In His Eyes Chap.11

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~Shax <3

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In His Eyes Chapter 11.

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“Mister, is this how you told us to do it?” A small boy came running to me with a lopsided piece of clay that sort of resembled a plate.

I chuckled and ruffled his hair, fixing on of the sides of the clay. “There you go.” The boy smiled and ran back to his table and showed the other two kids looking confused. I walked over and helped them and answered their questions as best I could.

It’s been two months since I left Micah at the library and I took off. Well, truth is he broke up with me because of my childish attitude. It took me a while to understand that in deed he was right. I guess at first I was pissed that he had broken up with me instead of begging for my forgiveness. Now I’m sure it was my entire fault and like the coward I am I ran away and haven’t been back for the last two months.

The only people I talk to are Damien and Drake. After telling them what had happened and Damien calling me all kinds of things that I knew were true, I drove away from town. Once I was sure I was far enough from Micah, I called Damien and let him know where I was.

I left Damien a letter for Chris telling him not to worry that he still had a job. The studio was left for him for as long as I was away. I still didn’t know how long so I left money for anything that was to be needed. Chris wasn’t at fault for anything so why should he pay for my stupidity?

I called Charles and sort of explained what had happened. He told me that I was being an idiot and I didn’t even get mad because I knew he was right. We came to an arrangement so I didn’t lose business with him or his company.

After changing my phone number and looking for a cheap place to stay for the night, I went through everything that had happened. Needless to say I cried myself to sleep that first night.

Now, I work at a center for homeless kids, an orphanage for lack of a better word. I had walked into a market to buy food when I overheard some ladies talking about the orphanage not having enough volunteers. I asked them about it and they told me where to go for more information.

I could tell that they doubted I would get accepted since I didn’t look like the typical volunteer, but I didn’t care. I needed to do something with my free time instead of staying all day in a motel’s room watching bad TV.

The ‘headmaster’ at the orphanage made me so many questions and I answered them as honestly as I could. After a look over and a ‘humph’ she sent me to talk to the activities director, James. James was a guy two years younger than me who loved teaching kids. He had come from an orphanage as well and wanted to give back to the community.

“We won’t be able to pay you much,” he said as he cleaned his hands. He had been teaching an art class and had paint all over his hands.

I shook my head, “I’ll do it for free. All I need is a distraction.”

James gave me a knowing smile, “Running away from something?”

I shrugged a shoulder, “You could say that.”

He didn’t pry much into my life as he explained to me what the kids did here. It was simple and I liked the idea of interacting with kids rather than with adults at the moment.

I didn’t know what I was doing here the first time I set foot on this place, but now I felt like a belonged here. All these kids didn’t have a home much less someone that cared for them; sort of the same as me. I had Damien, that is true, but I wanted Micah to love me. When he said that he did love me, I wanted to believe him. I did believe him but seeing him walk back into the library made me doubt t it.

Maybe he did love me but because I acted like a child the view he had of me disappeared.

He had said that he would wait for me, but I didn’t want him to do so. Who knew how long would it take me to become the man he wanted by his side? I still acted like a child even when I’m hitting the thirty year mark. I think some of the kids here at the homeless shelter are much more mature than I am.

“Dimitri, it’s time for lunch,” James came in and announced that class was to be led to the cafeteria. The orphanage had around a hundred or so kids. They were from infants to preteens. I dealt with seven to ten year old most of the time. Sometimes I would help James and Gladys, another volunteer, with the infants. I must admit that I liked dealing with kids that could talk better than with babies.

James took the kids to the cafeteria and I was left alone in the classroom. Who would have thought that I would be teaching pottery at an orphanage? I chuckled as I tried to picture Chris’ face when I told him. Thinking about Chris made me think of Micah and my mood suddenly dropped a notch.

I missed him. I missed living in the same house. I missed walking into the house and hearing the soft melody of the piano. I missed walking into the kitchen and finding him making tea or something to eat. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him. I missed the smell of his hair, of his skin. I missed the softness of his lips, the taste of his skin, and the feel of his body against mine.

Fuck, I missed Micah with all my heart and soul.

I hadn’t heard anyone walk in until I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder. I turned to see James giving me a soft smile.

“Is everything alright?”

I nodded, wiping the tear I hadn’t notice fall. He squeezed my shoulder and leaned forward.

“You could talk to me, Dimitri. It sometimes helps to talk about things, that way you won’t feel so sad anymore.”

I chuckled, “Are you going to give me chocolate like you do with the kids?”

“No,” I heard him whisper before he closed the gap between us and kissed me softly. His lips were firm, slightly soft, and demanding. The hand he had on my shoulder moved to the back of my neck, pushing me forward so my lips would press harder against his.

When I felt his tongue caress my bottom lip, I pushed James away and looked up at him.

“I don’t think-“

He cut me off, “Don’t think, Dimitri, just feel.”

James pressed his lips against mine again. I hesitated as his words played in my head over and over. He had said the one thing Micah always told me; to feel. I brought my arms around his waist and pulled him to me, pressing his body against mine I kissed him back. His tongue caressed my lower lip and this time I opened my mouth for him.

The feel of his tongue playing with my own felt weird, as if it didn’t belong there. But I didn’t care. I was tired of thinking and making myself depressed. I needed to feel. I needed to feel that someone wanted me, that someone saw over my flaws and still wanted me. My hands caressed down James’ body and rested above his ass. His arms wrapped tightly around my neck as we kissed.

Someone cleared their throat and we turned to see who it was; slightly scared that it was the ‘headmaster’. Our breathing was heavy as we saw Gladys standing by the door with a smile on her lips and a blush on her cheeks.

“This is so cute, I’m glad you guys finally decided to go out.”

My eyes widened and I felt my body go stiff. James must have felt it too because he dropped his arms from around my neck and took a step back from me.

“Didn’t want to interrupt you two, but the kids are going to be back any minute. It would be best that they didn’t catch you, or else I would be in trouble.” Gladys was a volunteer but also a counselor here. When the kids wanted to talk about something that was bothering them, they would go to her. I guess she wouldn’t know how to explain to them why two male guys were kissing.

“Sorry, Gladys, I’ll get going then.” James didn’t turn to look at me as he fled from the room.

Once it was only Gladys and me, she looked at me a bit serious. “Do you like him, Dimitri?”

I raised a brow, “I like James.”

“But not the way he likes you,” she said, voicing my thoughts.

I sighed and nodded, taking a seat and running a hand through my hair. I had cut it since Micah and I broke up, maybe I should.

“Dimtri… something tells me that the reason you’re here is not because you like volunteering at places like these. If you have something to say about why you are here, then please do so.” She smiled at me and turned to leave. Gladys stopped and turned to look at me, “James is a great guy, so don’t hurt him.”

I nodded and she left. How was I supposed to deal with this? I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Micah still owned my heart and I had a feeling he was going to own it even after death. Even with that thought it mind, I felt the need for something new. Micah had told me that I didn’t know how to love. He had said it in different words but it felt like he had said it just like that. My way of loving was holding onto old grudges and thinking that everyone was the same. My way of loving was suffocating, and I knew that it was. While my mind was telling me to go back to Micah, my heart was telling me to learn what it meant to love like he did.

At the end of the day, I went looking for James. I hadn’t seen him at dinner and I was starting to think that he was avoiding me. He had been the one that kissed me first, I thought as I looked through the activities room and didn’t find him. I wasn’t having any luck on finding James so I decided to go to the cafeteria for some coffee.

That’s where I found him.

James was sitting at one of the tables eating some pie. I walked over and pulled the chair across from him. He looked up and I could see the panic behind his eyes. I sat down and grabbed his fork and took a bite of the pie.

“This is some good pie,” I said, earning myself a smile from him.

“Lucia makes the best pie in town,” he said, referring to the cook.

I nodded as I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against my seat, “I’ve been looking for you.”

James took a bite of the pie before saying, “Oh yeah?”

I nodded, “sort of have this feeling that you’re avoiding me, you know?”

James chuckled humorlessly and sighed, “Look, I’m sorry for what-“

“Want to take a walk with me?” I cut him off before he could finish. James looked at me for a minute and the nodded. He thanked Lucia for the pie and we exited the cafeteria.

We walked in silence as we reached the back door and walked out to the playground. James walked over to the swings and got on one. I just leaned against the pole with my hands in my pockets.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why did you do it if you were going to be sorry after?”

James looked up at me, taken aback by my question, “I just… I saw you looking sad and I wanted to make you feel better.”

“So whenever you see someone sad, you kiss them like you did to me?”

James shook his head, “No.”

The sun was setting but I could still see the blush on James’ cheeks. I walked over to were James was and stood in front of him. I placed my hands on the chains holding the swing and looked down at him. James looked up at me for a moment and then looked away.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

I placed a finger under his chin and raised his head, “Why do you look away?”

James bit his lip and sighed, “Because you’re going to reject me. If I look away it’ll hurt less.”

I still had my finger under his chin as I leaned down and kissed him softly. I heard him gasp and I smiled against his lips.

“That’s me not rejecting you, ok?”

James smiled and nodded, “Ok.”

Even if James can’t own my heart, perhaps I can make a space for him in it without him overtaking the entire thing.

“Does this count as our first date?” I said after us playing in the swings, the slide, and the obstacle course until it was very dark. I was sitting at the bottom of the slide with him in my lap, looking up at the stars.

“I don’t know, does it?”

James smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, “It does. It’s the best date I have ever been on.” He kissed me gently and the kiss became harder and more demanding.

James treasured everything no matter how big or how small it was. He cherished everything in his life, even the things that hurt him. However, unlike me, James didn’t hold onto grudges like I did. His idea of love was that love makes you feel free and able to do whatever you set your mind to. It was sort of like Micah in a way. Micah believed that love was everywhere around you, that you didn’t need to see it to feel it and be able to express it.

Both of them believed that love hurts but one does not need to dwell on the pain to feel that it meant something.

It’s been a week since James and I started going out, and I must admit that it is refreshing. Everything is simple and without thought. He is a very spontaneous and I like that about him. James is a sweet guy and I like him but I still can’t see a future for us. I guess I’ll let time decide that for us.

“Jimmy, please don’t make that,” I said as Jimmy, a twelve year old, cracked up. He was making something and I didn’t know what until I walked closer to the table and saw that he was making a penis out of clay.

He was laughing and the entire class began laughing, and a bit later I was laughing with them. Ah, I needed that I really did.

“Dimitri, what are you guys,” Gladys came in and saw what we were doing and just shook her head, not even finishing what she had come here to say.

After dinner, James and I went to eat at the local Italian restaurant. We talked about everything, well except about my previous relationships. I didn’t talk to him about Nick because I had decided to just drop the whole thing. The problems I had with Nick were between him and me, not my new partner.

“So why do you help at the orphanage? I mean, why not get a job?” I asked, feeling like an ass right after.

James shook his head, “don’t feel bad, alright? I just want to see those kids smiling, even a little. I want to help them make memories and have a good childhood.” He shrugged, “and if they get adopter, then that’s a plus in my book.” He smiled, making my heart skip a beat.

We walked along the park talking and laughing. I chased him around the fountain because he had pinched me on the side even when I told him not to. We had a good time and then it was time to go home. I drove him to his apartment and walked him to the door.

“Want to come in?” He asked with a small blush on his cheeks. I wanted to make this work but I wasn’t ready to sleep with him. However, I just nodded and followed him in.

My mind and heart weren’t in sync tonight.

James’ apartment was small, perfect for him. The kitchen and dining room where separated by a small breakfast bar. There was a small living room, two couches and the TV system. He grabbed my hand as he gave me a tour of the place. We ended up at his bedroom. He closed the door behind me and pushed me against it, kissing my jaw and down to my neck.

James licked and nipped the tender skin of my neck, making me gasp and moan a bit. I pulled his face up and claimed his lips. The kiss was deep and demanding. He pushed my jacket off and I helped him, then I helped him take off his own. Soon we were on the bed, kissing and grinding against each other. It had been a while since I had felt this turned on.

I heard the faint sound of my phone going off, but I ignored it. I was biting James’ neck when I heard my phone go off again. James was moaning underneath me, raking his nails down my now naked back. The third time it went off, I groaned and sat up on James’ legs.

“What is it?” He asked, panting slightly.

“My phone keeps ringing; I got to see who it is.” I said climbing off of James. He stopped me by the hem of my jeans and pulled me back on top of him.

“Whoever it was already stopped calling, come on,” he smirked as he bit my lower lip. My body shuddered and I gave in to the feel of his body underneath mine.

Then my phone went off again. I groaned, again, and climbed off of him.

“It may be important,” I said to him as I pulled my phone out of my jacket and looked through it. It was a number I didn’t know. Maybe it was someone dialing the wrong number. Whoever it was had left me a voice message and I listened to it.

‘It’s me, Emily, call me.’

Shit, no wonder I didn’t recognize the number, I had changed it when I got to this town. I quickly dialed the number and waited for her to answer. There was a knot forming in my stomach as fear struck me. What if Damien and Drake had been in some kind of accident? I tried to think of anything but my brother dead.

Emily finally answered, her voice sounded as if she had been crying. “Hello?”

“Emily, it’s me, Dimitri.”

She said something to someone and I waited for her to talk, “Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been calling you for I don’t know how long!”

“Sorry, I thought it was a wrong number or something.” I felt bad.

Emily sighed, “It doesn’t matter anymore. You need to come back right this instant.”

My fear intensified, “Did something happen to Drake or Damien?”

Emily hesitated a bit and then said in a sad voice, “It’s Micah.”

My heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing for a minute. I waited for her to continue. I stumbled back onto the bed, James came near me but I ignored him. My chest ached so badly I wanted to cry out in pain.

“Micah… He’s in the hospital and the doctors don’t know if he’ll make it.”