Chapter 35: Chapter 35

We step into Resistance just after lunchtime. The soldiers are quick to head to the dining hall, and I’m swept along with them.

I take a seat and remove my cap, letting my hair tumble free. I brush away the last remnants of snow, a little sad to see it go.

Roy tries to sit next to me, but Sanoske beats him to it, claiming the spot beside me. I catch a glimpse of Roy’s slight frown as he settles further down the table.

Sanoske dives into a lively conversation with Kazuya and Haruhiko, who are seated across from us. They’re speaking Japanese, and while I can catch bits and pieces, it’s not enough to join in.

When Haruhiko leaves to fetch more food, Sanoske turns to me. “You’re not eating much,” he observes.

I’ve been aimlessly pushing food around my plate. “Don’t worry, I’ll eat. I don’t waste food,” I assure him.

Sanoske is silent for a moment, then says, “I’ve noticed Roy seems to be quite taken with you.”

I avoid his gaze, but I can feel him watching me. I take a sip of my drink. “Yeah,” I respond.

He’s waiting for more. I finally look up at him; the hostility from this morning is gone. He seems genuine. I press my lips together.

“I had a meeting with Miss Violet a few weeks ago. It’s required for girls my age here,” I begin.

“She told me there were requests for me. I’m healthier than most Resistants, which makes me desirable. So, it would make sense for me to marry someone powerful and have healthy children.”

Sanoske looks at me, his expression a mix of annoyance and frustration.

“So, you’ve decided to stay here? To get married and have kids?” His voice wavers slightly, which is unlike him. I meet his gaze, then lift my chin, clear my expression, and nod.

“Yes, it makes sense. What other choices do I have?” I ask.

He holds my gaze, his dark eyes intense. My heart starts to race, and my cheeks flush, but I don’t look away.

“What other choice do I have?” I repeat.

He continues to stare. He won’t answer, I know. I turn away, feeling his gaze on me. I lift my chin again, ignoring the heat in my cheeks.

“Roy has proposed, and I’ve accepted. Miss Violet is currently negotiating with his parents,” I say quickly.

“Roy?” He frowns deeply. “You chose Roy?”

“We get along well. He’s a good man, and I’m happy with him,” I respond.

Sanoske exhales heavily. “Out of all the men in Resistance, why Roy?” he grumbles.

“Because he’s the most powerful and one of the healthiest. Our children will be the healthiest of their generation,” I retort.

Sanoske glares at his food. “You’re already talking about children.” His frown deepens. “I don’t like Roy. He’s too impressionable. He’s weak,” he snaps.

“You think everyone’s weak,” I snap back.

“What’s so great about him?”

“I can see a future with him. It’s a clear image. I like that,” I explain.

Sanoske frowns at me. “But you don’t love him,” he states.

“I’ve never seen love between couples. I don’t understand it yet, but I understand trust and hope and the future. He can give me that. He can make me safe and happy, and he can give me more children.

“Not children for Albion, but children for us to raise and love. I didn’t need to love one man to love Beth. I want a future for me and for my children. He can give me that,” I explain.

Sanoske exhales heavily. “What about Beth?” he asks.

I look at him and press my lips together.

“I’m going to get her back. But as you told me that night in the tower, I need a life to bring her back to, a place to raise her. When I’m married and settled in Resistance, then I’ll go and get her,” I respond.

“And you think that Roy will accept her?”

“That’s my only condition,” I say softly.

Sanoske glances at Roy, then back at me. He exhales heavily again and leans back in his chair, staring at his empty plate.

“I knew you loved staring at the sky,” he says. “I should have taken you out earlier. I’m sorry.”

I turn to him, surprised. He gives me a small nod, then gets up to help Haruhiko.

I watch him leave, then look down at my food again, frowning. Something brushes my leg. I look up to see Kazuya watching me. He tilts his head to one side.

“Want to get out of here with me?” he asks.

I hesitate, then nod. He gets up and moves around the table quickly. He reaches down, takes my hand, and pulls me up. As we leave the room, I see Sanoske watching us, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Kazuya and I stroll through Resistance, instinctively heading toward the training room.

“Thank you,” I say as we sit down on the bleachers. “For this morning.”

Resistant soldiers run laps around the track, do twenty push-ups, then run again. Kazuya holds his bokken, resting his head against it. He looks at me and smiles.

“I knew you would like it. I hate being cooped up down here. I love open spaces, the ocean. I love the ocean.” He smiles to himself. “I figured you must feel the same.”

I return his smile, nodding. “It was beautiful. The snow. Truly.”

Kazuya sighs, leaning back, then forward again, exhaling heavily. He glances at me, frowning, his hands rubbing together, lips pursed.

“Alex.”

“What is it you want to say?” I ask gently.

He holds my gaze with his dark eyes. “I’ve known Sano my whole life,” he starts, then pauses, lips pursed, looking away before continuing.

“I’ve seen how you look at him. And how he looks at you. Both of you, when you think the other isn’t watching. I’m watching. I see you.”

He sighs again, pouting briefly. “Alex, you have to stop.”

“Stop?”

“Stop looking at him like that. You can’t. He’s not the one for you. He’s dangerous.”

I stare at him, wide-eyed. “He’s your captain,” I whisper.

“Before that, he’s my friend. My brother. I know him better than anyone, which is why I’m telling you this. It’s not jealousy. I’m telling you because I care about you. Sano, he’s not right for you.”

“Kazuya, I—”

“You have dreams, hopes, ambitions. You have a future. He doesn’t. War changes people, but he changed before that. We watched our families die, our village burn.

“We’re the only two survivors left. Our home was wiped off the map.”

“By Perfects, I know,” I whisper.

Kazuya shifts to face me, his eyes wide, urgent.

“Sano was destroyed by the war. He has no ambitions, no dreams for the future. He doesn’t fear death. He wants it. He’s not brave; he’s reckless because he doesn’t care about himself anymore.

“He stopped caring a long time ago. He’s determined to fight until he dies. He waits for death, impatiently waits for the enemy who will kill him.

“He’s the best soldier. He’s our captain because he never fights defensively. He always attacks because he’s not afraid. Nothing holds him back. He has no pity, no hesitation. He’s so good because fighting is all he has.

“He’s not fighting for anyone, for anything. He just fights automatically. It’s all he does. So that’s why he’s the best at it. I used to beat him, every time, when we were younger.

“But one day, that changed. He changed.”

I stare at him. “Mei?” I ask.

His eyes cloud for a second. He looks away and settles back down next to me.

“Yeah. My little sister. Her death destroyed him. He’s lethal, Alex, because he doesn’t care. He’s the only one here who knows he will never go home. Who hopes he will never go home.

“We all have dreams, people, back home. Or people we’ve met on our travels. People we fight for, want to protect.” Kazuya looks at me.

“Alex, he’s an empty shell. His sole purpose is to kill as many Perfects as he can before one of them kills him.

“So you can’t keep looking at him like that. He will hurt you. Not intentionally, of course, but he can’t give you what you want. He can’t provide you with a future.

“You will love him, but it won’t be enough. He will die and leave you here, alone. To him, love is a weakness. He will never allow you to become his weakness.”

I stare at him. I feel my eyes stinging with tears. I run my hands through my hair and lower my head.

“But he loves you and the other men. He smiles, he laughs. He’s living,” I whisper.

Kazuya places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it lightly.

“We’re his brothers, so he would die for us. He would sacrifice himself in every situation for us, which is why we aren’t his weakness. In war, soldiers die. We are soldiers. We are supposed to fight and die.

“We aren’t enough to keep him alive,” he whispers.

His hand slides around my back, and he holds me against him. “Someone like you could make him lose his resolve. You could make him not want to fight or to give up a fight. To surrender if it meant to save you.

“He can’t be weak. I’m sorry, Alex. Sorry I had to warn you like this, but I promised to protect you. And I will, even if I have to fight Sano. I won’t let him hurt you.”