CH 132

* * *

‘I can’t go on with this memory loss.’

It would be more dangerous.

The blue rose was like something my nemesis was aiming for. I was like a feeble deer running with the smell of blood.

Wouldn’t the probability of losing my life increase even more if I lost my memory?

I didn’t even know for sure how this was going to work.

I sat still and imagined.

‘Rixus.’

‘The marriage to him.’

“Obviously… It must have been a dry marriage.”

There would have been no feelings between us.

Just for peace.

It must have been a contract marriage just for show.

As proof of that, the agreement we wrote to each other before we got married was full of conditions for Spinel.

I guess I was trying to get the most out of this marriage.

‘But isn’t this quite unlike Rixus?’

No matter how much I tried to negotiate, he wasn’t the type of person who would yield to this much.

I slowly turned over the notes.

And in the fragmentary notes, I found something strange.

It was obviously my writing.

Very tiny, written in small letters.

Unusually shaky font.

1923. A16 Please,

May it remain a happy place.

These numbers and letters were codes that only I could recognize.

It was devised to make it unrecognizable to the opposing nobles in Spinel.

‘Is this a meaningful place?’

Apparently I wrote it down, but I couldn’t figure it out.

‘May it be a happy place.’

I tried to estimate my own feelings when writing this, as if I was a third party.

Being in this place…

‘I must have been happy but anxious.’

So, I must have written down my earnest wish. In unusually shaky handwriting.

‘What happened here?’

This code apparently meant a place within the Aktoum Imperial Palace.

“…I have to go see it.”

I never knew. Something might come to mind.

I got up and went straight to the place marked by the code.

Still, I would have lived in the Aktoum Imperial Palace during the changing seasons, but the road to it was just too unfamiliar.

As if this was the first time I walked around this place, I swallowed the unfamiliarity and went as written in the code.

I arrived at the backyard.

“…Is it here?”

I walked into the yard, clearing away the branches of the six-fruited tree that contained the red and luscious fruits.

The small spring was clear,

They were lost in the current cold weather, but there were stalks of wild flowers that would have been beautiful if they had bloomed.

And under the rustling leaves, a cozy tree stump.

On top of it was a little dusty but elegant white lace.

Surprisingly, it was not unfamiliar.

‘It’s a really beautiful place.’

I carefully swept away the dust and sat on the stump.

Strangely, however, I felt pain as if my chest was being swept by the blowing wind.

“…Again.”

‘Why do I keep feeling this way?’

‘Does the body really remember?’

I gently stroked my pounding chest.

For the first time in my life, I experienced this feeling.

‘It’s sad, but I feel like I’m missing something…’

Without knowing what I was missing, I felt the longing in my heart throbbing.

I had never felt this way in the last seven lives. It was a very strange feeling.

I really wanted to find the memory of what happened here.

Then I would be able to fully understand this feeling.

At that moment, not far away, I heard something.

“!”

I got up from my seat like I was burnt.

Then came a clear voice.

“…Berylia.”

My heart thumped in pain; it hit the floor and came up.

‘…Why am I like this?’

I thought it was because I was scared, but it was a different reaction from that.

My heart was beating too fast.

Normally I would never have, but I slowly turned around and looked at him. Without any pretense or embellishment, to express my emotions as how I feel.

* * *

Looking at such a Berylia… Rixus’ heart swelled like crazy.

She didn’t know how she came to this place.

No, she didn’t know at all. The times they loved each other.

‘Will she forget me forever?’

“…Rixus.”

She clumsily called his name.

It even seemed a little difficult, as if pronouncing a very unfamiliar word for the first time.

“Why did you come to where I am…?”

Rixus stood firm like a castle, looking at her who was seated under the swaying leaves.

The autumn wind fluttered her platinum hair in the air. It was the hair he loved very much.

Rixus stood there and confessed calmly.

“I missed you.”

“!”

Berylia’s eyes momentarily shifted, then returned.

His heart heated quickly. And yet…

It was difficult for Berylia to understand that he wanted to see her.

* * *

If it was my usual self, I would have laughed at him. But the reason I didn’t feel that way was…

Because he had a face I had never seen before.

He looked like he was about to cry.

The cold, cruel, ruthless man’s face that lingered in her head… It wasn’t.

Now he looked desperate as if he was going to die.

‘I… I don’t know.’

‘What is the meaning of the expression you make when you look at me…’

‘Why are you looking at me with those eyes?’

At that moment, Rixus took one step closer.

At the same time, I stepped back like a startled deer.

And I warned coldly.

“Don’t come near me.”

Aside from the question of why he was doing this, fear and vigilance still remained in the heart.

It had been less than a day since he killed me.

Just looking at his face made my fingers tremble slightly.

At the same time, I felt a burning pain. From the shoulder engraved with blue roses.

But the next moment, he came closer again.

As though I had been pricked by a thorn, I exclaimed,

“Don’t come near me?”

One step, another step. Rixus didn’t stop approaching.

“Do not come!”

Please. When he reached the bottom of the six-fruited tree at which they had sworn their love, and stretched out his hand.

Kwak-aak!!

Regardless of my will, I poured out my powers out of defensive instinct.

The sharp icy spikes stretched out and pierced Rixus’ chest. Pwak, crrrak!

Though I was the one who did that, I stiffened, then trembled and groaned a little.

“Ah…”

Gradually, Rixus’ chest was wet with red. Red blood splashed on his cheeks.

Before he knew it, tears welled up in his eyes.

He knew that even the aggression he was seeing now was a wound he had carved deeply.

It was because of him.

His low voice flowed out very calmly, sounding just like a man who had his chest pierced.

“You used to tell me before. Keep the line.”

“….…”

“I didn’t listen to that damn thing.”

Red blood ran down his sleeve. I felt my heart hammering.

Yet I did not know.

Why did I hurt him, and yet my own chest felt like it was about to combust.

Rixus smiled bitterly as he recalled the past.

“At that time, you were the one who said that, you were so cold-hearted.”

Thinking back…

“So indifferent.”

So that…

“I regret it like I’m going to die.”

Rixus slowly raised his hand and lowered the piece of cloth on his wife’s shoulder.

It was for an instant. The blue roses on the shoulder were revealed.

“!”

And she began to tremble like an aspen.

Rixus knew where her fears were coming from.

So, with a wretched expression, she looked at the blue rose, which she had been struggling to hide, anxiously and alone.

A sign of desperate survival. Her soul, which he had torn seven times, was engraved on it.

“….…”

Tears welled up from Rixus’ blue-purple eyes.

Soon his bloody cheeks began to be wet with hot tears.

It was so hard to see his beloved wife trembling.

So Rixus approached her, closing the gap between them

The pain of leaving her alone in fear was greater than the pain of a cold thorn lodged deep in his heart.

Footprints were stained with blood.

He embraced Berylia with trembling hands.

And apologized fervently.

“…Sorry.”

“….…”

“I’m so sorry, I gave you a hard time.”

I felt that the man holding me was trembling sadly.

In the midst of this mess, somehow I felt so sorry as well that I asked confusedly.

“……Why.”

My voice rang out.

“Why the hell aren’t you asking me anything?”

‘You’ve seen all the blue roses on my shoulders.’

He replied bluntly.

“I know everything now.”

“!”

“The bad relationship we had in our seven previous lives, and what we were like in this life…”

Rixus raised his head and confessed softly, emotionally.

“I know and remember everything.”

“Ah…”

Stunned and shocked, my lips parted.

Suddenly, glass-like tears fell from the corners of my eyes.

It felt like my heart was being ripped apart.

Strangely, I shed tears. Even after losing all my memories, emotions raged like a storm in front of Rixus.

‘You know everything.’

Along with great confusion, intense questions arose.

“How are we like in this life…?”

What we were like; he remembered, but I forgot.

“…What is our relationship?”

An emotionless couple. Could it be closer than that?

“……”

Rixus’ hand approached me very carefully.

Soon, warmth was felt on my cheeks.

For the first time since losing my memory, I did not attack him. Even though his hand touched my cheek.

Maybe… Perhaps it was because of that expression on Rixus’ face.

Long, fat drops of tears flowed down his cheeks.

He confessed with loving eyes.

“We loved each other with our lives.”

“….…”

In my confusion, my ability was slowly drawn back.

The power that had been arbitrarily out of control due to fear had calmed down. But apart from that, my heart was beating like crazy.

Tuk— As the thorn that had pierced Rixus’ body was removed, he let out a low moan and leaned against my body.

His body was covered in blood.

Blood splattered on the floor.

“Rixus.”

Then he passed out while standing.

“Rixus, Rixus…!”