34 Retching

Carrie

The news of Bluegorge’s decision to try to block our pack spread through our small population like wildfire. Everyone was agitated.

I did my best to try to keep everyone’s spirits up, since panicking was the worst thing we could do. It made us less productive and more reactive. Probably exactly what that horrible alpha of Bluegorge would have wanted.

It wasn’t all bad. As a former delta and a former acting luna, both Jason and I’d had some contact with the Alpha Assembly before, so we at least had an idea what we were up against. My dealings in the past were more businesslike and less antagonistic, but I was certain that we could prevail, because we had done nothing wrong except try to organize on an unclaimed expanse of territory. Jason had even acquired the rights to the land through legitimate means from the humans, so there was nothing anyone should be able to say against it.

And even if the assembly did try to block us, the assembly was basically a voluntary diplomatic group. While it would be better to be on good terms with them, it was highly unlikely that they would go so far as to physically disband us, even if they decided Bluegorge’s ridiculous claims were true. Especially if we could find a larger pack to sponsor our objections and appeals. I wracked my mind for fair alphas who might help us.

In the meantime, to get everyone’s mind off the Bluegorge issue, we began trying to decide on an official name for the pack, and everyone had suggestions, even Nash, who suggested Bloodrogue. I truly couldn’t tell if he was serious or not.

I didn’t openly shoot down his idea, but that sort of name was the last thing we needed to call anything we were trying to get the Alpha Assembly to agree with. Now that I had spent some time as a rogue, I could clearly see there was a lot of unfair anti-rogue sentiment amongst the packs, but shoving it in their faces—while potentially satisfying—would be counterproductive to achieving our true goals.

One morning, after Jason and I had finished greeting each other in the most physical way possible, I got ready and left the trailer to retching coming from some nearby bushes. Upon checking, I discovered a pale faced Theodora bent over double, heaving her breakfast up against a tree.

“Are you okay?” I asked. I tried not to breathe through my nose while pulling her hair back from her face. Once she was finished, I helped her back to her feet.

“Yes, sorry, Luna.” She looked with disgust at an escaped strand that had gotten caught in the spray.

Ignoring her expression, I decided to be direct. “Are you pregnant?”

She sighed, and then finally met my eyes. “Yes.”

She didn’t sound as happy as most werewolves would be about the situation. Even when our human sides didn’t want pups, wolf instincts typically pushed us in that direction. Few wolves, especially once mated, managed to fight the primal need to reproduce. “What’s wrong?” I asked as I helped her to a nearby picnic table.

She looked around, probably checking if anyone was in hearing range. Her shoulders slumped. “It’s just...” She took in a deep breath. “You know, I always dreamed of my mate and of pups. But I didn’t want this life as a rogue, Luna. But I couldn’t just let West go! He’s my other half. But I also want to be in a pack.” She met my eyes, as if startled by what she had admitted.

“I understand.”

She flushed slightly as she thought about what she said, but at least it added some colour to her too pale face. “It’s not like I meant this isn’t a pack, because I can see what it is, and what it will be. But now that Bluegorge is trying to ruin this for us, too... What if they break us up, or worse? I can’t have my baby as a rogue. I didn’t know how I would do it before, and now that I thought I wouldn’t have to...” Her eyes welled with tears.

I patted her back. I knew how she felt. I’d barely found this place, and I wasn’t letting it get destroyed.

“Theodora, I promise I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep this pack together. The Alpha Assembly is just that, an official assembly. Having their agreement will make things easier for us, but they have no authority over us if we don’t allow them to. I have connections in other packs, if they try to break us up, we can turn to other allies.” I could turn to my sister, or other packs I had good relationships with in the past. Nathaniel’s offer of a separate treaty beyond the general one between vampires and werewolves ran through my mind, as a backup plan. And then, as a very last resort, I still had many connections in Greenwoods I could probably exploit.

She sniffled again. She might not be official pack yet, but she looked so small and pathetic my wolf wanted to protect her.

“And Alpha Jason will also do anything that is necessary to keep this pack together. Even if they do somehow run us off this land, we’ll regroup elsewhere. They can’t actually stop us.”

She nodded and wiped her eyes, her breathing evening.

“We’ve got to keep your spirits up for the pup.”

She wiped her eyes. “I don’t want to upset West.”

“That’s what he’s there for. He’s not going to feel less upset if you don’t rely on him. He probably already knows your upset, unless you’re better at blocking your emotions than most of us.”

“That’s true, I guess,” she agreed. “Thank you, Luna.”

“That’s what I’m here for, right?”

“Do you know where West is?” I asked Jason through our link.

“Randy says he’s running patrol with Michael.”

“Well, his mate’s a bit upset and needs him, so when he gets back, get Michael to send him her way please.”

“Sure, babe. Anything else I can help with?”

“No, nothing really. I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Alright.”

She stood up. “I’m going to go and try to eat again.”

I smiled at her. “That sounds like a good idea. If you need to talk later you know where I am.”