âIâd love to. Letâs see, where do I beginâ¦â I say, then everything goes right out the window.
I canât even remember the question.
And itâs all thanks to the brute in the suit whoâs painfully close to me, staring like heâs holding my death warrant.
I draw in a deep breath. âIâm sorry. Can you repeat that?â
âI was just asking if you could tell us about the project you did for the florist,â Anna says, cocking her head like sheâs wondering if Iâm okay.
Right. Itâs face-saving time.
The job was for almost no pay and involved thousands of dollarsâ worth of flowers. I slogged through it the same way Iâll strap on my mud boots today, too.
âThey were having a hard time competing with the bigger chain shops. Most of their previous campaigns focused on the flowers themselves. After studying competitorsâ ads, I realized they focused more on the experience. So I asked the florist, âWhy buy my bouquet from you instead of the place down the street?â She said, âIt will be every bit as beautiful at half the price.â âWhy do I care?â At this point, she looked at me like I was dumb and told me, âYouâll save money. Obviously.â But again, âWhy do I care?â She came back with, âDuh! You can use that money to fly to Hawaii with your new husband!â And thatâs what I went with. She gave me the perfect concept, unwittingly. A smiling couple leaving for their honeymoon with the bride still clutching her bouquet. The flowers were almost an afterthought when sentimentality makes brides buy flowers.â I pause, stretching my hands on the table. âCopywriting is all about emotion. We all like to think we make decisions based on logic, but really, most people let their hearts do the deciding.â
My eyes unintentionally fall on Satan. Heâs fit for the fallen angel part today with that navy-blue suit stretched over his mile-wide shoulders, a brown tie tucked neatly into his suit thatâs barely a shade off from his dark, piercing eyes.
What emotional connection does Lucifer have to his cinnamon rolls? I wonder.
I remember how he just offered me one for the ego stroke.
Does he get off on power play involving pastries? Is this how he buys loyalties and seals business deals?
I almost laugh at the absurdity, but it would make a twisted kind of sense.
a voice whispers in the back of my head.
âWhat made you go into copywriting?â Anna asks.
âCopywritingâwell, actually writing in generalâhas been my jam since I was eight years old.â I smile. âI started a lemonade stand in my front yard. My first banner was pretty boring and it said something like . The first two hours, people kept walking past. When I went inside for lunch, I made a new banner.
I remember using three exclamations at the end. I made ten dollars and we ran out of lemonade before sunset. Thatâs when I realized that the words you use matter. Sometimes a whole lot.â
âSmart thinking, especially for a kid. Whatâs your biggest achievement?â Lucy asks.
âWhen I was in high school, I won the Young National Poetâs awardââ
Lucifer snorts. So loudly I stop mid-sentence, my eyes whipping to him.
âWith a name like Poe, it must be in your blood,â he growls.
âYouâre not a copywriter, are you?â I glare back at him, hoping if I act fearless long enough, then maybe Iâll actually feel brave sooner or later.
He glares at me. âIâm the CEO.â
I almost choke. This maniac runs the entire company?
I had him pegged as some high-level project manager, a midwit with a God complex inflated to Jupiter.
But it looks like he owns his own corporate kingdom to help justify the mania.
Somehow, this keeps getting better.
âWell, marketing copy has to be originalâyou canât just swipe it from somebody else,â I explain.
Anna snickers.
âYeah?â Lucifer asks. âIâm not sure what youâre implying, Miss Poe.â
âOh, nothing. Just that Iâm confident youâre better with big decisions than with words. We hope, anyway, am I right?â I shrug, winking at the other women in the room. âYouâre a little late with the Poe jokes, by the way. The guy who came in second place in that poetry contest swore that it was rigged for me because Iâm very, very distantly related to Poe. Nah, dude, sorry. He just lost. I told him to his face to get over it and he didnât like that. Some boys are just sore losers when they donât get their way and never take the hint.â
Burnsâ eyes become brush fires.
Ida notices his death stare and looks back at him, until he notices her and straightens up, leaning back in his seat with a shoulder roll and flex of his arms.
God. Itâs almost obscene how he moves.
I hate that heâs chiseledâone more ridiculous thing that makes him a perfect fit for the royal title I kindly bestowed on himâand he probably uses his good looks to push people around.
âWell, congratulations. Thatâs a real accomplishment for someone so young,â Ida says.
I nod. âThanks. It came with a scholarship in the arts at a public university of my choice. All of my professors agreed I could sling words well enough, and since I started with a lemonade stand, copywriting just made sense.â
âYou can write copy anywhere,â Burns grumbles. âWhy here? Why Haughty But Nice out of dozens of other companies in this city that would be thrilled to have you?â
Ugh.
Now that I know runs the place, Iâm not sure I want to work here. But I do like holding my own in this interview.
âWell, Haughty But Nice sells an upscale product without being over the top. Itâs the kind of style I appreciate,â I say. âI also love that it was started by a busy mom, and the marketing youâve been putting out lately has been pretty eye-catching. You produce innovative copy. Iâm a creative at heart more than anything else. Iâll be an asset here, but Iâll learn a lot along the way, Iâm sure. A challenge keeps things interesting.â
The women smile, impressed with my generous, easygoing answer.
Ogreman frowns, of course.
Obviously because he knows I nailed it.
Nothing I said was kissing up or untrue. It was all genuineâat least, it was when I first walked in here with answers to questions like that drafted in my mind.
âWe asked about the florist project because itâs the closest to what youâll be doing here,â he says coldly. âWeâre preparing a major launch for a brand-new line of luxury wedding attire, and our current copywriters already have dedicated projects. We need fresh blood. Think you can handle that?â
My whole body stiffens.
I detest them.
Theyâre sentimental fluff designed to keep a sixty-billion-dollar sham industry alive. Plus, thereâs always a risk your personal investment becomes a catastrophic loss when the groom runs off with his secretaryâor you know, a bandmateâleaving you with nothing but your tears.
My face must give me away.
âMiss Poe? Is wedding content going to be a problem?â he asks, snapping his fingers to draw me out of my trance. âSurely, being a Poe doesnât mean youâre stuck writing about dreary dungeons and atrocious maniacs, right?â
I keep my face stern and meet his eyes.
âI like writing about the beating hearts of the men I bury under my floorboards only occasionally.â I cock my head while the women around us snicker. âItâs no problem at all. I can write about anything as the depth of my portfolio shows.â
âVery original, Poe,â he throws back.
âNot even close. Iâve been collecting bad Poe jokes for twenty-four years. Unless youâve been writing them that long, you donât have one I havenât heard.â
âSorry, but I have to ask⦠Do you guys know each other?â Anna looks at me.
I stop and stare like Iâm caught in the headlights.
âWeâve met,â the suit answers for me. âItâs becoming a regular occurrence in the morning coffee line. If Iâd known it was her, I could have saved us a lot of trouble,â he adds under his breath.
âTrouble?â Ida asks.
I smile at her even though Iâm breaking inside.
If this is how itâs going down, Iâd might as well get the last word in.
âHe means that this whole interview is just a formality, right? Heâs already made up his mind,â I venture.
âIâm sure he doesnât mean that at all. Do you, Mr. Burns?â Ida asks. When he doesnât answer for a few seconds, she looks at him and bites her lip. âOff-record reminder, it would be highly improper for a publicly traded company to make hiring decisions outside of the structured interview process.â
Hot Shrek shakes his head and looks over my resumé.
âNo decisions made and no objections lodged. Not Iâm still eager to find out what Miss Poe can do for us and why sheâs the best person for this job. Since the next questions are softballs, I wonât risk any personal bias clouding the hiring. Iâll step out and leave you fine ladies to the assessing,â he says, sliding out of his seat.
Without a single look back, heâs out the door, moving his hands to his throat like heâs adjusting his tieâor making a cross like heâs warding off a vampire.
Lucy rolls her eyes, slurping her coffee. âNice save, bossman. Now, Miss Poe, can you tell us what you think your greatest strength is?â
I spend the next half hour fielding their questions, talking about my experience, thinking more and more about my potential boss and his rancid attitude. His absence almost makes it worse. Iâd rather dance with rabid wolves.
But I survive the final battery of questions, and Iâd like to think I impressed them. At the end, they fall silent.
I guess itâs over. Time to go home.
As Iâm dreaming of tasting the freedom thatâs outside the door and wondering if any new jobs have been posted online today, a male voice growls over my shoulder.
âThe new wedding line is crucial. Youâll be reporting directly to me even while youâre technically working under Miss Patel. A little spine goes a long way, and yours is made of diamond. Donât make me regret this.â
Regret it? Regret what? Did I get the job?
What the actual hell?
The idea of working for this guy feels terrifying.
Iâm too stunned to even muster a thanks.
But he stares at me, expectant. Like Iâm supposed to fall down and hug his leg. Genuflect. Kiss his ring. Kiss hisâwhatever.
âIâm hired then?â I ask softly. I need to hear it from the horseâs mouth.
Those bottomless honey-brown eyes drop from my face to my lips.
Just like the day he tried to bribe my cinnamon roll away. And just like that first ugly morning, that gaze on my lips makes me tingle.
He shrugs. âNo point in wasting more time pretending itâs not a done deal. Are there any last-minute objections?â
He waits while heads shake around the room. Iâm glued to my seat in awe at how utterly ballsy and open he is.
âGood. Weâll have your background check by the end of the day. Barring any surprises, you can start ASAP. Always remember you can leave just as easily as you came, so donât get cocky,â he says.
âWell, okay. We just need to hammer out the details,â Ida says.
âWhy donât you get the paperwork? We can take care of it right now,â Burns tells her.
âStop by when youâre done and Iâll introduce you to the team,â Anna says cheerfully.
âThatâs great. Thank you,â I say numbly, my mind whirling with a tornado of thoughts.
The ladies leave the conference room one by one, filing out and leaving me alone with Prince Douchenozzle.
âCongratulations,â he grinds out reluctantly.
âThanksâ¦I think?â
The glare he levels could vaporize me several times over.
Yeah. If I want this position, Iâm definitely going to have my work cut out for me, and itâs got nothing to do with the actual Ida comes strolling back in with her laptop a minute later. âWe still call it paperwork, but itâs mostly digital.â
âWhat do you make at your current job?â she asks.
âThirty-five thousand a year.â
âWait.â Burns throws up a hand, making an exasperated sound. âYou make thirty-five thousand dollars a year and you turned down five hundred dollars for a damn roll? And you called me insane?â
Easier said than done.
Ida scowls at him over her laptop.
âStart her at ninety even with immediate performance incentives, plus the full match in her 401k,â he says.
âOh-kay.â Ida draws the word out so much itâs almost two. âWhen can you start, Dakota?â
âSoon. I need to give two weeksâ notice and tie up any loose ends before Iââ
âSheâll start Monday,â Burns tells her point-blank.
My toes curl up in my shoes.
âBut Iâ¦I need to give two weeksâ notice.â
âWhyâs that, Miss Poe? Itâs not like theyâre paying you,â he snaps.
Woof. Heâs so rude.
âBecause itâs the right thing to do,â I say with a sniff.
He waves his hand dismissively.
âSo is paying your employees. Your choice, I suppose. You can start Monday with a job that pays more than double your current salary, or you can hang out at your discount agency and keep nibbling at crumbs. I need someone ready to dive in now.â
Well, thanks, Mr. Hardass.
He says it in a way that tells me heâs not used to having people argue back, much less delay his beck and call.
âFine. Can I get the offer in writing?â I ask through clenched teeth.
He nods, never taking his eyes off me.
âHave her sign off on it and send it over for my signature.â He turns and starts moving across the room, but stops with a hard glance over his shoulder. âFree tip: the next time youâre in a job negotiation, donât tell anyone your current salary. Itâs none of their business. Theyâll pay what youâre worth and nothing else.â
I never knew it was possible to hate a total stranger this much.
He strides out of the room with the air of a mafia don whoâs just given his new capo one chance not to wind up dismembered in a dogâs dinner bowl.
Ida blinks and laughs awkwardly. âYou certainly bring out quite the reaction in our fearless leader.â
âSo, heâs not always like that?â
She twists her lips. âHeâs a hard worker and doesnât tolerate much foolery, but heâs not usually such a jackaâbad guy, I mean. Not usually.â
So I get to be the magnet for his lightning storm of assholery.
Why? All because I got to the freaking coffee shop before him and swiped the last cinnamon roll?
What a psycho.
A psycho whoâs willing to pay me almost six figures to work for him, but stillâ¦
Just what will this job cost me if Lincoln Burns stays obsessed with making my life suck?
âGood Lord, I think Iâm high on the fumes alone,â I say, pushing into Elizaâs apartment.
Her laughter echoes off the low ceiling. âDo you want coffee?â
âDo you have more of that sexy vanilla?â
She shakes her head. âI brewed up a hazelnut cinnamon blend, a coconut, and chocolate pecan today. Whatâs your poison?â
âChocolate pecan.â
âGood choice. Thereâs a vanilla scone with your name on it, though.â
âWhen are you opening a cafe?â I demand, giving her a mock-stern look with my hands propped on my hips.
âAs soon as I have the money sometime this century. Commercial rent in this city ainât getting any cheaper.â Eliza heads for her kitchen coffee lab to start prepping âthe caffeinated flightâ as she calls it.
Sheâs basically my dealer at this point, besides being my bestie and neighbor.
I take a stool in front of the kitchen bar, basking in the heavenly smell of her place.
She returns a minute later with two steaming mugs and scones piled high on a plate.
âHow was the big interview?â she asks. âTell me we have something to celebrate.â
âBonkers, honestly, butââ Big pause. âI got the job.â
âYes!â She puts her mug down to throw both fists in the air and then hugs me. âI knew youâd pull it off. When you said bonkers, you must mean the awesome kind.â
âWellâ¦â I clear my throat and take a comically long sip of coffee.
âUh-oh. Donât tell me itâs a traveling job or something. Dakota, if youâre leaving me, Iâll lose it.â
âNo, nothing like that,â I say with a sigh. I wish it was that simple because at least itâd be a relatable, human problem. Not whatever this thing is with a charging bull who buys cinnamon rolls by the bucketful. âOkay, so you remember the crazy who tried to buy my Regis roll for five hundred smackeroos a few days ago?â
âYeah?â She blinks at me.
âI saw him at the coffee shop again this morning, and he remembered me. He decided to be an even bigger swinging dick. Before I could even flip him off, he stepped up and bought four dozen Regis rolls to make sure I didnât get a single one.â
She stares at me in disbelief.
âTalk about issues! But that means the cray cray happened before the interview then. Thatâs good news, I bet?â
âUmâ¦â I hesitate. âThat wasnât the biggest drama.â
âDakota,â she presses, setting her cup down and rubbing her weary eyes. âLook at me. I spend at least twelve hours a day every day smelling like a human coffee bean and baking my butt off. My knees havenât taken me on a walk farther than a block for a week. When you have drama and you hold backâno. Girl, you â
Iâm laughing and sympathetic as she takes an annoyed slurp of coffee.
âFine. Heâs the frigging CEO, and he was on the interview panel.â
Iâm hit by a sudden warm mist on my arm. Courtesy of Eliza, laughing so hard she spews coffee everywhere.
âGet out! Sorry.â She looks down, grabs a rag, and starts wiping up her mess while she says, âSo how did go?â
âAbout like youâd expect. He kept making unfunny dad jokes about my last name and my interest in joining his lowly copywriter team. He even mocked my poetry scholarship. Sorry, but not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouths. Some of us had to work.â
âThis weirdo owns Haughty But Nice? The whole shebang?â Eliza asks.
I nod.
âUnfortunately.â
âThey own a lot of lines. Do you know what youâll be writing for?â
I donât want to say it, much less do it. But I kinda have to, so I should just make my peace with it and move on.
âDakota, heyâ¦you look like youâre sucking on a lemon and I know itâs not my food. My stuff never sucks.â She laughs.
âThey want me on their new luxury line. A wedding campaign. Lucky me.â
Her face falls. A moment passes in dead silence.
âOh. Oh, jeez. Can youâ¦can you do that?â Eliza asks softly.
I roll my shoulders in something resembling a shrug.
âI have to if I want that payday. Iâve written copy for everything under the sun, including a pet cemeteryââ
âThat gig was so sad. But at least the pets were dead.â She shakes her head. âNever a dull moment with you around, is there?â
âI canât imagine writing for a wedding being tougher than selling doggy plots,â I say miserably.
âEnough! Youâre freaking morbid, but you really donât like weddings. You have good reason not to, I mean, andââ
âI donât. Youâre right,â I agree with a heavy sigh. I abhor them. âIf Iâd known they were hiring specifically for a wedding line, I wouldnât have applied. But after I got there and found out the Cinnamon Roll King was interviewing me, I couldnât do anything but beat the odds or blow myself up spectacularly. Now, I kind of want the job just to prove I can handle it. He needs to know Iâm not intimidated and he has no control over me.â
She grins. âYou sure he doesnât? That sounds like a lot of effort forââ
âHe . Okay?â Iâm surprised at the sternness in my own voice.
âFair enough. But youâre spending a lot of time thinking about this guy,â she says gently.
âNot like I want to. He just keeps popping up in the worst places like a bad rash. Iâve never said anything nice about him.â
She shakes her head slowly, her hair swaying loosely.
âNo, but after Jayâ¦do you really want another dude in your life whoâs nothing but bad news? Even if heâs not the romantic kindâ¦â
My heart sinks. I ignore her question because we both know the answer.
I grab a vanilla scone and bite it in half.
âIt gets worse,â I tell her, chewing loudly.
âUm, what? Your coffee shop arch-rival is about to be your new boss, and apparently heâs as hot as he is arctic-hearted. How does it get worse?â She takes a long pull off her coffee.
I take a deep breath.
âMy new job, of course. Iâll be reporting directly to him.â
âOh! Oh, shit. That should beâ¦fun?â She hesitates.
I glare at her.
âHardly, but itâs almost triple my current pay. More than a living wage for once in this city. So, hell yes, Iâll do it. Iâm signing away my soul on lease if I have to spend the rest of my time there with him riding my ass. Iâll put up with a lot for ninety thou.â
âBig reward, but Iâm being serious now. Are you you can handle the wedding stuff? Taking the job to make this prick hurt is one thing, but youâve done that. Mission accomplished. If itâs just going to make you miserable, donât take it. If the asshat will pay you well, someone else will too. You donât have to be desperate.â
I smile, genuinely thankful for her insights.
Eliza always has perspective I donât.
I slurp my coffee and set the cup down before I answer.
âWell, itâs a little awkward, I guess. But I have to move on at some point, right? Itâs been over a year. Weddings are a lucrative industry. I canât avoid all things wedding forever if I want to keep my options openâand this one screams âget in.ââ
âDakotaâ¦â
âI know. Iâll be fine, I promise. People get jilted all the time. Life doesnât just stop with one awful breakup.â I know Iâm saying all the right things. I just wish I could internalize them enough to them.
âTrue. Youâre moving on up in the world and you shouldnât let anything hold you back,â she says warmly. âYouâll get a condo soon and wonât even need me feeding you anymore.â
âIf I get a condo, youâll be my roommate. I canât make scones.â
She laughs. âGlad to know you keep me around for a reason. So, youâve got a new job title, new pay grade, and soon youâll have a new place. You just have to do a little dance with the devil. Hey, if you play your cards right, maybe youâll come out of this with a new marital status too.â
I choke on my scone, shooting her a dirty look when I stop coughing.
âDonât. Donât even joke. Thereâs no way in hell. I donât believe in weddings or marriage or fairy-tale loveânot anymoreâand this guy will never be anything but my boss. The dickhead is my polar opposite. Oh, plus the internet rumorsââ
âRumors? You Googled him?â
Busted.
âNo. Yes. I mean, only he interviewed me and said Iâd be reporting directly to him. I just wanted to know who Iâm working forâ¦â
Eliza nods, but her smile says she doesnât fully believe me.
âAnd what do the rumors say?â
âHeâs loaded. Big surprise. Heâs also a lot more invisible than most guys with his holdings. The good looks make him a magnet for women who must be sick in the head to overlook his crappy personalityâgo figureâso he takes a lot of flak for being Mr. Undateable.â
Eliza winces.
âThatâs rough, but who cares, right? Youâre working for him, not warming his bed. In fact, in HR circles, thatâs a big no-no.â
âStill. It shows you what a fire-breathing jerk he is.â
âAre you okay? Youâre a little red,â she tells me, her eyes widening.
âIâm just annoyed.â Yeah. More like flustered. Hating that my ticket to financial freedom and a better life involves this bitchslap to the face. âEven if the rumor mill didnât say he was undateable, his freakout in the coffee shop basically proved it. If I were the sort of girl who believes in cheesy crap like love, I wouldnât date a guy who loses his shit over a cinnamon roll.â
âIs that cool, though? Like how will you market weddings? You just said you hate cheese.â
âIf I ever have a dog die, Iâll bury it in my backyard. But that didnât keep me from selling puppy plots.â
âYou donât have a backyard. Also, â
âGood point, but I also donât have a dog.â I sigh, sipping my coffee before I continue. âThen there were the lame jokes about my last name.â
Eliza sips her coffee. âI donât get what that has to do with anything.â
âNothing, I guess. Just makes him extra undateable. Youâd think a man so awful could at least make you laugh⦠Iâm just saying. Why would I ever date a certified bosshole? Why would anyone?â
âHe was probably just teasing you, but who are you trying to convince? Me or you, Dakota?â She stares at me, waiting for an answer.
I feel a little dizzy, and I know itâs not just the coffee and sweets.
âYou, of course. Who else? I wonât even joke about dating the d-bag going forward. Since you brought it up, Iâm just trying to let you know why it wonât happen.â
âBut I didnât exactly bring it upâ¦â
Didnât she? I replay our conversation in my head.
Wait.
Oh, God.
Sheâs right.
What am I stumbling into? Iâm writing for an industry I hate and reporting to a man who might be criminally insane.
Oh, letâs count the ways this could go wrong.
Itâs true that my growing salary means Iâll no longer be a disposable intern or busy fixing some creative idiot leadâs mistakes. But is there more wrong than right with this job?
Itâs a decent move up, all right, but at what cost?
Can I actually survive this?
âYou got quiet,â Eliza urges softly.
âIâm okay.â
âBuyerâs remorse?â
âNot yet.â But Iâm terrified once I actually start the job, buyerâs remorse might be the least of my concerns.
I finish my coffee and scones while we talk about the latest happenings around the neighborhood.
âI should go. He wants me to start right away, and I have a million things on my mind. The first is how Iâm going to tell my current employer I canât give two weeksâ notice. Thanks for the coffee and moral support.â
âAnytime, Dakota. If you need anything at all, just give me a shout. Iâve got your back, but I donât think you need it. You look ready.â
âYeah, thanks,â I mutter.
I so, so wish that was true.
When I creep back to my own four walls, I wonder how much Iâll regret my wishes coming true.