And I'll Be Me

(Feels warning. Thank you for all the ideas, they've given me quite a bit to think about. Song: Let it Go)

Jana-

After he had been brought back inside, soaked, yet somehow encouraged, Domino had been taken back to their cell while he was taken to shower and change. Tera had also been lead somewhere, but he wasn't sure exactly where. The clothing he was given afterward was unfamiliar, and that's what started an uncomfortable fidget in his left fingers. The jeans were slightly loose over his boxers, but not nearly as much as his prison uniform had been. They were brand new, along with the dark red long sleeved shirt that almost perfectly matched his hair, the tags having just been removed from both.

He'd never had anything new.

Narrowing his eyes down at the clothing, he wrinkled his nose and debated whether it would be worth it to try and get something else. He didn't care for the blood-red color, nor the feel of either item, but he knew that it was likely out of his hands.

"Jana, we need you to sign these forms for your release." A man said in front of him.

Looking up slowly, Jana tilted his head slightly and met the man's eyes from across the room he had been put into. It wasn't nearly as confined as ones he'd been in previously. There was actually a door to an outer room he could see because of the wall between them being reinforced glass, then a set of double doors that led outside.

Almost freedom. But not.

He expected his new voice to comment something, but it remained a quiet, giddy feeling just behind his eyes, as if it were watching things play out and didn't want to interfere.

Stepping forward, he made his way over to the window the man sat behind and took the papers he slid beneath a glass shield. A pen was fastened to a small metal chain right next to the window so he grabbed it and signed where necessary. When he returned the papers, he was given a folder as the man smiled at him, a worried tilt to the gesture.

"I hope everything goes well for you, Jana. There is one hundred dollars in the folder, along with your release paperwork. There are also several places you can contact for help if needed. There are many for different situations."

Jana nodded, then was told to go sit down until his ride came. When he turned toward the large window to his right, his heart stuttered and dropped. It was pouring, the storm somehow silenced to background noise within the large room.

I don't like it. His new voice finally said, mirroring his own worry. He didn't like quiet storms. They were always loud when he was in his cell. Always a change from the quiet everyday life he'd lived. There were never any whispers or groans that could rise above the volume of a rumble of thunder, spawned by a crack of lightning so close that it vibrated his bones.

"Hey there, Jana."

Jerking his head up, Jana frowned as he was forced to remove his left cheek from the cool glass. He'd sat down in the corner, ignoring the metal chairs bolted to the floors. Turning his head toward the voice, he looked up to see Christopher a few steps away. The man didn't come any closer, which was likely a good idea.

I wanna go outside. His new voice thought.

Unable to do anything about its wants at that moment, Jana pushed it to the side and slowly stood and turned to face Christopher. Instead of speaking, Christopher held out a folded piece of paper. Jana eyed it warily for a few moments before hesitantly reaching out and grasping it by the edge. Christopher released it to him, and he brought it closer, but didn't look away from the man.

"It's my phone number. When you decide where you would like to go to college, call me and we'll arrange a way for me to pay for your classes each semester. I sincerely hope you do decide to continue your education... and here."

He lifted his left arm and Jana glanced down, having not noticed the book in it before. When it was offered to him and he got a good look at it, he felt his eyes begin to water, but hurried to blink the tears away. He was also confused, and while he reached out to greedily take the advanced chemistry book he'd been reading, he stared up at Christopher, wondering why he was giving it to him when it belonged to the prison's library.

"I bought it out of the library and got them another copy. That way, you don't have to worry about losing all the pencil notes you wrote, and you have something to help you get ready for the next classes you decide to take."

Something odd and unfamiliar welled up in his chest. Jana didn't know how to express the emotion, and it scared him. At the same time, he looked down at the faded tan tiles surrounding his feet for a few moments before he felt his new voice nudge him. The faint touch in his mind had him closing the small gap between himself and Christopher, and tucking his forehead against the man's chest.

Silence took over the room. Not even the clicking of fingers on a keyboard filled the quiet, allowing the storm outside to meet his ears. It was calming, but not enough so to keep him from jerking away when he felt Christopher's hand softly settle on top of his hair.

When he looked back up, his back pressed into the corner, he saw the apologetic look on the man's face and noted that his arm was already back at his side.

Why did you just make me do that! He snarled at his new voice, knowing damn well that it had influenced his actions moments earlier.

He felt it's conscious back away from his thoughts, clearly not wanting to face him when he was upset at it. Good, stay the hell away. Jana told it before refocusing his attention on Christopher.

"I hope you take good care of the book. I also came to let you know that Tommy sends his best wishes. He's unable to see you off today, but he would greatly appreciate a phone call or visit. He had me add his number to that paper, so feel free to call him whenever you'd like."

Jana pursed his lips and slowly nodded, tucking the paper into the pages of the textbook. When he said nothing in response, Christopher gave Jana a small smile. "Best of luck, you deserve it." He then turned and walked away.

Unknowingly, Jana took several steps forward. The familiarity of the dimly lit hallways Christopher was about to travel down had Jana's chest constricting with conflicting signals. He was so used to those halls. He knew each and every cell. Knew who was aggressive. Who was nice. Who wouldn't mess with him because he'd already proved that he could handle them in a fight. There were no surprises in prison.

Not until Domino came...

Not until Emmet left...

And Tera...

As if on cue, the door to his left, a large metal one leading to the more dangerous cells where he'd been housed off and on during his stay, opened. When a guard walked in with Tera on her leash, dry, clean, and wearing a black vest, Jana forced himself to take a deep breath. As soon as his eyes met Tera's, she darted over to him, her leash easily slipping free of the guard's fingers.

When she got closer he hugged her against his chest, dragging her into his lap as he sat down without much thought. She yelped, whether it was from his abrupt action or discomfort, but was quick to settle in and tuck her head beneath his chin, tail thumping soundly against his leg and the floor.

With his right arm still tight around her middle, Jana stared down at her vest, curious, as she hadn't been wearing one before.

Service canine: Do not pet.

If found, please return to Anderson Prison.

Glancing up at the guard, Jana frowned as he was handed another folder. "It's her service dog paperwork. You need to keep it so that you can take her with you wherever you go."

Jana nodded, then watched as the man walked away. Once he was gone, he looked down at Tera and his brow furrowed.

I can't pet her now?

He felt a muffled chuckle in the back of his mind and growled out loud, making a woman waiting near a desk, jump.

She is yours, Jana. You can pet her whenever you'd like. It means that no one else should touch her. She is trained just for you. His new voice informed him.

It made sense, kind of. Instead of digging further into that train of thought, he turned his attention out the window and let his tense body relax slightly. He could feel eyes on him, but tried to ignore the few remaining people in the room. They just needed to stay away from him and he'd be fine.

It wasn't until several hours had passed, at least four, that he heard the door connected to the room, the metal one leading to the outer room, open. It closed quickly behind a guard who looked around the room for a moment before his gaze stopped on Jana.

"Mr. Alaric? If you would follow me, your ride said that they'll be here in a few minutes."

Jana started getting up, but his legs refused to lift him more than a few inches before they dropped him back down.

Come on, we can do this. Let's go outside! His new voice said excitedly, their previous spat completely forgotten.

Jana was excited to go outside, too, but only for the storm. His previous eagerness to leave dwindled as he forced himself to his bare feet and walked stiffly toward the guard. The man wisely didn't touch him as Jana stepped through the door, followed by him.

"You need to put these on before I can let you leave. You have to walk out in shoes." The guard said, making Jana turn and eye the pair of new black and white tennis shoes with distaste.

After a moment of staring, he set Tera down, then the book after tucking the folders into it's pages. He quickly slipped the shoes onto his feet, frowning at the discomfort they brought before grabbing his book and Tera's leash.

"He's good to go. The registered vehicle just passed the checkpoint." A man said from behind a window to Jana's right.

When he looked back to the guard who had lead him into the smaller room, he nodded toward the large double doors and smiled. Jana knew that it was likely supposed to be reassuring, but it wasn't. He felt Tera's leash extend and gripped it hard, making her stop right in front of the doors.

I don't want to go out there. There could be bad things I can't control. He thought, tugging on Tera's leash to try and get her to move away from the doors. She refused, however, and stood facing forward, determined. He didn't feel nearly half as sure as she looked. His heart hurt with how fast it had picked up its pace. His palms were sweating and he was beginning to hear voices. It had been nearly a day since he'd heard them. They had been so quiet. But they whispered right then, over and over and over.

He was immediately lost in his mind, trying to fight off the terror the voices always brought with them. He had gotten soft in the past day. Had forgotten how heavy their burden was on his shoulders with their weight suddenly gone. He could feel the new voice in his mind trying to help, but even it couldn't keep his father's determined, jeering words away from his ears... couldn't keep his mother's slurred speech from penetrating his heart.

An umbrella? His new voice said so quietly that he didn't quite catch it.

The scent of rain filled his nose. The scent of wet grass. Trees. Water.

The storm. It's so close. Let's go, Jana!  They can't reach us out there! His new voice urged as it pushed through the other voices in his head. Trying to reach him.

A hiccup slipped from his throat, then a sniffle as he felt his teeth click together repeatedly, nerves making him shake. He tried to get a grip on himself, looking around the room. And that's when he noticed. An umbrella?  He thought as he turned his head to the left. The black umbrella blocked most of the room in that direction. So, he turned his head to the right. Same thing.

His eyes were forced to look forward and up. The man standing before him was not familiar.

His smile... it's so sincere. His new voice said as the others slowly began to quiet.

"Hello, Jana. I'm Orion," the man said as he took a step back toward the door, but didn't turn toward it.

The gesture had the umbrella gently pressing against Jana's back, making him eventually take a step forward.

"It was really nice talking with you before, on the phone."

I remember. Jana thought as he felt the umbrella press against his back again. He stepped forward.

"My good friend is making dinner as we speak. I hope you like spaghetti and garlic bread."

That's my favorite! His new voice shouted, nearly making him wince at its volume.

"I hope we can be good friends." Orion added right before Jana stopped, his eyes having moved down to the floor.

There was a small ridge where the doors came together when shut. One step. That's what would put the jail behind him. He wasn't sure if he could do that, though. What did he have if he didn't have his past, even with the bad parts?

You have me! Tera, Orion, and you'll have Domino soon, too! His new voice said.

He felt the umbrella stop pressing against his back and took in a deep breath. He could taste the rain on his tongue. Could feel the wind blow his hair and make his new clothing billow in the cool breeze.

"One step at a time... right, Jana?" Orion said.

Lifting his eyes, Jana met Orion's gaze as he felt the umbrella softly touch his back.

He lifted his right foot and slowly, ever so slowly, let it lift over the barrier. The tiny, one inch high ledge might not have seemed like an obstacle to anyone else, but to him, it was change. Change isn't always easy, but you're ready, because you've changed so much. His new voice said, making him allow his foot to finally settle on the other side of the door. His second one began to follow, but as a strong gust of wind swam around him and a boom of thunder shook the cement beneath his feet, Jana couldn't help but drop Tera's leash and bolt forward into the storm.

He leaped from the top of the five stairs he never thought he'd see so closely. Sailed through the air, feeling so light. As if he could fly in the middle of the thunderstorm that raged around him. Poured torrents of water down upon him. Shot sparks above him.

Finally.

It's finally here...

My turn to try again.

(Love you, Jana! Get out there and kick the world's butt with your awesomeness :D)