Chapter 22: Caution

I had been humiliated by my inexperience, but Justin guided me gently, and we gradually worked ourselves into a beautiful, lovemaking frenzy.

When we finished, we were both a mess and ended up skinny dipping in the lake so we would be presentable for the ride home.

Thankfully, my mother had already gone to bed when we arrived, allowing me and Justin to bask in each other’s arms a little longer before we ended the night.

I showered and went to bed floating on cloud nine, but when I woke the next morning, I started having some regrets. Not able to keep my doubts to myself, I called Haylee.

She stared at me in stunned silence.

After a few moments, I got irritated. “Shut your mouth, or you’re going to catch flies.”

“I’m…just…so shocked,” she stuttered. “I expected you to lose your virginity, but I never thought it would be so…” She paused as if at a loss for words.

“It was gross, I know…”

“I was going to say, ~so freaking hot~!” Haylee exclaimed, then she leaned forward as if afraid someone might overhear. “So, did you kiss him after he went downtown?”

I laughed. “Yes, I was caught up in the moment.”

“Ew.” Haylee grinned. “What did it taste like?”

“I…I…don’t know,” I sputtered as I attempted to recall if I had tasted anything at all.

Last night, reality had suspended, and though what had happened was questionable in the daylight, in the moment it had seemed passionate and beautiful.

Haylee pouted. “I recall when you used to be the boring one.”

“Maybe when you get here, you can reclaim your reign,” I suggested.

“I can’t wait to leave,” Haylee grumbled. “Anything is better than dodging Payton.”

“I wish he would just move on to his next victim,” I huffed, feeling frustrated on her behalf.

“Well, he didn’t park across the street last night,” Haylee revealed, “so I think he’s making progress.”

“For your sake, I hope so,” I told her. “I hate to make this all about me, but if I woke up this morning questioning what happened last night, do you think Justin is feeling regretful as well?”

“If he hurts you, I will kick his ass myself,” Haylee promised. “I guess you will know how he feels when he calls you.”

“~If~ he calls me,” I corrected her. “Now I know what my mother was talking about when she lectured me about being emotionally ready for sex.”

“You ~were~ ready,” Haylee assured me. “In fact, I think it was a bit overdue. Only a woman who has been repressed would be willing to go the distance you went last night.”

“Did you feel this way after your first time?” I asked her.

“What? No, but my first time was painful and very boring. Neither one of us knew what we were doing. I would trade places with you any day.”

“You may want to take that back…,” I began, but was interrupted by the doorbell. “Give me a minute, Haylee, someone is here.”

I dashed down the stairs with my phone in my hand, but my mother had beat me to the door and was accepting a huge bouquet from a floral service. She thanked the delivery woman and carried the flowers to the credenza while I hurried to close the front door.

“Ooo,” I gushed, turning the phone so Haylee could see the arrangement. “Seems like someone’s date went well.”

“Apparently, it went extremely well,” my mother agreed, smiling as she handed me the card.

“Well, I guess you can stop worrying now,” Haylee declared triumphantly as she beamed at me through the screen.

“What were you worried about?” my mother queried.

Knowing that I was a horrible liar (just like my mother), Haylee quickly intervened. “She was just worried that Justin wasn’t as interested in her as she was in him, Mrs. Dupree.”

“That’s silly,” My mother shook her head. “How can he not be smitten?”

“That’s what I kept telling her,” Haylee continued. “Now that she has physical evidence of his interest, then maybe she’ll calm her tits.”

“I wish you wouldn’t be so crude, Haylee,” My mother narrowed her eyes at the screen to display her disapproval.

“Haylee, is it all right if I let you go?” I said. “I haven’t had my coffee yet, and Mom still needs to fill me in on her date last night.”

“I have to go as well,” Haylee sighed. “My boss has me working extra shifts this week due to me being out of town next weekend.”

“I’ll be counting the days,” I told her, blowing a kiss at the phone before she disconnected.

I followed my mother into the kitchen. “~So~,” I started out in a sing-song voice, “how did your date go?”

“It went…well,” My mother replied, sounding uncertain.

“I’m guessing there was no chemistry?” I ventured.

She shook her head. “No. I mean, yes, I am attracted to Greg, but he is always joking. It seems like he never takes anything seriously. It’s nice to laugh, but I need a partner, not a clown to entertain me.”

“Maybe he enjoys making you laugh,” I countered. “Or he’s just trying too hard.”

“Maybe,” she replied in a noncommittal tone. “How did your evening go?”

I didn’t want to go into too many details, because I knew I would fumble. “He took me to a pizzeria called Pat’s Pizza Planet, so we ate pizza and played games all night.”

“That sounds nice.” She broke into a smile. “When he pulled up in that fancy car, I worried that he would whisk you away to Paris.”

I grinned at the thought. “He may have not flown me to Paris, but he certainly took me to places…”

I quickly brushed away the images dancing in my head and returned my attention to my mother. “You always told me life wasn’t all work and no play,” I reminded her. “So, play a little. You are just dating this guy. You are not obligated to spend the rest of your life with him.”

Only days ago, the thought of my mother brushing me off to be with a man had infuriated me, so why was I encouraging her?

Perhaps it was because I was in the position where I needed my own space to be an individual, not just a daughter and a friend.

“I don’t know if I should be dating,” she said. “I’m not very good at it.”

“You may not be ready to date, but you do need to get back out there,” I advised her. “At home, you had friends to occupy your time after Daddy was gone.”

“And we moved because they were a constant reminder of my loss,” she was quick to point out.

“True,” I admitted. “But nobody here knew Dad, so it may be easier to make friends that share your hobbies without being reminded of your grief.”

“There’s a bookstore in town that hosts a women’s book club…,” she offered, warming to the idea. “I may go over there today and inquire about joining.”

I sat back and grinned at her triumphantly, but I’d celebrated too soon, because a cast moved over her eyes as she reverted into a state I always referred to as ~mommy mode~.

My mother had always been able to compartmentalize her obligations to me, and when she switched gears, the transformation was almost physical.

“Now, let me give you a little word of advice,” she began. “I know this boy, Justin, is sweeping you off your feet, but beware of love bombing.”

“I know what love bombing is, Mom,” I complained, feeling defensive. “And Justin isn’t—” I paused as I had an intrusive thought. ~Isn’t he, though?~

Only moments ago, I had been excited to tell my mother about Justin inviting me to meet his father, but now I was having second thoughts.

Perhaps she was right; things were moving too fast, but I was not anxious to slow down anytime soon. I had never felt as desirable or alive as I had last night.

I must have appeared conflicted, because my mother reached over to tuck my hair behind my ears the way she did whenever I struggled with my confidence. One time I had asked why she did this, and she replied, “To remove your pride so you can face yourself.”

I had always thought this was silly, but it must have been effective, because the motion sobered me up. Suddenly, I became aware of an important detail from the night before.

Justin and I hadn’t used protection.