chapter 9

Many times this happens...we don't cherish the things we have but there must be someone who will desperately wanted to have that.In the same way I don't have will power to live this hellish life where this woman desperately wanted to have a long life for her children.Isn't her condition very strange! Why should I act as a mother to her children! Why should I live her life! Why should she trusts that I will fulfill her wish! I could be a bad mother who could sold her children and ran away with her money! Why me among all? "Because you are beautiful" this was her answer. I don't find this answer very satisfactory. What if she is just playing with me! What if there is some ploy against me! Why should I believe her! What happened these days with me is already out of my emotional range. Where everyone show their back to me, my family abandoned me and the true love of five years didn't trust me and send me into this prision. After suffering all these how could I trust some stranger?"I don't trust your words and I can't do the things you want. So, go find someone else to play your fun game" I said. Her expression suddenly became serious."Please, help me. I really need your help" she said. Finally I feel what was she saying was actually true. It's true I don't want to live as myself anymore and it is also true that I don't find any meaning to live this life. If someone else can use this life in a meaningful way then I don't mind. But how can I believe her when my own people betrayed me! "If you want me to help you then give me the genuine reason, why you think it can be me? If you say this then I might think about it" I said and walked away.I can't trust anyone anymore, all I have is me and I can't abandon myself.Does this mean I want to live longer! I said I will think about it, does this mean I can accept her offer! Why is so? Do I think she is pitiful or I also want to find a reason to live!Many things were going on inside my head at that time but I didn't show my desire to her that I want to accept her offer. But she was very persistent to make me agree with her condition. She became more clingy after that. She gave me her portion of food, prepared my bed before I go, she even tried to do my part of work. I was irritated by her behaviour but she seemed cool about it. Other people started to think we might have some other relationship, that is we are a couple. Others started to talk I was interested in girls that is why I tried to be with boys before somedays of marriage so that I could have a happy married life.I didn't care what they were gossiping about me but I was getting more and more confused and wanted to accept her offer so that she could stop bothering me. If she want my help that badly then why she didn't just say the thing I asked for.One day I lose my temper and said something to her that I shouldn't have. I scolded her saying she is an irresponsible mother who doesn't care for her kids and came to jail just for some money. If she had a little time left then she should have spent more time with her kid but she choose to came jail just for some money. I also said to her that the way she was acting clingy to me, she might have did many bad things for which she got the cancer.I acted very rude to her on that day and I regretted it. My words might have hurt her a lot and after that I didn't see her for three days. I thought she might have angry with me that was why she didn't come to me. I also didn't see her anywhere so I went to her cell there I got to know her health condition was serious so she has been in medical room for three days and didn't want to go medical like she was waiting there for someone. After hearing this I felt really bad and went to meet her. But when I saw her in that room with those medical equipments I couldn't control my tears. I felt how precious my life is.When I went to her she said "are you crying because of me?" "No, I'm not. I just feel bad for me that I'm not dying" I said."Liar... I know you don't wish to die" She said."Yes, I want to die. Because from now on I want to live as you" I said."You agreed! I didn't even told you the reason for choosing you" she said."I don't care whatever that reason is, I just want to live a meaningful life" I said.She smiled and said "this is the reason why I choose you. I believe that you are not that person they says, I believe you were punished without doing anything wrong. Have you ever seen your eyes! They are clear like sky and there can't be any hidden intention to anyone. That's why I want this help from you".This was for the first time anyone ever believed me. After coming into the prision they used to call me slut,prostitute, callgirl etc . and bullied me like my crime was bigger than a murder. They said in murder and theft they also have honesty. But I was  cheater and back bitter worse than a snake. It will be an insult for those prostitute to call me a prostitute.I couldn't control my tears and let it flow until it wants to stop. After a while I said "also I'm very sorry for other day. I didn't mean any bad for you, it's just I was frustrated because of your actions. You were trying to get close to me where others despised me openly, so I thought you have hidden intention and you want to harm me in some other way. I believed you only after seeing you here lying on this bed".I will live from now on because I want to live more...