06 | Down Spiral

You're empty.

At this point, your anxiety has got you by the throat. It has become something far worse. It has not only twisted into rugged images of the monsters you call bullies, it is turning the world gray.

You can't sleep. You barely want to eat. You've no more motivation for studies. You're trapped in a perpetual downfall, a spiral of anxiety and self-loathing and depression brought on by Linia and Pursena. It's all coming at you at once — reality.

This was supposed to be easy. Life at this prestigious academy was meant to be good. Little did you know, those two fiends were waiting for an unknowing victim the whole time, and this victim turned out to be you. Now you're theirs.

They want you all to themselves.

Not for love or friendship, no. They want you to be their little plaything because you're so loyal. So easy to be forced around. So unwilling to fight back because you know anything you dish out will be returned with even greater force.

You have no one. In the mere days you've been a student here, you've made no friends. Only enemies who wish to use you. People often look down on you, unbeknownst to you, because you've fallen right in Linia's and Pursena's trap. There's no room to earn respect from anyone, not even from yourself. You're tired of it.

But you're stuck here. With little money, no job and no family in Ranoa, you're utterly and miserably stuck.

All you do is lie in bed, blankets at your legs, arms at your sides, unblinking eyes on the ceiling. Quiet. There's nothing to do but bide your time in the safety of your dorm room. Nothing to think except how much you wish things were different.

Someone knocks at your door but you're too exhausted to get up and open it, let alone take a second to glance at it.

"Oi, Y/N, what are you doing?" Linia's voice. "Open up. You haven't left your room in almost a day."

Oh? Really?

I've been in here that long? I didn't even notice.

Linia knocks again. "Come on, nya. I know you're not asleep. Open the door."

You don't want to. Moving even the slightest of inches drains insurmountable sums of energy. That's funny because you're not an old geezer and you're certainly not out of shape. There's just no point, that's what your mind and body tell you.

No point. Too tired. Don't move. Stay here. Keep hurting.

"Don't make me pick your lock," she says. Not even that gets a reaction out of you. You hear a low sigh from the other side of the door, Linia's footsteps trailing in and out, and then a few minutes later there's the sound of the doorknob faintly clanking.

It comes open easily and Linia steps inside, holding a lockpick. Her eyes scan your room for a few seconds before wandering to you.

"See, I knew you were awake, nya."

Just leave me alone, you want to say.

She comes over to your bed and looks down at you. For a fraction of a second you peel your eyes away from the ceiling and stare at her, then you're back to aimlessly staring into space.

"You look awful, nya-ha," she laughs, noticing the exhaustion in your face and the dark bags beneath your eyes. "Did ya catch a cold?"

"No," you say in a deadpan voice.

"No sleep last night?"

"No."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Go away."

Linia doesn't understand why you'd be looking so worn out like this. It's not like she's been tormenting you both mentally and physically — of course not! She's been an angel who has treated you with the utmost care and love and made you feel worth something.

"I'm not goin' anywhere unless you're coming with me," she huffs. "Get your lazy ass outta bed."

"Why do you always have to bother me? Out of everyone, it's me. What did I do, Linia?" You start to feel tears come to your eyes but you manage to suppress them. "What did I do?"

Linia's ears twitch, her lips melting from a smirk to an uncaring frown. "Honestly? You're fun to push around."

Easy target.

"You're literally like a dog. It's hilarious."

All I am to them is an object.

"And you're so punchable, I could fantasize about beating you up all day if I wanted to, nya!"

So I'm weak.

"Anyway... uh, Y/N, I guess I should apologize."

You raise an eyebrow, startled by her sudden change in tone. It's soft. You meet her eyes, finding in them what you believe to be real, genuine sorrow. She can't even look straight at you.

"I found out you weren't the one who told on me for punching you," she says. "Pursena was. She admitted to ratting me out because she wanted you all to herself. That's probably why she made you buy her food and stuff."

Her ear twitches again. Linia's focused on staring at anything but you while she explains. "So... I'm... uh, I'm sorry. For kicking you and stuff yesterday."

You don't have any words. Linia? Apologizing? For hurting you? It sounds unreal. You almost start to think this is a dream.

"So, yeah... whatever," she adds, finally looking at you again. "Anyway, I got Pursena out of the way for a while. Tricked her into stealing a whole bunch of food down at the market and the guards took her away, nya-haha!"

Cruel...

"It's just you and me today, Y/N. How's that sound?" A tight grin stretches her lips.

"Can't leave me alone for a day?" you ask and sit up on the bed.

"Nya, where's the fun in that? Since Pursena wants to steal you away to do her bidding, I can do the exact same. Better not say no, otherwise I'll crack you in your jaw again."

That brings back the memory. The pain. You shake your head.

"Alright then, nya. Let's go, you sad sack."

You get up and rub your head. You've got a headache but it can't be worse than what you're about to go through with Linia.

And now that you know the Doldia girls are practically fighting over who controls you, it's even harder to bear. You can imagine things will get ugly between the sisters. All the while you'll be in the middle of it, waiting for whomever comes out on top. Then again, as your breaking point nears — you can feel it — you have opportunities to finally make a stand.

It's going to be rare seeing the girls working in unison around you. They're divided over you. This means you'll only have one girl to deal with at a time.

Later on, Linia takes you around the town. You follow, though hesitant, being led through the streets and the bustling markets of Ranoa. It's so noisy. You want to go back to your room.

First she stops at a food vendor on the street and buys herself a drink. Of course, before she enjoyed the drink herself, she laughed at how broke you are and how you can't buy yourself a drink as well. You didn't care.

You just wanted to leave.

Then she made you follow her down to the water fountain where she splashed you when you seemed to be back to staring into space. She laughed again with a hearty nya-hahaha at the sight of your drenched uniform. But you didn't have the energy to care.

You just wanted to leave.

When it seemed like the day was coming to an end, the sun gradually beginning to set, Linia turned to you on the walk back to campus. She insisted that after such a long day, you should treat her by brushing her ears and tail. Like the servant to their queen.

Do it or you'd get hurt again. Her insistence consisted of a bloody threat.

So once you're back at the dorms and Linia brings you to her room once more, you do it. Though you struggle to keep your eyes open and your mana from exploding from your fingertips, you do as you're told and tend to Linia's fur.

Hey... actually...

With the way you're sitting here on her bed with Linia sitting on the floor in front of you to grant easy access to her ears and tail... you begin to wonder.

She's so vulnerable. If you cast a spell now, you could be rid of her.

No — no, you're not a killer. Right? You'd just knock her out. Knock some sense into her. Right?

You don't have to recite the incantation. You can just... do it. Silently. She's faced away from you. You have so much opportunity to finally silence her.

Energy starts to collect in your hand closest to Linia's head. She doesn't bat an eye. She's too focused on enjoying the feel of the brush on her ears. She has no clue what your other hand is doing.

Quick. I can do it quick.

And then...

I'll deal with Pursena later.

The magic you're holding, you start to release it. A jagged piece of ice forms in your palm, floating next to Linia's head. It grows bigger by the second, sharper at the point.

You stare at it with eyes full of bloodlust and rage after everything you've been through.

...

And then the door comes swinging open.