In His Eyes Chap.4

// Happy Late Birthday to Bluezfire! //

Sorry for the M.I.A >.< Vote and comment, please? Thanks a bunch!

~Shax <33

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In His Eyes Chap. 4

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Nick and I walked into the café we used to go to when we were dating and took the last booth in the place. It was dim lit and farthest from earshot if anyone wanted to eavesdrop in our conversation. The waiter came over and took our drink order. He asked if we wanted something to eat, and we both shook our heads. We had come here to talk, not have a lively chat. We were quiet when the waiter came over with our drinks.

Nick sat in front of me with his hands around his cup of coffee. Ever so often our eyes would meet and he would smile shyly. In the short month that we had been over, Nick had changed enough to be noticed.

Nick had that dirty blonde hair I loved and those light grey eyes. His body used to be firm and slim, and he never had bags under his eyes; unlike now. Nick looked skinnier but in an unhealthy way. It seemed that he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while. It made me feel guilty that he wasn’t alright due to my leaving. The feeling made my stomach hurt uncomfortably.

“I miss you, Dimitri.” His soft whisper made my chest ache.

I said nothing as I sipped my hot chocolate. I tried to play off the aching in my chest as I sat in front of the man I loved for the past two years or so. I tried to not remember the cute features that I loved about him. Like how when he was mad, he would ball his fists and his lower lip would tremble. Or when he was sad, how he would look anywhere but at me and he would try not to pout, although, it was impossible. I tried to not remember how happy he had made me before I found out about his affair; affairs. How when he would get home from work he would lie on my back and tell me about his day. Or how when we made love he would lay on my chest and kiss my neck before falling asleep whispering that he loved me.

I tried to forget about everything, but truth be told, I couldn’t. I looked up to meet his eyes and smiled a bit.

“I’ve missed you too, Nick.”

Nick exhaled as if he had been holding his breath the entire time and smiled.

The smile turned into a sadden smile as he looked down at his cup and then back at me, “I’m so sorry about what happened, D’. I… I don’t know what to say. I know I messed up, majorly… but I still… I love you, D’.” His eyes sparkled with unshed tears and his lower lip trembled. He was nervous and felt vulnerable; something Nick hated the most.

I smiled, “I know.”

Again, we were quiet as we sipped our drinks. Nick reached over and intertwined our fingers together. I looked down at our hands and smiled a bit. His touch was something my body hadn’t forgotten. It felt safe, but at the same time betrayed.

“Remember when we would come to this café and order the lemon scones? I wonder if they still sale them.”

I nodded, “You loved the red velvet cupcakes and would always get them no matter what time it was.”

Nick laughed and my ears were delighted to hear something they were used to. My heart, on the other hand, didn’t beat fast at the sound of his laughter.

“You would always tell me that I would get sick from eating so many of them.”

I chuckled, “and in the end I was the one who got sick from eating too many blueberry muffins.”

“We can get all that back, Dimitri.” He smiled as he blinked sweetly at me. “Come back home, Dimitri… God, I can’t sleep without you sleeping next to me. I need your warmth, your love… I need you by my side.” He had a seductive look in his eyes. Nick caressed the palm of my hand as he leaned forward.

“I already have a place to live, Nick.”

Nick stopped halfway and looked me in the eye. The smile on his lips faltered but he regained composure. He sat back down on the booth but held my hand in his.

“That can be easily solved, baby. I’ll go talk to your brother. I’m sure he’ll understand that we love each other and that we belong together.”

I shook my head, “I’m not living with Damien. Chris told me about this guy who is renting, and I took his offer.”

Again, Nick’s smile faltered, “Well, it doesn’t matter. We can go talk to the guy and everything will be back to how it was… how it should be.” He whispered the last part.

I chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” I could tell that he was trying hard not to snap at me.

“You really don’t get it, do you?”

Nick raised a brow and pulled his hand away from mine. I sighed and leaned back on the booth, crossed my arms over my chest, and opened myself to him.

“I’ve missed you, I won’t deny that. But I don’t want to go back to how things were. I loved you, and perhaps I still do, but I don’t want to be the guy who puts up with his boyfriend’s affairs. I don’t want to be that guy anymore, Nick.”

“Dimitri… I can change… I’ve changed, baby. Please don’t-“

I raised my hand to stop him, “The years I spent by your side were the best, no lie. I felt loved and safe by your side. I used to think that we were going to last forever. That we would marry and adopt like Damien and Drake did, but I was wrong. You’re not a commitment kind of guy, Nick”

Nick scoffed, “yes I am, D’. Let me show you that I can be that guy. We will adopt a baby and raise him in a loving home.” He reached for my hand but I shook my head.

“The first year we were together, you cheated on me Nick. I tried to believe you that it was a one time thing, but now I’m sure it wasn’t. When I found out about you and your boss… I was devastated, Nick. I tried to believe in you. Believe that it had meant nothing to you, but…”

Nick lowered his head and I chuckled humorlessly.

“This would have been the moment where you say that it really meant nothing, but I see that I was right. You love that man, don’t you?”

I could see tears run down his cheeks as he nodded.

I sighed as I sipped my drink. Nick wiped his eyes and whispered, “I love you, D’.”

“I’m sure you do, Nick, but the truth is that I don’t anymore.”

Nick’s head shot up and his teary eyes were wide as he stared into mine, “But… you just said… you said that you still loved me.”

I shook my head, “I said that I ‘loved you’ and that perhaps I still do, but I don’t Nick. I care about you because of the time we were together, but love? I doubt it.”

Nick stared ahead as he tried to understand what I had said. I could see something click in his head as he looked back into my eyes. He wasn’t sad anymore. Nick was angry. His eyes narrowed and his hands were in fists on top of the table.

“What’s his name?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t act stupid, Dimitri. What is his name?” He asked through clenched teeth.

Ah… This was not the moment to think of Micah, so I lied.

“There’s no one, Nick.”

He shook his head, “You’re lying. You like this guy… it’s only been a month and you already found someone else?”

“Well, at least I waited until we were over, unlike you.”

Again, Nick shook his head, “This isn’t over, Dimitri. We love each other. We can get through this.” He said with a bit of desperation in his voice.

I chuckled humorlessly once again and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Don’t you get it, Nick? We are over. We’ve been over for a month already, or more like half a fucking year.”

His eyes widen.

“Yes, I’ve known about you and your boss for the last six months. At least now you know why I couldn’t sleep with you anymore or even kiss you. What I don’t get is, why did you cheat on me? I tried to give you everything I could, Nick. I tried to put the stars and moon in the palm of your hands. I tried to make you happy, Nick. “

Nick was quiet as he rubbed his neck. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. When he talked in caught me off guard, “That’s why.”

“That’s why what?”

“All you ever did was try and never accomplished anything. I needed you to achieve great things to feel safe… to feel protected and not worry about anything in life. I didn’t want the stars and the moon. I wanted perfection, Dimitri. I wanted stability… and you didn’t give it to me.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Then why do you want me back? I can’t give you what you always wanted.”

Nick turned his head away from me as he hugged himself. That’s when I understood. He hadn’t looked for me when he had recently broken up… because he didn’t need me. The calls Chris received had been of a few days ago, which meant…

“He broke up with you too, didn’t he Nick?”

Nick was silent but the small nod made everything fall into place. I finished my hot chocolate and place some money on the table as I got up to leave.

“Dimitri?”

I stood next to the booth and leaned down to be eye level with Nick. “Did you ever think about what I wanted? I wanted someone that would love me and only me. I wanted someone that would be happy with whatever I accomplished in life. I wanted someone that would support me on my crazy dreams. I wanted… “I took a deep breath and stood up straight.

“I want someone that won’t leave me at the first sign of instability… I want someone who will laugh at my stupid moments with me and who will love my corny gestures… I want someone who is willing to share his life with me… I want someone who isn’t you.  Goodbye, Nick.”

I walked away from him, even though he was screaming my name. My chest was aching and my heart was beating painfully fast. It felt as if I couldn’t breathe fast enough. I had just ended a relationship of two years with the man I thought was the love of my life.

Fuck, that hurts; I thought as I climbed inside my car and drove away from the café.

My phone buzzed as I drove. I didn’t know where I was going but I didn’t care. The breeze was cold and there was a salty smell in the air.

The beach…

My phone kept buzzing, annoying me, so I picked up.

“Hello?”

“Dimitri, where you at boo?”

I smiled as I made a left turn, “Hey, Emily, I’m out for a drive, why?”

Emily is Chris’ sister. She and Chris were some of my closest friends. Emily was also the one who introduced Nick and me…

“Good, which beach are you near to?”

I looked at the sign hanging from the traffic light, “Laguna Beach.”

“Excellent, call me when you park.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Emily laughed as someone told her something I didn’t quiet hear. I heard music coming from somewhere around her and the crashing of the waves against the rocky shore.

“Chris and I are at a bonfire. It’s Crystal’s birthday so we’re celebrating under the moonlight and near the waves.” She giggled. I had a feeling she had had a little too many Smirnoff. That was all Emily drank after all.

I chuckled, “Alright, I’ll be there in a few.” We both clicked and I sighed. As I found a place to park, I thank the heavens for blessing me with my friends. The thought of spending the night alone with this aching feeling in my chest made me feel antsy. At least now I could forget about everything for a few hours and just have fun.

I took off my shoes and socks as I walked on the sand. The sand was warm and the breeze was cool enough to clear my head. As I walked towards the rocky shore, I received a text from Emily telling me where they were exactly, so I would get lost. At night, the beach is dark and it can be dangerous if you’re not careful.

I neared the bonfire and smiled as I saw people dancing to the music and others playing a drinking game. Even though we were all close to our thirties, tonight we all looked as if we were in high school once again.

“Dimitri, my love,” I heard someone yell. I turned in time to catch Emily in my arms. Her cheeks were red and she had a goofy smile on her lips. Emily kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand.

“Let’s have fun!”

She pulled me along, but I stopped walking when I noticed him. Micah was sitting on one of the logs near the fire. He was talking to someone… a guy to be exact. I guess the music was a bit too loud because the guy leaned forward, near Micah’s ear, and whispered something; something that made Micah chuckle and smile shyly. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. There was no reason for me being jealous, but apparently my brain disagreed.

“D’, I’m glad you made it, man!” Chris came over and patted me on the back. He looked at me with a raised brow and followed my eyes, “Ah… that’s Xavier. He’s Crystal’s friend…”

I nodded, “Cool,” and walked away from them and towards the truck where the coolers were at. I told the guy to hand me a beer and he opened it for me. As I turned back to the bonfire, my eyes landed on Micah and Xavier. They were chatting like they were best of friends… it annoyed me.

“Dimitri, let’s go dance.” Crystal came over and grabbed my hand in hers. She pulled towards the circle of people who were dancing, but I stopped midway.

“Here, take Chris, alright?” I pushed Chris towards Crystal and she shrugged. She pulled Chris along and he didn’t argue.

“What’s going on, Dimitri?” Emily asked as she stood next to me. We were near the fire too and I could hear bits and pieces of Micah’s conversation.

“Nothing,” I mumbled.

Emily rolled her eyes and pulled me over to where Micah and Xavier were sitting. Xavier was a ginger with the fiery red hair and the hazel green eyes. He was attractive; attractive enough to make me feel slightly uncomfortable.

“Micah, would you dance with Dimitri?”

Micah blinked in the direction of Emily’s voice, “He’s here?”

I cleared my voice, trying to ignore the glare Xavier was giving me, “Hey, stranger.”

Micah smiled and nodded as he got up, “I would like that.” He reached for my hand and before I could, Emily intertwined our hands and gave us a little push. I glanced back at her and mouthed thanks. I looked over at Xavier and gave him a small smirk. Xavier’s glare deepened.

“Stop that,” Micah mumbled.

“Stop what?” Micah didn’t answer as he placed his arms around me, pulling me closer and putting his hands on the back of my shoulders. My hands were awkwardly on the sides of my hips, and then finally I moved them around Micah’s lower back. Micah was an inch smaller then me, so I had to look down at him. Once again, I was captivated by how much emotion his eyes showed.

Micah was happy.

The music was a mixture of reggae and pop, but Micah and I swayed side to side.

“I’m sorry I’m so bad at this,” I mumbled as an apology.

Micah smiled, “You’re not that bat at it. You just need to be taught how.”

“Well, would you teach me how?” I whispered and felt as Micah shivered slightly.

He nodded, “I’m flattered that you’d let me,” Micah rested his head on my shoulder as we continued swaying slowly. Having Micah in my arms like this made all my worries and thoughts vanish. The smell of his cologne mixed with his natural scent calmed the aching in my chest. His warmth and soft breathing made me feel safe for one reason or another. I liked it.

I liked having Micah in my arms.

“You’ll be alright,” I heard Micah whisper against my shoulder.

“Hm?”

“Whatever happened to you tonight, you’ll get over it. You’re a strong man, Dimitri.” He was looking up at me. It felt as if he was looking into my eyes. The smile on Micah’s lips made me believe that what he had said was true.

We continued swaying slowly until Chris came over to ruin the moment.

“Sorry to put a stop on your fun, but Micah I have to take you home.”

“What time is it?” Micah asked with his arms still around me and my arms still placed on his lower back.

Chris glanced at his watch, “It’s about to be two.”

Micah sighed and nodded. I was about to say that I would take him home when Chris intervened.

“Would you take Emily home? She’s pretty bashed,” Chris said with an annoyed tone of voice. I glanced over to where Emily was sitting and shook my head. She was lying on the sand with a bottle of Jack Daniels and singing sappy love songs.

“Sure, man,” I mumbled as I pulled myself away from Micah and said ‘goodnight’ to him. He mumbled the same and walked away with Chris. I walked over to Emily and picked her up, princess style.

“Sing with me, D’!”

“You’re drunk,” I chuckled as she sang and got weird looks from the other people at the bonfire.

We were quiet as we made our way to my car. Once inside the car, I handed Emily a few paper bags and buckled her in. She stuck her head out the window and continued singing. I decided to take the streets towards her house, in case she needed to throw up.

Emily was quiet and I was afraid she had passed out, until she talked.

“You like Micah, huh?”

I glanced at her. Her black hair was covering part of her face as she was reclined back on the seat. One hand was on top of her stomach as the other hand held onto the paper bag.

“Answer me, D’.”

“I don’t know Emily.” It was the truth.

Emily started sobbing and a few minutes later she was full on crying and asking me to forgive her.

“Chris told me about Nick…. I’m so sorry D’… if I hadn’t… if I hadn’t introduced the two of you… I’m sorry.”

I reached over and caressed her hair, “Emily, calm down.”

“I’m so sorry… forgive me….”

I continued to caress her hair and drive with one hand until she calmed down. Once her crying was down to a few sniffles, I answered her.

“I have nothing to forgive you for, Em. Nick was the one who did me wrong, not you, alright?”

Emily nodded and sniffled a few times, “Alright.”

I patted her head adoringly.

“Love you, D’.”

“Love you too, Em.” I caressed her hair once again until I hear her soft snores.

I parked outside of Emily’s house and rang the bell. Her husband opened the door and took her from my arms. We said good night and I drove towards Damien’s place.

I was sure that on the quiet drive home that I would think of Nick and what had happened with him, but I was wrong. All I could think about was how good it felt to have Micah in my arms. To feel him move against me and smell his intoxicating scent. It had felt amazing to have Micah’s arms around me even if it just for dancing. We fit so great together, that it surprised me.

“God, I have it bad…” I whispered in the quiet darkness of my car as I drove home.