ii. Mi Amor {3}

_________

Omniscient.

Sunday, January, 2015.

Sahari's Bedroom, 3:17 am 📍

Soulswin, Laanville.

________________

"Sahari go outside now" "but mommy my tummy hurt" 4 year old Sahari held her empty stomach. "NOW! Sahari damn! Don't come in until I send for you" Sahari's bottom lip poked out as she walked to the door with only mix matched socks on that barely fit her tiny feet.

"Don't make me have to tell you" her mother's boyfriend and pimp known as Yellow told Sahari. Tapping on his leather belt as a warning and Sahari barely glanced at him before running out. She walked to the broken down playground and went up to a group of older girls.

"Eww you can't play with us, you a baby" "I no baby. I this many" Sahari held up 4 fingers. The girls ages 6 and 8 notice the eczema on her fingers and arm and immediately cringe. "Eww she has cooties" "no" Sahari replies, putting her tiny arm behind her back.

"Let's go" the 8 year old grabs the 6 years old arm and they walk away. Sahari huffs and goes to sit on the bench alone, with her arms over her chest.

The hours pass by and she's sitting on the same bench, dehydrated, starving, and cold. But she knows what 'Yellow' will do if she comes in before she's called so she doesn't move and tries to force herself to sleep.

Another hour passes by and now she's the only kid still outside. She can't take the pain in her stomach anymore and she makes a plan to sneak into the house and steal a single slice of bread. Hoping they wouldn't notice.... She smells food from a nearby house and groans as her stomach rumbles. Her tiny body sways as she walked up to the door then puts her ear on it to hear any noise.

She very carefully and slowly turns the nob then put her right eye in the tiny crack. When she sees no movement she slowly opens the door and tip toes into the house like she had done many times before. She sees "Yellow" on the couch and jumps, immediately covering her face until a few seconds pass and she sees he is sleep. A can of beer, still tightly in his hand.

Sahari took a deep breath then slowly tip toes to the kitchen, trying to keep her ear open for her mom. She hops on the counter and grabs the loaf of bread off the fridge, opens it then quickly stuffs the bread in her mouth. She wants to take another one and put it into her pocket but she knows that they'll notice so she forces herself to close the bread back and jumps down.

She carefully looks around and sees something that makes her immediately drop the bread from her mouth.

"MOMMY" she runs to her unconscious mother who was lying in the hallway. "Mommy ake up. Mommyy easeeee" she shook her mom with all the strength her malnourished body had, but her mom didn't wake up.

She put her head on her mother's chest and sobbed. "Mommy. Mommy... Eaassee "

"MOMMY. MO-" Sahari's eyes flashed opened and she immediately sits up. It feels like the wind is knocked out of her as she struggled to breathe. She could feel her heartbeat as her chest rose and fell. Sweat on her forehead, chest, stomach, and back. Her mouth was dry until it became really watery, she burped and quickly got up and ran to the bathroom.

"BABE GET THE MOP. Ew shine don't eat it, get out" Jayla tightened her robe and carefully walked into the bathroom. She rubbed Sahari's lower back as she laid on her forearm with her eyes closed. "Do you think more is coming up?" Jayla asked lowly and Sahari made a little noise which Jayla knew meant no.

"Okay you can carry her to the living room" Jayla told Juno as he walked in with their mop and cleaning supplies. "You don't want her to lay with us?" He asked, "it didn't help the other 3 nights babe" "you right" he replied then sighed. "I'll lay in there with her" "y'all not leaving me out" his face scrunched up as Sahari weakly rapped her arms around his neck and put her head on his shoulder.

"Boy go lay my child down, playing too damn much" Jayla playfully rolled her eyes then started mopping the bathroom floor. When she was done, she walked into the living room with a face towel and wiped Sahari's face. "Not a baby" Sahari murmured and Jayla smacked her lips. "You'll always be my baby. I don't care" Jayla made known and Sahari had a small smile on her face with her eyes still closed.

The couple made themselves comfortable in the living room and silently watched Martin. Juno went back to sleep quickly, but it took Jayla a minute because she kept checking on Sahari. It took her 2 hours to really let her mind relax and when her eyes started to lower she heard "why won't she just leave me alone" with a light sniffle.

🌊🌊🌊🌊

Hours Later. 12:26 Pm. Church 📍

"Y'all let me go on and on today which I'm grateful for, but let me get y'all up out of here before y'all get hangry" pastor Wells joked, while he opened his bible. The congregation including Juno, Jayla and Sahari grabbed their bibles and stood up. "Today's ending verse is one that many need to hear. Let's turn to -1 Corinthians 13:2" he ordered then waited a few seconds for everyone to find it.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but I do not have love, I am nothing. And Now for our ending prayer..." Everyone sat their bibles down and Sahari held Jayla's and Juno's hand. They were both in sync when they lighly squeezed her hand.

"Dear Heavenly Father we come to you today..." "Amen" Sahari smiled as she grabbed her stuff "do you need to use the restroom?" Jayla asked and Sahari shook her head. Sahari had grown out of her fear of the bathroom in 6th grade. She wasn't bullied heavily that year, but one day she just accidentally bumped into the wrong group of boys and the only place she could find peace was the girls restroom. It eventually became her hiding place, well when someone didn't blow it up.

"Okay, I'll be back" Jayla told them as she slipped on her purse "we'll be in the front with Ant and Riley" Juno made known, but Sahari actually had other plans. "I actually need to talk to Pastor Wells" she told them and they nodded and everyone went their own way.

Pastor Wells was a 52, brownskin, bald, fully bearded man. Sahari had known him going on 5 years, she was skeptical of him at first, but after 2 slow years she opened her heart to him. He started to remind her of her grandmother and she loved that.

"Good Afternoon Sahari, you look beautiful today" he greeted her with a smile and she gave him a small smile. A loose footed jumpsuit was the only thing she felt comfortable in to wear to church. "Thank you, service was beautiful" she slowly told him and he smiled. "I'm glad you think that. What can I do for you?" He asked, knowing that Sahari wouldn't come up to him to simply compliment him.

"Well there's a new girl" Sahari started then glanced around as she felt eyes on her. "I've heard, she's what they call a Muslim" he said and she hummed and nodded. "I've also heard that some people aren't being the nicest to her, are you apart of that?" He asked and Sahari sighed. "Not intentionally, but I haven't stood up for her" "scared they'll do the same to you?" He asked, putting his hands in his lap. "A little" she answered, but she was downplaying her worries.

"I understand why you're scared, but ask yourself, don't you think Jesus was scared when they were carrying him to the cross? He knew he was going to die, but still did what he had to. I'm not saying you have to be friends with her or even have to like her, but don't be a bystander. You're better than that. I know it, you do and so does God" he told her the exact words she needed to hear.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Thank you, I needed to hear that" the tension in her shoulders relaxed a little. "I just told you what you already knew, just needed some help finding it. Let me pray for you then send you back to your folks" he reached for her hands and she bowed her head.

It was 2 when they got back home, from lunch. She walked around her house and felt so much lighter. Her and Jayla sat in the living room and watched Like Mike until they fell asleep. Jayla only for 30 minutes, but Sahari slept an hour and 24 minutes before her phone started vibrating under her stomach. She was going to ignore it, but realized the ringtone playing was Cateleya's.

She pushed her body up in a push-up format and answered the phone. "Get upppp. We got places to be, gir-people to see" Cateleya smiled into the camera, but Sahari was hiding the half of her face with her blanket. And she was grateful for it when she noticed Cateleya wasn't wearing a shirt and she could see her black sports bra.

Her eyes followed the light brown stretch marks until they stopped at her cleavage. She took a deep breath when she noticed that Cateleya's nipples were hard. "Hello.. Earth to Hari" Cateleya repeated to get her attention. "Sorry" Sahari mumbled, and Cateleya just smirked.

"Like I was saying the movie starts at 7 and everyone wants to meetup at 5 to walk around and shit" "Language" Jayla lightly yelled from the front porch. Sahari immediately turned to look at the door and noticed the window next to it was opened. "My fault ma'am" Cateleya quickly apologized and Sahari shook her head as Cateleya tried not to laugh.

"Do you want me to pick you up?" She asked, "nah. A group of us are taking the bus down there" Cateleya replied and Sahari nodded. "I'll let you know when I'm on the way" she mumbled and Cateleya nodded, getting comfortable in her bed. "Bet, bye Mi Amor" "bye" Sahari whispered and hung up. She was about to lay back down when Jayla called her to come help her with the garden.

She stretched as she stood up "let me pee first" she told her and walked to the bathroom.

🌊🌊🌊🌊

2 Hours Later. The Mall Parking Lot 📍

Sahari parked her car and Immediately called Cateleya "we're in Nike, but don't come. I'll come to you" she told her and Sahari liked that idea. 10 minuets later she felt someone trying to open her door and jumped then heard Cateleya laugh loudly on the other side of the door. "So jumpy" Cateleya smiled as she opened the door and Sahari playfully rolled her eyes. Cateleya reached into the car and pulled her out of the car by her waist.

"You smell good" Cateleya told her as they hugged "creep" Sahari whispered into her ear then lightly pushed her back. "You not gon say thank you? What the hell they teach you in that bible school?" Cateleya joked as they walked into the mall. "Shut up" Sahari lowly replied and pushed Cateleya again, but harder. "What I say about you putting your hands on me girl" Cateleya turned towards her then bucked against her arm making her giggle.

"Ima beat your ass. Just wait" Cateleya playfully threatened, "I'll be waiting" Sahari replied, tilting her head and smiling. "Mhm bet yo ass is" "what?" Cateleya didn't replied and just laughed as she walked off.

When they made it to the Nike store she couldn't even ask her more because a trio of girls walked up to them. 2 feminine, 1 masculine. The masc one immediately started talking "bro tell this girl that gorgeous is spelled g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s and not whatever bullshit she just said" Cateleya snickered. "Get off her head, the word is tricky" Cateleya defended her, making 2/3 rolls their eyes. "Yes y'all heard what my boo said, get off me" the short one smiled, showing her mouth full of green braces.

"Any mutha fucking way yous a dummy" the masc girl waved them off making Cateleya and the tall one laugh. Sahari wanted to smile, but she couldn't because she was too busy overthinking the short one calling Cateleya 'boo'.

"Fuck you okay! Can any of y'all spell... Renaissance?" The short one asked "girl that random ass word" "yes or no?" She asked and Sahari and Cateleya made eye contact because they both knew she could. But the look in Sahari's eye gave Cateleya the impression she didn't want to be center of attention so they both said nothing,

"Right Boo?" They heard making them look away and towards the trio. "Huh?" Cateleya was confused on what was going on. "Just say yes" "don't do it. She's trying to get you caught up" "shut up" Cateleya just shook her head then grabbed Sahari wrist. "I'm going to go get me some fries from Wendy's"

"Do you want anything?" Cateleya asked Sahari as the two of them stood in line and Sahari shook her head. "I'll get a pretzel at the movie stand" she lowly explained. Cateleya thought about still getting her something and later just decided to respect it. After getting her fries, they sat in a booth as they waited for the others.

"Why does she keep calling you boo?" Sahari asked, trying not to sound like she was just thinking about it for the last 10 minutes. "You don't like it?" Cateleya replied, hiding her smile by eating a fry. Sahari was about to shake her head no, but immediately stopped herself. She wouldn't be able to come up with a valid reason as to why she doesn't so she just shrugged.

"Do you like it?" She asked Cateleya, even though she already knew the answer. Cateleya smirked while putting two fries in her mouth, she swallowed, then shrugged. "She's a pretty girl" and while that might not seem like an answer, they both knew it was. Ever since the 8th grade Cateleya justified a lot of things she did with girls with "she's pretty" and for years Sahari wondered if that rule applied to her too.

She hadn't thought about that in a while though, those were unclean thoughts and she couldn't have those.

"Dang shame" she mumbled, sounding playful and Cateleya laughed. "What's so funny?" The short one asked as the trio walked up with their own snacks. Sahari immediately noticed how close and easily the short one's left leg sits on top of Cateleya's legs. No one paid it any mind so it gave her the impression that this must be their norm. Sahari mouth goes dry and she started to regret hanging out with them and she hated that because she didn't even know why.

"Shit I don't think I fully introduced y'all. Tall one is True, shit talking one is Ace and this is Jamila. Y'all this is my best friend, Sahari" "hi" True replied, pushing up her glasses, "waddup" Ace gives her a head nod "hey girl, I love your jewelry" Jamila complimented, pushing Cateleya back so she could see Sahari better. Sahari waved, closed smile on her face.

"Damn I didn't think she was really gon wave" Ace announced and True snickered. "I told y'all niggas, I know her so well" Cateleya smiled, but all Sahari saw from the corner of her eye was Cateleya giving her last fries to Jamila. Her leg instantly started to bounce "I was telling them how quiet you are cause they was being pussy about meeting you, but I had to tell them you were shy and stuff" Cateleya explained.

"I hope this isn't embarrassing, but can I like get a pic with you? I also run track and my grandma loves you" True asked and that made Sahari genuinely smile. She nodded and True smiled back. "Also can I get a follow back on insta? I just love- damn girl let her breathe" Jamila told True, but before True could muster a comeback Sahari put her hand out for her phone. True stuck her tongue out at Jamila and handed her phone to Sahari.

When Sahari handed True her phone back, she noticed her leg wasn't shaking anymore and when she looked down she saw Cateleya's hand rested on her thigh.

🌊🌊🌊🌊

"We missed like half of the previews" "nigga so what. I know you ain't tripping over that" "shut up" "can y'all shush, got people staring at us and shit" True told Ace and Jamila who was barely listening because they were fighting over who was pushing the door open.

Sahari just slightly shook her head, completely understanding how these were Cateleya's friends.

"I wanna sit next to Hari" True made known and Cateleya quickly turned around and eyed her. "Weird" Cateleya mumbled, but it seemed like only Jamila and Sahari heard.

It went right to left. Ace, Jamila, Cateleya, Sahari and lastly True.

Sahari was texting Jayla to let her know that they were just now sitting down for the movie and what time she thinks she'll make it back home. But she quickly looked up when she heard "we'll be back, don't touch my shit" from Jamila who was talking to Ace. "You good?" Cateleya asked her and she slowly nodded, "bet, I'll be back. Text me if that changes" Cateleya smiled at her before Jamila grabbed her hand and they walked back down the aisle.

Sahari was confused until Ace hopped in Cateleya's seat and her and True leaned in close. "Freaky ass niggas" Ace whispered and True quietly laughed and shook her head. Sahari took a huge bite of her pretzel and took a deep breath, her chest, head and stomach were all feeling funny. She ignored it and continued to inhale the pretzel. "Do you want some of my popcorn?" True asked, looking up from her phone, she noticed how quick Sahari ate her pretzel. "Thank you" Sahari mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Cateleya and Jamila came back about 10 minutes into the movie. Jamila walked past Sahari and she tried not to notice that Jamila's was slightly limping. When Cateleya sat back down, she leaned close to Sahari "missed a lot?" she asked and Sahari's right eye started to twitch when she smelled Jamila's perfume off of Cateleya's shirt.

The whole movie she couldn't focus, she just kept thinking about where they went and what they were doing. She felt nauseous and she didn't even know why.

'Maybe I really do have a stomach bug' she thought, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

When the movie was over they all walked to the restroom but only Sahari, True and Ace used it. When Sahari walked out of the stall she saw Cateleya's arm loosely around Jamila's waist as Jamila whispered in her ear. Sahari was sick to her stomach 'in public?' She thought and slowly walked past them, making sure to use a sink far away from them. The others came out their stall and they started talking about the movie.

"Am I taking you home?" Sahari lowly asked Cateleya, who was slipping her phone into her pocket. They were walking towards the exit. "You ready to go?" She asked and Sahari nodded, "well I'm going to Ace house, do you want to take us? We were just going to take the bus" Cateleya asked, lightly shrugging. "Sure" she mumbled, she didn't mind because it was pretty late for them to be on the bus.

"Bet, let me see" Cateleya grabbed her wrist again, but this time Sahari quickly pulled back. Making Cateleya look down at her empty hand then at Sahari's face curiously before sighing.

"We'll be back" she told the trio then grabbed Sahari by her hoodie and pulled her into a corner. "Wassup with you?" "Nun" Sahari mumbled while looking towards the floor. "So why can't you look at me then? Huh?" Cateleya asked and used a single finger to lift Sahari's head. "I- I just don't understand some stuff" she lightly explained, sighing. "Stuff like?" "Like... the boy at the ticket stand was flirting with you and you didn't care for it, but then you go in a bathroom and do something with Jamila" she explained in a mixture of different tones, but mostly disgust.

"Sahari you know I'm not like that, I like girls, wom-" "shhh" Sahari looked around to make sure nobody was near. "You don't have to be so vocal about it" she responded, not understanding why Cateleya was always so vocal about her sins.

"Oh right cause it makes you uncomfortable" Cateleya scoffed, taking a step back. "Yes" Sahari quickly replied, hoping she hid the fact she was also curious. "Whatever you say Sahari" Cateleya rolled her eyes and started to walk away from her. "D- Do you still want me to take y'all home?" Sahari asked, hating how Cateleya was walking away from her. "Nope. I'm gonna go hang around people I don't make uncomfortable" "Lee I didn't-" "it's Gucci. Let me know when you make it home" and with that she left Sahari standing there, alone.

Sahari cried the whole way home, when she wiped her face, more tears kept coming. She didn't understand why she said something so hurtful to her friend. She didn't understand why she just couldn't explain that she was upset about Jamila and she didn't know why. She couldn't explain that knowing Cateleya was doing something to someone that wasn't her, hurt. She didn't even know why it hurt. She just knew she couldn't tell anyone. It was against God and anything against God was against her. It was so simple yet felt so hard. It hurt so bad.

When she gets home Jayla is waiting for her in the living room. She followed Sahari into her room "how was it? Did you like the movie?" Jayla asked as she sat on the edge of the bed. Sahari was glad she was turned around to change because she instantly wanted to cry at the questions. She cleared her throat "fine" she answered and Jayla waited until she was dressed to continue. "So why do you have tear stains on your face?" Jayla asked and Sahari sighed. "I messed up, really bad. I just- I don't know anymore" Sahari said as she sat next to Jayla on the bed.

"Do you want me to get Juno?" "No. Please no. He'll just give me a motivational speech and I don't feel like hearing that right now. I just need you" Jayla giggled and nodded. "Well we can watch carebears and eat some ice cream. I went grocery shopping while you were out" "please" Sahari whispered and put her head on her Aunts chest.

A small part of her felt better already, knowing that she could feel Jayla's heartbeat.

ii. Mi Amor

💟💟

Hii. Wrote this while thinking about how it feels to have a girl crush for the first time. Fighting the feeling even though you don't even know what it is. Very scary time period for most 😭 okie byee

05/18/2024