Pray

There was nothing quite as awkward as unpacking your underwear in front of strangers. You wished you could treat it like a pad in middle school... Just shove it up your sleeve to hide it. But you only had short sleeves!

The uniformity made you feel a little less nervous. Nothing differentiated your underwear from one of the other girl's except size and the initials on the tag.

The quiet of your and Dinah's side of the room didn't help. It made you feel like you were doing something shameful. You thought about humming or singing to yourself, but you didn't want to disturb Louise and Chaeyoung.

The two of them were laughing and chatting like old friends... Which, to be fair, they probably were.

Well, mostly Chaeyoung was doing the talking. You had a feeling she was the kind of person who just liked to hear herself talk. But occasionally Louise would interject with a giggle, a gasp, a word or two of her own. Enough to make the conversation feel like it wasn't one-sided.

You wished they'd say something directed at you, maybe ask you a question, so you would have an excuse to talk to them. You didn't want to just butt into their conversation. It felt like they were punishing you for not answering their question earlier. Maybe you were just imagining that, though. The anxiety was starting to get to you.

Eventually you finished unpacking. Once you stowed away your empty duffle bag, you looked to Elizabeth. "What do I do now?"

"Pray," she instructed.

"Prayer isn't exactly my thing."

"What?"

"I've never really prayed before." You'd only ever prayed when you wanted something... Like a new PS5 for Christmas or a passing grade on a test or a way out of bible camp. And even when you did pray, it took, like, two seconds. It wasn't a good way to pass the time.

She blinked at you in disbelief. "You're a new convert?"

"I'm not a convert."

"You have no faith?"

"Nope!" The p sound left your lips with a pop.

That's when the other girls all turned to look at you, just as incredulous as their camp counselor. There's a non-believer among us, their eyes seemed to say.

It dawned on you that you really should treat this more seriously.

"You should be in Faith then."

"I don't know what to tell you," you said solemnly. "Nurse Thorne assigned me to Temperance."

That's when she repeated Chaeyoung's question from earlier. "What did you do to get assigned to Temperance?" "Between you and God" your ass. Several seconds of silence passed by before she realized you still weren't going to answer. "You don't have to say it in front of the other girls if you don't want to. We can step outside and you can tell me there."

Everyone's gazes weighed heavily on you. You simply shook your head.

Elizabeth didn't like that. No, she didn't like that at all. She stepped forward, got right up in your space, took you by the shoulders and shook you once, hard. "Sin must be confessed before it can be absolved, Y/N. What you've done in the dark will be brought to the light. I'm giving you the opportunity to do it on your own terms."

Shame rose in you before you crushed it down again. You'd never confessed and you weren't about to start now. Swallowing hard, you shook your head again.

Her frown got so severe that her mouth became a thin pink line, curved downwards like a horseshoe. Then she smiled. You'd yet to see her smile in a way that didn't seem strained. She had a very still face, like a frozen winter pond. It made you wonder, fear, what lurked below the ice.

"That's fine," she said lightly, when it very obviously wasn't. "Maybe... Maybe there was a mistake." She took her hands off you but didn't step back, instead electing to stay threateningly close. "I'll be right back. I have to go talk to my mother."

With that, she left, letting the cabin door slam behind her. When you looked over at Chaeyoung and Louise, but they had dutifully gone back to unpacking, their laughter and conversation completely gone. Dinah was staring down at you from her bunk, but she wouldn't meet your eyes.

Great! Just awesome! This sucked.

...

There wasn't any way to keep time in your cabin. Watches and clocks were included on the list of many things forbidden at Camp Bethel. "You'll be on Jesus' time," your mom said brightly as she confiscated your wristwatch at the same time as your phone.

Elizabeth could have been gone just a few minutes or an hour. Time dragged when you were bored and anxious.

You knew Nurse Thorne and your mom talked... Did she know the reason why you were here? If she did, would she tell her daughter? After what happened to you and Her with Her pastor, you didn't think you'd ever trust another cleric ever again.

Eventually, Elizabeth returned. "I spoke with my mother... She said to give you these." She moved to hand you a wooden rosary and a book titled, The Camp Bethel Book of Prayer.

You didn't really want either, but it seemed rude to refuse them.

"This book contains all the prayers and hymns you need to know during your time here at Camp Bethel. The rosary will walk you through prayer until you are able to pray on your own."

Your mom was in your ear again, chiding, "Y/N, what do we say when someone gives us a gift?"

"Thanks. Um, does this thing come with instructions?" You asked, holding the string of beads and knotted cord aloft. The beads looked red and shiny as maraschino cherries. For some reason, you were tempted to swallow the rosary whole.

"I'll give you the abridged version," she sighed. "You say one to three prayers on each bead. On the metal beads, you pray Glory Be, O My Jesus, and Our Father. On the small wooden beads, you pray a Hail Mary."

She must have seen how your eyes bugged out at the number of beads on the rosary, because she let out a bark of laughter. You looked at her, shocked to have elicited a positive response. To her credit, she looked surprised as well.

She cleared her throat before continuing, "They're short prayers. Eventually you'll have them memorized. In the meantime, you can read them from the book."

"Do I really need this big book for four little prayers? Couldn't you have just handed me a sheet of paper?"

Elizabeth answered your question with a question. "When was the last time you've been to Sunday service?"

"Good God, it's been years..." You couldn't quite put a finger on your age, but you knew it was in the single digits.

It was a hassle getting you up so early, brushing out the rats' nest atop your head, dressing you up in your best dress. All that work fell on your father, as your mom was usually busy getting herself gussied up for her church friends. More often than not, your family was late out the door.

And you were a little hellion the second you stepped onto holy ground. You were quiet when you were supposed to be loud and loud when you were supposed to be quiet. Your father always suggested bringing along a toy or a book to entertain you during the service, but your mom wouldn't hear of it.

Then came The Divorce, and your mom quickly realized just how much work it was to single-handedly prepare and wrangle you for church.

After that, she always offered you a choice. Come along and behave or stay home all together. She probably meant staying home to be a punishment, but you had every means of entertainment at home, whereas you didn't at church. The choice was easy, and it only became easier with time.

"At Camp Bethel, we have a three-hour long church service every morning before breakfast," she told you. The shock and horror must have read on your face, because someone else in the cabin had a mean-spirited chuckle at your expense. Your money was on Chaeyoung.

"It's optional, though, right?"

"We can't force you to go. But if you don't, you have to fast for the day."

You scowled openly. You were definitely going on a hunger strike at some point this summer. Probably several points.

"What do we do when we're not eating, praying, or sleeping?" You grumbled. If that's all you could do for the entire summer, there was no question that you would go insane.

"We have plenty of activities lined up to bring out the God-fearing woman in you." That sounded like a threat. "But first, breakfast. Let's go, campers."