Four

I've been sitting in Jamie's driveway for almost five minutes now. My heart pounds and my thumb hovers over the "send" button on my phone. If I had known my friends would volunteer me to pick her up, I would've skipped out on taco day.

Before I can hit "send", Jamie walks outside. She's dressed in a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled, accentuating her delicate shoulders. She's paired the shirt with blue skinny jeans and white Converse high-tops. I think the outfit makes her look so...

"Hey," she greets half-heartedly as she joins me in the car.

"H-Hey... I uh, just got here..." I lie, showing her the unsent text message.

"Yeah." She nods. "I saw you from upstairs."

I put my car in reverse and back out of her driveway, knowing the drive to the lake house will be longer coming from Jamie's house.

We sit in silence for a moment. I figure it's because of what happened at lunch earlier today when my friends called me out for not personally inviting her. The embarrassment still makes my cheeks burn.

"So, what did Mr. Z keep you after class for?"

I sigh in relief, grateful Jamie's broken the awkward silence.

"There's this competition going on between the art departments of our school district," I inform her. "A mural competition. He asked if I would do it."

"What's the reward?"

"Twenty-thousand dollars for the winning school's art department."

"Damn," Jamie says. "That could definitely fix the A/C problem."

I smile at her humor.

"Are you gonna do it?" she wonders.

I shrug. "I don't know, I mean, I want to..."

"But?"

"But... I don't know if I'll have time."

"Peyton," Jamie starts. My heart flutters at the sound of her saying my name. "You have to do it."

I glance at her. "Yeah? Why?"

"Because... Mr. Z thought of you for a reason. Out of all his students, you were the one that came to mind. Plus, this could benefit so many kids after you graduate..." Jamie tries to contain her excitement. "It's an opportunity to leave a legacy."

"I guess..."

"Do you have to do it alone?"

"What?"

"Does it have to be just one student to work on the mural or can you have a second?"

"Two students max can work on it," I reveal. "But, like I said, I'm not sure if I even want to, much less involve someone else."

Jamie leans back into the passenger seat.

"I have a month to decide," I finish. "The competition doesn't start 'til the middle of September."

The car falls silent again, but now I can feel the negative tension that had previously surrounded us begin to fade away. It's replaced with a kind of tension I'm becoming more familiar with. A pull that makes me a bit uncomfortable but... excited.

Then a song that's blue-toothed to my phone comes through my car speakers, the volume is too low for my liking. I reach to turn it up.

"I love this song," Jamie says while also reaching for the dial.

Our fingers touch and a jolt of electricity and warmth touches every cell in my body in a split second. I pull away like she's fire.

"Sorry," she apologizes.

I try to play it cool. "I-I love this band."

"Yeah? Have you seen them live?"

"I haven't. Have you?"

Jamie lights up. "Yes. Like, five times. They're from Chicago so they play there often."

"Lucky."

The conversation falls again, forcing us to sit in silence. Jamie shifts in her seat and I drum my fingers along the steering wheel with angst. I can feel something bubbling but I'm unsure what it is.

"Don't take this the wrong way but..." Jamie pauses. "Did you not want to invite me tonight?"

I feel my words leave me. I figured she felt that way, but I hadn't expected her to be so direct about it. I frantically search for an explanation.

"I get it if not," Jamie continues. "I kind of just barged into your friend group, and you really don't know me..."

"It's not that," I interrupt.

I glance over and see a look on her face that makes me regret ever making her feel left out. It had to be hard, coming all the way from Chicago and leaving everyone she knows. My insecurities shouldn't have the power to isolate her.

Only for a moment do I want to tell her the truth, but of course, I chicken out.

"I've just been overwhelmed," I lie again. "And mentioning the party really did just slip my mind."

My response seems to soothe her, but I know she's smarter than that. She's reading me, and I'm convinced she knows that isn't the whole story. But instead of pestering, Jamie allows the conversation to end.

I pull down the familiar dark, gravel road and slowly crawl to the lake house that sits at the end. I know every curve like the back of my hand despite the darkness that surrounds the beams of light from my car. I've been here many times, so I'm used to it, but Jamie's eyes are wide with caution.

"Are you sure we're not about to end up in a murder movie?" she nervously asks.

I laugh. "No."

Finally, we park under a large white oak tree and I exit my vehicle. Jamie follows me in close pursuit. I feel her ease up when she spots my friends through the windows. When we walk through the doors, they give her a warm welcome.

"Chicago! You made it!" Darian shouts and hugs us both to his sides.

I escape his grasp and walk over to Gwen, who's already drinking some concoction from her plastic cup.

"Hey," she greets. "Want a drink?"

I nod eagerly even though it's a bit early, but my stress levels are high.

"Yes, please. Whatever you're drinking."

"Brave soul."

Gwen pours me a cup and hands it over, all while I watch Jamie converse with Darian and Gibbs from afar.

I didn't know what tonight would bring. All I knew was that I would most likely be drunk by the end of it.

• • •

As I rest against the handrailing on the staircase, I attempt to focus on the story Gwen is telling. I've heard it already, which might be why I'm uninterested. Or maybe I can't focus because I can see Jacki and Jamie sitting together on the couch having a grand time.

I realize the drunker I get, the more courage I find to just head over there and tell Jacki to piss off. I know it's dangerous, so I choose to keep my distance instead. Except I can't manage to stop looking for Jamie in the crowd.

I stand straight and head down the stairs, making my way to the kitchen. My cup is empty, and I can't stand the sight of Jacki's hand gliding over Jamie's thigh anymore. I need another drink.

As I shove my way through the crowded lake house, I realize there's a lot of people here. Even people I don't recognize. The walls rattle with bass from the music. I pass a beer pong table and watch the guy shoot and miss, the ball bouncing right in front of my face.

Eventually, I make it to the kitchen and open the fridge to retrieve the mix Gwen had made before the party. The stuff is good, but it's also really strong.

"Woah there, Peyton," Darian warns. "That's like what, your fifth?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm fine."

"You're a lightweight."

"And?"

Darian's expression lets me know that he's onto me, and that he's worried. Can he tell I wasn't having a good time? Can he tell it's because of Jamie?

"Have you seen Chicago?"

I take a large sip. "Yeah, she's being felt up by Jacki on the couch."

The animosity burns my tongue and I know I'm giving myself away. Good thing Darian is also drunk, or he most likely would've noticed my jealousy.

"And I'm missing it?" he jokes.

I just scoff and walk away.

I push my way through the kitchen crowd and head back to the living room while the picture of Jacki's hand on Jamie's thigh burns my brain.

Why do I care, anyway? I'm just infatuated with the new girl. And so what if she's gay! Eventually, the things I feel will wear off, and I'll be left feeling embarrassed for obsessing over these stupid thoughts.

Then, as I round the corner I clumsily bump into a familiar figure. It's, of course, Jamie.

"Hey," she says. "I feel like I haven't seen you all night."

My heart pounds. All my previous thoughts are immediately thrown out the window. I realize I'm not as nervous as I usually am around her, which I find dangerous. My nerves are my only defense against her. They protect me from saying too much. They make me think. But now they're gone, along with my inhibitions.

"Y-Yeah," I stutter. "Well, I'm just making rounds."

"Jacki's trying to convince me to join in on her game of truth or dare." She nervously glances over her shoulder. "I'm kinda scared."

"You should be."

Worry and confusion cross her features.

"Sorry." I shake my head. "Jacki's just... a lot."

"I'm noticing..."

I lean against the wall for support due to the alcohol's side effects or... Jamie's. I'm not sure yet.

"Are you at least having fun?" I wonder.

Her glossy hazel eyes find mine. I can tell she's also a little buzzed. She shrugs.

"I'd be having more fun if I were hanging with..."

"Jamie!" Jacki shouts, interrupting our conversation. "I thought you wanted to play?"

Jamie gives me a desperate look and silently begs me to join her or get her out of this situation. I'm not sure what to do.

"Oh, hey Peyton." Jacki taps a nail against her plastic cup. "You wanna play too?"

"Truth or dare?" I confirm. "You do this every time we throw a party."

"Because it's a crowd pleaser."

More like a Jacki pleaser, I think.

Jacki's free hand grabs Jamie's. "C'mon, we're starting as soon as I find one more victim."

"O-Only if Peyton agrees to play, too," Jamie claims.

Jacki doesn't seem thrilled. No one says anything for a second as Jamie begs me with her eyes. I'm terrified. Jacki's version of Truth or Dare is relentless, and it always attracts a crowd. There's no telling what could happen.

"Please," Jamie pleads.

Jacki smirks. "Yeah. Come and play, Peyton."

It could've been my low inhibitions, or Jamie's pitiful expression, or the desire to shove Jacki's smugness back in her face, but I follow them to the living room.

"I got two newbies to play!"

The circle cheers in excitement. I feel ready to puke.

I sit across from Jamie, who sits next to Jacki. Gibbs has also decided to play, while Gwen and Darian observe from the outside, looking surprised I had joined the game.

The rules are... somewhat simple, but there are also twists. The oldest in the circle always kicks off the game. Of course, it was usually Jacki because her birthday falls in November. She then chooses a candidate and, of course, asks "truth or dare?" There are seven of us altogether. Never more, never less. For every two truths, you must do a dare. Also, if you chose "truth," only to be caught lying, the punishment is to do a dare instead. If you bail on a dare, you're eliminated.

Now, any smart, sober person would refuse to play altogether if they wanted to avoid social embarrassment, but with low inhibitions, people tend to feel invincible. The game can get funny, or serious, or even vindictive.

I'm aware of this. Yet, everything between Jacki and me seems to be a competition, so I have to one-up her.

"Okay everyone," Jacki announces. "To begin, we need to figure out who the oldest of the group is."

Everyone blurts their birthdays. The only people whose birthdays are in November are Jacki, and surprisingly, Jamie. Jacki's birthday is November thirtieth. Jamie's is November twenty-second.

"I guess the new girl will start us off," Jacki says, sounding slightly displeased.

Jamie isn't sure who to pick on, but I find her eyes switching between me and Gibbs. Jacki places her hand on Jamie's thigh. I feel my blood start to boil.

"If you have trouble choosing..." Jacki places a bottle in the center of the circle. "Just spin."

Jamie eyes the bottle and shrugs before looking straight at me. My heart pounds in my head.

"Peyton: truth or dare?" she asks.

My hands shake in my lap, but I try to hide them.

"Truth."

God, please don't ask me something embarrassing...

"What is your worst habit?" she questions.

I sigh in relief. Is she going easy on me?

"I bite my nails." I flash my hands to the group. "Sometimes, to literal stubs."

A few people murmur "ew."

"Peyton, it's your turn," Jacki directs.

I look at Gibbs. He gives me a drunken smile.

"Gibbs: truth or dare?"

"You know I gotta pick dare, Peyt."

I smile. "Run around and scream that you farted."

The group giggles in response.

Gibbs rolls his eyes. "That's easy."

He proceeds to get up and runs throughout the lake house for thirty seconds, screaming, "I JUST FARTED." Once he's done, he sits back down with a huge smile.

"Jacki," Gibbs says. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Who do you think is the hottest teacher at our school?"

Jacki just laughs along with a few other people, and then thinks about her answer for a second. My eyes find Jamie's, which are already looking at me. She gives me a nervous smile before returning her attention back to Jacki.

"Probably Miss Burke," Jacki answers.

Miss Burke is hot. If you're into the whole older woman thing, I guess.

Then Jacki looks at me, and for some reason I know it won't matter if I choose truth or dare, because both will be equally difficult. The challenging look in her eyes makes me want to show her up.

"Peyton," she addresses. "Truth or dare?"

I refuse to break eye contact.

"Dare."

Even though I'm drunk, I know a power move when I see one. Jacki is always trying to show me up. She hadn't expected me to choose dare and the shock on her face satisfies me.

"Down the rest of your drink."

I look down into my nearly full cup I had fixed only minutes ago. There's no way I'm backing out this early in the game, but I'm already drunk. I'll be in dangerous territory if I do this.

My eyes find Jamie before I lift the plastic cup to my lips. Then, I watch Jacki's smug grin grow as I begin to down the concoction without any hesitation.

Darian and Gwen, who are sitting behind Jacki, watch me with worried but impressed expressions. They seem convinced they'll most likely be taking care of me later.

As the last sip of my drink slides into my mouth, I take a deep breath and swallow, successfully completing my dare. Everyone in the room is impressed.

"Damn," someone mumbles.

I wipe my mouth and take my turn with pride, picking on the others who haven't had a turn yet. Everyone seems to be having a good time, and after about ten minutes, the alcohol is setting in. People are becoming brave and taking chances. It makes the game exciting.

But it also makes it risky.

A few rounds later, it's now Jamie's turn again as she sips on her own drink while attempting to choose her next victim. I have a feeling it'll be me again. This time, I have no choice but to pick a dare because I had done two truths in a row.

"Peyton." Jamie smirks behind her cup. "I don't even have to ask, do I?"

I feel my cheeks heat up.

"No." I sigh. "Dare."

The room is warped in my periphery. The alcohol from my previous dare has now set in, so I try my best to focus on Jamie. She has this look on her face... Is it smug? Is it flirty? I can't tell, and I want to find it annoying, but only find it annoyingly attractive.

"You have to make out with either the person on your right," she states. "Or the person on your left."

My heart somersaults in my chest at "make out." Then I realize to my right is Courtney Wilcox, an attractive cheerleader who I wouldn't mind making out with in my dreams. On my left is Micha... something. He must be a junior because I can't place him. Or maybe it's the alcohol again.

If I base the decision on attractiveness, Courtney wins by a landslide. But my decision is more personal. Is Jamie testing me? Is she trying to get me to reveal the fact that I'm gay? The thought makes my palms sweat.

"You have to kiss for at least ten seconds."

Everyone in the circle seems eager for my decision. Mumbles of excitement float around the room. My heart feels as if it's about to beat right out of my chest. I can pick Courtney. She'll understand. Plus, she's wasted... But then will people suspect something? Will there be a rumor come Monday morning? Can I afford to do this?

"Are you refusing...?" Jacki presses. "Because if you are..."

I anxiously turn to Micha and grab the back of his head, probably a little too rough, and mash our lips together. He seems shocked, but apparently intends to enjoy it.

Those ten seconds couldn't have passed fast enough.

"Time."

I pull away and look at Jamie. She seems disappointed and refuses to look at me.

"Damn," Jacki jokes. "Peyton, that kiss was a little aggressive, huh?"

I feel a flame of anger ignite in my stomach.

"Jacki." It's my turn anyway. "Truth or dare?"

Intense brown eyes stare me down.

"Dare."

"Make out with your hand."

Jacki lights up at the words "make out", then scoffs at the rest of the dare. She rolls her eyes and momentarily refuses.

"Seriously?"

"Do it or you're eliminated," I state.

"I know the rules, Peyton," Jacki mocks. "I made them."

The room grows quiet as she narrows her eyes at me and shakes her head. The last thing she wants to do is forfeit, especially when the game was her idea in the first place. Without any more hesitation, she presses her hand to her mouth and proceeds to tongue it awkwardly. I can hardly stand the sight.

When she's done, she glares at me.

"Peyton: truth or dare?" she asks sharply.

"Truth," I say without hesitation.

"Is it true you're still a virgin?"

The question elicits mumbles and snickers from the group, but I try not to let it get to me. I clench my jaw.

"Yes."

I refuse to look around because I can already feel Jamie's wide eyes on me. The last thing I want is to see the look on her face.

"Jacki: truth or dare?"

At this point, the game is solely between us and everyone is drunk on the drama.

"Truth."

"Who was your first kiss?"

I watch the stern look on her face falter as she remains quiet. Jacki wants to say something, but instead, holds back. Weird.

"Are you refusing to answer?" I press.

"Yes," she says through clenched teeth.

"Then finish your drink."

She does without hesitation as I wonder why she's refused to reveal who her first kiss was. It seems like a simple question to answer.

"Peyton."

"Truth."

If I weren't so drunk, the negative tension in this room would surely be a bother, but I was too focused on winning. Jacki had embarrassed countless people during her games of Truth or Dare. I just felt it was time to give her a dose of her own medicine.

"Do you pee in the shower?" Jacki asks me.

"Who doesn't pee in the shower?" I feel the tension thicken. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Lick the floor."

The growing crowd murmurs with disgust.

Jacki refuses to back down and quickly leans over and runs her tongue over the wood flooring.

"Peyton."

"I know. Dare."

"Post on every social media platform saying, 'I'm a raging homosexual'."

She laughs at the dare, but I feel hot under the gaze of my peers. Time seems to stop for me, and I wonder if anyone notices. People around me laugh and I suddenly begin to panic under the spotlight.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" I spit.

The response exits my mouth before I can stop it, and I know what this means. I stand as Jacki laughs in victory. My stomach churns as the room spins. Suddenly, I feel sick.

I stumble up the staircase and try not to let myself puke before I make it to a toilet. The embarrassment of forfeit burns my skin as I slam the bathroom door and lock it behind me. My reflection meets me at the sink as I try to compose myself. Deep breaths help my churning stomach because all I can think about is people making fun of me for opting out of a seemingly stupid dare.

Then there's knocking on the door.

"Peyton? Hey, c'mon, let me in..."

I can't tell who the voice belongs to because of the muffled music, but I hope it isn't Jamie. I feel too embarrassed to face her right now.

"Peyton," the voice demands. "Open the door."

I reach and unlock it, only to reveal Gwen on the other side. I sigh in relief.

"Are you okay?" she asks. "That was intense."

"Y-Yeah," I stutter. "I think all the alcohol just hit me at once."

"Do you need to puke?"

"I thought I needed to," I admit. "But I'm okay now."

The answer seems to settle her worry, but I know she's curious as to what the hell just happened between Jacki and me. I feel the need to explain my reaction.

"Gwen I..." My words stop. Did I really want to tell her the truth? While I'm wasted?

She turns around. "What?"

My body goes numb with fear. What if I tell her, and she thinks differently of me? What if it freaks her out? I've seen her naked many times, and we share secrets like sisters. Of course, I feel no sexual attraction for her whatsoever... but what if she didn't believe me? What if she pushes me out and convinces herself I had only gotten close to her because I liked her?

"Nothing..." I internally scold myself. "I'm just... really drunk."

"Then let's get you some water," she suggests.

I follow behind her in silence and realize that if I can't even find the courage to tell my best friend the truth, how could I ever tell anyone else?

• • •

The next morning, I wake in a bed that isn't mine. This isn't shocking. Usually, when we had big parties like this, I crashed in a guest bedroom with Gwen. Except this morning is different.

This isn't the bedroom we usually sleep in. The sheets are different and there's this chair in the corner of the room that I've never seen before. I spot my jeans on the floor, but nothing else.

Then, someone stirs next to me.

I peer over my shoulder. The sunlight peeks out from behind the curtains and makes my eyes ache, but not before I notice a blanket of brown hair. My breath catches in my throat.

It's definitely a girl. There's no doubt about that. But it certainly isn't Gwen, unless there had been another game of Truth or Dare and she had been challenged to dye her blond hair brown.

The figure fights waking up. She groans and rolls over to face me. And when she does, I nearly jump out of my skin.

It's Jamie.

Shit.

How the hell had I ended up in the same bed as her? I couldn't remember anything after Truth or Dare. I couldn't even remember talking to her after that! What the fuck happened? And had we somehow...?

I move to leave. I need to get the hell out of this bed. Maybe, if I go downstairs, I can get away with claiming I had passed out on the couch, or in the hammock they had out in the back yard. Either way, I couldn't let anyone know I had spent the night in the same bed as Jamie. Not after the whole Truth or Dare fiasco.

My jeans are half-way on when a floor panel creaks, and Jamie is awake.

"Peyton...?" she says groggily while rubbing her eyes. "Are you..."

Her sentence trails off as her eyes take me in. I stand there like a deer caught in headlights and feel exposed. Vulnerable. And just a little turned on.

"Sorry," I apologize. "I just... I wasn't..."

Her confused expression only makes her look hotter. The way her bed head clings to her face paired with that sleepy look in her eyes...

"I have no idea how I ended up in this bed," I claim.

"I think you thought I was Gwen?" Jamie says as she sits up. "You stumbled in and fell onto the bed but kept tossing and turning because you couldn't get comfortable."

I notice my jeans are still half-way up my legs and decide to finish putting them on.

"Did I take off my jeans? Or...?"

"I did."

My face must've screamed a million words.

"You asked me to. You couldn't get them off and..." Jamie rubs the bridge of her nose. "That's all it was. I promise. You passed out right after."

I believe her. As much as Jamie could get cocky, especially when drunk, I didn't believe she had taken advantage of me. Besides, I still have most of my clothes on, and she had changed into different clothes. There's no indication anything had happened between us.

Yet, I still feel compelled to cover my tracks.

"Please don't tell anyone," I say.

"Tell anyone what?"

"That I... That we..."

Our gazes meet, and I immediately know I have nothing to worry about. Jamie isn't the one to do something like that, but my assumption clearly hurts her feelings. Suddenly, I'm nauseated again, and not from my raging hangover.

"That we slept in the same bed," she finalizes. "Got it."

I quickly button my jeans and nod in agreement, trying to mask the guilt I feel for hurting her.

"Thanks," I answer. "I'm leaving in a few. I can drop you off back at home if you want?"

Sad eyes force themselves to look at me, but only for a second.

"Alright."

Then I bolt out the door before anyone else decides to wake up.

*A/N*

Today's resources I will be sharing are Tik Tok pages that I follow for news, political updates, and other helpful resources. If you have others that don't make it onto this list, feel free to share in the comments!

Also, follow me on Bluesky! (laurynabrooks.bsky.social)

@MeidasTouch (News, Political News)

@UnderTheDeskNews (News, Political News, Pop Culture)

@teresakayenewman (also known as Newman Music Academy)

@404Media

@ blackbeltbabe (The people's reporter)

@everywhereisqueer (worldwide queer-owned business app)

@sarahschauer (Comedy, Lesbian, Political Commentary)

@rainbowhistoryclass

@bradley.thor

@couriernewsroom (No BS News)

@lisaremillard (Also known as The News Girl)