8 Bitterly

Carrie

It was a long moment before I could process what Dane had said.

He had found his mate.

His true mate.

My heart clutched tightly in my chest. “What does that mean?” I asked, even though, deep down, I already knew.

He raked his fingers through his hair. “She’s my mate.”

Somewhere under all my pain and panic, sparked the first touch of anger. I was so confused. “I’m your mate. Your chosen mate.”

He shook his head. “Not anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t—”

“You can’t what, keep to your word? You asked me to marry you the night before last! You said you loved me. Were you lying that whole time?” This couldn’t be true.

“I did, Carrie, but now... I just can’t.”

I should have kept a reign on my anger, but my only other choice was to break down into tears and my wolf was pushing me with her own anger. Dane might not be my true mate, but he was her territory. “So, what would have happened if you found her in two years after we were married, or when our pups were ten? Would you have just thrown me to the side, then, too?”

“Of course not! It would have been different once we marked each other,” he said defensively, not meeting my eyes.

“Would it? Then mark me now,” I challenged him. I had been so patient, waiting for him to be ready, and finally I had thought I was going to have forever with the man I loved.

“I can’t.” He was like an immovable wall.

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

“Won’t,” he said, and he cupped his forehead with his hands as if he were getting one of his headaches. I used to feel sympathy for him when he got them, but I was cold now.

“Won’t?” I whimpered.

“I don’t want to anymore. You don’t know what it’s like, Carrie. I can’t want you anymore.”

The words were like knives.

“But you promised...”

“I was wrong.”

I couldn’t think of anything else to say to him.

He stood up abruptly. “I’m going to bring her here in a few days, so I need you out of my room as soon as possible.”

My room. It used to be our room such a short time ago. I felt tears begin to prick at the corners of my eyes.

“Carrie, I’m sorry,” he said, and he left as abruptly as he came.

I cried on top of my desk until there were no more left for me to shed. I felt so broken, and so incredibly foolish.

This was what everyone had warned me about, and I had ignored them. It hadn’t mattered when it had been Dane and I up against the naysayers, it had brought us closer together, but now it was only me. I was alone.

I didn’t want to leave the room, but his words had clearly been an order from my alpha, not a suggestion from my chosen mate. My ex-chosen mate, I corrected bitterly.

The worst was, I still loved him under all my misery. If he suddenly changed his mind, I would absolutely abandon my pride and forgive it all.

My wolf was upset. I imagined it was not as bad as it would be to be rejected by my true mate, but she was hurting. She had grown attached to Dane and his wolf and this dismissal hurt her, too. I would go for a run after I moved my things.

I didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the halls as I moved forward and wound my familiar way to my—to Dane’s room. I forced down the next bout of tears as I began to place my things in boxes and carry them down a floor to an empty room. I could have asked for help, but I didn’t want any witnesses to my misery.

A part of me wanted to load everything up into a moving truck and find a new pack, but I didn’t really have anywhere I wanted to go. My family was here, my friends were here, my pack was here. Where would I run to? To my sister’s pack? I hadn’t seen her in years, so I rejected the idea of showing up there pathetic and needy.

I sniffled as memories of doing things with Dane resurfaced along with certain items. Dancing with him in a particular red dress, a blouse I often wore as his acting luna, the black panties he had always said were his favourite on me.

It was the first time in my life I regretted that I had been born a werewolf. Our love had been real, but it had been so easily snatched away by some impersonal fate. It wasn’t fair.

Once everything was moved, I threw on some casual clothing. The luna duties weren’t my problem anymore, were they? The rest of my day was free. Eventually, she would assign me something else to do, unless I returned to my former position as a scout, which would put me squarely under the direction of the delta.

Or maybe I could be the missing elementary school teacher I had been trying to replace, I thought bitterly. I could teach the packs pups, because I would never have pups of my own. Tears threatened again.

I slipped down and out of the pack house, avoiding everyone as much as I could, and anyone I could not avoid seemed reluctant to talk to me. I was only a couple of hours into being discarded and I was already being pitied. I gritted my teeth, my wolf’s rage and grief warring with my own. I hurried out into the forest.

Throwing off my clothing, I transformed into my wolf. Wasting not a moment, I began to run through the forest as hard as I could, as if I could run fast enough to escape the pain of my dismissal. Letting my wolf have control, I dodged trees and other obstacles flawlessly. I was fast and reasonably strong, and I very well might have been fit to be the true luna if only the winds of fate had blown differently.

By the time I returned to my clothing, I was panting and tired. I made my way back to the room that had been empty only that morning and collapsed onto the bed that smelled like no one.

I was woken up by a knock on the door.

“Carrie?”

I didn’t feel like seeing anyone, not even my best friend. I was half relieved and half disappointed that it wasn’t Dane. I knew it wouldn’t happen, but a part of me couldn’t help but hope he would change his mind.

“Carrie? Are you okay in there? You don’t have to come out if you don’t feel like it.”

“I’m fine,” I lied.

There was a pause, and then her voice came through the door. “Good. Then you’ve got no reason not to come and drink an absurd amount of alcohol with me and Anna at her house.”

I chuckled bitterly. The idea of getting out of the pack house and farther from Dane for a while sounded wonderful, and drinking sounded even better. “Okay,” I agreed, walking over to the door to allow her to come in.

A look of worry crossed her face when she saw me, although she hid it quickly. I wondered if I looked as bad as she clearly thought I did.

Probably. I made my way to the small bathroom and splashed water on my face before digging around in my unpacked box of toiletries for my shower stuff.

“I’m going to clean up first,” I said. There was no reason for me to look as pitiful as I felt.

“I’ll be waiting,” Samantha said. I heard her sit down on my bed and I was relieved. I didn’t mind if it smelled like her, because she smelled like familiarity and childhood. It would be far better than it smelling like being alone.

I jumped in the shower and quickly cleaned myself, and then I made my way into the room wrapped in a towel. I still had a constant ache in my chest, but there was no reason that I had to look as broken as I felt, even if I was only going over to Anna’s. I pulled on jeans and a tank top and made my way back into the bathroom to apply makeup.

“I’m ready,” I announced.

“Great,” she said. “Anna kicked James and the kids out to his parents and stocked up so we’re good for the night, at least,” Samantha told me.

“Sobriety is overrated,” I agreed, trying to sound more lighthearted than I felt.

A few hours later, I was sitting in the middle of Anna’s living room, a nearly empty bottle in my hand and no less pain in my heart. I kept wavering between sadness, anger, and who-the-hell-cares-about-that-asshole-alpha-anyway.

I was currently in transition between all three emotions, trying to forget him while angrily crying. Anna and Samantha were both very supportive, and I appreciated that they were there for me. At least I wasn’t entirely alone.

I sniffed, as sadness won the battle. I was going to be the pathetic mateless she-wolf who had been rejected by my chosen mate for the rest of my miserable life.

“I don’t even know what to do,” I wailed to my friends, or to the sky, or maybe to that repugnant fate who screwed me over so big time by giving me some hope and then snatching it away.

Anna patted my back. “You’re amazing, something good will come to you.”

“You don’t know that,” I whimpered and chugged the end of my bottle. I was still too sober, darn wolf metabolism. They should have gotten the good magically augmented stuff instead.

Samantha handed me another one. “She does. He just wasn’t good enough for you.”

“But our relationship was so good,” I sniffed. “We had everything going for us, you know?” I looked at my naked finger mournfully. I had tossed the ring into one of the boxes I’d packed. I knew I probably had to give the stupid thing back, but surely the perfect time to throw it into his stupid perfect face would come. “Except that idiot took so long to seal the deal. If we’d been marked, that little bitch couldn’t have come between us.”

My friends flinched a bit at my disrespect towards their alpha and maybe even their future luna, but they understood I was just ranting and didn’t criticize me. The jerk was getting his precious little destined mate and was going to live freakin’ happily ever after, so he could deal with a tiny bit of disrespect.

They didn’t have much to say so I kept going. “The worst part is, I still love him, but it’s like all his feelings just turned into regret in one moment. And then, I’m going to have to face everyone. My parents are going to be all ‘I told you so’.”

Anna patted me again. “Your parents won’t say that, Carrie. They’ll worry about you.”

I took another swig. “Do you think that’s better? All I’m going to get is pity. Pitiful, that’s the new theme of my life. I can’t do this anymore.”

They both looked concerned. I rolled my teary eyes. “I meant let’s do something else. Let’s watch something. I’m tired of thinking about that jerk alpha.”

Samantha searched for the remote and found it under an empty tub of ice cream. “What do you want to watch?”

“Is there a show about a chosen luna being thrown away and coming back for revenge?” I asked.

She smiled. “No, but I think I can find something where a bunch of girls who were cheated on team up for revenge.”

“That sounds perfect,” I agreed with a bitter smile.