Twisted Hate: Chapter 19

There were at least a dozen different kinds of sex.

There was sweet, sensual lovemaking. Rough, hard fucking. There were casual quickies and emotional interludes and every shade of intimacy in between. After twenty-nine years on earth, I thought I’d experienced every type of sex possible.

Until Jules.

I didn’t even know what to call what we did.

seemed too bland and generic a description. It’d been something rawer, more primal. Something that dug deep into the nest of thorns hidden in the pits of my consciousness and yanked them out for the world to see. Every shadow and jagged piece of me, laid bare.

Jules had unlocked a darker version of me than I thought myself capable of, and now that it was out, I wasn’t sure I could ever put it back in.

It should’ve been terrifying, but it was liberating. The greatest high I’d ever experienced.

Greater than BASE jumping. Greater than mountain biking Bolivia’s infamous Death Road. And a million times greater than any night I’d spent with any woman in the past.

Jules and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other before I left the other night, but days later, my need for another hit consumed me.

“Earth to Josh.” Ava snapped her fingers in front of my face. “You there? Or are you already in New Zealand?” she teased.

I forced myself back into the present. It was one of the rare days we both had off, so we’d scheduled a catchup over lunch.

“Yeah.” I sipped my water, wishing it were something stronger. Was it too early to start drinking? It was five o’clock somewhere, right? “I wish I was in New Zealand. I can’t fucking wait.”

T-minus seven weeks until my trip. I pumped, but I couldn’t summon the desire to talk about it. I was too distracted by thoughts of Jules.

Maybe I’d been right when I called her a succubus. That was the only explanation I could think of for the way she’d infiltrated my every waking sleeping second.

“It’ll be fun.” Ava ripped off a piece of her bread and popped it in her mouth. “Just make sure to bring me back a souvenir or I’ll never forgive you.”

“You don’t even You fell asleep halfway through the first movie.”

“Yes, but you can’t go to New Zealand without bringing back a LOTR souvenir. It’s inhumane.”

“Inhumane. I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” I said, citing one of our favorite movies.

was one of my favorite movies. I wasn’t ashamed to admit it. It was a fucking classic.

Ava made a face. “Whatever. Speaking of, where were you Wednesday night? You didn’t answer any of your texts.”

I’d answered her texts the next morning, but I’d hoped she wouldn’t ask why I’d been MIA since we’d had tentative plans to watch the latest Marvel movie together.

“Sorry. Something came up that I needed to take care of right away.”

What would Ava say if she knew I’d slept with her best friend? Nothing good, I bet. She was fiercely protective of her friends, and she knew Jules and I mixed as well as oil and water.

Except for in bed, apparently.

“And the award for Vaguest Answer goes to…” Ava’s phone alarm went off, and she winced. “Shoot. I have to go. I’m meeting Alex for a show at the Renwick Gallery, but it was great catching up.” She stood and gave me a quick hug. “Get some rest, okay? You look exhausted.”

“What? No, I don’t.” I checked my reflection in the plate-glass window and relaxed. No pale skin, no purple smudges or bags beneath my eyes. I looked perfect.

“Made you look.” Ava grinned at my scowl. “You are so vain.”

“That’s a Carly Simon song, not an accurate descriptor of me.” Just because I cared about my appearance didn’t make me vain. The world traded in appearances, so it made sense for me to look as good as I could. “I thought you had to go,” I added pointedly.

I loved Ava, but like all little sisters, she could be a major pain in my ass.

No wonder she and Jules were friends.

“Fine, I can take a hint. But I’m serious,” she threw over her shoulder on her way out. “Get some rest. You can’t run on coffee forever.”

“I can try!” I called after her, earning myself an odd look from nearby diners.

Ava always fussed about my sleep schedule, but I was a medical resident. The only regular sleep schedule I had was a nonexistent one.

I closed out my check and left soon after my sister did. We had a great lunch, but I wished we could talk about more than our jobs and plans for the weekend. We used to be each other’s sounding boards, but now she had Alex and I had a crap ton of things I couldn’t tell her about. Namely, what happened with Jules, and Michael’s letters, of which I received another one yesterday.

Two years, and I couldn’t bring myself to cut him out of my life. I never visited him in prison, but I kept his correspondence as a proxy for…hell, I didn’t know. But every day, my curiosity intensified. It was only a matter of time before I opened one of his letters, and I hated my future self for it. It felt like a betrayal.

Michael tried to kill my sister and framed my mother, and I was still holding onto a remnant of the man he used to be. The one who taught me how to ride a bike and brought me to my first basketball game when I was seven. Not a felon, but my father.

I swallowed the bitter lump in my throat as I entered the metro station just in time to catch the next train to Hazelburg. I pushed thoughts of Michael aside, choosing to focus on my plans for the rest of the afternoon instead. I spiraled every time I thought about my father, and I wasn’t wasting a precious day off agonizing over him.

I tapped my fingers against my thigh, restless. It was too late to go hiking. Maybe I could ring up some old college friends, see if they were free to hang out that night.

My teeth clenched. Christ, what was wrong with me? It’d been a fuck. A great one, but a fuck nonetheless. I shouldn’t be this obsessive about it after night together.

I took out my phone and pulled up a travel guide for New Zealand, determined to erase a certain redhead from my mind.

It didn’t work.

Every time I saw a waterfall, I pictured fucking Jules under it.

Every time I saw a restaurant, I pictured us eating there together like a goddamn couple.

Every time I saw a hike, I pictured…well, you got the idea.

I was going insane.

The woman seated next to me with her young daughter pinned me with a glare before she moved them both farther down the train.

Normally, I would’ve apologized, but I was too annoyed to offer more than an apologetic grimace.

There was only one way to get Jules off my mind. I didn’t like it, but it was the only solution I had.

When I arrived in Hazelburg, I headed straight to Jules’s house. Was what I was about to do a bad idea? Probably. But I’d take a bad idea over having her live rent-free in my head for God knew how long.

I knocked on the door. It opened a minute later, revealing dark curls and surprised green eyes.

“Hey, Josh,” Stella said. “What are you doing here?”

Shit. I’d forgotten about Jules’s roommate. Like everyone else, Stella thought Jules and I hated each other—which we —so it would be weird if I said I showed up to see Jules. Unless…

“I need to talk to Jules about a case at the clinic,” I lied. “It’s urgent. Is she here?”

If Stella suspected I was lying, she didn’t show it. Then again, she was one of the most trusting people I knew, so it probably didn’t occur to her that I wasn’t telling the truth.

“Yep. Come in.” She opened the door wider and motioned me inside. “Jules is upstairs in her room.”

“Thanks.” I took the stairs two at a time until I reached Jules’s room.

I rapped my knuckles against the door and waited for her “Come in!” before I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.

Jules sat at her desk, looking more dressed down than I’d ever seen her. Sweats, oversized T-shirt, no makeup, hair tossed up in a bun. While I appreciated a skimpy outfit as much as the next guy, I kinda liked this version of her. It was more authentic. More human.

Shock passed over her face at my appearance before she turned back to her computer and resumed typing.

“What are you doing here?” she asked casually, like her nail marks weren’t etched into my back from when I’d fucked her brains out a few days ago.

I tamped down my annoyance and leaned against the dresser, folding my arms over my chest.

I had work to do, trips to plan, and sleep to catch up on. But it’d been four days, eleven hours, and thirty-two minutes since we’d had sex, and all of them had been consumed by memories of cinnamon and heat and the silky slide of her skin beneath my hands.

I didn’t know what kind of voodoo spell Jules cast on me, but I needed to get it out of my system. If one night wasn’t enough, then I would indulge in as many nights as necessary to rid myself of my disturbing obsession with her.

“I have a proposition for you,” I said.

“No.” She didn’t look up from her screen.

“I propose we form a mutually beneficial arrangement,” I continued, ignoring her flat rejection. “As much as it pains me to admit, you weren’t terrible in bed, and I know not terrible in bed. We’re both too busy to date or deal with the online dating scene. Therefore, we should enter a friends with benefits agreement. Minus the friends part.”

It was genius, if I did say so myself. The physical chemistry was there, and neither of us had to worry about the other catching feelings. We could just fuck until we got tired of it.

Honestly, Mensa should offer me membership for such a brilliant plan.

“Josh.” Jules closed her laptop and twisted to face me. “I would rather burn in the fiery depths of hell than sleep with you again.”

I smirked. “We won’t be doing much sleeping, Red. Or have you forgotten?”

I spotted the instant she remembered our night together.

Her pupils dilated, her chest rose and fell faster, and her cheeks flushed the faintest shade of pink. The average person wouldn’t have noticed such minor changes, but I wasn’t average. I noticed everything about her, whether I wanted to or not.

Self-satisfaction bloomed on my lips.

“We won’t be doing much of except tolerate each other’s presence for Ava’s sake,” she said through gritted teeth. “You’re lucky I didn’t bite your dick off.”

“But then you wouldn’t have been able to come so hard around it. Multiple times,” I said silkily. “That would’ve been a damn shame. Your screams are so sweet.”

I smiled at her snarl.

“You’re a logical person. Think about it,” I reasoned. “We both have needs, and this is the perfect way to fulfill those needs the headache that comes up with finding someone to hook up with. Less Todds, more orgasms. It’s a win-win situation.”

Jules remained silent. She was thinking about it.

I pounced on the opening and went in for the kill. “But if you’re afraid you’ll fall for me in the process, I don’t blame you.” I offered a casual shrug. “I’m pretty irresistible.”

My smile widened when her eyes sparked. Challenges were as much her weakness as they were mine.

“Not even in your wildest dreams.” Jules leaned back in her chair. “Remember the last game we played? I won, you lost.”

“I don’t have dreams about you, Red. Only nightmares.”

“Could’ve fooled me, considering how hard came the other night.” Jules released her hair from her bun and let it cascade over her shoulders. The movement stretched her shirt across her chest, and my eyes involuntarily dipped to where her nipples poked through the thin material in hard, pebbled points.

When I lifted them again, my jeans had tightened, and Jules wore a smug smile. “If we’re going to do this, we need to set some ground rules.”

. Mission accomplished.

I savored the triumph for a minute before I inclined my head. “Agreed. Ladies first.”

I’d learned my lesson from our wager at The Black Fox. Always set rules.

“This is a strictly physical arrangement,” Jules said. “We don’t have claims on each other’s time outside of sex, so don’t ask me where I am or what I’m doing when we’re not together.”

“Fine.” I had no plans to do either of those things. “We keep this between us. Don’t tell anyone—not your friends, people at the clinic, and not Ava.”

“Of course I won’t tell anyone.” Jules wrinkled her nose. “I hardly want people to know I’m involved with you.”

“You could only be so lucky.”

We ran through the rest of our rules in rapid succession.

“Always use protection.”

“No sleeping over.”

“No getting jealous if the other person goes on a date with someone else.”

Fine with me. An friends-but-not-friends-with-benefits situation was too close to an actual relationship for comfort.

“If you want to end the arrangement, be upfront about it. No ghosting or beating around the bush. That’s fucking immature.”

“No falling in love.”

I scoffed. “Red, you’ll fall in love with me before I ever fall in love with you.” The mere idea was absurd.

Jules was the most difficult woman I’d ever encountered. God help whichever poor bastard ended up falling for her.

“As if.” She sniffed. “You think too highly of your dick, Chen. It gets the job done, but it’s not a magical rod.”

“Last rule. Never refer to my cock as a again.”

Some slang should be banned from the English language.

“Whatever, Joshy McRod.” Jules offered a deceivingly sweet smile. “Do we have a deal?”

“Deal.” I grasped her outstretched hand and squeezed. She squeezed back twice as hard. It reminded me of when we shook on our clinic truce. We were making an awful lot of deals lately, for some reason. “Only fucking, no feelings.”

I didn’t doubt for a second I could hold up my end of the deal. Most people caught feelings in these types of arrangements, which was why they never lasted long.

But if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I would never, ever fall in love with Jules Ambrose.