My Darling Jane: Chapter 17

As I step out of the cab, the night air is cool against my skin. I pull out my phone, scrolling through the notifications. There, among the clutter of messages and alerts, is Jasper’s text. Sent an hour ago.

Jasper: Hey, you okay?

My fingers hover over the keyboard. What should I say? I decide to keep it simple.

Me: Yes, I’m fine. Just got home.

Almost immediately, another text from Jasper comes through, and my stomach flutters.

Jasper: Was thinking about you. How did it go with Tomas?

I hesitate. How did he know about my dinner? Do I want to open up about it?

Me: How did you know?

There’s a brief pause before his reply pops up.

Jasper: I talked to Andrew. Want to talk about it?

A small smile tugs at my lips. Jasper, showing his caring side.

Me: I’m exhausted.

Jasper: Understandable. Rain check then. Whenever you’re ready.

Me: Good night.

Jasper: I’ll protect you if you’ll let me.

I stop in the lobby, reading the words. My throat tightens as I pocket my phone. I can’t reply to that. I just can’t.

Because I like it way too much.

With a sigh, I make my way up to my apartment.

I get off the elevator and freeze at the sight before me. It’s Jasper, sitting with his back against my door, with his head tilted back and eyes closed.

“Jasper?”

His eyes snap open, and he stands up swiftly, relief in his gaze.

“I, uh, wanted to make sure you got home and were okay,” he says, scratching the back of his head, looking slightly embarrassed.

“Since when do you wait outside doors?” I try to keep it light, but my heart pounds in my chest.

He shrugs. “Since I realized I care about what happens to you.”

The confession hangs in the air between us. We stand there for a moment, just looking at each other, the tension palpable.

His eyes never leave mine. “I guess I just needed to see you to make sure you were really okay.”

His honesty catches me off guard.

“Thank you,” I finally say softly.

“Can I come in? Just for a minute?”

The invitation is tempting. But I hesitate, aware of the complexity of our situation.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I say, although every fiber of my being says otherwise.

He nods, understanding. “Okay, I get it. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will,” I assure him.

He lingers for a moment longer, then turns to leave. As I watch him walk away, a part of me wants to call out to him, to invite him in, but it’s a line I’m not ready to cross.

Something inside me twists.

This isn’t right. I can’t just let him go. It’s only talking. Londyn is fast asleep, and a conversation can’t hurt.

“Jasper, wait,” I say. He stops and turns, a question in his eyes.

“Come in. Just for a talk,” I add quickly.

A small smile appears on his face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He follows me inside, and we move to the living room.

Babs is asleep on the couch with a book in her lap. She stirs as we close the door, blinking herself awake.

“Jane? And Jasper? What a surprise,” she says, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. “Hey. How was everything with Londyn?”

Babs stretches, yawning. “Oh, we had a blast. We built a fort in the living room and pretended we were on a safari. I read her Where the Wild Things Are. She loved it.”

Jasper chuckles. “Sounds like a fun night.”

“It was,” Babs agrees, standing up and gathering her things. “By the way, Andrew called. He’s out with some friends and won’t be home.”

I nod, grateful for the update. “Thanks for everything tonight, Babs.”

“Don’t stay up too late, you two,” she teases with a sly grin. “And remember, no trouble.”

I roll my eyes playfully. “Good night, Babs.”

She heads toward the door. “Have fun,” she says, and then she’s gone, leaving Jasper and me standing awkwardly in the living room.

I glance down at my red dress, the one I agonized over wearing earlier when I got ready to go to Leo’s. I excuse myself from Jasper’s presence and make my way to the bedroom.

I quickly change into my joggers and shirt, feeling a sense of relief at the coziness of the fabric. It’s like shedding Tomas and stepping back into the real me.

I check on Londyn, and she’s asleep, her little chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. I lean down, brushing a gentle kiss on her forehead. She is what matters.

I think about Jasper waiting in the living room. He makes me feel alive, but can I really afford to let that take root? Am I ready to open my life to the possibility of something more?

I run my finger down the Lovers card. Do we have a chance?

I give another glance at Londyn, her presence grounding me. No matter what happens, she’s my priority. Jasper, whatever this thing is between us, it can’t change that.

I sit on the couch, tucking my legs under me, while Jasper chooses the armchair across from me. The distance feels necessary, and a little frustrating.

“So,” he says, running a hand through his hair, “how was your meeting with Tomas?”

I sigh. “Complicated. I’m afraid he really doesn’t know how to be a parent.” I stare down at my clasped hands. “He wants to see her and get to know her. He’s also self-centered, so I’m afraid that when she really needs him, he might flake.”

He leans forward, his eyes intense. “If he does, you can handle it. You’re strong, independent. You’ve built a life here, for you and Londyn. Don’t let him shake that.”

“He won’t.”

He leans back, the lines of his face softening. “My adoptive mom became mostly blind when I was a kid and never lost her spirit. My dad, he’s her rock. He rearranged the entire house for her, installed tactile guides, and learned braille. He made it seamless. He would read to her every night, describe colors and sceneries. He even took cooking classes to make her favorite meals.”

“That’s incredibly sweet,” I say, imagining the love between his parents. I peek at him from the corner of my eye. “Tell me more about them.”

“Really? I thought we’d drag Tomas through the mud first.”

I laugh. “Nah. I don’t want to think about him. Tell me good things.”

He mulls that over, then chuckles. “Okay, once Dad took us all on a cruise to Antarctica. Wanted us to see something out of the ordinary, and he delivered. Picture this: my four sisters, their husbands, a bunch of kids, and us all arguing at every meal on the ship. We took up the top level of the boat with our suites.”

He shakes his head. “It was chaos. At one point, we’re on this smaller boat for whale watching, right? Macy, ten or so, decides she’s gonna sing to the whales. She starts belting out these howls, trying to talk to them.”

“Did she get a reply?” I’m already smiling at the thought.

“They didn’t exactly chat back, but we did get a curious whale to check us out, probably wondering what the racket was. And just as it surfaces, my sister—Rayna, the twins’ mom—jumps so hard she falls backwards. Ended up needing stitches on her head.”

“And you’re laughing?”

“Hell yeah. Rayna’s made it into one of those legendary family stories.” He pauses. “She just got back from her European trip, so she and the twins will be Utah bound soon.”

Realization hits me. “You’re going to miss them.”

“Yeah,” he says, his voice dropping. “A lot.”

He seems to push the sadness I saw away and continues with the story. “On the same trip, we went out on the ice as one of our excursions. Demy, my oldest sister, instigates a massive snowball fight. Dad’s guarding Mom, I’m rallying the kids, and it’s all-out war. Dad’s building forts, the kids are launching snowballs like pros, and our guides are begging us to stop.”

“Let me guess. Someone got hurt?”

He smirks. “My brother-in-law, more of a city guy, decides he’s gonna storm dad’s fort. Ends up slipping and rolling down this hill. He came face to face with a penguin. Of course, we all go chasing after him, and he was fine. We ignored him to check out the penguins. It’s a wild place to go, really. Very windy and dry. The ice is so thick that there are mountains under the ice. Also, there aren’t any polar bears there. They’re in the Arctic. You know, the best part wasn’t the ice or the penguins. It was being in this remote, untouched part of the world with my family. Sharing that experience with them.”

“Wow. I need to sign up for your vacations.”

He gives me a quick look, and I glance away. Ugh, why did I say that?

“I bet Londyn would love to see a real penguin,” he says softly. “Nothing beats the sight of those little guys waddling around. They own it.”

“She would love that.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the toy car. “Speaking of Londyn. I’ve been carrying this around.”

My heart warms at the sight of it in his large hands. “You should keep it and give it to her yourself.”

His eyes widen. “Oh?”

I nod.

“Maybe I can tell her about those penguins then.”

His words do something to me, stirring emotions inside me. It’s like every sentence he utters is a thread, tugging me closer, weaving something together that I can’t seem to resist. There’s something about him, beyond his charm and the easy smiles, that reaches out to the emptiness in me.

I chew on my bottom lip. He’s so warm. So fun.

It’s in the way he sees the world, his passion for the simple things, and how he talks about his family. It’s in the way he looks at me, like he really sees me—not just as Jane, but as a woman with a heart that’s guarded.

This pull toward him is like stepping to the edge of a cliff and gazing down at a beautiful view.

Do I take one more step or run away?

“Jane?”

I glance up, and he’s standing, a look on his face I can’t read.

“Yeah?”

He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to leave, but I’ve been here for an hour and I’m sure you need some sleep.”

“I’m not sleepy.”

Our eyes lock, a silent conversation passing between us. My breath hitches slightly at the intensity in his gaze.

He moves closer, and there’s a question in his eyes, and my heart is pounding so loudly, I’m sure he can hear it.

He stops in front of the couch and takes my hand and pulls me up. His hands come up to frame my face. I close my eyes, leaning into his chest.

Finally.

It feels right.

Like everything is going to be okay.

I gaze up at him, his face that’s sculpted by the hands of a god. His hair falls in soft waves, framing a face that carries the faintest hint of stubble. His blue eyes, like an endless expanse of sky, hold a depth of emotion.

Moving slowly, he presses his lips to mine, hesitant and soft. Little brushes of heat that make me gasp.

My hands find their way to his shoulders, instinctively pulling him closer. There’s a rightness in the way we fit together.

His kiss isn’t demanding. It’s heartbreakingly sweet.

As we part, our foreheads rest together, our breath mingling. I open my eyes to Jasper’s gaze, filled with an emotion that sends a shiver down my spine. In that kiss, we shared more than just affection; it was vulnerable.

“What was that for?”

He looks into my eyes. “I don’t know,” he admits softly. “I shouldn’t have done that. I mean, with everything going on . . .”

I shake my head slightly, silencing his doubts. “It’s just complicated.”

But life is always complicated.

An exhale comes from his chest. “And I don’t want to make things more difficult for you.”

I pause, then I find myself saying, “It’s not about making things complicated. It’s about what feels right. And that felt right.”

His finger tugs at my bottom lip. “It did.”

We kiss again, and I feel the heat of his breath on my skin and the rasp of stubble against my cheek. My fingers tangle in his hair while his hands hold me firmly at the waist. Our mouths move in perfect rhythm as if we’ve done this a million times before.

I don’t worry about Londyn asleep in the other room.

I don’t think about the Plan B still sitting unused in my bathroom.

I just want him.

“Is this just us having fun?” I gaze up at him. Part of me wants him to say yes; the other side yearns for something I can’t say.

Jasper pauses for a moment, his gaze searching my face. His hand gently caresses my cheek, his touch leaving a trail of electricity in its wake.

I shake my head. “Don’t answer that. Don’t say anything. Just kiss me again.”

He leans in, his lips begging mine, coaxing them, adoring them.

My fingers grip his shirt, pulling him closer as if trying to merge our bodies into one. I want to lose myself in him.

“I want you,” he says huskily as he kisses down my neck.

He takes my mouth again, our tongues intertwining. His teeth lightly nibble on my bottom lip.

“We’ll take it one day at a time, angel.”

I press my lips to his jawline, kissing my way to his ear. I bite down, making him groan.

I can’t predict the future, but I can control what happens right now, in this place, in this time. I tell him this, whispering in his ear as my hands drift down his chest.

“Live in the moment,” he says. His voice is low and velvety, sending shivers down my spine. “I want to feel you here with me, right now.”

I close my eyes and surrender to the feelings coursing through me, trying to push aside any thoughts of what tomorrow might bring.

I bury my face in his neck and inhale.

I’m intoxicated by him. Drunk. With every breath, I’m falling deeper into the spell he weaves.

He swings me up into his arms and carries me to the couch.

I can’t help the giggle as he kicks a few toys out of his way.

“Don’t step on a LEGO,” I warn, and he dodges it.

He lays me on my couch and just stares down at me, his chest heaving. “I don’t know what I want to do to you first.”

“Anything.”

Heated eyes caress my curves as his hands grip the ends of my T-shirt and whip it over my head. With fumbling fingers, I help him take off my bra. He drinks in the sight of me, his eyes dilating.

He’s unbuttoning his shirt, and it’s off in a heartbeat—then he’s unbuttoning his jeans. My mouth waters when I see he’s commando again. His cock is hard, standing erect and demanding attention. I reach out and take it, feeling the firmness beneath my fingers. He moans softly as I stroke him, my eyes locked on his. His body is perfect, muscular, lean, and covered in a light dusting of hair.

I lick my lips, my eyes never leaving his. “Do you like that?” I ask, my voice husky with desire.

“Fuck, yes,” he growls.

I release him and sit up, slipping off my jeans. I leave my underwear on, stopping.

“What?” he says, clearly disappointed.

I dash off the couch, grab a chair from the kitchen, and walk with it down the hall. I hear him following.

He peers at me. “Um?”

Ignoring him, I arrange the chair a few inches away from the door. I lean the chair back till it’s resting against the closed door. It won’t keep Londyn from opening it, but if she does, the falling chair will alert me that she’s coming out of the room.

“Ah,” he says. “In case she wakes up.”

“I don’t want her to be scarred for life if she sees me having sex. What would I even say?”

“Londyn, Mommy and Jaspie were wrestling,” he says as he sweeps me up in his arms and carries me back to the living room. He sits on the couch and arranges me to straddle him. He holds my gaze as he cards his fingers through my hair.

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” he tells me gently, rubbing his fingertips over my eyebrows, the curve of my cheeks, then down between my breasts.

My breath catches at his touch.

“But we need some ground rules.”

Jasper nods. “All right, what do you suggest?”

“We can’t do this if we’re not honest with each other,” I say firmly. “No secrets, no hiding how we feel. This is just fun.”

There’s a long pause. “I can do that, but I’m not going on another date you set up, angel.”

“Okay.” I laugh, caressing his stubble as I take a kiss. “Also, condoms.”

“One in my wallet.”

I wrinkle my nose. “You always have it? Is it old? Don’t lose this one.”

He gives me a mocking look. “We fucked so hard, baby. It couldn’t keep up.”

I pretend glare at him. “Don’t do it again.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says as he leans in and snatches a kiss.

I relax against him, letting the moment wash over me, feeling something weird, something strange, something like happiness.

He kisses my lips, then my neck, moving down to my chest, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses that makes me breathless. He toys with my nipples, his hands kneading them.

“Lean back, angel,” he murmurs, and I do, positioning my spine on the tops of his legs. The friction of his skin feels incredible against my bare skin. I bare myself to him, no trepidation in me, as he rubs his fingers over my clit, then enters my pussy with his finger. It takes balance, but it’s worth it.

I moan softly, feeling the waves of pleasure coursing through me as he slowly moves his finger in and out. He rearranges me on the couch and deftly slips off my underwear. He kisses a trail back up my naked body, driving me wild with desire.

“You’re so wet,” he says, his voice low and gravelly.

My nerves are electrified as his lips make their way to my nipples, where he gently sucks and bites, sending shivers down my spine.

I watch his face. The flush on his cheeks, the heat in his gaze, the intensity of his desire. God, he’s so unbelievably beautiful. I feel myself slipping away, consumed by the pleasure he’s so skillfully giving me.

He adds another finger inside me, and I gasp.

The sensation is overwhelming, and I arch my back, trying to push against him, wanting more.

“You like that, baby?” he asks, his voice sultry.

“Yes,” I gasp, feeling my arousal build with each thrust of his fingers.

I grab his head, urging him to go deeper, to take more from me. He complies, his fingers moving faster. I’m building toward my orgasm with each plunge of his fingers.

He pushes the coffee table out of the way, and we get on the floor. We end up between the couch and the table.

He lies down next to me, placing my arms above my head, pinning me in place. His lips are on my neck, his teeth gently nibbling and his tongue licking, sending shock waves of pleasure through me. My hips buck, desperate for more.

He puts his fingers back in my pussy, leaving me feeling filled, yet still aching for more. I whimper, but he silences me with another deep kiss. “No crying out, remember? That’s right, baby,” he growls, his fingers finding my clit, rubbing it in circles, sending me into a frenzy. My legs tremble as he exerts just the right amount of pressure, getting me closer and closer to the edge.

“More,” I beg, my breath coming in ragged gasps. My walls clench around his fingers, the pleasure building to a climax. “I’m going to come,” I say in his ear, the words spilling from my lips.

He keeps up the rhythm, knowing exactly what to do to push me over the edge. His fingers slide in and out of me, his thumb on my clit.

I go over the edge, and he keeps going as I convulse, my body shuddering with release. Sensations rocket, first building in my spine, then spiraling out over my body.

My eyes roll back in my head. The pleasure radiates from my core, spreading outward until it envelops me entirely. I feel like I’m floating, weightless and free.

I feel myself reaching the edge again, the tension building and building until I can’t take it anymore.

“Please,” I gasp. “Please.”

Finally, he pulls away, his face wet with sweat.

“Perfect,” he says, a satisfied grin on his face. “Now it’s my turn.” He gets up to find his jeans and pulls the condom out of his wallet. I admire his body, the broad shoulders and trim waist.

I watch as he rolls the condom down his length, feeling a surge of desire at the sight.

“Put your back against the couch. That way you won’t scoot away and I won’t give you rug burn,” he tells me, and I obey. He lifts my leg and lets it hang in the crook of his elbow. He kisses me softly before positioning himself at my entrance.

“Are you ready?” he asks, his voice a breathy whisper against my lips.

“Yes.”

With one swift thrust, he’s inside me, filling me completely. I gasp, my body adjusting to the feel of him.

His eyes lock onto mine as he begins to move.

He goes slowly at first, his hips rocking gently, eliciting soft moans from me as his cock slides in and out. I wrap my legs around him, wanting more of him.

He picks up the pace, his thrusts becoming faster, the muscular cord of his body taut as he works to please me. I meet his every thrust, our bodies slapping together in a rhythmic dance of desire.

“Take all of me.”

I do, my hips bucking to meet his every stroke, my nails digging into his back as I cling to him.

He leans in, his mouth finding my neck, his teeth gently scraping against my skin.

His hips rock forward. I can’t really move but try to meet his rhythm. The pleasure builds, my senses heightened as he hits just the right spot.

“Jasper. Don’t stop.”

There’s a wicked glint in his eyes. “Trust me, I won’t.” He picks up the pace, his hips moving faster, his hair sweeping my skin with each thrust. My breath hitches in my throat, the intensity overwhelming.

His gaze holds mine. Sweat glistens on his skin, his eyes hooded with desire.

I’m lost in the sensation, my mind foggy.

“I’m going to . . .” I gasp, my voice hoarse.

His thrusts become erratic, his body shaking with the intensity of his own arousal.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” he says, his lashes fluttering against his cheekbones. “I’m not going to last much longer.”

I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, wanting him to feel every inch of my body. “Then don’t.”

The pleasure builds, becoming almost unbearable, and I know that we’re both on the edge of something incredible. I grip his hair, my walls tightening around him.

“Oh god,” he groans, his eyes opening wide as he gazes into mine. “Fuck.”

I fly over the cliff, my body combusting. It feels like my entire body is alive with pleasure, every nerve ending tingling with ecstasy.

“I want you to come on my dick every fucking day.” He watches me writhe and goes with me, then collapses, his body shaking with the aftershocks.

He pulls out of me and looks between us. “Condom is still on,” he says as I gulp in air, my chest heaving.

“Come here, angel.” He pulls me close, his arms wrapping around me as I melt into his embrace. We’re both sticky.

“That was incredible,” I breathe.

He hums in his throat and reaches over to turn my face to his. His kiss is achingly slow and sweet.

My heart races at the touch.

I trace the line of his arm, feeling the solid weight of him next to me, and it’s terrifying how right it feels. I told him our hearts weren’t involved, but this isn’t just physical attraction. Part of me is daring to dream of a future where I don’t have to face everything alone.

But I’m scared.

Falling for Jasper isn’t part of the plan.

He presses a kiss to the side of my head, and I hear him inhaling the scent of my hair. I burrow closer, and he lets out a sigh of contentment.

I keep my eyes closed to hide the emotion I’m feeling.

Tears want to fall.

And I don’t know why.

But I do.

He’s broken down all my walls.

He’s opened the door to my guarded heart and walked right in.