Chapter 36

Dusty ignored the incoming call from Valentine. It was the fifth time she'd tried to call her that day, but she didn't want to talk to her. Nothing she could say would change anything. Speaking to her would only reopen fresh wounds. She was sitting on the small wall that bordered her old school, West High. Since visiting her old house, she had been feeling nostalgic. She'd wandered around the town while her mother excitedly packed up the few belongings they had at the trailer. Moving back into their house was the beginning of a fresh start for them all. Yet somehow Dusty had felt drawn to the place where her initial change had commenced.

She remembered how fearful she'd been that fateful day when she'd first enrolled at her new school. She had been terrified about the lack of uniforms, feeling exposed in her own clothes, like she would stand out no matter what she did. And there, within the walls of the high school, she had forged a false identity for herself, where she was confident, popular and not that smart. She'd become a cheerleader and had been all set to remain in West indefinitely.

Then she met Valentine. Somehow she saw through her façade to the real Dusty and helped her reconnect with the girl she had once been. Because of her intervention, she went to Princeton, got a job in New York, and was now a homeowner of the house she had grown up in. She had changed so much since she'd first entered the school as a shy student, mourning the all-too-recent loss of her father.

Her phone buzzed again, and Dusty ignored the call from Valentine and blew on the Styrofoam cup in her hands before taking a sip of the sweet hot chocolate inside. The air around her was crisp, and smoke danced off the top of the cup. Hearing footsteps crunching in the light snow covering made her turn and look away from the road and back at the school.

She stiffened when she saw Valentine walking out towards her in the same wool coat she had worn on New Year's Eve. How had she even known she was in town? Dusty ground her teeth in frustration, wishing she'd been wise enough to avoid the school. In her desire to reconnect with the past, she'd almost forgotten that she still worked there.

"I thought that was you," she stated, sitting down on the wall beside her but keeping a respectable distance between them.

"I'm only back for a few days," Dusty replied coldly.

"I saw you from the window in my classroom and thought, that can't be Dusty, she's in New York. But I was certain, even from the back, that it was you, so I had to come out and look."

Dusty didn't respond; instead, she took another sip from her drink. The chocolate was warm and sweet as it slid down her throat, a welcome respite from the bitterness of the afternoon. "I've been calling you," Valentine said.

"I've been busy," Dusty told her.

"I heard about what you did for your mom, buying back your old house. That's a pretty amazing thing to do."

"News sure travels fast in crap little towns." Dusty rolled her eyes. She didn't want to talk to her. Being so close to her was a painful reminder of what could have been, of what she'd wanted for so long and now could never have.

"My friend was the realtor who sold you the house," Valentine explained, and Dusty merely shrugged. She didn't care how she knew. She wanted to throw her hot chocolate in her face and scream at her for breaking her heart. She wanted to run away from her until her legs collapsed beneath her. She wanted distance, and right now she wasn't giving her any. "Not all news travels fast in this town," Valentine noted. Dusty was silent. "That's why I've been trying to call you all day. I found out something that I wanted to tell you."

"No disrespect, but I couldn't care less if you're having a boy or a girl," Dusty replied harshly, willing herself not to cry. She was beginning to wonder how Valentine could be so callous to seek her out, to not let her go after everything that had happened.

"No." Valentine shook her head. "It's nothing like that. I found out that my ex, Sophie, isn't pregnant. She's faking it. She was lying about it to try to keep me when she saw us together."

Dusty frowned in puzzlement. "How did you find out she was lying?"

"I made her do a pregnancy test," Valentine admitted. It hadn't been one of her finer moments, demanding the potential mother of their child take a test and prove it, even as Sophie cried and begged her not to make her do it, desperate to keep her secret for a while longer.

"Well, I'm sorry you're not having a baby."

"I'm not." Valentine dared to reach out and touch Dusty, but she pulled away from her. "Dusty, please. You're all I care about. Now that I know there is no baby, there's nothing stopping us from being together."

Dusty's hands trembled around her cup, which she hid from Valentine. She'd dreamt about this moment, where by some magical means all their problems could melt away and they could finally be together. But she was still hurting from her initial abandonment at the station. This wasn't the happy ending she'd always wanted, the grand gesture she deserved. A false pregnancy test wasn't enough to win back her heart.

"Valentine, I live in New York," Dusty told her. "My life is there, not here. You're just some two-bit high school math teacher in a small, crappy town. I'm a big shot in the city. That's what is stopping us being together, because we live in two very different worlds."

"Dusty." Valentine looked at her with hurt in her eyes. "We can make this work."

"No, we can't," Dusty declared, pursing her lips together.

"Please, don't do this. Don't push me away. It's taken so much for us to get here," Valentine pleaded, feeling Dusty slipping through her fingers.

"That's the point. Relationships shouldn't be work, they should be easy. When you're with someone, it should enhance your life not make it more difficult. My friend Ashley met a guy in Italy, and now they're getting married because they love each other, and love is really all you need."

"Don't you love me?" Valentine asked, her voice breaking.

"I did once," Dusty answered. She didn't like being this way, being so cruel, but she kept thinking about that moment at the train station, when she let her go so she could be a mother to the child that didn't even exist. She picked her ex, the baby, over her. She wasn't sure she could ever forgive that.

"Just give me a chance to prove myself," Valentine begged.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to class?" Dusty asked, her voice sounding crisp and unfamiliar even to her. "I'd hate to think of all the children you're neglecting to teach algebra to while you sit here and waste your time."

"You're pushing me away because you're angry, and you have every right to be," Valentine said, standing up and dusting down her coat. "But I'm going to prove to you how much I love you, how I'm the one you should be with. Just you wait and see."

"Unless you've invented a time machine, that's not going to happen." Dusty scowled at her.

"I'll make you believe in me again, Black Dusty-Rose. Just you wait and see." And then she turned and jogged back down to the school, back to the classroom of students she'd briefly abandoned under the ruse that she'd left something in her car she needed to go and retrieve. Dusty watched her leave and then let the tears start falling down her cheeks. It had been a mistake to go back to the school, she knew that now.

****

The warmth of the train made Dusty drowsy as it thundered through the countryside, taking her back to the city. She smiled to herself at the image of her mother directing the deliverymen as she filled their old home with new furniture. Somehow, Kayla Black seemed ten years younger as she moved about the familiar rooms of the empty house. The worried, haggard expression that had clung to her eyes was now gone, replaced by a hopeful, positive look.

Dust was due to visit the house the following weekend. He'd cried when Dusty delivered the news about it to him over Skype, not caring if his housemates saw. It was as if all the pain the three of them had been clinging to for so many years could finally be relinquished. Dusty's phone buzzed, causing her to stir sleepily and check it. Ashley was calling. "Hey, Ash," Dusty greeted, always happy to hear from her best friend.

"Dusty, hey, you okay?" Ashley sounded like she was right beside her when she spoke even though she was on the opposite side of the country. Dusty loved how modern technology enabled her to feel connected to the people she loved no matter where she was.

"I'm good, just heading back to the city. I was back home in West for a few days."

"How was it? Did your mom love the house?" Ashley asked, having been privy to Dusty's plans.

"Yeah, she loved it." Dusty smiled.

"Of course she did!" Ashley beamed. "I can't wait to see it!"

"Yeah, me neither."

"You sound tired."

"The train makes me tired," Dusty admitted and then yawned.

"Well then, I won't keep you too long. But I've got some exciting news. Before you ask, no, I'm not pregnant."

"Then what is it?" Dusty asked, sitting up, intrigued.

"A few weeks ago I put in for a transfer, to work for a different governor's campaign."

"Okay."

"And today I find out that I've got it."

"That's great!"

"I haven't got to the good part yet." Ashley giggled.

"So what's the good part?"

"The job is in New York City!"

Dusty squealed in her seat as she held the phone to her ear, causing fellow passengers to scowl at her in disapproval. "That is amazing!" Dusty gushed. She couldn't believe it. Her best friend would be coming to live in the city. She'd no longer be alone! Dusty was overwhelmed thinking of all the great stuff they could do together.

"I know!" Ashley cooed down the phone. "I mean, obviously Ricardo will be coming with me too, but I was thinking we should aim to live in the same apartment building so we'd be neighbors. What do you think?"

"That sounds perfect." Dusty smiled.

"You're tired, so I'll let you rest. I'm glad things went well with your mom. I just wanted you to be the first to know about the job. I can't wait to live in the same city. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," Dusty replied, a tear dropping down her cheek. She said goodbye to Ashley and ended the call and looked out of the window at the landscape whirring by. Things were looking brighter. Her Mom was happy again, back in the house where she had always belonged. And now Ashley would be joining Dusty in the city; they'd be together once more.

But something was keeping Dusty from enjoying it all, from being truly happy. She searched her feelings and sighed at the realization that in spite of everything, she still loved Valentine, and without her in her life, she struggled to feel whole.

There was no baby now, which meant they could be together. But Dusty was scared to let her in. She'd hurt her more than she thought was possible. With everything in her life going so well, why would she risk inviting in someone who could ruin it all?