31

Being the youngest in my family, life always felt like I was trying to keep up. On one hand, I was showered with love—my parents doting on me, and my older sister Natalie always being my protector. On the other hand, I always felt like I had something to prove, like I had to break out of Natalie’s shadow.

Natalie has always been the ideal daughter—calm, composed, and always one step ahead. She got married two years ago to a wonderful guy and is living a picture-perfect life. I’m proud of her, I really am, but sometimes I wonder if people compare us. Natalie has her life together, while I’m still figuring mine out.

Growing up, my parents were my rock. My mom, with her endless creativity, runs a floral business that fills our home with the scent of fresh roses and daisies. My dad, ever the problem-solver, works as an architect and always found time to sit with me, explaining math problems I struggled with. They’re my greatest cheerleaders, but even their encouragement can’t silence the voice in my head that questions everything I do.

I’ve always been an overthinker. It’s like my mind is constantly running a marathon, replaying every conversation, every decision, every failure. Sometimes, it spirals into anxiety—heart pounding, palms sweating, and breathing becoming an impossible task. It’s not something I talk about openly, but it’s there, a shadow I carry. My parents have noticed, of course. Mom always says, “Cora, you don’t have to have it all figured out right now.” But how do you explain to someone that it’s not about having it all figured out? It’s about quieting the noise in your head long enough to breathe.

Books became my escape. I remember the first time I lost myself in a story—it was Anne of Green Gables. I was ten, curled up in a corner of the living room, completely captivated by Anne’s fiery spirit and vivid imagination. After that, reading became my sanctuary. I’d lose hours, sometimes entire days, buried in fictional worlds where characters faced their fears and triumphed over them. They made me believe that maybe I could too.

Music became my second refuge. My playlists are like a diary, each track holding memories, emotions, and moments I’m not quite ready to let go of.

And then there’s ramen and coffee. Two constants in my life. Coffee is my fuel, my morning ritual that makes the world feel manageable, one sip at a time. Ramen is my comfort, a warm bowl of familiarity on days when everything feels too overwhelming. It’s strange how something so simple can bring so much peace.

Spencer came into my life when I needed her most. I was sixteen, new to a school where I felt like an outsider. I remember sitting alone in the cafeteria, pretending to read Pride and Prejudice while my anxiety gnawed at me. Then, out of nowhere, this girl with the brightest smile plopped down beside me.

“What’s the verdict?” she asked, pointing at my book.

“What?” I replied, startled.

“On Mr. Darcy. Overrated, right?”

Her confidence threw me off, but in the best way. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Lizzy Bennet’s the real star.”

“Finally, someone who gets it!” she said, grinning.

That was Spencer. Bold, unfiltered, and unapologetically herself. We clicked instantly, bonding over our love of books and our shared disdain for high school cliques. She made me feel seen, like I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone but myself. Over time, she became more than a friend—she became my anchor.

Late-night phone calls, ramen-eating contests, dancing to Taylor Swift in my bedroom—Spencer and I built a world where I didn’t feel so lost. She helped me through my first heartbreak, cheered me on during my biggest victories, and held my hand during my darkest days.

But even with Spencer, some nights felt unbearably heavy. Like tonight, I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to fall asleep. The room felt stifling, my thoughts refusing to settle. Every time I closed my eyes, the image of Levi and Mia laughing together played on a loop in my mind. It hurt more than I wanted to admit. The way he smiled at her so easily, the effortless way they seemed to connect—it was like watching someone else live the life I secretly wanted.

Frustrated, I sat up and rubbed my temples. My eyes drifted to the table across the room, where the llama plush sat, bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight filtering through the window. The llama Levi had given me after he beat me in the escape room. I could still remember the cocky grin on his face as he handed it over.

That was the problem, wasn't it? Levi had been a constant presence, always there with his sarcastic remarks and competitive streak. And somewhere along the way, things had shifted. The playful banter wasn't just fun anymore—it had become something I looked forward to, something that made my heart race.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the flood of emotions rising inside me. How had I let it get this far? How had I let myself fall for someone I had always thought of as my rival?

With a frustrated groan, I threw the blankets off and swung my legs out of bed. Sleep clearly wasn't coming, and I needed to clear my head. I padded across the room to the window, staring out into the quiet night. The streets were empty, and the sky was an inky black, dotted with a few faint stars. Everything felt so still, so calm, but inside, I was a mess.

Levi had been a constant puzzle, one I had always thought I could solve. But now, standing at this crossroads between rivalry and something deeper, I didn't know how to navigate it. I leaned my forehead against the cool glass, my breath fogging up the window as I whispered to myself, "What am I supposed to do?"

I wasn't ready to admit how much Levi meant to me—not to him, not even to myself. But seeing him with Mia today had cracked something inside me wide open, and now there was no going back.

The plush llama sat on my desk, a silent reminder of all the moments we'd shared—moments I'd tried to brush off as nothing more than friendly rivalry. But now, every memory felt weighted with new meaning. The way his eyes lit up when he teased me, the way his smirk softened at the edges when we argued... How had I missed all the signs?

I sighed and picked up my phone, scrolling mindlessly through my messages until I reached the one from Spencer. She had texted me earlier to check in after our conversation at the park, but I hadn't responded. I knew she was worried about me, but I wasn't ready to face the full weight of what I had confessed. I wasn't ready to say the words out loud again.

"I think I'm falling in love with him."

The memory of those words, of the way they had tumbled out between sobs, made my chest tighten. I had always prided myself on being strong, on never letting anyone see me vulnerable. But with Spencer, the dam had broken, and now I wasn't sure I could put the pieces back together.

I took a deep breath and finally typed out a response to Spencer, my fingers shaking slightly as I hit send.

Me: I'm okay. Just needed some time to think. Thanks for being there.

The message felt inadequate, but I couldn't bring myself to say more. Not yet.

I put my phone down and glanced at the clock. 3:00 AM. I needed sleep, but I knew it wouldn't come. Not when my mind was still spinning, replaying every moment from the park, every glance between Levi and Mia.

What were they to each other? Friends? Something more? The thought made my stomach churn. I had no right to feel jealous, not when I hadn't been honest with myself about how I felt. But the jealousy was there, a raw, aching thing that refused to go away.

I climbed back into bed, pulling the covers up to my chin and closing my eyes, willing sleep to come. But instead of finding rest, my mind wandered to the past—memories of all the times Levi had gotten under my skin, all the times we had competed, laughed, argued. And now... now everything felt different. Like the stakes had changed, and I didn't know the rules anymore.

Hours passed, and at some point, I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, sunlight was streaming through the window, casting a warm glow across the room.

I stayed in my bed, the will to get up was not there yet. But the new emotions that greeted me yesterday for the very first time hadn't yet left me, in fact they lingered around.

I had finally admitted to Spencer and Ethan that I was falling in love with Levi. The same guy, whom I used to compete with, the same guy that used to indulge in banter with me. The very same guy that used to get on my nerves.

The younger me would have gotten a whiplash if she knew that she would be falling in love with that guy.

I sighed deeply, staring up at the ceiling as if it held the answers I was so desperately searching for. How could things have changed so drastically? When did Levi go from being the guy I couldn't stand to the one who now consumed my every thought?

I had always been so sure of myself—so sure of my place in the world, of my ambitions. And now here I was, losing sleep over a guy who had once driven me mad with his smug attitude.

The clock on my nightstand ticked softly, each passing second a reminder that time wasn't waiting for me to figure things out. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. How could I? I didn't even know how to face Levi now, let alone admit to him that my feelings had shifted. I was terrified that everything would come crashing down if I did.