ii. Mi Amor {6}

Previously on ILY....

"Y'all are so cute. So young and in love" They heard and Sahari swallowed her laugh and stood straight. "Oh and you dropped this" the woman handed her a charm that fell from her pandora bracelet. "Than-" Sahari turned around and immediately stopped talking. "You're welcome. Have a nice night" the woman walked past them.

Cateleya was deeply confused by the stuck look on Sahari's face then her knees bucked and Sahari started falling backwards, but Cateleya immediately grabbed and held onto her. "What wrong? Who was that? Why does she look like-" Cateleya immediately stopped talking when she caught on. Sahari stared at the back of the woman wearing a bun, paintsuit, and a briefcase.

"She- that... I- I think that was my mom"

_________

Omniscient.

Saturday, February 2015.

Outside of the diner, 6:14 pm.

Laanville, Mississippi.📍

________________

Continuance. Memory Lane.

"I need you to breathe" "b-but t-that- "breathe. Mi Amor please espirar" Cateleya looked into Sahari's watery eyes. Sahari faintly nodded and released a shaky breath. They inhaled and exhaled together and Cateleya wiped Sahari's face. "Better?" "A little" "cmon" "w-where?" Cateleya didn't answer and they silently walked to Sahari's car. Cateleya opened the passenger door for her.

They were in the car for almost an hour, driving to the next city. The sound of the radio lowly playing as they loosely held hands. They were both thinking about what just occurred.

Sahari stared out of the window and thought about the last time she saw her mother.

It was during a 8th grade track meet, she was temporarily staying with Cateleya because her grandmother was in the hospital on hospice. She had just easily finished her 100m race, coming in 1st. 13.03, her fastest time at that time. She qualified for the championships. She bent down and raised her arms to the sky, lowly thanking God over and over.

A camera crew trailed behind her, following her every move. She stood up and wiped her eyes, she answered their questions with a grin. "It took a lot of early mornings, and talk's to God. I was doubted, but God has the last say so. All I want to do is hug my Nona, God bless you all" then she jogged to the bleachers and hugged Juno and Jayla. They handed her two dozen roses. "Why two?" She questioned and nobody looked like they wanted to answer.

"Your mami was here" Cateleya answered, "she handed me the flowers while in the baño" "what? She didn't want to stay?" Sahari lowly asked, already knowing the obvious answer.

She looked in the parking lot, hoping her mother at least saw her win. Right when she was about to give up, she made contact with a bony, tall, brownskin woman that looked exactly like her grandmother. Sahari's name in cursive on the side of the woman's neck was extra confirmation. Her mother immediately looked away and got in the passenger seat, a second later the car was swerving out of the parking lot.

Sahari hadn't seen her mother since. She thought she would definitely show up to Claretha's funeral, but nope.

The sound of a honk brought Sahari back to reality and she looked at Cateleya. "My bad, they're driving like they ain't got no god damn sense" Cateleya rolled her eyes, and Sahari's lips curved upwards as she looked back out the window. Cateleya squeezed Sahari's hand then lightly sighed.

She knew it was probably selfish to be thinking about herself right now, but she couldn't put her mind to rest after asking Sahari if she liked her. Cateleya couldn't say an exact date she fell for Sahari. Maybe it was in 6th grade when they got the call that Cateleya's father would be in a Colombian prison until he was old and gray and Sahari cuddled her all night. Or maybe it was that random night they pulled an all nighter and talked about their dreams and how they envisioned their lives if they had better parents. She couldn't tell you.

One day she just felt shy and nervous under Sahari's eyes. One day she started to stumble over her words when they made eye contact. One day she started feeling butterflies at the thought of Sahari. She couldn't tell you the day, but she could tell you the feeling was so intense at first.

She could tell you that the acknowledgment of the feeling was delayed because Sahari was also a tomboy. Gay people were already deemed as taboo, there was no way two masculine girls could date each other. It was like an unspoken rule. Even being friends with another could put a target on your back. Literally.

Even with knowing all of that, Cateleya still thought about Sahari for at least a few seconds, every day. She writes about her, day dreams, prays for, cries. Just the thought of Sahari could calm her, even when she's mad at her. She still adores, admires, and loves Sahari, and believes that if she was the author of her own story that Sahari would love her just as deeply.

Cateleya heard Sahari gasp and smiled as Sahari quickly took off her seatbelt. Before the car could fully stop Sahari was opening her door, and poked her head out to inhale the smell of sea salt. The pier was Sahari's favorite place, it might sound crazy, but she believed the sounds of the water helped her grieve her grandmother.

She used to come here almost every day, but after she moved, she made it her mission to come at least once a month. Right now this was exactly what she needed.

"I think I underestimate how much you know me sometimes" Sahari told Cateleya as they walked away from the car. "Yeah, I think you always have" Cateleya responded, sounding more bothered about it than she wanted to let on. "It's chilly out here, do you want me to get you hot chocolate?" Cateleya asked and Sahari shook her head, "I'm fine, actually not that cold at all" Cateleya hummed.

"So marshmallows or no?" Cateleya still asked, not buying what Sahari was putting down. "Yes please, and peppermint sprinkles" Sahari answered, a closed smile on her face. "Bet, be right back" Cateleya mumbled, walking left as Sahari continued straight, heading towards the beach.

Sahari took off her air jordan's, and her socks, then dipped her big toe into the freezing cold water, giggling and mumbling to herself about how cold it was. A minute later she was setting down the towel, she found in her trunk and sat on it. Seated about 6 feet from the water. She put her knees to her chest, then sat her head on top of them as she closed her eyes.

She listened to the sound of the water while thinking about the times she had with her mother before an another kid told her that all moms didn't sniff white stuff. She thought about how no more than a week later that same kid's mother called CPS and it was the start of Sahari's CPS journey. When she was a child she blamed herself for opening her mouth after being told not to, but after a few short years she became appreciative of the mother who called.

It was her introduction to her Nona and God.

"The way you can fall asleep anywhere is kinda admirable" Cateleya announced as she walked up. She saw Sahari slightly flinch before raising her head. "I'm an athlete, you know what's that's like" Sahari lowly replied while reaching for her cup. Cateleya nodded and sat down, way on the other end of the towel which Sahari noticed almost immediately, but hid by putting the warm foam cup to her brown lips. She let out a low thank you to which Cateleya replied a low "anytime"

They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying their warm drinks and the sound of the ocean. "I can't believe I saw my mother today and she didn't even recognize me" Sahari whispered. "The wild thing is I'm not even mad about that, I'm pissed that she actually looks good. She looks clean. Walking around town in a nice outfit, and a briefcase like she didn't abandon her child. But it's also like can I even be mad about it because she did try to get in contact with me...

I've been ignoring her, but I think I can do that. I'm the child, she was supposed to fight for me, she IS still supposed to be... I'm allowed to ignore her, but also want her to bother me so much that I can't ignore it anymore, right?" Sahari expressed, and when Cateleya was about to vocally agree Sahari continued. "I want to cry so bad right now, but I'm not. She's gotten enough of my tears, I've been crying for her since birth. Literally" she said, making Cateleya chuckle.

"Thank you for calling me, and meeting with me tonight. That uncomfortable comment I made was really foul. I know that I already that apologized, but I really am sorry" Sahari turned to Cateleya and unexpectedly apologized. Cateleya started cheesing, and put her head down then moved closer to Sahari, still at a tiny distance though.

For some reason they still sat in silence after that, but it didn't last long because Sahari broke it with... "I know most people hate silence, but I love it in times like these. I love when all that can be heard is the sound of me breathing. Or when the breeze sounds like an actual sound" she mumbled. "I get it, it kinda reminds me of when it's so quiet you feel like you can hear the sound of your own heartbeat" Cateleya replied, Sahari smiles and nods.

"Yeah, exactly like that" "this is the type of weather where you wrap a frazada around you and just- "cry" they continued in sync and Cateleya nods. "It gives you some type of comfort, do I sound crazy?" Cateleya asked, feeling Sahari staring hard at her. "No, of course not. I- I just think I sometimes forget you need comfort too. I haven't seen you cry since the funeral and that was almost a year ago"

"You cry enough for the both of us" Cateleya jokingly replied, ignoring that tight feeling in her chest at the mention of her older brother. Sahari chuckled, faintly nodding "I do, but I wanna make sure you're good too. Are you okay Lee? Honestly?" Sahari asked, and for a long minute all that was heard was the wind.

"I think. I don't walk around moping all day like the rest of the mutherfuckas in the hood. I can't. No, I won't. That shit is miserable and I refuse to miserable about shit I can't change. You feel me?" "Yeah... I do" "la vida es demasiado corta. Demasiado corto" Cateleya chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head.

"People drowning in their sorrows with no way out, and I refuse to let that be me" Cateleya continued. "Do you think that was my mom?" "I mean maybe. You should ask Juno, he would know" "what? Why would he?" Sahari asked, confused and Cateleya shrugged, "um cause they were childhood friends?" "What? No they weren't" Sahari immediately replied and Cateleya hummed.

"I guess I heard wrong then" she shrugged, knowing damn well she didn't, but the last thing she wanted to do was fight with Sahari tonight. "Must've" Sahari mumbled, thinking back to her question about her mom.

"You know the kids in the hood call you little Ri Ri" "what? You're lying. Why?" "Because, you remind them of little bow wow from Like Mike, but for track" Cateleya explained and Sahari giggled.

"I feel like you're lying, but Ima laugh" Sahari replied, full on laughing now. "Okay I'm lying, but wouldn't it be cute? Y'all are twins" Cateleya admitted and Sahari straight faced her, but started smiling at the smug look on Cateleya's face.

"You're cute" Sahari told Cateleya, and Cateleya smirked. "Am I?" "Mhm. Just a little bit" Sahari hummed, while nodding. "I think you're cute too Mi Amor" Catekeya replied, licking her lips. "Hmm I wonder how many girls you've told that to" Sahari responded, genuinely curious.

"Only one. Swear" Cateleya answered, and Sahari playfully rolled her eyes. "And Mila" Sahari added, and Cateleya started laughing, letting Sahari know her answer. "I knew you weren't gonna let that go" Catekeya shook her head. "Do you like her?" "Can we not. I don't like when you do this" "do what?" Sahari questioned and Cateleya's sighed.

"You ask me about girls then you get all upset because God and stuff. Let's just leave it alone" Cateleya explained. "It's not the only reason" Sahari mumbled. "Huh?" "I said that maybe- I've been thinking- well I don't know if it's not the only reason" Sahari repeated, a little louder.

Cateleya eyed her, "hmm explain" "I don't know how well I can..." Sahari replied. "I just don't like when you're around other girls" she explained, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. "What? You mean like on a friendship territorial type of thing?" Cateleya asked, and Sahari glanced around before barely shaking her head.

"But don't tell anyone" Sahari looked at her with panic in her eyes. When Cateleya didn't immediately respond, Sahari got more worried and started to get up.

She barely stood up before Cateleya grabbed her waist and sat her in her lap. "Can you slow down?" "but you weren't answering and I can't risk-"Mi Amor you think I would tell anybody some personal ass shit like that? I would never do that to you or anyone. You could lose your scholarships with a rumor like that or worse, you can be killed"

"Killed?" Sahari questioned, not expecting that. Cateleya nodded, "yup and nobody will give a damn because it's in the Bible or some shit" "killing ho- those people ain't in the Bible" Sahari cleared up. "Well shit muthafuckas act like it"

"So again, you will never have to worry about anyone knowing cause I would never put you in harms way. You mean too much to me" Cateleya told Sahari.

"You mean a lot to me too Lee" Sahari made known, and when they made eye contact both girls felt butterflies. Sahari felt this intense pull and knew she needed to turn her head, but she didn't.

Even when she leaned forward and hesitantly pressed her lips against Cateleya's, it was just a long peck at first. Both teens scared to move, but seconds later Cateleya licked Sahari's lips, letting her know to open them and she did, ignoring the voice telling her to pull away.

Cateleya moved her tongue around Sahari's, very slowly, not wanting to do anything that would make Sahari pull up. But Sahari couldn't even if she wanted to, her body was yearning for this type of comfort.

Their kiss went on for about 2 minutes before their bodies started rocking against each other's. Sahari didn't know why the rubbing felt so good until she pulled away and looked down. "Do you want me to stop?" Cateleya asked, seeing the way Sahari was looking at her forearm that Sahari's lower area was rubbing against.

Sahari shook her head and put her head in Cateleya's neck, she closed her eyes and hesitantly moved her hips. Sahari was chasing something, but she wasn't moving in the right direction so Cateleya put her other hand on Sahari's hips and guided her correctly. "There you go Mi Amor. Ahora montalo" Cateleya whispered into her ear and Sahari weakly nodded, and moved her hips at a steady pace.

Cateleya closed her eyes, sighing at the sounds of Sahari's light whimpers and groans, right next to her ear. She heard the small voice in the back of her head telling her that they would never be the same after this. That she needed to stop before she lost her favorite person in the world.

She wanted to enjoy what was happening, but she kept overthinking.

Fortunately all of her thoughts go to a pause the moment she heard Sahari whisper her name. She hummed and Sahari avoided eye contact as she told her she needed more. Cateleya froze, thinking of her next move. "Are you sure?" Cateleya asked and Sahari shyly nodded, still avoiding eye contact. "Mi Amor you know I never make you speak, but right now I need you to be vocal. It's important" Cateleya expressed, putting her pointer finger under Sahari's chin, lifting her head up.

Cateleya hadn't had the "talk" because her mother barely acknowledged her or her lesbianism, too occupied by work or grief. But Ace's aunt is a lesbian so she told, and or taught Ace things that she told Cateleya. The biggest thing... The importance of vocal consent.

"O-Okay. I'm sure" Sahari replied lowly and Cateleya immediately pulled on Sahari's sweatpants strings. Sahari silently watched everything she did. She gasped when Cateleya's hand went into her panties and she felt cold fingers on her bare skin. "Y-Your hands are cold" Sahari shyly mumbled, "warm them up then" Cateleya responded, moving one finger deeper into Sahari's lips, separating them.

Sahari gasped again and Cateleya smirked, and continued to watch Sahari's face as her finger made itself known to Sahari's coochie. Cateleya just slightly went across her clit and Sahari closed her eyes, licking over her brown two-toned lips. "What was that?" She lowly asked and Cateleya chuckled "you want me to do it again?" She asked and Sahari nodded. "Mi A- "yes" Sahari corrected, while trying to ignore the guilt that was creeping up her throat.

Cateleya kissed her cheek and followed through. This time pressing Sahari's clit with pressure, it felt weird to Sahari at first, but the more Cateleya rubbed it, the more she didn't want her to stop. She knew what a clit was, but she didn't know that it could have so much control on making her feel good.

'How could something so wrong, feel so good'

She thought and it distracted her a couple of seconds before she felt Cateleya kissing on the back of her neck.

"Los sonidos que salen de tu boca me hacen muy feliz" Cateleya spoke softly and Sahari whimpered, feeling a warm sensation in her chest. It didn't help that Cateleya wrapped her other arm around Sahari's ribcage and was now tightly holding her.

"I love you so much" Cateleya whispered and Sahari felt tears dropping on her shoulder.

Sahari couldn't speak, just feel.

She felt the love Cateleya had for her. She felt all of her excitement, but also the guilt. She felt the pleasure and the pain of Cateleya's finger as it carefully slid in and out of her. She felt her body tensing up and the shaking. She felt her eyes shutting as she let out soft whimpers. She felt the tears strolling down her face.

She couldn't speak, just feel.

....

They walked back to the car in silence, and Cateleya got into the passenger seat.

The whole 40 minute drive to Cateleya's house neither one of them said anything or looked at each other. Cateleya didn't cry a lot, but that was all she wanted to do. She felt rejected even though what just happened was the complete opposite. She didn't feel the happiness she's fantasized about, many times.

'I'm going to lose my best friend' was all she kept thinking about while looking out of the window.

Sahari's mind was still on the way Cateleya's fingers felt. She was pissed thinking about the other girls that got to feel them. She felt special for a split second, but she knew she wasn't. She thought about how many girls Cateleya had brought to the pier, and pulled that exact move.

She wasn't special and she fell into the temptation.

'How weak was she? How could she show up to church tomorrow knowing what just happened? She didn't deserve to be one of Gods children. He deserved better, someone who would listen. Someone who had self control' was all she kept going over the whole 40 minutes.

No one made a move when Sahari pulled up to Cateleya's house.

Cateleya wanted to ask Sahari if they were still friends, but she was afraid of the answer. She got a text and Sahari's eyes immediately went down to her phone before she quickly caught herself and looked elsewhere. "It's my mom, she wants me to go get her more cigarettes" Cateleya made sure to say. Sahari faintly nodded, hoping that was the truth.

"Do you want- "no it's fine. I um need the walk" Cateleya quickly answered, opening her door. She turned to Sahari and on instinct, reached over to hug her, but stopped herself when she saw Sahari had put her hand out for a hand shake instead. But Sahari regretted it the moment she heard Cateleya dryly chuckle.

They looked at each other's face for no more than a second, but the pain and sadness was evident on Cateleya's face. The guilt and regret of many things was on Sahari's.

"See you around Sahari" "yeah"

💟💟

Hii. I rewrote this so many times 🥲 I wanted to show the vulnerability of both. Also to show 2 people fighting within themselves in different ways. Byeeee, hopefully I can update again soon :)

07/18/2024