Chapter#10

If someone asked him when exactly he fell in love with Sara O'Brian, he wouldn't have an answer for he was already in love with her before he even knew what it was. He was almost four when he had seen her. He still remembered the first time. She was born with a hole in her heart. Watching her from the glass window, he had recognized her small eyes in those many new born. When he held her, the smile she gave him was still engraved in his mind and yet he never was able to remember anything else from those times- not what his parents looked like or his teachers or even himself.

His every memory was imprinted by her face from that moment. He had found the meaning of love when he was twelve. It was just some poet who had described love in one of his mother's literature books. And before he knew it, middle school ended. And each passing year had made him rougher, quieter and crueler. The reality of word had hit him hard and being so afraid he took the road he knew he could never turn his back from but for protecting Sara, he had not cared and never regretted it either. He lived for her.

Too late he had realized what kind of man he had become. With blood on his hand and gun in the other- he has become a monster. But yet, without an ounce of regret- he lived. But watching her smile at him with such innocence and the pained expression on his every wound- he made a mistake. He distances himself from her, thinking he was no longer good enough for her but even in those time- a single breath of his name from her lips would have him running to her without a second thought. He knew he loved her but he realized his extent of love in those times.

But now, times were different. He had stayed away, run away too long. It was time for him to snatch her away for his own self. He wanted her to see him only, taking her away from the world- he wanted to go somewhere in hide where no one could pull them apart.

But he had rushed here without a thought. And he just kept doing what he knew, what he was. He couldn't help lose his head once he was around her- no matter how many times he went through a plan to behave, one looks on her face and he was acting like a fucking alpha wolf.

He had just taken a shower and was going through his bag for clothes when the door to the room opened. He didn't bother to look up.

"Dean."

"What is it, Drake?"

"Someone is here to meet you."

He pulled on his jeans and threw the towel on the bed but almost immediately like remembering something, picked it up and properly laid it on the bed to dry.

He didn't notice Drake's raised eyebrows in surprise.

"Who is it?"

Drake watched his friend's ignorant attitude and slowly answered, "It's your mum."

Dean didn't even bother to stop his action but continued his search for the watch.

"Sara sent her." Drake knew this would get his attention and it did. He stopped mid-air, glaring at nothing.

"God, that brat!" He growled and, in a flash, walked right past Drake- making his way downstairs still shirtless.

His steps slowed as he came closer to the living room. He hasn't seen that woman in three years now, he couldn't tell what his thoughts were but one thing he knew was that he no longer cared for the woman declaring herself his mother but for Sara, he was ready to hear what she had to say.

She was sitting in a foreign manner, looking completely out of place in a messed-up room. With her pearls and dress, she would have looked like a lady of some rich family except the hollowness of her face and blankness in her eyes.

Her eyes snapped to him when she noticed his presence and looked at his with hungry eyes- like a starved man given his first piece of food. He thought he would feel something, maybe a stab in his chest or even pity but all he could return was a look of pure indifference.

"Dean..." His name came out in a mere breath out of her lips while he took a seat furthest away from her.

"What do you want?" He asked, trying his best to keep his voice quiet.

"I just wanted to see y---"

He stood back up with such force that even his own head hurt for a second but without fluttering his steps, he stomped towards her and looked down at her like some unwanted object.

"You no longer have that right. Next time I hear, you went near Sara, I will show you how much I don't give a fuck about you."

The words were like a harsh slap which made his mother tremble and her eyes watered.

He left the room, leaving the now sobbing woman behind without a return glance because once, he had also cried as miserably as her and she had left him without a second glance.

Shaking his head and returning to the present, he quickly grabbed his shirt from his room and pulled it on. Checking the time, he knew he would barely make it at Sara's house on time.

His perfect composure was crumbling as he drew nearer to the house. The time he was outside it, his heart was racing and it took everything to not make a run towards the house.

He entered without ringing the bell. He grinned slightly when he heard Sara arguing with her mother. It was like a daily ritual for them. He stepped into the kitchen and the arguing stopped.

His eyes unconsciously met the Sara's figure the second he entered like some force pulled them to her. Dressed in camouflage pants and black t-shirt, she looked mouthwatering. His heart slammed against his chest when she glared at him, instead of worrying about it- he wondered how much sexier could this brat get.

"Morning, Dean. Come have breakfast."

"Yes, Dean. You can have breakfast and I will be leaving since I am getting late." Sara said while giving him a sweet smile which had him smirking.

"Today is Friday. You have P.E. You never attend that class." He answered easily while taking a seat.

Sara was watching at him without an expression on her face but he knew she was surprised from the slight widening of her eyes and slight open mouth. Why it all does come down to that beautiful mouth?

"How do you kn...."

"Don't underestimate my stalking tendency, sweetheart."

"Stalking....stalking?! What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. What's so bad about wanting to know what you were up to?"

"I will put a restraining order against you!"

"You think that would stop me?"

She glared hard at him and then closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down and he grinned. She opened her eyes after few seconds and simply said, "Your face is pissing me off!"

"And your face is turning me on." He replied easily.

He watched in pure bliss as her face reddened and her whole body froze.

In that moment he had come very close to being stabbed by a fork and knowing himself, he would have gladly let her stab him without a sound from his mouth and still think she is drop dead beautiful.

Fuck, how much was he out of his mind for this girl?

"You.....! God! Just die!!" She finally growled like an angry kitten and he smiled, watching her as she stomped out of the kitchen.

Shaking his head while grinning, he swallowed the food without tasting and hurried after her. Shouting his goodbye to Sara's mother, he got out of the house. Sara wasn't seen anywhere till his eyes saw a small figure walking hurriedly at the end of the street. He quickly got into the car and raced towards her figure, slowing only till he was beside her.

"Get in, sweetheart."

Without even glancing at him, she continued her stomping forward- her face still red from anger.

"You do know that you are going towards the opposite way and your shoes don't match." He said, trying not to laugh.

She stopped like someone had put an invisible door in front of her. Breathing deeply, she looked down and clutched her teeth in annoyance. Without helping himself, he chuckled.

"They don't look bad." He said and grinned in satisfaction when she finally looked at him even if it was just to glare daggers.

"Dean, what do you want from me?"

He leaned back in the seat and sighed. What did he want from her? Wasn't it obvious enough what he wanted? He wanted to kiss her anytime he could, he wanted to hold her, pamper her, spoil her, make her laugh, and make her so angry that she would attack him. He wanted to wake up next to her every day and kiss her good morning and goodnight and goodbyes. He wanted to hear her tell him she loved him, she belonged to him. Like an ongoing list, there were so many things he wanted from her. He wanted to mess her, ruin her, and make her unable to live without him as he was unable to breathe without her.

"I want to you become mine, O'Brian. That is all I have ever wanted from you; all I would ever ask of you."

He knew she didn't believe him; he could tell from her eyes- her face. There was blankness in them. She was blushing but she was looking at him right in the eyes, daring him- mocking him. And he was being mocked. He hated that. He despised himself. Her hollow globes were paining him to the extent of leaving him breathless.

He knew he had been fooling himself. If he was close to her physically of course it would make her flattered. But that could be because she had never been that close to another man. He was once again pushing her but he didn't know what else to do, he had no plan to win her back. He had underestimated how much he had hurt her. He had underestimated how much colder she have gotten, how much she has grown.

"Do you expect me to believe that?" She asked him.

"Yes, God damn it. Yes." He pushed the words out.

"Okay. How about this, I will tell you I will be yours; I will love you and spoil you and make you fall so much in love with me that you won't know what to do, who else to look at and then one day, I'll pack my bags and leave without a note, without a word. I will never show you my face or let you hear my voice for two years. And then come back, say sorry and hope that everything is back too normal. How about it, Dean? Are you up for that? We would finally be even then."

Her words had not been spoken in anger, in spite. It was in a quiet breath, but he had died under their force- their pain. He wanted to speak, he wanted to say, to shout that he had a reason, he had to do it. If he had not left, she would have died but in front of those few words she had spoken, his reason seems to mean nothing.

He suddenly realized that if he would have been in her place, if she would have had left him- he would be dead by two months. He would have had been able to live that long enough without seeing her.

He closed his eyes, trying to breathe. His hands clutching the steering wheel tightly, his whole body felt numb.

"I don't want to regret leaving you, Sara." He finally said. His eyes were still tightly closed but he knew she was there. He could smell her, sense her, and feel her.

"Why? Because my life was in danger?" She asked.

His opened his eyes slowly, turning his head to face her.

"You have no idea how much danger your life was in. No idea."

"And you do? I came this close to killing myself twice- ending my life. What would you have done if I had done it? What would be the point left for this sacrifice you gave?" She demanded. Her eyes were watering now but her face was still blank.

"I was always watching you; I would never have let that happened. I would never have let you leave me."

He knew he had done things selfishly. He had made decisions based on the things he could live with, he could survive with. He had thought out the whole thing on the base of him being in love with Sara O'Brian but he had missed it, missed that fact that in a way, she has also loved him.

But the guilt he never wanted to feel, the regret he never wanted to have was started to haunt him. There were other ways, he knew he could have found another way but none of them would have assured him the safety of Sara. But looking at the hallow eyes of the woman he loved- he was feeling sick to his stomach.

"No, you just expect me do to things your way. Run at your pace- but when it comes to yourself, everything suddenly has a reason."

With those words, she changed her direction and started walking. He knew she was crying. She didn't fall a single tear in front of him but he knew, she was crying. Because the sound seems to be shouting in his head, it was like needles stabbing in his brain.

Without even thinking anything else, he got out of the car and chased after her figure. He might not know how to treat a girl but he knew you never let a crying girl leave.

Reaching her he grabbed her arm and pulls her towards his chest, hugging her petty figure- hiding her from the rest of the world. He wanted to do that, hide her from every eye except for his own. That is what he seems to want since he has laid eyes on her.

She wasn't sobbing, but he knew she was crying. His ears still hurt.

"I beg you; I beg you." He whispered in her hair. He had no idea what he was begging for. He just wanted the sound which was screaming in his ears to stop. He just wanted it to go away.

Somewhere in the very back of his mind there was a small voice which was telling him he shouldn't have come back but his selfishness was much greater than that voice. Much louder, more intense. His love for her was too big to be hidden behind darkened window cars.

"The only excuse I could give you is that I was human. I am human."

She raised her head to meet his eyes and the small gasp left his mouth when he saw her watered eyes. There wasn't a stain of tear on her cheeks but he knew she had cried. The wetness had passed through his t-shirt and touched his chest. It was burning the skin.

Before she could say something, screeching sound made his look up and Sara also turned.

Before his brain could take action, he was pushed out of the way from Sara's body with brutal force and he realized too late what had happened.

He could see anything, hear anything. Not the car which was already gone and not the words he was shouting. All he could see was red.

Sara O'Brian was left in the puddle of blood.