hi there! So sorry i've been MIA (yet again) here is chapter twenty eight - unedited or proof read i wanted to get up ASAP, enjoy xx
twenty eight
"Isabelle it's not that simple, we don't know what will trigger your memory, I can't risk losing you." Xavier pleads desperately.
We had spent the past ten minutes sitting on the floor of the training room, since I refused to go anywhere, until someone told me everything.
I turn to Xavier, staring directly at him doing my best not to blink, "if someone doesn't start telling me everything, you will lose me." My words ring through the silence as Xavier's eyes widen.
"What are you talking about?"
"I am sick of this, all of it. If I don't get the answers I want I will leave. Not just you Xavier, this world. It's clear I know much more about the human world than I do this crazy supernatural one, where no one will give me a straight answer." I stand up finally letting out all my pent up frustration. "Maybe having my memories stolen is a blessing, now I can live a normal life without all of this running. This goddamn running, I'm tired of hiding or being a runaway relying on a string of power hungry Alphas' who can't seem to stop lying to me."
I can feel my anger boiling over, all of my rage and frustration from the events of the past few months has my hands shaking and before I know it my bones start to break. I've only ever shifted three times prior to today, if it weren't for one of them being in front of my whole pack, I would've been declared a human.
For as long as I can remember â which isn't that far back so I've learnt â I haven't had a wolf. When werewolves first shift their wolf becomes apart of their consciousness, you literally have another voice inside your head, or so I've been told. But after the first time I shifted, I never had a voice in my head.
"Isabelle," Xavier says breathlessly, he's never seen me in my wolf form. Hell, I've never seen me in wolf form.
Slowly, Xavier takes a wary step towards me, somehow in my wolf form I can feel Xavier's powerful presence much more and without even thinking I bow my head, lying down with my head resting on my paws. It's weird being in wolf form when I'm not being chased, I don't really know what to do with myself.
I look up at Xavier, hi.
A small smile spreads over his face, hi Belle. The words ring through my mind, leaving my fur standing on end.
"I guess you really are a werewolf then." I jump at the sound of a new voice, turning my head to see Dexter eyeing me â I'd completely forgotten he was here.
I guess I am. I reply, unsure of what to say. Somehow I managed to shift into my wolf form, with still no sign of my wolf.
"What's your wolf's name?" Xavier asks watching me.
I hesitate for a moment, do I tell the truth?
I can't expect people to tell me the truth if I lie to them. I don't know.
"You don't know?!" Dexter says incredulously.
There's no one else in my head, it's just me. Except now I'm in wolf form. I offer the most simple response, there's no explanation, I just don't have a wolf conscious.
"That's not possible, werewolves are only able to change if their wolf allows it. There's no way you would be in wolf form right now." Dexter walks up to me and proceeds to tug and and poke at my fur. "Is this a costume?"
"Dexter, we saw her shift in front of us." Xavier says in an exasperated tone.
"She could be using witchcraft."
How would I do that?
"I don't know but I'm sure its possible." Dexter says eyeing me up.
"Dex, lay off, this is Isabelle's point of difference, in every single sense of the word. She's exactly what the committee needs."
Different. I echo the word, its not the worst thing I've been called but it doesn't strike me as a compliment.
"I know the word tends to have a lot of negative connotations attached to it but for the most part, in my opinion, I think it's a good thing. We're all different, we all have differences, Isabelle's are just not what we're used to."
"No kidding," Dexter replies his eyes moving from me to Xavier. "Well then, are you going to remain as a wolf or shift back?"
I don't know how. I say, the only times I've ever shifted I was always under immense pressure and the moment that pressure lifted I shifted back.
Dexter gives Xavier a look, who proceeds to shift his attention to me.
"Shut your eyes and picture yourself back in human form."
I stare at him incredulously, surely it can't be as easy as that?
Just close your eyes and imagine yourself as a human again, that sounds like something straight out of a movie.
"Just do it." Dexter says tapping his foot.
Taking a step back, I shut my eyes and imagine my human form.
After a few seconds I open my eyes, I'm still in wolf form. It didn't work.
"Are you sure you did it right?" Dexter prompts folding his arms over his chest, his eyes rack over me as if I'm hiding something.
All you have to do is picture your human form, is there a way to do it wrong? I respond growing tired of Dexter's back-handed comments.
"Well your still in wolf form so clearly there is."
Why are you always at my throat? Have I done something to make you so mad? You said you were testing me for your brother but what are you doing now?
My questions created a silence, as both Xavier and Dexter stood silently.
I told you, I deserve answers and I will leave if I don't get them.
"It's nothing I'm sorry." Dexter says in a whisper avoiding my gaze.
That's not an answer. I reply, I know I'm being harsh but I need answers, I need to know everything.
Dexter opens his mouth to respond but Xavier cuts him off, "just drop it Isabelle."
I turn to Xavier, even in my wolf form I still feel inferior and weak. Mustering up my courage I reply with one word, no.
I don't care about your werewolf committee, Alphas', Lunas' and supernatural politics, I just need to know how I'm involved in all of this? Why people keep treating me like a prize in the search for power and not a real person. Because I am a real person.
I feel my legs collapse beneath me and my body hitting the soft ground just as everything goes black.
~
"You really need to stop passing out Belle." I roll over to see Xavier watching me a smile dancing on his lips.
"How did you know I was awake?" I say sitting up.
"Your breathing changes."
I raise my eyebrows, "and that's just something you notice?"
Xavier shrugs, "I notice everything about you Belle, you're my mate."
His words coarse through my veins like fire. You're my mate. I look at Xavier his bright green eyes and chiselled jaw and only one question pops to mind, what about Theo?
"I know I passed out and everything but I still need answers." I say, might as well get straight to the point before my stutter returns.
"Isabelle," Xavier begins his eyes heavy. "I need you to know that you are more than just a pawn in a chess game, you are the queen, in every sense of the word. I can't imagine what life must've been like for you, or how it feels to never know what's going on. But please, please, please, never forget that are you so special to me Belle."
I can feel my heartbeat quicken with every word that falls from Xavier's mouth, no ones ever spoken to me like this before.
"You have the most beautiful soul Belle, you are fierce and strong and smart and no one can take that away from you." Xavier finishes his eyes glued to mine.
I break away from his gaze staring at my hands, trying to slow down the sound of my heart. I know he can my heartbeat. "I-I-I don't k-k-now what to s-s-say." I reply meekly keeping my gaze downwards.
"It's okay Isabelle, you don't have to respond or say anything. After everything you said before, I realised that you're right. Keeping you in the dark wasn't fair because even though I never saw you as a puzzle piece I can understand why you would feel that way."
I stare at Xavier, not sure how to feel. It's like the moment when you finally get what you want, what you've been begging for but when it happens you realise maybe you wanted the wrong thing.
Yes, I still want answers. But beyond that I want freedom, I don't want to move from Alpha to Alpha, or feel like the only reason people care for me is because I'm a 'true Luna.'
Maybe one day I'll be able to take that on, but for now, I need time to live unconstricted. Away from everything and everyone.