Chapter 21

"I don't like you being mad at me," Dusty said that afternoon when they were looking at dinosaur skeletons within the Natural History Museum.

"I'm not mad at you," Kyera corrected, fixated by a particularly impressive skeleton. "Can you imagine that these actually used to walk the earth?" she asked her, her eyes wide with  delight.

"You're mad at me, I can tell," Dusty pressed, ignoring her dinosaur-related comment.

"I'm not mad at you," Kyera repeated, moving on to another exhibit.

"Then why are you being distant?" Dusty persisted. They'd been having such a good time together, and she didn't want that to end but feared she had somehow jeopardized their friendship. Kyera faced her. She looked beautiful in her black jacket wool coat, which was partly open, revealing a green sweatshirt and dark denim jeans. Kyera was beginning to look more like the old, confident Kyera. Bit by bit, her old persona was returning. She smiled at her with sad eyes.

"I'm having a lovely time being here with you. I don't want to spoil it."

"Why would you spoil it?"

Sighing, Kyera looked away but then forced herself to face Dusty again. "Over by the memorial in the park, you said something about imagining how life would be if we were together."

"Kyera, look, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just—"

"I need to be honest with you," Kyera cut her off. Dusty stood frozen before her, unsure what she was going to say. Oblivious children milled about, gaping at the skeletons and weaving around the couple. "We can't talk here," Kyera concluded, watching the passing school children.

"Okay then, where?"

"We can talk later. Let's just enjoy our day."

Dusty tried to enjoy the rest of the afternoon in the museum, but she couldn't stop fretting over what Kyera felt she needed to be honest with her about. She replayed the initial conversation in her mind but couldn't figure out what she could possibly be mad about.

"I used to come here when I was younger, with Kyeri," Kyera said, a surge of memories surfacing as they entered the Egyptian wing. "This was always her favorite part of the museum." Dusty dared to run a comforting hand down her arm, and she was relieved when Kyera didn't bat her away. "She was so smart, always into everything," Kyera continued.

"I imagine you were quite a pair." Dusty smiled.

"Between us we questioned everything. We must have driven our parents crazy."

"I'm sure they didn't mind."

"But this area, this was always the place she liked the most. Whereas I found it a bit macabre. The way they were so focused on death, with their tombs and mummification and such."

"It is a bit dark, I guess," Dusty agreed. Kyera stopped beside a glass cabinet that was filled with the ornate treasures retrieved from a pharaoh's tomb. She seemed distracted, as though her mind was elsewhere. "Kyera, are you okay?" Dusty came up beside her and asked gently.

"Yeah." She shook her head as though trying to clear her thoughts. "It's just sometimes it hits me, that's all."

"About your sister?"

"Yeah." She lowered her head sadly and sighed. "But I'm talking about it, and apparently that will make it easier."

"It takes time."

"Do you ever feel like that about your dad?"

Dusty wasn't sure how to admit that she'd not felt the harsh pang of loss for her father for quite some time. Somehow, without her being aware, the pain of losing him had dulled. Now when she thought of him, she didn't feel someone had just stabbed her in the gut. Instead she felt the emptiness of loss, but it was glossed over with the warmth of fond memories. She missed her father, of course she did, but his loss no longer ailed her as it once had. She'd managed to overcome her grief and not let it hinder her.

"Sometimes, I suppose." She shrugged in response, not wanting to commit herself to a concrete answer.

"Can we go?" Kyera asked, her own emotions becoming overwhelming.

"Sure."

****

Outside on the main steps that led to the entrance of the museum, Kyera sat down and looked back grimly at the building. "I'm sorry we had to leave."

"It's okay." Dusty smiled. A part of her still feared that she was responsible for the downturn in her mood. "Are you hungry?" she asked, spying a nearby hot dog vendor. "I'm starving, and having a hot dog is like a New York rite of passage."

"Sure, I could eat." Kyera nodded. Moments later Dusty returned to her, brandishing two hot dogs covered generously in ketchup and mustard, one of which she handed to Kyera.

"Thanks."

"No problem. When I first came here I lived on solely these for like a week." Dusty laughed. "I was too scared to try to cook anything myself in case I burned my apartment building down."

She was pleased when she noticed the lines around Kyera's eyes crinkle in amusement. Kyera took a big bite from her hot dog and nodded approvingly. "They're not so bad," she commented when her mouth wasn't full. Hot dogs consumed, Kyera once more gazed distantly out into the wide beyond.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Dusty asked, growing impatient with her darkening mood.

"Like I said, back in the park you mentioned what life would be like if we were still together," she began, casting a cautious glance her way. "I loved you so much." She looked back into the distance, her jaw clenching. "And a part of me will always love you. But—" The word caught in her throat, and she coughed uncomfortably. "But I'm not able to give anything to anyone at the moment, not like that. I need to focus on myself, on getting well. And when you said that, I feared that perhaps you were hoping for something more, that we could rekindle what we had, and I was just going to disappoint you."

Dusty was silent as she absorbed what Kyera was saying. She'd had no expectations about her visit, no agenda to rekindle their relationship. If anything, she had been enjoying their newfound friend status and was actually relieved to hear her say that she wasn't still lusting after her. "Kyera, that's fine." She placed a hand on her knee and gave it a light squeeze. "I want to be your friend, nothing more. I know you can't handle anything else."

The last part she added for Kyera benefit. When Kyera looked across at her, she was smiling. "So you're okay being friends?"

"Definitely." Dusty grinned. "

Because I didn't want to let you down."

"You're not letting me down, Aroura. It's okay."

"Cool." Relaxing, Kyera put her arm back around Dusty's shoulders and leant down and kissed her forehead. "How about being friends with benefits?" she asked, unable to resist an opportunity to be her old, playful self.

"Don't push it!" Dusty laughed, poking her in the ribs. For a moment they were silent, just enjoying the moment and being together. But then Kyera turned and looked back up at the museum longingly.

"Do you think we could go back inside?" she asked, aware how pathetic she sounded after she'd been the one who wanted to leave.

"Sure, but I thought it was making you sad," Dusty noted with concern.

"It was, but I know that I need to get past that. If I ever want to get better and move on with my life, I can't let the pain of the past keep scaring me into submission."

"Only if you're sure." Dusty got to her feet and dusted herself down as Kyera did the same.

"I want to enjoy my trip here," Kyera admitted. "I don't want to ruin it because I'm so plagued by the ghosts of yesteryear."

"So let's go finish our tour!" Dusty linked arms with Kyera and began leading her up the stairs once more. "But if it's okay with you, I'd rather we avoid the Egyptian section," she added as they walked. "In all honesty, the place kind of creeps me out."

Kyera laughed at her admission, an open, hearty laugh that Dusty was relieved to hear. The tension that had been between them had lifted, and they could resume being friends. "I like the model of the blue whale," Kyera said as they headed back inside out of the cold, flashing their entry tickets.

"It's so huge!" Dusty commented, her eyes widening for dramatic effect.

"As a kid, I was always scared that it was going to fall down on everyone."

"You sound like you were a real ball of laughs as a child," Dusty joked.

"I was basically like I am now, all sullen and brooding, only smaller." Kyera laughed.

"Well, you're lucky because you can pull off sullen." Dusty smiled at her. "And I'm saying this from a completely friend perspective, but you're one beautiful woman, Kyera Aroura."

"You're not so bad yourself, Black Dusty-Rose." Kyera returned the smile and the compliment as they resumed their visit around the museum.