removing the glasses perched atop his nose, fixing me with this fatherly look, "Namora, you can't attribute all of that to me. I have in no way influenced you to act other than your own self."

"You misunderstand me, Mr. Williams. I meant to say that since I began talking to you, it feels easier to talk to other people. I know you wouldn't want to take credit, but still..."

I stare into his blue eyes, which are transfixed on me, watching me... admiring me? Ha! I could only wish.

"...Thank you. Thank you, just for talking to me when I had no one else to talk to," my voice cracks at the end, and I feel the tears resurfacing. Gulping them down, blinking them away, I give him a watery smile.

"You're welcome, Namora." He murmurs distantly. His expression void of emotions, tormenting me. I want him to react, to show me that he can be affected. I want him to give me a reason to be hopeful.

But alas, he doesn't.

"I think you should go," he clears his throat, coming to. But not before I see the way he stares at the wedding band on his finger.

And so I take off dejectedly, knowing that I did have him, even if it was only for a second.

The worse part is, I don't know what to feel.

I'm emotionally numb.

"Hi, Savannah," I smile with gaiety at the girl from whom I'd borrowed the book Romeo and Juliet a few days before.

She waves back at me excitedly, her own smile illuminating her beautiful face. My heart aches looking at her, wondering how Mr. Williams would ever like me when he'd been surrounded by pretty faces like hers all his life.

Then I exhale, shaking my head. I shouldn't think bad of Savannah, it's not like the girl had a crush on Mr. Williams.

Or did she?

"What class do you have next?" She asks, green eyes shining with interest.

"Social studies. You?"

"Stupid chemistry," she says, making a sour face which evokes bouts of laughter from me.

"Girl, why'd you choose Chemistry if it's gonna be like that?"

"I like biology so I had to match my combination," she frowns, pouting.

"How did english literature come into the equation?" It doesn't add up.

"Well... to be honest, I took it because I heard Mr. Williams is teaching at this school, and... well... he's the one who made me fall in love with literature so..." The blush coating her cheeks leaves me anxious.

And the insane jealousy that twists in my stomach leaves me breathless.

No.

I won't let her have him.

He's mine.

My chest constricts, and I inhale.

- Is he really yours when he already belongs to someone else?

Brushing the thought aside, I look at the blond with thinned lips. I don't know what memories Savannah has with him, but I'm not about to let her crash my plans.

I won't let Mr. Williams forget me, nor will I allow Savannah the glory of retaining his attention.

I simply won't.

"Wow, that's so interesting!" My voice sounds fake, cracking to my own ears, but the girl plays the puppet to the puppeteer.

"Should we sit in the cafeteria or go to the library?" She asks, looking around with her doe green eyes.

So innocent. Mr. Williams would love that.

"Library. Also, do you have english literature today?"

"Yep! 8th and 9th period."

My insides twist with worry. I'll have to be on my guard and stake my claim before all goes to dust.

Because I won't. No - I can't allow anyone else to seduce Mr. Williams.

It would leave me hollow.

Yes - it would break me.

With a heavy heart, I look up at the blue sky.

Just what have I gotten myself into?

Catching feelings for someone this hard?

And better yet, someone married?