CHAPTER XXVII

When they arrived home, the first thing they felt was the silence. Even with the cats welcoming them, they still missed the sound of the kids laughing and playing. Nate saw the sad look on Cael's face, it was a hard day, and he held his hand and helped him sit down on the sofa. He turned on the TV into an anime they were watching before, and went to get some iced tea and sandwiches. They sat down and watched the series, without uttering a single word. After a while passed and they finished the food and beverages, Nate put a pillow on his lap and invited Cael to lay down. Cael smiled and laid down, his long legs bent and his arms holding another pillow.

"You know, I had to learn a lot of languages because of my job", Nate said, stroking his fingers through Cael's hair. "One of my favorites is cafuné. It means to gently caress the head of someone you love and stroke your fingers through his hair. I always thought it was such a lovely and intimate gesture".

"Yeah", Cael answered, enjoying the situation.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. Learning that one of my bio parents is not related to me at all, and that my real biological mother is somewhere out there was really harsh. Someone who I never met and who traded me for money".

"They probably didn't have any other option. They were forced to sell their bodies to pay for debts, having no one to help them. I can only imagine the despair of someone in this situation".

"Still, I can't deal with the resentment I feel. Knowing that since the beginning I was just a product bought to be used and explored, disposable. It brings light to all the way my family treated my whole life".

Nate didn't have an answer to it. He just kept caressing Cael's head.

"But you need to know, for me, for the kids, for your family, your real one, you are not disposable. You're not an object to be thrown away. You're someone valuable, that we love and respect. No matter what those pieces of trash think, you deserve to be here and you deserve all the love in this world". Nate laid down his head and pecked Cael's lips.

"I know", he answered and smiled. "Thank you".

"Always".

They kept watching the anime and Cael fell asleep there, in Nate's lap. He waited there, until Cael woke up on his own to eat. They had a light meal, Cael still half asleep. He had a dream. Where he went public about everything he went through, and people hated him, and shunned him. Even Nate left him, because he couldn't stand all the pressure. He woke up afraid but tried to hide it. But the little gestures from Nate showed that he perceived something, even if he didn't know what it was he tried to console Cael.

They went to sleep early, and Cael had the same dream again. He woke up in the middle of the night, Nate sleeping soundly beside him, and he didn't know what to do. He just wanted someone to hug him and tell him everything will be okay. Tears dropped on the bed, and Nate woke up with the movement and gently hugged Cael. They went back to sleep hugging each other. Cael's dreams were better, but he was still worried.

Nate woke up early and made breakfast. They had work later, but he let Cael sleep a little bit more. He deserved it. But as soon as he finished, Cael was there in the kitchen, his face swollen and black circles under his eyes.

"Are you okay?", He asked, serving the food.

"Not really. Nightmares".

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know", He said, adding sugar to his coffee. "I never told you about the past, right?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to".

"They already know it, somehow. You deserve to know it too".

"You don't have to..."

"I want to. I trust you".

He told about what happened when he was eleven and how he ended up at his uncles' care. And how things didn't end up there.

"One day, after class, some man appeared out of nowhere and kidnapped me. They took me to a room with a boy, a few years older than me, probably still underage, who has just gone into heat. I pleaded for them to let me get out of the room, but they just locked me there and went away. The kid was terribly scared, and asked me many times not to hurt him. I said I wouldn't, but he didn't believe me. I could see he was in pain, but we were both just kids. We didn't want any of that. But the smell of pheromones was overwhelming. We stayed in opposite parts of the room, but my instincts were kicking in. When I couldn't take it in anymore, I bit my own arm to fight the rut. Finnian found me an hour later, my arm all bitten. If you look attentively, you can still find the remnant marks from it".

"Your biological father planned this?"

"Yes. Finnian convinced my grandfather to make... Geralt disclose the location so he could save me. I don't know how I kept my sanity as a child. But that was just the beginning of the nightmare. He kidnapped many times again after that, and every time grandfather convinced Dad", he said referring to Finnian, "That he would make Geralt stop it. But it never worked. And Mom and Dad didn't have enough power to control them, he was doing his best to keep me by his side and not let me go back to them. Even after, as an adult, he would do this, so I got used to keeping an anti-rut with me all the time. But, one day, he decided to change his tactic and use a hyper potent rut inducer in me during an event for the defense of omegas".

He told Nate what happened, and how it ended with him and Antoine spending the night together. And how he blamed himself after for what happened.

"It wasn't your fault, it was theirs. They did it to you", Nate said, hugging him.

"Thanks", He hugged him back. "Now I know it wasn't my fault. That none of this was my fault. But it took me years of therapy, to understand that what they did to me was all on them. Dad explained that they did it to get me hooked on omega pheromones and easier to control, along with the belief that if I was exposed to that earlier, I would better develop as a true alpha". He let out a painful laugh. "A bunch of crap just to use me and abuse me in the way they saw fit. After all, I was just an expensive toy for them". He cried.

"Hey. That is just their wrong view of life, that doesn't mean it is true. When I look at you I see this marvelous man, someone that I care and love, and that I want to be by my side for a really long time. You don't know how happy you make me everyday and how glad I am for having you in my life. So just send those bastards to hell, where they belong, and live your life".

"I will", he kissed Nate sweetly. "I love you too".

He got back to eating the sandwich as Nate poured himself some coffee.

"But do you think I should do what Antoine asked me?"

"Are you ready for it?"

"I don't know..."

"Maybe you could talk with your therapist about it. When are you talking with her again?"

"Tomorrow".

"Bring it up to her. She would know better than me if you are psychologically ready for it", he took Cael's hand. "The most important thing is that you are well in this situation. We can find other ways to stop them".

"But me coming public will make everything much easier, won't it?"

"Yes", Nate was sincere. "Only if it doesn't hurt you in the process. Then it is not worth it".

"Thanks for being on my side. I'll talk with Marie about it", he said referring to his therapist.

Antoine didn't ask anymore about it. Nate said he would wait some time before discussing it again, as he was giving him some time to think. The next day came fast, and so did his online consultation with his psychologist.

"What do you want to talk about today?" Marie DuBois, a 48 year-old woman, asked him. She was his psychologist for sixteen years already, since his teenage days. She knew all his history and how complicated his situation with his family was.

"I got my adoption papers and now I'm legally Finnian and Abe's son".

"That's good. I know we talked about it many times, and you said you had an interest in it but never took any action. What made you change your mind?"

"My sons. I did it for them".

"You say you did it for them, but in a way, can you see you did it for yourself too? You realized something that was a dream for a long time, to distance yourself from your biological family".

"I didn't notice it". He stopped, pensively. "Antoine asked me to come public with what my biological parents did to me, that it will help cut any claim they have of a relationship with the kids".

"It can help, yes. Your parents' public image will change to that of abusers, and they won't be able to manipulate the media so easily".

"So you agree that I should go public?"

"I agree that it can affect how things are. But you are the only one who can decide what you should do. But whatever you decide, you should do it not only thinking of the kids, but yourself. It is also about talking about it publicly and accusing them of all the things you went through. It's about revealing the veil of secrecy that all these things laid under all this time. Are you ready for it? To do it not only for your sons, but, and most importantly, for you? Knowing that now you have someone powerful to back you up. It's not like things were in the past. But do you trust that person? These are the questions you should be making, and how you answer will determine how you proceed".

Cael spent some time thinking about these questions. As he went to work after that, he was still thinking about it, and by lunch he came to a conclusion and texted Nate to tell him of his resolution. It was funny how, now, he was the first person he wanted to talk about the smallest details of his life.

With the plates of pasta served in front of them, Cael pronounced only this words:

"I'll do it. I'm ready".